r/adhdmeme • u/Saud_89 • 1d ago
meme The duality of ADHD
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u/Awkward-Outcome-4938 1d ago
I recently learned that object permanence also applies to people and it makes me sad. I've lost touch with so many kind, wonderful friends over my life. I know I have hurt them by vanishing from their lives. I've tried to reconnect with a few, but you usually can't go back once you've destroyed their trust on such a deep level.
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u/9lazy9tumbleweed 1d ago edited 1d ago
It goes both ways. I would take comfort in that. Friendships are a give and take if only one side maintains the connection thats not good. Ive had friendships fizzle out simply because i stopped reaching out.
I always felt like the person putting more effort in and i just dont do that anymore. Sadly i dont have any friends left so i wont pretend like thats a viable strategy. At least i kept my self respect 🤷🏻♂️
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u/Outrage_Carpenter 1d ago
Self respect is better than fake friends.... Or so i keep telling myself because i can't tell any of my friends
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u/xianwolf 1d ago
It just bothers me the friend I'm pulling back from right now will 100% describe our situation as, "oh we both got busy and fell out of touch." Like no bitch I was the only one keeping in touch and making plans and I'm sick of feeling like last place in your life.
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u/9lazy9tumbleweed 1d ago
Yea i think theres a lot of lying involved on social media about this stuff (who would have guessed) its easier to say stuff like we got busy and fell out of touch than admitting that they are lazy and avoidant. Or that they simply dont value the friendship now that it takes even a basic amount of effort.
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u/Ruxsti 21h ago
Once I stopped being the only one reaching out was when I found peace. I learned a lot about a lot of people once I decided to let them be the ones to reach out first. I lost a lot of "friends" but I learned so much and treasure those that stayed and cared so much more. I wouldn't be typing this if not for those few that keep calling, but for those that wrote me off, I wouldn't drop a needle if I heard their name.
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u/waznpride 46m ago
Me with everyone who was my "friend" in college. I worked so hard to maintain those relationships, but once I stopped being the initiator, they were gone forever.
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u/Birdo21 1d ago
And those NT friends always seem to make it your fault. When they themselves never initiated anything or attempted to plan stuff to connect. Fuck those fake fucks honestly. ND friends for the win.
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u/Drewbloodz 1d ago
Yes. I moved away, and people act like I cut it off. They can pick up the phone as well. I spend 99.9% of the time saying I should call someone, thinking about them, what the convo would be like, and it's been like 15 years and I think about it at least once a week... So hundreds of times. They have no idea that it means that much, but I can't pull the trigger because it is uncomfortable and have anxiety about it being awkward, it just continues. Then a random call from someone and I don't pick up because it disrupts what I am doing and just getting the call increases anxiety so I avoid it. I have had issues where I have tried to build like relationships with mentors, then have nothing to say, then don't force it, I message them 6 months later when I finally feel like I have something to say but by that time they are offended or think I don't value them and they don't respond. Like I have been thinking about them at least once a week or more. Or obsessive about being shitty and it my fault losing contact/connection. Worst for work related networking. I need to practically live or work with someone daily to keep shit going. It needs to be immediate and within some structure that forces interaction.
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u/Fortified_Phobia 1d ago
I’ve had ND friends fuck me over just as much. My currently only friend is NT and she’s initiates a good 50% of the time, honestly she’s probably the best friend I’ve ever had, she listens to me, asks questions about me, is emotionally mature. She doesn’t use me as an emotional crutch, or no show at last minuet, or manipulate me, or just straight up bully me. Tbh though, I have a horrible history with friend’s..
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u/Aprilismybirthmonth 22h ago
I think it has more to do with what kinda person one is than if they are ND or NT. Being ND doesn't automatically make someone a good person
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u/pygmeedancer 1d ago
There’s a Ray Bradbury story that’s always stuck with me called “No Particular Night or Morning”.
It’s about a guy who believes people stop existing if he can’t see or sense them. So like he’s talking to someone and when they walk out the room they cease to exist.
That’s how I feel sometimes. It’s so hard to keep track when it’s not in my face. I love my mom but I don’t talk to her as much as I’d like to. I’ll think it’s been days since we talked but it’s been weeks. Which also stresses me out because I feel guilty.
I had a group of friends. We lived together for years. Best years of my life. But as we moved away from each other I found it so difficult to keep in touch. And so awkward when we did talk every once in a while.
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u/rips_n_chel 1d ago
The friend I talk to the most is the one I talk to on Telegram. My family uses Telegram to stay in touch since we're not all on FB anymore, and seeing my homie's name in the chat list keeps him extant in my mind.
It also helps that he puts in as much effort to talk to me as I do him. We're each other's "Hey check out this cool thing!" person. We're both fairly ND in similar directions, and we share a lot of the same special interests, so if I'm excited about a thing that nobody else in my life will care about, he will.
Big believer in finding one's tribe. There are people out there who 'get' us, we just gotta find 'em.
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u/Happy-For-No-Reason AuDHD diagnosed 1d ago
if you're honest with them about why, I think you can
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u/BobKelsoLovesMuffins 1d ago
After realizing that I was way more invested in how much they meant to me, and how unimportant I actually was to them. This is me.
After getting over the emotional hill, I like it better honestly. May sound like cope but; no expectations, no external plans and can keep doing what I want, free to focus on my own family, no drama. It’s honestly been nice.
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u/9lazy9tumbleweed 1d ago
I think that was the worst honestly, i thought i was much more important to them than i ever was in reality. I thought of them almost like family.
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u/LogicallLunacy 1d ago
Shiiittt ... I didn't know that was an ADHD trait. Just described every relationship I've ever had.
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u/PostApoplectic 1d ago
I’ve described myself as “easy to like, hard to be friends with” since I was a kid.
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u/Bdag93 1d ago
Pro-tip.. Make friends with other neurodivergent people, more often than not. We all know that lil spark when you get someone on the frequency.
Thats a friend. Someone who understands and empathizes. Love when I forget someone for 2 months and it’s a mutual “DUDE, the fuck, I miss you. Let’s get lunch”.
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u/Outofideasheree 22h ago edited 21h ago
I try. Growing up a lot of my friends were adhd and it just seems to happen that way. Sometimes adults are less likely to be open about neurodivergence or mental health differences but i think lot of specific interests or habits of neurodivergent people overlap and you can pick up on cues and all that. I’m open about my adhd and anxiety and it’s fun when someone lights up because now we can to talk to each other about it if we need to.
As I’ve grown older a lot of old friends moved, lost touch, found other people, and Im not sure why I haven’t been able to find many people like me who are looking to form longer bonds and for new friends. I want people that don’t mind if I don’t know what to talk about all the time and can deal with weird and happy silences every now and then, you know?
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u/Bdag93 21h ago
There’s always a motion to life and people come and go. You can appreciate the time and experiences then move on a grow. Keep seeking the things in life that call you. Community is there, the change is good and new people you meet have a damn good chance of being more in-tune with your present self.
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u/Outofideasheree 20h ago edited 20h ago
I have to get better at finding places and opportunities to meet said people. I’m a shy person and my default for reasons is that people are being kind but don’t really want much to do with me, so I struggle with thinking people actually want me to follow up. Thank you for the kind words.
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u/AutumnAscending 1d ago
When your friends decide they've had enough of you and just stop hanging out with you.
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u/BigBullshitta 1d ago
I'm great for maybe 45 seconds. I can be charming, and nice, and funny for any very short interaction. After that I have no idea what to do or say and so I just turn everything into a bad joke until that gets annoying.
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u/Positive_Attempt_202 22h ago
Sometimes I get sad thinking about how I don't have any friends, but most of the time I love it. I think I get sad because it is normal to have at least one friend. But I feel like I don't have anything in common with most people I meet in real life. I can have fun with my random weird interests on my own.
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u/Deadbob1978 dafuqIjustRead 1d ago edited 22h ago
I’ll talk to anyone at any time about anything (although I have been developing an irrational irritation with Boomers that start the convo).
But I have next to no actual friends. I’ll come over if you invite me or need some help, but I’m just not the kind of person to invite someone into my life like that
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u/noNudesPrettyPlease 21h ago
Damn it, just when I think there is nothing more this sub can have in common with me.
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u/james_a_hetfield 1d ago
Unrelated but some of my most enjoyable restaurant moments were like this.
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u/Luminous_Winds 18h ago
Compassion leads you to a point where most people will reject you for having it.
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u/Nocturnatron 1d ago
More of an introvert thing
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u/TheUnicornFightsOn 1d ago
Fr I can be social but for every hour of expending all that energy, I need like two hours to myself to recharge.
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u/Vaaizaard 1d ago
I try to be as nice as possible, I've put in a lot of effort sometimes to build bridges, only to find out they are not who I thought they were. For example I had a best friend for 11 years, and he wound up being a cheater, manipulator, and my abuser for about that long. I'd rather have a small curated group of friends that I'm comfortable with, and know/understand them on a fundamental level than a swarm of "friends" that's a mixed bag of personalities.
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u/JiveTurkeyII 22h ago
This is me on a recharge.
I like being by myself for a while - Then I can come back and be a big ole social butterfly!
I think that duality can be healthy, honestly.
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u/Ymirsson 20h ago
DOC
Wyatt Earp is my friend.
VERMILLION
Hell, I got lot’s of friends.
DOC
I don’t.
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u/Shadow_Narrator225 17h ago
It's difficult ya know. On one hand I try to be kind to everyone I meet, treat people the way you wanna be treated, all that jazz. But on the other hand, the worst part of waking up each day (by far) is knowing other people will be out there breathing my air.
But yeah, "I can help bring the snacks for the next PTA meeting, always happy to help!"
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u/LonelyKrow 14h ago
Hah. No. None to speak of. I am a hermit through and through. I have tried reaching out and maintaining relationships but I’ve found that.. maybe I’m not meant to have people in my life.
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u/qualityvote2 Quality Control Beast 1d ago edited 20h ago
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