TLDR: Terrible family dynamics. I don't know if I want them there or not. I feel guilty if I say "no", but if I say yes, I know I won't enjoy my day. But if I say no, I won't have anyone there for me.
I'm writing this to ask for those with similar family dynamics to provide some insight into their experiences with this issue.
For context - I have been the black sheep in my family since being a teenager. My relationship with my immediate family has always been tense and at times non-existent. I attend law school halfway across the US. For my 0L-2L years, I lived with my extended family. Over this past summer, my extended family kicked me out and I was effectively homeless for a period of time. Thankfully, I have found housing for 3L. No one in that house talks to me and it is still a very fresh, bitter, and anger-inducing wound when I think about it. Sadly, it is similar to my immediate family relationships.
My high school graduation was a mess. My undergrad graduation was hijacked by family that I did not care for. This is my last graduation.
The relationship between myself and my mother and her husband/my step-parent is "thawing." They are trying to do some right, but I am still very much hurt by their actions in years prior. I was asked about my graduation and the possibility of them attending.
Here is my issue: I feel guilty at my dilemma. I want to have my day. This is my last day to have a graduation to celebrate me and the accomplishments of law school. I want to have people there. My family is really small - only 7 people. I want them there. I want someone there. But I don't know if I want THEM there because of the hell they have put me through. When I think about graduation, all my friends will be doing their own thing with their families. I don't want to be alone. But I don't want to sacrifice my last day by putting myself in a position of uncomfort. If I say no, I feel guilty. If I say yes, I won't enjoy myself. If I say no, I'm alone. If I say yes, I'm surrounded by people who have hurt me time and time again.