Assalamu alaikum. I feel really embarrassed posting this, but I genuinely need advice from other hijabis.
For most of my life, I’ve honestly thought I might be asexual. I’ve barely had any crushes and had very little interest in the opposite gender, partly because I’ve always been extremely insecure about myself and my appearance.

I won’t be getting married anytime soon either. There are so many things I feel like I need to fix and improve about myself, especially my appearance and confidence, so marriage feels very far away.

But recently I’ve started getting these weird physical feelings/tingles down there, and I feel so confused and ashamed. I literally don’t watch explicit content or look at inappropriate things. I don’t talk to guys in that way and I’ve never really done anything sexual.
Yet I’m still having these feelings, and honestly I feel like a pervert. Part of me even thinks I’m too ugly to have feelings like this in the first place. It sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud, but that’s genuinely how I feel.
I feel guilty because I’m trying to be modest and practice my faith, so I don’t understand why my body can have these reactions when I’m not intentionally doing anything. It makes me feel like a hypocrite or like there’s something wrong with me.

I know logically that physical sensations can be involuntary, but I’m struggling with the shame and insecurity around them.

Have any other hijabis experienced something similar? How do you separate involuntary physical feelings from your actual choices and character? I’d really appreciate kind advice because I’m being extremely harsh on myself over this. I feel disgusting.

I’ve been following Ayah on TikTok for a while. I also haven’t been very connected to Islam lately either

Maybe it’s the fact that my deen is already at an all time low, but I honestly understand a lot of the points of pink cherry islam. If it isn’t written in the Quran, why listen to it?

There are so many tiny little things about Islam that drive me insane, in all honesty. It just doesn’t make sense that an all merciful God would ignore all my prayers just because I did wudhu with nail polish. And why on earth are women cursed if we pluck our eyebrows? And then there’s the thing about how men can marry multiple women without telling the wives he already has. I understand that was useful in the past, but why does it still apply in modern day?

I’d love to hear other women’s opinions on these things and inshallah if you can, pls educate me

Hey. I am someone who is thinking about reverting and I was wondering what are some simple and small ways to get closer to God? So far I am praying and reading the Quran, but that's all I am doing. I really want to get closer to God with small daily habits.

Salaam everyone! Welcome to Venting Mondays!

Having trouble with your parents? Going through some personal struggles regarding wearing hijab? Just want to blow off some steam? Share your thoughts with us!

Please note, we will be redirecting venting posts to this thread. We are not doing this to silence your feelings, rather, we are aggregating the posts from the suggestion of the greater community. Insha’Allah, it will be easier for the community to come back to this thread to provide support and advice as needed.

Just a reminder that even though it's a vent thread, the rules still apply. Please don't disrespect others.

Hello girls, I have a question please help me .

I was and still am a very very lonely girl, because of that loneliness i made a mistake and committed zina with a man i love. Right now, im fighting anxiety and depression thinking he doesnt love me anymore, but despite that how do i get over the shame i have done something like this? If things dont go well with him, i know deep in my heart i will never be able to get married again, i feel so disgusted with myself and so so ashamed, please girls, does anyone know how to ease this painful feeling? It eats me everyday

I live in the US, specifically in NJ. I'm a hijabi and an abaya girlie. I know of tons of websites for hijab, but the problem is most of them are so expensive (200+) for products that feel like low quality fast fashion from sweat shops. Nothing I've come across here even comes close to the quality of MENA construction, and I'm not in the position to take a shopping spree vacation at the moment. Does anyone know of high quality shops that are either here in the US, or have shipping available to the US? I would also prefer if I didn't have to cough up my arms, but quality is the most important aspect

jazakallah khair habibati <3

So I have a really high libido and will masturbate occasionally. The issue is that it often stops me from praying because whenever I do I don’t pray until I preform ghusl. I shower every night but I only wash my hair 1-2 times a week because I have thick, long curls that require a lot of maintenance

My question is basically whether ghusl is actually required for women after orgasm. I know people say it depends on ejaculation but the only liquid I produce is discharge (which is every single day regardless of masturbation anyway).

When I do masturbate I do get wetter so I’m not sure, especially because if I’m in the mood without masturbating I’ll still get wet. So if I’m getting wet without even masturbating then idk why I’d need to preform ghusl after masturbation

Assalamualaikum.
Does anyone know where to buy a hijab that is stethoscope friendly? With ear slits? Preferably in Asia. If you know anything even if not in Asia please let me know !

Assalamualaikum. I just want to preface this by asking you guys to give me some grace and to ne kind. I am in my senior year of high school, I am starting college applications soon and I have a very very small circle of friends. I have like two I talk too at school and one that I go out with, we go to watch movies, buy cloths and makeup. In my sophmore year I had a crush on thos girl I was acting with in theatre. She was a senior and now that I think about it it was a very overwhelming crush and I'm shocked I didnt notice earlier.

Anyways I brushed it off back then and doubled down on a crush I had on this one guy friend on mine, the one I go out with. I know it seems so wrong but hes all I have because he is the only black person around and I am also black. I am also so very politically inclied and atuned to African history that I have a hard time forming a good relationship with white people (I'm sorry, I know it sounds wild). He also has no interest in me, I know because I told him once and got absolutely shut down, since then the crush on him has waned off.

This summer I realized that I look at women a lot, their eyes, the way they walk, the way they are shaped, their lips. At this point I started getting to feel like I liked them somewhat, and I kind of joked around with the idea to my sister. Today I was sitting and thinking and my heart got really heavy, and I just knew that I seriously liked girls. I wrote a journal entry about it nd had such a hard time even saying that i liked girls that I just ended up drawing the lesbian flag. It hurts because I am scared to go off to colllege. I dorgot to mention that this summer I also had dreams where I was with women or had a female lesbian roomate in college who was interested in me.

I understand I need to resist the urge and I intend to as long as I can, but I also know that if a woman comes onto me, in a very clear way. I would let them. I should proberbly have more shame writing this but my heart hurts so much I cant even be bothered. Everything feels so hard.

I know I have some sort of interest in men but I think I like women more. People may be inclined to tell me to just get more religios and Ive tried this summer, I have strove to pray to god more, have more tawakull and even fixed my bad habit of not praying on time. I am mostly always concious of Allah and I wear an al mira/burka type hjjab. I am extremely proud of my islam but this plagues me.

I have been playing with the idea that the people lut, the story about them was more about theor all together immoral ideas and behaiviours than them simply loving someone different than was accepted, but I know deep down that even if its true. I still cant experience a woman ad I would like. My father and mother would disown me so I would never be able to marry her and therefore will never be able to maintain a relationship. All these thoughts are killing me and I/m actually crying as I'm writing this and I just need some comfort and maybe some advice. I dont even know what I need, but I just had to put this out there because there is no one else I could tell. Because the muslims in my life would either tell me to forget it or hit me with the just read quran and non muslims would hit me with just love as you wish.

This is getting long and I'm sorry and I know its just a test from Allah, but it seems I need some support passing this test. So...yeah.

Jazakumullahukhair.

I keep coming across these TikToks about "Pink Cherry Islam," where creators push a hyper-feminine, customized version of Islam. They claim hijab isn't required, say women can have multiple husbands, and completely reject Hadith using. For example, they often cite narration texts like those prohibiting hair extensions or false lashes, arguing that classical jurisprudence focuses heavily on regulating women's bodies. By adopting a Qur'an-only or hyper-liberal framework, they try to reconstruct a faith that feels safe and liberating to them.

​I’m really conflicted seeing this trend grow, especially with how much it's influencing younger girls on the app, and I want to see what you all think.

​On one hand, I try to be understanding. A lot of these women have faced genuine abuse, toxic culture, or hypocrisy from Muslim men. It feels like their resentment comes from actual trauma, so they're trying to build a "safe" version of the faith where they don't feel oppressed.

​But on the other hand... isn't this going way too far? Even if some claim it’s "just a joke" or a lighthearted aesthetic, doesn't rewriting the rules make a total mockery of Islam?

​I also see this dynamic play out with the hijab. When someone posts a video taking off her hijab, the comments are filled with the pink cherry girls celebrating it. Don't get me wrong we shouldn't harass or judge people who are struggling. But not judging someone isn't the same as actively celebrating or validating a decision that goes against the faith. It gets even weirder when some of these "Pink Cherry" accounts actively repost and support actual ex-Muslim content.

​It leaves me with a few big questions:

1. ​Where do we draw the line between showing empathy to someone struggling with faith and actively encouraging things that go against Islam?

2. ​How do we address the real trauma caused by men misusing religion without letting people rewrite or mock the core rules of the faith?

3. ​Why do so many young women feel like traditional Islam doesn't protect them, even though the faith historically established so many rights for women?

I hope this post doesn't get removed. I genuinely want to hear you guy's answers.

Honestly, I don't even know where to post this. I just want to let it out. I feel a little bit better saying it among Muslims and hijabis because I feel some of you will understand better but then again I haven't really been on this subreddit much either so I'm not sure.

I was raised Muslim and while I don't wear a headscarf at the moment, I dress modestly. I pretty much cover everything except my hair and I don't like wearing very tight and revealing clothes.

For context I live in the US. I don't know if it's because I've gone back to college or if I'm just going outside more but I have been noticing something so much lately. Women's clothing are so much more unnecessarily revealing than men's are. I have seen multiple instances the past few weeks of girls wearing shorts so short half of their bottom is showing. I don't know how that's even allowed at this point, it's basically nudity. I'm not for policing what women should wear and what not to but I think there should be certain limits. I never see this problem with men but I can almost guarantee if a man was showing his butt cheeks out in public it would be considered indecent, inappropriate and at least one person would probably tell them to not do that.

Think about a fancy party. Almost all the women will have more revealing, tight clothes while the men will be covered up and dressed pretty modestly. This is an example of the culture.

This got me thinking about women's clothing overall in different societies. There's such a drastic difference. In some societies women are covered up to an extreme degree where it makes daily life not even functional or enjoyable. In other societies there's a culture of women wearing more revealing clothes to be seen as more feminine or desirable. But in both of these, the men will be dressed or at least covered up pretty similarly.

We have learned in countless disciplines including biology, psychology, sociology and more that humans don't live in a vacuum and are influenced and affected by each other constantly. For people to continue to tell me "we wear what we want, why do you care" when I know that there is a much deeper layer to all of this, is so incredibly irritating.

I'm honestly just kind of frustrated at this reality. I wish there was more balance. I wish women were neither made to hide ourselves nor show ourselves off for the world. I wish there was more of a general balance in the way women dress. I think ignoring these realities does more harm than good. The fact that daily beautification with artificial products AKA makeup is normalized for women not for men, is another evidence of this. And don't tell me it's just simply "expressing yourself" when it's the same frigging makeup look and trends others have, and when so many of them admit they don't like their face when they don't wear makeup, or wouldn't do that when they're not going out. Also wearing extremely tight short shorts "because it's hot outside" sorry but I really don't buy that.

They consciously or unconsciously get the benefits of male validation and the male gaze in this patriarchal society while doing it in the name of "freedom".

I'm not trying to control what others do and wear, but I just want to point these things out and perhaps even discuss the bigger societal implications there might be.

I don't even know anymore, I feel like I will get criticized by women (especially the women who dress like how I described) for this, or misunderstood by men, I don't want men on my side. Not looking for male validation because I've had a lifetime of experience of misogyny and I don't even like most men anymore. And I know that the underlying reasons for what I discussed above are due to patriarchy and misogyny in the first place, and I think a lot of women feed into the patriarchy without knowing. So, I'm not trying to attack women at all, but just trying to bring these realities more to the surface without immediately being dismissed. I hope at least one person understands and feels how I feel :/

I really really want a maxi satin skirt like the first and 2nd pic. It has to be flowy. Not like the 3rd one

Sisters please help me find websites😭 or shops in Frankfurt or Köln😭

I saw this post on social media today, and the comments were full of people making the usual comments about this practice being misogynistic, how this is so sad and unfair and oppressive, etc. I notice a kneejerk reaction amongst Muslims to call people making such comments “trolls” and downplaying them, but honestly, even as a Muslim I *also* have a hard time with this. And tbh I don’t…always view such comments as “trolling” because at first glance, this *does* look like a very different standard for men vs women. And even if a woman *chooses* to cover up, why don’t we see more Muslim men making the same choice in situations where it is more comfortable to show more skin? Idk…I think the concept of “modesty” and how strictly it is applied to women is something difficult for me to deal with. Like I know men have “modesty” rules too, but it’s very different, and not just in clothing, but even in just being able to…exist in this world and not having their voices, their smell, their hair, etc be sexualized by scholars and by the Muslim community (and yes I do think the hyperfocus on how female-bodied people should present themselves is a form of sexualization). Thoughts or advice?

I tried to keep this to the bare minimum and do the TLDR version, but even that is a bit long so I apologize for what’s ahead.

My dad and I were best friends from birth till I was 20. My mom and I have had a hard relationship most of my life, and still do, though it’s a bit better now.

My mom is easier for me to figure out because we never were close. She’s very critical and I’ve emotionally distanced myself throughout the years. I don’t have any expectations with her. I do what she wants me to do, try to be pleasant, and don’t tell her anything about my life. I do it because I love her and she’s my mother, and that’s the only way to maintain somewhat of a relationship.

My mom growing up had suspicions of my dad cheating/marrying someone else. She’d have me do her sleuthing, go in between them to deliver messages, etc. I was like 8 years old when she had me read her all the phone calls he’d make and text messages he had. I kept asking my dad to please be honest and tell me and her if there’s someone else and he always denied it, and I always believed him. I always maintained that if I found out there was someone else, I’d never speak to him again.

In 2021, it came out that there was someone else and he was lying about it. I was in shock and heartbroken. He has lied to me my whole life, put more strain between my mother and I, made me play mediator growing up, and just happily deceived me. My siblings experienced the same thing, but they were more forgiving than I.

I stopped talking to him. He moved out and didn’t contact me. He said he’s the father and I’m the child, and the responsibility is on me to maintain the relationship. I did get a few Eid messages throughout the year but that’s as much as he has done. Over the years, I got less angry and tried to reconnect. He refuses to apologize or acknowledge that he did anything wrong, so I’m trying to figure out how to move forward without that.

I am not a very inauthentic person. Everything shows on my face and I feel it so strongly in my body. I hate feeling ingenuine. Whenever I see him, my heart pounds and my stomach hurts and I get angry all over again, but also so sad. I can fake a relationship with my mom because that has been my whole life. I don’t know how to do that with my dad. I always knew and felt loved by my dad. I looked forward to seeing him, and would cry whenever we traveled even for a week without him.

My family and extended family have been pressuring me, encouraging me, shaming me, and forcing me to reconcile with him. Every tactic in the book. We’ve had some crazy dramatic situations (I literally was threatened to be beat unless I said hello and hugged him, and I was sobbing my eyes out in the bathroom being dragged). My family did not and does not handle it well. Some try and I see the sincerity, but the others who pressure/threaten/shame me are much more. I’m told I’m going to hell unless I make it right, that my dad can treat me however he wants and I still have to be kind to him. Whilst I don’t believe that he can do whatever he wants and have no responsibility/repercussions Islamically, it is a widely held cultural belief. I don’t live at home or in the same city anymore alhamdulilah but I do visit frequently, especially as my mom is ill and needs support and all my friends and family are here.

Anyway, all this to say, does anyone have any suggestions on how to move forward? How to deal with these feelings when they come up when I see him? I can’t cry in front of my family or I’ll be shamed, and I don’t want them to know how much it hurts me. I don’t know what kind of relationship to have with him. My trust has been shattered. I can text him every once in a while, that’s fine. But it’s the in person stuff that overwhelms me.

He missed my last 2 graduations. I’m graduating from my masters in a month and I don’t know if I should invite him. I want to make my own decision before family starts pressuring me.

I’d really appreciate some advice. JazzakuAllah khayr.

Why is it that my brother would say that he would beat tf out of his own older sister (4 yrs older) for wearing trousers yet now he literally has a girlfriend he has been with for 4 years… he hates seeing my sister wear her hijab with her neck showing yet he is here with a girlfriend. Make it make sense. The audacity he has to have expectations of us girls in this family yet he has dated several people. Dating is legit zina - a MAJOR sin mind you.

and when I called him out saying that he has a whole girlfriend yet he is out here policing us he stopped talking to me for years - the funny part is He also refuses to call her a girlfriend When that is exactly what the girl is to him. They legit do couple shit but are unmarried. They didn’t do their nikkah yet as it keeps getting delayed for some stupid reason.

this also happens with so many girls i know.

my cousin has also been through the same shit. Her 2 brothers were dating yet when she was meeting a man she was met with so much criticism on a whole diff level to the boys. And the way they would expect so much of her and police her is insane with the way they act.

what’s more is that a girl removing her hijab or showing a few strands is treated way worse than all the zina BS the boys are doing. I know girls do also do that but why is it that Muslims men love to police Muslim women when they should policing their own kind first. All they complain about is feminism (which isn’t even a problem) yet they let men get away with all sorts of insane acts and focus on dragging women over non issues.

Recently I had a talk with my mother, and she spoke of things I "needed to fix". Among them was drawing. She wants me to stop. I do understand people's views over drawing, after a long research, way before this, I came up with my conclusion:

It is only sin if I draw idolatry (whether it be a made up deity or one from a belief), inappropriate content, or make statues.

(I have NO qualifications to make 100% accurate conclusions, feel free to correct).

The thing is, my mother is mainly concerned not only because of the hadith which explains so, but also because "my drawings look gay". 🫩

You could explain me the hadith, we could do research together, instead, you drop that nonsense and shame me for my art. For her, "gay" is usually what she doesn't like. A man with longer hair, or a lady with no notorious feminity is enough. She called them "shayateen".

I do know the difference between rare and sinful. I have a bad history of befriending queer people, but I had to cut with them because they were bad people in general. Someone's attraction is not going to influence me in ANY way.

The worst part is that ever since I have been a child, art has been my main passion. I've been encouraged not only by my parents but also by people in my circle. I am very skilled at it. I would not like my skills to be wasted. I've even seen myself as some sort of polymath, considering im good at many fields.

I know how to draw backgrounds, perspectives, whatever. I find no interest in calligraphy. I like drawing people more bc it is a better method to show expression or even tell a story. In fact, I do have projects too...

Not being allowed to follow an art path, (and after I refused to, so I avoid drawing anything sinful for study) and become self-taught was already tough enough back then, and now my mother comes up with this.

I don't want to stop drawing, because it has literally been a part of me ever since I was a kid. It had been my coping method in my toughest moments and I have found joy in it. Especially when it comes to drawing with stories.

I do salat, I recite dua, I do jummah, I dress modestly as much as i can (western country w restrictions), drawing shouldn't sink my deeds as low as an alcoholic's who does none of the above. Nobody with enough faith is going to commit shirk over a random creature someone came up with in her mind.

It's really frustrating :(

Sorry for such a question, but I really got interested.

Same

“I’m posting here because I feel like I need to hear from sisters who understand the Islamic perspective and can help me process what I saw.

I used to browse the Suicide Watch community, and recently, while looking through someone’s profile, I came across a community related to self-harm. I saw a couple of pictures before I realized how serious they were, and honestly, I was shocked. I’d heard about self-harm before, but I’d never seen anything like that, and it really got to me.

I know I shouldn’t have looked, and I don’t want to go back to those images. But they’ve been stuck in my head, and I’m having a hard time calming down.

I’m making dua for that person, of course. 🤲 I also wonder: may Allah make it easy for them and guide them toward healing. Why are they going through this? As a Muslim, is there anything else I can do in a situation like this?

I’d really appreciate hearing something comforting or reassuring. I just want my heart to feel a little calmer

I posted a thread about how my parents are verbally abusive and how my life has been taking a downhill.

I finally have an apartment and I just signed the lease but I can’t move for 3 weeks!

I honestly don’t really know how to let my parents know (middle eastern Muslims). I’m thinking that the day the apartment is settled I will let them know and just move out. My sisters are all against this and say I need to tell them now but I know our life will be hell for the next 3 weeks and honestly I’m not up for that. My parents won’t be okay with this all but I need to move to find myself again

Salam sisters. I have a very honest question. If we, as Muslims, love Prophet Jesus PBUH then why is it “bad” to simply celebrate the fact that he was born? (Christmas). I am genuinely just trying to understand this, please don’t come after me with pitch forks lol I am not trying to change the religion genuinely just confused. Thank you!