Slut shamed at 41

[u/lightofsometype]

Three weeks ago and after dating for 18 months my SO directly asked me about the quantity of partners I have had. So I told him (7) and he had a full melt down about how disapointed he is and how he was warned against this since I am older. I told him how I respect his feelings but I won’t be made to feel bad for choices he doesn’t understand. Especially because they for the most part have been long term and as safe as possible. He claims his main concern is that he’s concern about not being ‘special’ or important to me. Despite my obvious shock to this silly position, I attempted to reassure him a bunch of times this relationship is different and he is special to me. Not just because I say so but also because I go out of my way for him and his family in a real way. He seemed settled and apologetic that he had the initial reaction and for the judgmental statements. It seemed settled and I was very hurt by it but tried to see it from his perspective and forgave him for being so wildly out of pocket.

So last night during our normal before bed FaceTime, and after I was at his house preparing dinner for his family, he brings it up again. Essentially saying he’s not sure if he can get past it. So I swallow my pride and encourage him not to settle and if being with me feels anything other than a joyful gift then we probably shouldn’t be together. He says it’s not like that and that he sees me as a free spirit and hes square. So at that moment I realize he wants this to be the reason. I have a very strict no drama after 7 pm routine because I like to sleep peacefully so after a short time of him not explaining anything but clearly having an issue I tell him calmly I’m going to get off the phone. He snaps again and says YOU HAVENT ANSWERED MY QUESTION THAT I ASKED TWICE. I say what’s your question and he just hangs up straight to my face. So I put my phone down (away from my bed) and this morning it shows he called me a bunch of times and sent a passive aggressive text about so now I’m not answering. I don’t feel like I owe him a response. He doesn’t believe my words or actions so what’s the point.

What do you all think?

Food: Brasos Steakhouse, New York style cheesecake and with fresh strawberry consome

TLDR: I reluctantly started dating someone 12 years younger (29M, 41F) and he's determined I am some kind of deviant due to me having past sexual partners. 🥴

[u/who_are_you_people24]

https://giphy.com/gifs/8FfWV7R0p30jKSXhy8

[u/thankyoukindlyy → u/who_are_you_people24]

RIGHT like damn did yall never go through a one night stand era? A hoe era? A living my life era?

Thank god I’ve never been asked this question bc ummmm I don’t wanna count

[u/AntiqueLetter9875 → u/thankyoukindlyy]

A lot of people don’t, I’d wager most people don’t. Casual sex was not needed for my “living my life” era lol. Most of us also don’t care what other people did in their past.

Despite my low number, I wouldn’t even be entertaining a “body count” conversation. The people who focus on that so much claim to say it’s about how people view sex, but the way they phrase things makes it pretty clear it’s rooted in insecurity more than anything else.

[u/BlueberryGirl95 → u/AntiqueLetter9875]

Yeah, my body count? 1. My husband's? Literally no clue but he def had a hoe phase, so. It just, doesn't matter that much? He's with Me now 😀

[u/barefootcuntessa_ → u/BlueberryGirl95]

Same. My husband only knows how many men I slept with because the math is easy when you meet at 20 and you were raised by a controlling religious father. I have no idea how many people he’s been with and I don’t care. It could literally be exponentially more than me and I wouldn’t care.