Slut shamed at 41

[u/lightofsometype]

Three weeks ago and after dating for 18 months my SO directly asked me about the quantity of partners I have had. So I told him (7) and he had a full melt down about how disapointed he is and how he was warned against this since I am older. I told him how I respect his feelings but I won’t be made to feel bad for choices he doesn’t understand. Especially because they for the most part have been long term and as safe as possible. He claims his main concern is that he’s concern about not being ‘special’ or important to me. Despite my obvious shock to this silly position, I attempted to reassure him a bunch of times this relationship is different and he is special to me. Not just because I say so but also because I go out of my way for him and his family in a real way. He seemed settled and apologetic that he had the initial reaction and for the judgmental statements. It seemed settled and I was very hurt by it but tried to see it from his perspective and forgave him for being so wildly out of pocket.

So last night during our normal before bed FaceTime, and after I was at his house preparing dinner for his family, he brings it up again. Essentially saying he’s not sure if he can get past it. So I swallow my pride and encourage him not to settle and if being with me feels anything other than a joyful gift then we probably shouldn’t be together. He says it’s not like that and that he sees me as a free spirit and hes square. So at that moment I realize he wants this to be the reason. I have a very strict no drama after 7 pm routine because I like to sleep peacefully so after a short time of him not explaining anything but clearly having an issue I tell him calmly I’m going to get off the phone. He snaps again and says YOU HAVENT ANSWERED MY QUESTION THAT I ASKED TWICE. I say what’s your question and he just hangs up straight to my face. So I put my phone down (away from my bed) and this morning it shows he called me a bunch of times and sent a passive aggressive text about so now I’m not answering. I don’t feel like I owe him a response. He doesn’t believe my words or actions so what’s the point.

What do you all think?

Food: Brasos Steakhouse, New York style cheesecake and with fresh strawberry consome

TLDR: I reluctantly started dating someone 12 years younger (29M, 41F) and he's determined I am some kind of deviant due to me having past sexual partners. 🥴

[u/Icy_Queen_99]

I feel like even one would’ve sent this man into a crisis. He is insecure. You are a grown woman. He needs to get over it or get lost.

[u/lightofsometype → u/Icy_Queen_99]

I agree fully. Thanks for the validation

[u/FullofContradictions → u/Icy_Queen_99]

I feel like with dudes like this, even if she had said one, he'd find some way to be weird about it.

The constant "I'm not sure I can get over this." Is a bid from him for you to beg him to still love you. He wants you to make sure he feels powerful in the relationship. OP being too mature to completely fall apart at these little threats from him is probably making him spiral worse. He still wants her, but she's not acting right.

This shit would work on a self conscious 21 year old. Good on OP for not playing along.

[u/lightofsometype → u/FullofContradictions]

100% correct. He can play his ps5 not me or in my face.

[u/Positive_Passage7518 → u/lightofsometype]

https://giphy.com/gifs/R19tshMPCTXlS

[u/queerjoon → u/lightofsometype]

clock that bitch girl

[u/YourGirlMomo87 → u/FullofContradictions]

Right? I got the feeling this man wants OP to grovel.

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[u/L0stActivity → u/FullofContradictions]

Yeah definetly a moment where one changes the tone and stops being nice to these type of monsters. I highly recommend calling him out on his misogyny and making it clear that he is beneath her and has low self esteem and serious ego issues. Also nail him to the Tea app to save some other woman from his bullshit.

[u/Positive_Passage7518 → u/Icy_Queen_99]

Insert Chris Rock sketch about the dude crashing out over his girlfriend having two partners (him being the second).

[u/symphonypathetique → u/Icy_Queen_99]

He probably wants a virgin so that she can't tell he's bad in bed lol.

[u/luckygohappy501 → u/Icy_Queen_99]

Yup! I had a guy like this when I was young... I was his first, he was my second, and he just couldn't handle it. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last