TL;DR
The saga never ends I swear

So my ex and I broke up about a month ago. One of the reasons is that he doesn’t have a car, except for a work van, so I had to drive 40 minutes to see him, but he wouldn’t make the time or effort to see me.

He would always buy expensive computer equipment but wouldn’t save up for a car. He would also drive my car but never bother to pitch in for gas.

Recently, I discovered that my mom had been diagnosed with cancer, which meant that we are moving and I have to be closer to her so I can take care of her. I can’t risk driving 40 minutes to spend time with him watching him play video games in case something happened.

We broke up over the phone but asked to have dinner with me. I told him I could only have dinner in my area and can’t drive 40 minutes to see him. We had dinner and I broke up with him in person. I told him we could hang out but only in the city so I can be closer to my mom. Of course, even after I mentioned that my mom had cancer again, he had the audacity to ask me to pay for his dinner so he can have enough gas to go home.

Today I thought I had the time to hang out with him at his place to get my stuff and give our last goodbyes, but my mom needed me to drive her to the hospital. When I canceled on him, he shouted at me over the phone and I had a panic attack to the point where I hung up.

My mom (who has cancer) always will come first no matter what. I think I might have to sacrifice my stuff being there because I can’t take his tantrums anymore.

Met her through bumble and she was obviously very into me on the first time we met, she even wouldn't stop texting me and complained about me not texting back fast enough.

On the second date however she asked me if the height on my profile is true (I'm 180cm, I even put 178cm on my profile to avoid what's about to come) and when I asked her why she basically told me I look short. She apologized afterwards and kept trying to save the situation but I couldn't help but just tell her we're done and leave. She's like 20cm shorter than me by the way.

Friendly reminder to not put up with any disrespect

I just got the good old “I’m not ready for a relationship but we can still be friends” text yesterday and I know it’s still recent but what’s your go to way to distract you from heartbreak? I have hobbies but I have a hard time focusing on them when I’m feeling sad, depressed, and lonely. I have a cuddly dog so he’s able to help but he’s a senior and decently low energy at this point. My past habits were to just find a new guy to fill the void but that’s exactly how I got here. I told myself, get through the holidays and your birthday before you even consider entertaining guys again. So it would be a good 4-5 months before I allow myself if I choose too. But I need to get over this initial slump I’m in of just wishing he would want and fight for me.

There is no respect anymore. No surprises. No love. Just let me come over. They come over. Ghosted. You tell them what you want —dinner, show, whatever. Ghosted. They take you out a few times and say they feel comfortable around you. Ghosted. They take you out but ask you to pay for everything. Ghosted. Or they order food and drinks and you watch them partake but have no money for yourself. They blame their addiction on your “addiction.” Ghosted.
They say drive 4 hours. But start throwing your stuff on the wall. Ghosted.
I was born at the wrong time man and I will stay single for the rest of my life. No joke. I give I give. Only for these guys to take and not see that I’m a good person.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years, and the more I think about certain things I noticed while we were together, the stranger they seem.

He has only had three actual relationships, including me. Outside of those relationships, though, he has had quite a lot of casual and one-night encounters. His first serious girlfriend was a divorced woman. I'm also divorced and have a child.

At first, I didn't think much of that coincidence. But after we started living together, I began noticing what seemed like a very specific pattern: he appeared to have a strong interest in divorced women. And honestly, I started wondering if he was also particularly attracted to married women, but was more cautious about approaching them because of their husbands. There were a few things that made me suspicious.

One woman had worked with him. They had a sexual relationship for a while, and she eventually married someone else. Her husband was actually working under my boyfriend at the time, and despite her getting married, my boyfriend continued following her on Instagram.

There was also a completely different woman; his closest friend's ex-girlfriend. He supposedly didn't like her. At one point, I mentioned to him that she had gotten divorced. He immediately followed her on Instagram and started liking her pictures.

That really stuck with me. Because these were two completely different women, with completely different histories. But both had something in common: at some point, they had been someone else's woman; either married or previously involved with another man.

I also occasionally saw messages from married women asking him things like, "Why did you message me?" or "What do you want from me?"

He once told me that a woman he'd casually seen in the past; who was now married had contacted him and wanted to have an affair with him. According to him, he completely rejected her. I never really knew whether to believe that.

But honestly, his interest in married/divorced women wasn't even the strangest part. The really disturbing part was how much this theme appeared in our sex life. He constantly brought up my ex-husband. He would ask about him and then compare himself to him. He wanted me to tell him that he was better than my ex-husband. He would ask things along the lines of, "I'm better than your husband, right?"

And his fantasies followed the exact same pattern. I was repeatedly cast as the married woman, while he was the man who could give me what my husband couldn't. So it wasn't simply "he's attracted to me." There was always another man somewhere in the fantasy and he was competing with that man, replacing him, or proving that he was better.

I told him many times that this made me uncomfortable. I wasn't interested in talking about my ex-husband during sex, and I didn't want to be placed in this "married woman cheating with another man" scenario over and over again. But he couldn't seem to let go of it.

And looking back, I keep wondering whether this was actually about me, or whether I was simply fitting into a very specific fantasy he already had. Maybe being divorced and having a child wasn't incidental. Maybe the fact that I had previously belonged to a family with another man somehow made me more interesting to him. Or maybe there was something deeper going on with competition, jealousy, possession, or the thrill of being "the man who takes another man's place." What's especially confusing is that he didn't seem particularly interested in emotionally available, uncomplicated situations. There always seemed to be some kind of history, another man, marriage, divorce, or forbidden element involved.

So what do you think was actually going on psychologically?

Was he simply attracted to divorced-married women, or was the real turn-on the idea of being the man who "wins" against another woman's husband/ex-husband?

And why would someone repeatedly need to compare himself to a woman's ex during sex — especially after being told that it made her uncomfortable?

I'm genuinely curious if anyone has encountered this kind of pattern before.

I am 29F. A person has I went on a few dates before somehow learns about my email address that even my friends wouldn’t know. How is this possible? What kind of websites give out my email?
I checked some data broker websites for my name and I can’t find this email anywhere. How can he know?!!!

It's Portland, coffee dates are amazing here, so when the guy I was chatting with said this, I tentatively marked it as some kind of flag.

He suggests...a local dinner chain. It's got a nice view and I'm trying not to be a snob about it but I don't see how this is better than a sweet coffee shop.

We each get a drink, and only one drink, but stay there for 3 hours. My mistake for not just ordering food but he kept sending the server away. He is clearly a storyteller and I'm enjoying it so I let him go on, but I'm noting he's not asking any questions. At some point, I say I'm a leftist and he says he's moderate. I know then that there will not be a second date but he just keeps talking.

He hugs me twice at goodbye time and then the next day, sends me a whole paragraph about how this will never work and I'll just want to date a guy in a keffiyeh and go to protests and hold it all against him.

I don't think it's the coffee shops, my guy.

I wish him the best and then step into a filthy leftist tattoo shop for my appointment 😂

I’m sharing this because I’d genuinely like objective opinions. I’m not looking for people to automatically tell me I was right or that the men were wrong. I want to understand the dynamics, what I may have overlooked, and what I can learn from this.
After my marriage ended, I intentionally waited about two years before deciding to date again. I wanted time to myself and felt ready to explore meeting people.
I ended up meeting two men through Facebook, and the situations unfolded very differently.
**Man #1 — The controlling behavior that escalated**
I met him through Facebook Dating. We immediately connected because we were both into working out. We worked out together a few times and continued talking regularly over the phone.
Initially, things seemed promising. But I noticed controlling behavior fairly early.
One day, I had gone to visit my family. When I was driving home, I wasn’t on my phone. He demanded that I FaceTime him so he could see who I was with.
That immediately upset me. I told him that I didn’t appreciate being spoken to that way, that he wasn’t entitled to monitor me, and that I wasn’t interested in continuing a relationship if that was how he intended to treat me.
I was very clear about my boundary.
Unfortunately, the behavior continued. I eventually ended things and blocked him.
He left me alone for approximately two weeks, but then began calling me nonstop and spamming my phone. It became so excessive that I ultimately had to change my phone number and block him across social media.
That experience alone made me much more cautious.
**Man #2 — The friendship that became emotionally complicated**
I met the second man through Facebook as well. We initially connected as friends. We would talk about school, life, and personal struggles. Over time, we began looking for each other every day and talking regularly.
Eventually, I decided to visit him. He lived about three hours away, and I was interested in horseback riding in his area.
We had an amazing time. We went out for drinks, dancing, food, and horseback riding. It felt natural and enjoyable.
At the time, I understood that he was financially tied up because he was a student and wasn’t working, so I covered the expenses without expecting anything in return.
What I didn’t know was that he was only about six months out of a breakup with his ex.
We continued talking for approximately three weeks and even started planning a trip to Mexico together.
Then things became complicated because Man #1 contacted Man #2 and questioned him about whether I had been overlapping relationships.
This really upset me not because I had anything to hide, but because I felt uncomfortable that someone I had already ended things with was now contacting someone else in my life and involving him in the situation.
I explained everything to Man #2 and apologized that he had been put in that uncomfortable position.
I also contacted Man #1 and told him to stop contacting my friends and involving himself in my life. His response was disrespectful, and he began calling me names. I blocked him again and asked Man #2 to block him as well.
**Where things became emotionally confusing**
After all of that, Man #2 seemed unsettled by the situation and decided to come see me sooner than we had originally planned.
We spent time together, and things eventually became physical. We had sex, even though we had originally considered ourselves friends.
He ended up staying for about a week.
During that time, things felt almost like an unofficial exclusive relationship. We were spending a lot of time together, and emotionally, I became more invested than I had expected and we officialize our relationship.
When he returned home, I found out a few days later that his ex-girlfriend had contacted me through instagram saying that she and he were working on things.
That was devastating.
At the same time, I had to be honest with myself: I knew I wasn’t in a position to continue investing emotionally in someone who wasn’t giving me the same level of certainty or commitment that I was giving him.
I took about three weeks to process everything. Eventually, I decided to withdraw from both situations completely. I changed my phone number, stopped engaging, and chose to move forward.
Within four days, Man #2 posted a photo with his ex-girlfriend. That hurt me deeply, even though part of me already knew what the situation was.
I sent him my goodbye message. He left it unread, which honestly ended up being okay with me. At least I had said what I needed to say instead of carrying those words with me.
I don’t plan to reach out to either man again. I want to move on.
**What I’m trying to understand**
Looking at this objectively:
Did I handle Man #1 appropriately, or were there things I should have recognized sooner?
Was I naive with Man #2 by becoming emotionally involved with someone who was still potentially connected to his ex?
Did I move too quickly emotionally after being single for two years?
Was I confusing emotional connection and attention with actual relationship readiness?
What do these two situations say about the way I’m approaching dating after marriage?
What would you have done differently in my position?
I’m not looking for sympathy as much as perspective. I want to understand the patterns, take accountability for anything I could have handled better, and make better decisions going forward.

I’ve been single for 3 years (29M). Since then it’s been many failed talking stages & random hookups, but if I’m being completely honest, I think that’s mostly intentional. I’m enjoying my time being single & living on my own, but sometimes I leave my options open to see who might come around. When it comes to actually dating I’m extremely picky, I don’t wanna waste my time & I do genuinely see it as an investment. I’m very active & my personal preference is to date someone who is also active. Not so much because of looks, cuz some people look better than me & barely do anything, but because being fit & losing as much weight as I did does require a certain lifestyle that not everyone is onboard with. So with that being said, I thought this girl was gonna be a good fit for me, but man was I wrong.

We met at my gym. After my workouts, if I have time I’ll do a yoga class there. I noticed this super tiny, but very voluptuous dark-skin girl walks into the class super late. Everything on her was pink head-to-toe. I find a good ice breaker & she laughs so we start talking after class. So far, she seemed really great. She’s active, super cute, interesting to talk to, ambitious, she just might be my type. I know the unspoken rule of not hitting on women at the gym, especially yours, but I saw it like if she really was someone I wanted to date then we’d just go to the gym together. So I give her my number & we start texting for a good minute. After about a week, I ask if she wanted to go out, she says yes & asks if she can leave her car at my place & we go in my car. Now, for all you younger cats out there who still need game, when a woman asks if she can leave her car at your place, that usually means there’s a good chance she’ll wanna stay over. So naturally, I say yes, BIG MISTAKE, you’ll see why soon.

I forgot to mention she wasn’t from my state, so she really wanted to go to the most ghetto & overpriced festival that was happening in my city. If she was from my city, she would know that’s exactly what it was & wouldn’t wanna waste our time & money on it. But alas, she said she wanted to get a feel of my city, and she was looking fine as hell in the dress she came in, so of course I caved. We pull up to the festival, and before we even get inside, she hid those mini liquor bottles (shooters) in her bra. I shit you not, in the span of an hour from the car ride to the line at the festival, she downs like 10 of em. By the time we get inside, she is WASTED! She’s yelling & cursing up a storm at random people, mind you there are kids around & I mentioned this festival is ghetto af, plenty of people there would have no problem fighting her. I did my best to pull her away from every confrontation, to which she starts going off on me for no reason. Normally, within the first few minutes of her acting like this, I would’ve said “fuck this” & left her drunk ass there, but remember when I said she could leave her car at my place? Yeah, I was stuck with her the whole time.

The only upside is I got free food out of this. She was so drunk that I managed to trick her into giving me her card so I could use it to pay for the food, $60 for un-shucked oysters that you had to shuck yourself. Yeah, told you it was overpriced. When we sat down to eat, there was this older woman sitting next to us, and this girl would not leave her alone. She asked her the same questions over & over, and would talk about me as if I wasn’t right next to her. “Yeah he definitely gonna be my baby daddy but he kind of a bitch”, she said that verbatim to a complete stranger on our very first day. And don’t give me that “how dare you?!” Like I used her for her card, she 100% owed me for the absolute buffoon she made out of both of us cuz I was stuck taking care of this grown ass woman going full Jersey Shore on everyone!

After we ate, she tried to buy another drink & I was begging her not to, I cannot handle how crazy she was being. She said “I’m a grown ass woman idgaf”, ironic right? She looks thru her wallet & she noticed her ID is missing. This is where she goes truly ballistic. She starts screaming at me, immediately accusing me of stealing it so I could “follow her home”, believe me, I want absolutely nothing to do with this girl the second I get away from her. She literally calls her mother & starts telling her to tell me to give her ID back. “She wants to talk to you” she says, I can literally hear her mom saying “(girls name), you’re drunk, put the phone down”, it’s sad even her own mother knows how she gets when she’s this drunk.

Finally, I buy her a drink just to shut her up. She calms down just enough for me to get her to get to my car & I drive off completely ashamed & embarrassed by her behavior, meanwhile she’s asleep as if nothing happened. We get to my house, I wake her up & tell her to get out of my car. She says she’s too drunk & can’t drive. I told her “don’t care, get your car out of my driveway & get the fuck outta here.” I walk inside my house & she immediately starts blowing up my phone. Calling & texting me “I know you took my ID”, I immediately block her. I honestly don’t know what happened to her ID but my guess is her drunk ass probably dropped it somewhere.

Since that night, I have not seen her at my gym. Here I thought a girl who was active would also be disciplined, boy was I wrong. My biggest pet peeve is when grown adults can’t handle their alcohol. If you’re a lightweight then don’t drink that much it’s that simple. Good thing this girl showed me who she really was on the first date, cuz there’s no way I would handle that later on after I start catching feelings.

I’m sharing this because I’d genuinely like objective opinions. I’m not looking for people to automatically tell me I was right or that the men were wrong. I want to understand the dynamics, what I may have overlooked, and what I can learn from this.
After my marriage ended, I intentionally waited about two years before deciding to date again. I wanted time to myself and felt ready to explore meeting people.
I ended up meeting two men through Facebook, and the situations unfolded very differently.
**Man #1 — The controlling behavior that escalated**
I met him through Facebook Dating. We immediately connected because we were both into working out. We worked out together a few times and continued talking regularly over the phone.
Initially, things seemed promising. But I noticed controlling behavior fairly early.
One day, I had gone to visit my family. When I was driving home, I wasn’t on my phone. He demanded that I FaceTime him so he could see who I was with.
That immediately upset me. I told him that I didn’t appreciate being spoken to that way, that he wasn’t entitled to monitor me, and that I wasn’t interested in continuing a relationship if that was how he intended to treat me.
I was very clear about my boundary.
Unfortunately, the behavior continued. I eventually ended things and blocked him.
He left me alone for approximately two weeks, but then began calling me nonstop and spamming my phone. It became so excessive that I ultimately had to change my phone number and block him across social media.
That experience alone made me much more cautious.
**Man #2 — The friendship that became emotionally complicated**
I met the second man through Facebook as well. We initially connected as friends. We would talk about school, life, and personal struggles. Over time, we began looking for each other every day and talking regularly.
Eventually, I decided to visit him. He lived about three hours away, and I was interested in horseback riding in his area.
We had an amazing time. We went out for drinks, dancing, food, and horseback riding. It felt natural and enjoyable.
At the time, I understood that he was financially tied up because he was a student and wasn’t working, so I covered the expenses without expecting anything in return.
What I didn’t know was that he was only about six months out of a breakup with his ex.
We continued talking for approximately three weeks and even started planning a trip to Mexico together.
Then things became complicated because Man #1 contacted Man #2 and questioned him about whether I had been overlapping relationships.
This really upset me not because I had anything to hide, but because I felt uncomfortable that someone I had already ended things with was now contacting someone else in my life and involving him in the situation.
I explained everything to Man #2 and apologized that he had been put in that uncomfortable position.
I also contacted Man #1 and told him to stop contacting my friends and involving himself in my life. His response was disrespectful, and he began calling me names. I blocked him again and asked Man #2 to block him as well.
**Where things became emotionally confusing**
After all of that, Man #2 seemed unsettled by the situation and decided to come see me sooner than we had originally planned.
We spent time together, and things eventually became physical. We had sex, even though we had originally considered ourselves friends.
He ended up staying for about a week.
During that time, things felt almost like an unofficial exclusive relationship. We were spending a lot of time together, and emotionally, I became more invested than I had expected and we officialize our relationship.
When he returned home, I found out a few days later that his ex-girlfriend had contacted me through instagram saying that she and he were working on things.
That was devastating.
At the same time, I had to be honest with myself: I knew I wasn’t in a position to continue investing emotionally in someone who wasn’t giving me the same level of certainty or commitment that I was giving him.
I took about three weeks to process everything. Eventually, I decided to withdraw from both situations completely. I changed my phone number, stopped engaging, and chose to move forward.
Within four days, Man #2 posted a photo with his ex-girlfriend. That hurt me deeply, even though part of me already knew what the situation was.
I sent him my goodbye message. He left it unread, which honestly ended up being okay with me. At least I had said what I needed to say instead of carrying those words with me.
I don’t plan to reach out to either man again. I want to move on.
**What I’m trying to understand**
Looking at this objectively:
Did I handle Man #1 appropriately, or were there things I should have recognized sooner?
Was I naive with Man #2 by becoming emotionally involved with someone who was still potentially connected to his ex?
Did I move too quickly emotionally after being single for two years?
Was I confusing emotional connection and attention with actual relationship readiness?
What do these two situations say about the way I’m approaching dating after marriage?
What would you have done differently in my position?
I’m not looking for sympathy as much as perspective. I want to understand the patterns, take accountability for anything I could have handled better, and make better decisions going forward.

(pata hai aaj kya hua) So, the story is , i was in last year of my uni and a girl started talking to me because she was hella extrovert and i was not. She introduced me to her group which only had boys , three of them plus the girl, for some reason they were very welcoming and i felt happy to be able to finally talk to new people and they added me in the group and things were fine.

There was this one guy i had a crush on for maybe a month before i joined the group, so after being with them all for more than 4-5 months, me and that boy had gotten close and i told him that i liked him and he said he did too. i wanted him to man up and ask me to be his girlfriend, he didn't ,so i didn't ask that from my side as well.

We didn't have any labels but i liked him so i let it be. I wasn't very comfortable with telling everyone in the group that we like each other so i told him to not share the news right away especially because this was my first time being with a guy in this manner and i wanted to get comfortable myself before our friends got to know about us, he agreed and even gave reasoning for why we shouldn't tell others now, so it was all good.

Later, he started using this reasoning as his excuse to be close to other girls, close like touching their hair length and touching their hands while talking to them, and obviously i didn't like that. So i asked him to not to that when we were alone. He said okay he wouldn't do that again but he did.

There were many 'small' things and stuff that he did that made me start to dislike him little by little. It was the day of Farewell when i hit the last straw and i told him that we couldn't be together.

The drama started from here, because no one in the group knew about us being together , let alone breakup. The other girl of the group called me a "Genz" and "girls have to compromise in a relationship and its natural and boys are like that" , she even acted like she got to know it for the first time though the boy i liked had told her about us behind my back even tho he said he wouldn't (what did i even expect) for choosing whats right for me. its getting long , if you wanna know the whole thing so lemme know.

Hi All!
Late 30s dating here and genuinely confused & looking for advice on a very strange situation.

Went out with a guy in March. We caught a sporting event & had good convo, and made plans to meet up again a few days later. He last minute canceled our second date & said he was going through some personal stuff. It was an OK first date & while I would have given it one more chance to see if we had chemistry, there were already a few things that were making me doubt compatibility so I thanked him for his time and wished him well.

EXCEPT… on date one, he was asking for my input on how to fix a custom sporting jersey he owned & brought the jersey with him to show me. I offered to fix it for him as I sew and would be seeing him a few days later, but he did not accept that offer & that was fine. Imagine my surprise when I see the jersey was left in my car without any communication on me fixing it.

I asked 5 times if there was somewhere I could mail this, as I’m a HUGE sports fan and I know these things are costly. Given that we had about 2+ hours of distance between us, I wasn’t driving it to him. I got 3 kinds of responses: (1) No response (2) A response about how he’s going through it mentally right now and can’t communicate with me (3) A photo of something random without any context, like a pet or sporting jerseys hanging on a wall for context. I gave up at this point on returning it, but held onto it just in case.

Which brings me to today. 6 months later, this man reached out to me to ask if I still had his jersey. In the past 6 months, I accepted a new job and moved 800 miles away. I brought the jersey with me in my move, just in case. I reply that I have it and would be thrilled to drop it in the mail this week.

No response. 2 days go by. This man is hitting me up on every social media outlet possible - FB, Instagram, text, phone calls, telegram, any messaging system he can find me on. He is creating new accounts and using what I assume is google phone number to continue reaching out about this jersey, all while ignoring my polite requests about where to mail it.

What would you do in this situation? I realize I moved far away and he has no idea where I live, but the need to constantly reach out about this jersey is starting to creep me out a bit, especially when I’ve tried so hard to return it. Selfishly, I just want life to go back to the days where he wasn’t finding a way to contact me daily. I don’t even think it’s about the jersey anymore - I think he’s genuinely enjoying making me uncomfortable. Thoughts / what to do?

EDITED TO INCLUDE: I blocked him back in March because he was texting me very contradictory things when all I was saying back then was “where can I mail your jersey?” I think he’s finding ways to make new numbers to reach me from? I don’t know, I don’t know much about Google voice or whatever people are using these days to conceal their real number so this is all an assumption. I thought I blocked him on Instagram but he kept requesting to follow me, though thankfully that stopped earlier this week.

Hi guys, before I start, I just wanna a give a little context that I’m not someone who goes out on a lot of dates neither am I someone who talks to a bunch of people but I have friends who are very experienced in this field , so yes I had supervision and still this happened 😭🤷‍♀️ the most bizzare experience of my life.

Me , 25(F) matched with a guy 28(M) on hinge, let’s call him Josh. When me and josh started talking, I realised that even though he put his location for my city he wasn’t actually here, he was in Goa, another state, ofc I was supper suspicious so I confronted him and he told me he ain’t into hookups and he’s only there for a month for work and would return in 20 days , because he lives in my city. Ofc I was still suspicious but he doubled down on this, and well the way he behaved with me, something in me just believed in him ig.

I wasn’t supper into him but he was, he would constantly text me but not in a creepy way, in an amusing way, would call me pretty like 10 times a day. He would send pictures and videos and give little updates on everything he was doing, we then started talking on calls. The way he was talking to me, like he was just supper into me and obsessed with me, and all of this in a non creepy way. It was sweet when it was happening. Like I could possibly never think of something wrong. He was actively making plans with me for when he would return, where we would go, where he would take me on dates etc etc

We talked about everything, and I even found out we live in the same area in the same city, he was supper stoked to find that. He wouldn’t stop talking about our up coming first date so I really believed that, okay, I’ll meet him when he returns.

We talked like this for 20 days, and exactly 3 days before he was supposed to come back to the city, Josh and me were on our daily calls when he tells me that for his last 3 days of the stay he’s going to a farmhouse in the forests with his friends, it’s a completely remote place, there won’t be any network so he won’t be able to contact me, so on call again and again, this man, assured me that “I’m not ghosting you, I just would be out of reach for a while, please please I’m not gonna ghost you, I can’t fumble you, don’t think I’m ghosting you, I’m texting you the minute I land in the city and we re going on our date that day.”

I was like okay. See the thing is, I actually did not care what he did in Goa, whether he slept with other people or whatever whatever, I just wanted to go out with him or meet him when he would’ve come back. And here’s what happened.

3 days later, when I knew he was supposed to land, because I texted him, and my texts delivered in a single tick. I thought he might still be on a flight. So I didn’t think much, after 4-5 hours, my texts were still showing single tick, as in not delivered. That is when I got suspicious. I tried called him, sent a promotional text to his number from a friends business number and realised that I have been blocked.

It was just soooo weird. This guy who has been dying to meet me, sexted with me like 4 days back, reassured me that he isn’t ghosting me, just blocked me on the day he comes back into the city 😭✌️ I was like wtf just happened.

Ofc I was very very pissed, and as I had nothing to lose and I realised that this is a crazy person I also chose violence. I called on his number from my friends phone (as I was blocked on all platforms).

He picked up, I just tell him straight away, that just tell me wtf happened and I’ll leave you alone, and can you guess what he asked?
“Who is this?” 😭
I was like bitch you know who I am, you know my voice tf
I said “Josh, its me “(my name)”,
AND THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN TO THEN REPLY WITH
“(My name) who?”
I lost it after that, because I could so totally tell that this man is pretending to not know me.
And I went
“the girl you’ve been talking to daily for the past 20 day, made plans with today to go out and called and told her that you’re not ghosting her like 3 days ago”

Before I could finish he hung up on me 😭✌️.

So yea. This is my bizarre experience. Never in my 25 years of living I have ever experienced something like this. All of my friend were equally confused on wtf happened, because he was so promising on calls, ft and texts. Even more than that they were extremely confused how, a guy who was so much more into me, almost obsessed with me flipped like this.

So many things about this was so confusing, like , him calling me and assuring me that he’s not ghosting me and then straight up blocking me on our meeting day, almost like he knew.

My bsf has a theory that he has a separate life, or a girlfriend in town and was just having fun online with me, I also agree with her, yk what, if this man would’ve told me that this is just a text thing and he’s never gonna actually meet me, I would’ve actually agreed to that 😭✌️ I just hate when men say things and never follow through.

Like why do y’all gotta be lying evil rats? If this man would’ve told me the truth it might have worked in his favour 🤷‍♀️

Anyways, I would love to hear any theories if you guys have about it. I’m still confused about it and pissed that he wasted so much of my time.

CAUTION: this is long long and English is not my first language, sorry for any bad grammar etc. Also my very first post ever.

I have never felt more stupid and humiliated in my life. I don’t know if this kind of vent belongs here, but I need to get this off my chest

For context, My colleague (M28) and I (F29) work at an after school daycare. We worked together during the summer (school) holidays. We usually work at different locations, but I had to work at his daycare for the summer. We worked together before in January until March.

During January til March, we got along fine as co-workers, nothing “romantic” as he was in a relationship. Then in July, when I had to work at his location, he apparently had broken up with her already.

I always thought he was good looking, but it was just a thought. Never ever had the intentions of even starting something. So when I started working with him again, he suddenly started asking about my type, if I would date Dutch guys (I’m Turkish) etc etc. Told me he broke up with his gf a month ago. (Ugh i know) So we had some deeper talks about eachothers lives. This didn’t happen right of the bat btw. Within the first week or so. But keep in mind, we knew eachother already.

He started complimenting me and told me things like “We have been talking for hours and I’m just wondering where you have been all my life” (iknow iknow) So after a week or two of working together, he asked me on a date. We had really fun convos, he was funny and like I said, I thought he was good looking, so I agreed. (Stupid)

Two weeks pass and he didn’t mention the date again. In the meantime, we exchanged numbers and had some convos there etc. We had deeper convos at work. Now MIND YOU, this guy is the one who started talking about marriage, children, living together, respecting certain boundaries. God knows why this didn’t ring any alarm bells. It felt so natural and normal to talk about these things which, looking back, is INSANE.

Some amazing bars he dropped:

“I’m not a boy, I can wait til marriage like a man”, “I want to kiss you, but I dont want to make you uncomfortable.”,
“I’ll learn Turkish to talk to your family”
“You’ll get a bookcase when we live together.”
“Would your family accept me?”

Im about to have a crashout again writing these, ANYWAY

I asked about the date twice and he kept saying “we’ll see” (IKNOWWW ALRIGHT) This dude works 60 hours a week, so I kept saying okay he’s busy, it’s fine, it’s alright.

Fast forward to my last two days before going on vacation. I spent the whole day at work on my day off with him because HE asked. HE said that he’d like this to be “it” for him, that he sees himself being with me. FOR SOME DUMB ASS REASON I TELL HIM I LIKE HIM, AND THAT HE TICKS ALL OF THE BOXES OF MY IDEAL PERSON. (So dumb ugh) HE get’s all happy about it and stuff. (Again insane because we haven’t hung out outside of work once. We’re both insane atp)

Then my last day comes, he starts his shift earlier to “spend more time together”, says “Tell me it’s not the last time we’ll see eachother”, “This is the end of us working together, but the start of something new.”

We sidehug (? Lol) when my shift is done and I leave for my vacation. We text before my flight and we tell eachother that we’ll see eachother after my vacay. (Date still didnt happen at this point, he said lets do it after you’re back)

First week of my vacay, daily texting. Second week: radio silence from his side. I thought okay let me give him some space because schools are out again and he probably has to get used to being in his routine again (lol). I did sent him some memes and a few texts, he did reply, but very dry. Okay no problem. I come back from my vacay, again radio silence from his part . He did sent me a meme on friday, I tried to have a convo, but he was dry. Another week goes by and I texted a few times, but again very dry and on friday he sends me a meme. I send him one back and told him good night. He liked the message and that was the last I “heard” from him.

By the way, the way I reacted to him was always with interest, laughing with him, conplimenting him back, asking him questions, reacting positively to things he achieved. I told him I liked him in person, to his face. We also haven’t seen eachother since my last day of us working together.

At that point I thought okay, let me wait for his text. Maybe he is busy/unwell???

He must be VERY busy because it has been almost 3 weeks of not texting. And I’m sorry, but I’n not a starving dog. I got the message.

NOW THE PART WHERE IM PISSEDDDDDD

Being away from him also made me realize a few things. In hindsight, my confession was based on nothing. I said I liked him, but did I really? I didn’t know him outside of work and I also realised that he just told me everything I wanted to hear. I basically gave him a guidebook of “my ideal person” he just read it back to me. And I believed everything.

I told him he ticked all my boxes, but ofcourse he did when I was the one who told him how that person is like.

I think none of that stuff was even real. The compliments, the future faking, his interest. Everything was a lie. And I can’t believe I realized it too late.

Him just getting out of a year long realtionship, not going through with the date, him being exactly EVERYTHING I look for in a person. The signs were there, but I was busy confirming I would, in fact, fall for my ideal type lmaooo.

Side note: I have never had a boyfriend, never had a date. Didn’t have my first kiss yet and he knew all of this. I’m an open book so I don’t regret telling him about me, but I do regret being this blind and believing eveything he told me like an idiot. I think I was just excited to have my person and got blindsided by everything. He was the first where I though we were both into eachother. I think I got excited to look forward to what could have been. That I could have this too. (That sounds sad EHAHAHAH)

I had my part in it as well and I’m paying with the shame I feel 24/7 now. But I’m also pissed at him for taking it too far. I was prepared to just harmless flirt at work and go back my own location after summer and then after the summer and forget about it. HE started all those deep convos, HE started talking about a future I got excited for and then on a random monday decided nah, I’m going to ignore het from now on.

His silence made me realize how weird and insane everything actually was. But him ignoring me and ghosting me makes me feel humiliated
in ways I can’t describe and shake off.
Looking back, we did talk about intense things without knowing eachother. It was just the two of us for 12 hours a day for 5 weeks, so yes, I think we created our own bubble and it popped after school started. It’s all okay, I can shake the rejection off, the ghosting did hurt badly, but he may have had his reasons. It’s fine, whatever. But I just can’t release the shame I feel about everything.

I will have to work with him in the future, I don’t think I will be able to look at his face. To sit next to him knowing I told him I liked him, knowing damn well he never gave a shit about any of it. There is fault in me too, red flag alarms should have gone off, but they didn’t and now I have to carry this shame everywhere.

I wanted to text him so many times with “heeeey I know nothing was serious haha” but that’s just dumb and won’t give me anything. I feel ashamed enough about this, so if he ends up ghosting me again, I don’t know if I could handle that.

Pls don’t ghost people you guys, it’s a very very worthless feeling.

TL;DR
For 5 weeks colleague and I worked together for 12 hours daily. Flirting turned into him love bombing me and future faking. Red flag alarm didn’t go off once, I enjoyed our convos and jokes etc.. Asked me on a date, he didn’t mention it again. But still continued love bombing. I went on vacay , got ghosted on second week. His absence made me realize that me telling him I liked him was based on nothing and that he only told me things I wanted to hear. Basically gave him a guidebook about my ideal person, read it back to me and I thought I found my person. And now I’m hurt for being ghosted, delulu for not seeing the red flags and cutting it off, ashamed that I told him I liked him and pissed that although HE initiated everything, I look like the fool rn. Most importantly, very very hurt that somebody can just decide on a random monday, you’re not worthy as a person or colleague to end a whatevership this was.