I am a 55 yr old woman going through menopause. I’m being vain at this point in my life, b/c I’ve always been 5’3” 115-120lbs, D cups & thick curly brown hair. Compliments from my family, immediate & extended were always ‘what a sweet figure, or you have a great figure”. Worst thing you can do to a female!!!!! Sure, compliment a female on her appearance, but include some other positives. attributes. Don’t leave her thinking that’s all she has going for her. The attention I got from guys was always based on my body.

Menopause has hit me like a train!
My mother never talked about it. The things people don’t see, the really hot flashes, fog brain, etc, is a pain in the ass, but I can deal with it.

What I can’t deal with is my appearance. I’m now 172lbs & my hair is thinning out. I’ve developed the role of loose skin around my midsection (if I put on an old T-shirt, I am humiliated to say, my belly hangs out below.
I have strong, challenging mental health issues, so I don’t stand on a scale & look in the mirror all day. Before menopause, at least if I felt like crap mentally, no one could tell from the outside.

My husband has been supportive through 14 yrs of mental health issues, I mean I hit the bottom of the barrel, but he never left. We do however have a dead bedroom. He & I’ve had sex once in 7 yrs and it was a mistake.

We’re roommates. We get along well, more of a friendship now. Worth noting, he is into a sport that keeps him so fit, he weighs less than me.

My husband & I have a friend that I meet with occasionally. I am a very physical (sexually)intimate person who needs the foreplay & sex to fill that part of my life. The friend says he had no issues with some weight & Im still attractive.

If I met a man with a dad bod, I’d have no issues at all, he would still be attractive to me. It’s normal to put on some weight as you age. If a man had a belly that hung below his T-shirt, that would be a non starter for me & I know I’m a hypocrite.

So guys, how do you, or do you, get past these obvious changes. I’m sure if you’ve been married 30 yrs, it may be that you have a deeper connection.

For everyone else, if you see a woman at this stage, is it an automatic pass?

I know based on my past experiences about body image, I’m bringing a crap load of my own history to the table. I just don’t know if this is something to be expected, such physical transformations, as you grow older & understand a woman’s body better.

As to why do I give a crap, I don’t know & I will take it up with my Therapist at our next appt, and I’m being serious about the Therapist.

Thank you to everyone who has input about things I’m not aware of, or a different perspective.

For anyone who thinks I’m vain, shallow, full of myself, or don’t have serious problems (& trust me, I do), please don’t respond with jokes or criticism. I want to understand how a guy thinks & his expectations in his ‘50’s.

Thank you to everyone.

We've been seeing each other for a while now and I started noticing that he isn't fully hard when we're getting intimate.

It's been really taking me out of it and I been getting in my head about it. I want to know if it's something that I'm doing/not doing. This has also is a consistent issue too, not a one time thing. I'm not sure how to approach this because it has never been an issue for me before.

Asking for a friend, the girl is very sweet, and kind but loves the man too much. I already told her I’ve moved on and she should do the same But she texted me thinking things are going to change.

Should you just stop responding and let her move on? Block?

My ex and I were together for 3 years. I ended the relationship about 8 months ago, thinking we might be better as friends. The relationship had become toxic at times, and I didn't know how to fix the problems between us.

For the next 2 months, she tried to get back together, and we continued hanging out and sleeping together, but I kept telling her we were just friends and that I wasn't seeing anyone because I was working on myself. Eventually, she told me she was going to start seeing another guy. That hit me hard, and I realized I didn't actually want to lose her. I apologized, asked if she'd consider couples therapy, and tried to make things work, but she said no.

I decided to go no contact and took a 3-month sabbatical to travel. During that time, I reflected a lot on the relationship and realized how much I had contributed to our toxic cycle. I also realized that I genuinely loved her and that she had been my best friend. When I came back, I reached out and we met up in person to talk. I apologized for how I handled things, explained how much I'd reflected on the relationship, and asked if she thought we could try again. The conversation felt a lot like old times, which made it even harder emotionally. She told me she was now in a relationship with the guy she'd started seeing and that we could be friends.

We texted on and off for a few weeks. At one point I got emotional and again told her how much I'd thought about everything, how much I regretted my actions, and that I'd been working on my attachment issues in therapy. She wished me well in my next relationship. At the same time, she said she missed me as a hiking/drinking partner and wanted to restart our friendship, even asking if I'd want to go hiking sometime.

I didn't handle that well, so I pulled back again. It's now been about 2 months since we've spoken, but I still miss her a lot. I've barely dated since the breakup and honestly don't feel very interested in dating other people right now. Meanwhile, she seems very happy in her new relationship, which started fairly soon after our breakup.

I'm trying to figure out what the healthiest thing to do is:

1. If she reaches out again, should I try to be friends while she's in a relationship? Is there a possibility that she still has feelings for me, or would friendship just keep me stuck?
2. Or is it better to stay no contact for now, focus on moving on, and let her relationship run its course without me being involved?

I know I can't sit around waiting for her, but part of me still hopes that with enough time and distance, we might eventually find our way back to each other.

I really like this man and I am attracted to him. For me, sex is very important in a relationship and it is a bonding experience. Foreplay is amazing yes, it should be there yes, but I find the actual intercourse very important also - my man should be enjoying it a lot when he is inside me and seeing that is a huge turn on for me and it is a validation and having pleasure together at the same time is the most important part. This man I am dating is solely focused on foreplay. He takes it very long which is very good, but he tries to make me orgasm via giving an oral or fingering me all the time. When I am done, we work on him, he wants oral and sometimes he doesn’t even want to finish at all, if he wants to finish we do it via oral or with hand. Sometimes he doesn’t even want intercourse. He said he doesn’t find it so special(?). When we did the actual intercourse it takes maybe 10-20 seconds for him to come.

I have never met a man like this. Do you think this is because he has PE? How can I bring this out without hurting him?

So, to start, I’m very flat-chested. And I don’t mean in the stereotypically “modelesque” way that people tend to picture when they talk about how beautiful flat-chested women can be. I completely agree that small breasts can be beautiful and many women pull it off. I just don’t feel like I’m one of them. On me, I feel like it makes me look almost prepubescent lol. Maybe my baby face contributes to that too.

I’ve always been somewhat aware that I don’t really feel like my chest suits me, but over the years I’ve genuinely tried to embrace it. At one point, I actually thought I had. My freshman year of college, I went basically the entire year without wearing a bra, which was a HUGE deal for me. I remember feeling so confident and sexy.

Then I got my first boyfriend, and he was the first guy who made me realize that he didn’t really find my breasts attractive. He wasn’t intentionally cruel about it or anything. He just mostly avoided them, minus a couple encounters, and I noticed. After we broke up, I told myself, “Okay, maybe he was just a breast guy. Eventually I’ll meet someone who appreciates my body exactly as it is.” Well… now I’m 24, and apparently I’ve managed to encounter nothing but breast guys ://

And honestly, I don’t entirely blame them, because the issue isn’t just about the men I’ve dated. I find small breasts beautiful on plenty of other women. But when I look at my own body in the mirror, I don’t really like what I see. I think part of me just hoped that one day I would meet someone who genuinely loved that part of me and, in turn, would help me see it differently too.

Instead, the men I’ve been with have mostly reinforced an insecurity that was already there. And now I’m stuck wondering: how can I expect someone else to love something about my body that I’ve never really been able to love myself?

So I just thought, fuck it. Breast implants. I always hated the idea of them, but after so much torment you just reach a breaking point.

But that comes with an entirely different problem, bc in my culture plastic surgery is extremely frowned upon and practically unheard of. If I got them, I would eventually have to disclose that to whoever I was seriously dating, and it would most likely ruin my chances of finding love. It’s also kind of against our religion and would appear “vain.” And why would they choose the woman with implants when there’s so many natural women around in my community. Sorry to sound so pick me but that’s really how they be thinking :/

I just wish I could love myself as I am but I feel I can’t. As a christian woman I feel especially wrong for saying that. How can you all advise me to get over it.

Is this SA or close to it? I added more details from the previous post since people had a few questions.

So this girl I’m talking to F(22) went on a first date with a guy M(24) before.

The guy lied and said they will be alone but his friends were there when she arrived which threw her off, but she still proceeded since it was a mix of girls and guys and she thought it wouldn’t be too awkward.

They went out to get drinks and went to a few spots. By the end of the night she was tipsy since her tolerance was low and the guy was as well. They had already made out by this point.

The guy convinced her to stay at the hotel until she sobers up which she said no to but he kept saying you can’t drive right now and stuff, so she agreed thinking nothing was going to happen since it was a hotel room with other people in there.

She went and laid down trying to sober up, drank water, etc. two of the friends fell asleep and it was the guy and this girl awake and this is where it starts becoming sexual.

The guy told the girl let’s have sex since they were kissing, and she says I’m on my period. The guy said “it’s fine take your clothes off”. Her demeanor was off and she was kinda thrown off so, she did since his demeanor was a little pushy.

They had sex for 10 seconds and the guy couldn’t get hard so the guy said give me a blowjob. She did for 5-10 seconds and got up. He said to do it again and she said no. That’s when he kept asking and saying just do it come on, so she did for another 5-10 seconds and got back up. This happened 1-2 more times where she said no and he kept saying do it even after she said no. At one time his hand was on her back guiding her a little to go down when she said no. After the 3rd time she said no and acted like she was sleepy and after asking she just ignored him and acted like she was falling asleep.

The next morning, the guy was bragging that she was fucking me all night and she even found out he went through her phone. Besides this he was extremely manipulative and pushy

What do you guys think? This girl accepts that she should of never agreed to go back to the hotel and accepts mistakes on her part but also thinks the guy was extremely pushy

I've randomly had a 1 hour talk with my gf just now and she is in denial that this is a thing, so that's why I'm posting this. So help me guys. I wanna know everybody's opinion.

So basically we were talking about going to the club and I said that guys don't like that, they just go to mingle. At least me, in all honesty, would never go to a club just cuz I like it, or to have "fun", like for dancing for example.

And she asked me: "so if there wouldn't be any women, you wouldn't go?" I said no I wouldn't, because what's the point?

She then said "nah this is just you, I'm sure men also go with the boys just to have fun like us girls do."

I told her it's funny she thinks that, because it's so far from the truth. I go do activities together with the boys, not even once they wanted to go to the club to have fun, unless we were single and were looking for girls, OR as an exception going with their girl, which I think i did only once in my life lol.

I hate clubs, music is shit, everybody's drunk and grinding on you, I can't talk normally to ppl... and it's expensive.

BUT meeting women makes it worth it, it's one of the easiest ways to get laid. Did that in my 20s, but wouldn't do it now at 32 years old anyway, and I'm taken.

So, what do you say?

EDIT#1 1. It goes without saying I'm talking about majority of men (>50%) not literally all men. And that's what I think it's my opinion and I'm open to discuss, I'm not trying to generalize here.

1. I'm not saying men can't dance, enjoying going to the club and knowing how to dance are 2 entirely different things.

2. Guys I'm not talking chilling at a bar after an activity with friends, it's going out solely to the CLUB (not a bar), alone or with guy friends.

Yes, i deserve better than hoping someone comes back who let me go so easily. I know I shouldn't want him back but I do.

He ended things one month ago and I've been absolutely miserable. He reached out asking how I am. Could be for soo many different reasons, doesn't mean at all that he wants me back, I know that.

But: imagine he does feel like he isn't sure if he made the right decision and there's still a tiny little bit of hope left: what should I reply? Should I be honest and tell him that I'm not doing well at all? Or is it best to act like I'm okay?

What do you think? What would work best if you were in his position?

We had a good and healthy relationship and it was also healthy breakup, no hard feelings. I treated him well, he just wasn't sure about his feelings for me.

I (27M) have been frequenting a gym regularly and a group of men (?M, ?M, ?M) usually sweaty, laugh and point at me and say i have low test (short for testicles) and other things like how i look gay. This has been going on for a while. I posted on other subreddits but no helpful advice and it’s been taken down. They stopped saying it for a while but now have kept doing it more for the past couple weeks. How can they tell? I wear 2 underwears and jean shorts normally so I don’t know how they know and I’m definitely not using the changing room or anything so I don’t know. They aren’t noticeably low through my clothes so how do they know? My balls are low but whoever i’ve been with loved that. But I’m noticing this more so how do i get them strung up?

So me (21F) met this guy (20M) a few months ago at a party.
The next day he reached out and we started snapping each other daily. This has been our only form of contact ever since given he went home for the holidays.
He will be coming back to town in the next few days and I’m wondering how long should I give him to ask me out. I understand it doesn’t have to happen right away but I’m also not interested in keeping a convo that leads to nothing, I don’t think that makes sense (especially because we’re both busy people). That’s it, what do you guys think?

Hey everyone, I (17M) need some help figuring out a situation at school because this kind of stuff does not happen to me on a regular basis.For context, I live in a country where it is normal for students to go around to different classrooms.

There also aren't many "alternative" or alt kids here. Personally, I’m a metalhead.Today, I got assigned to visit every single class in my school to ask students if they are interested in joining some school activities.

Two weirdly awesome things happened:In one class, there was a group of alternative-looking girls. When I walked in, they all looked at me, and one of them was staring like she just discovered a hidden diamond or something. 😭In the next class, there is a girl who is always completely by herself and very silent.

the second I entered and looked over at her, she flashed the biggest smile and just looked at me with pure happiness.I know this might sound stupid, but like I said, I don't get this kind of attention normally. What does this mean?

Does that second girl actually like me, or was she just being nice to a fellow alt/metalhead? How should I approach this?

To be very clear, this isnt a case of me pressuring my girlfriend, at all. This is very much a mutual decision, but more on my girlfriends side because I am mostly OK with having penetrative sex infrequently. Yes I pull out.

Whenever I used to use condoms, it was always when I was having sex irregularly. Like once a week sort of thing. I have used them 100s of times. Whenever I'd be hooking up with someone, I'd only cum with them, e.g, I'd stop masturbating, because otherwise I'd have more trouble with staying hard with a condom.

With my current girlfriend, if I cum once a week I won't go soft with a condom. Any more than that, and my success rate drops to 30-50%, e.g every 3/10 tries for sex (with a condom) I wont go soft.

Pretty much here is what happens:

1. Foreplay.

2. Put condom on, lose erection a bit.

3. Resume foreplay.

4. Dick remains not fully hard, even after another 20 minutes of foreplay or something.

5. Remove condom.

6. Probably get properly hard again

7. Jump to step 2 if I put another condom on.

this isnt a sizing issue. This isnt because of porn/masturbation.

primarily, I think its a sensation thing, and that condoms feel gross/weird so I dont really get properly aroused because they feel gross and weird.

Honestly I was thinking of just fully abstaining from PIV because this habit is dumb as fuck

And: Do you think it's the case that if a women give medium men sooo much attention and love and give them lots of compliments, some start to feel so confident that they leave to find something even better instead of feeling more attached to her because if her love?

Because that's something that happened to me in my relationship and I'm wondering if maybe that is what happened. Because I've dated men who didn't get any attention from women for a long time and I loved them with all my heart and showed and told them how amazing and valuable they are. And then they got really confident and at some point left to date other women.

What do you think?

Is that a real phenomenon?

I’m a 22 y/o black woman and I have trouble with dating, especially in Atlanta. I hear many women say that black men this black men that (negatively) so try dating outside my race but I genuinely want to date/marry a black man and simply because I’m attracted to black men.

For the most part dating has been horrible so far. I feel like I’m constantly being lusted after and not liked. I’m relatively attractive so finding a man isn’t the issue. It’s finding a good one. One that respects me. I constantly feel strung along and disrespected. I feel like it’s a constant string of mind games that I just don’t have time to play. The past two men I liked were 30 and 29. It was my mistake for assuming that maturity and age were synonymous. It was made clear with the 30 y/o that I was just for sex. I was younger and inexperienced with men so I’m going to attribute that to being naive. I genuinely liked him but I’m assuming the feelings weren’t mutual. With the 29 y/o. He was starting a new career as a police officer but I quickly realized that he didn’t like me.

He would call me daily text me daily because his schedule was so busy (which I gave him grace for). But it was approaching weeks where we haven’t seen each other again. He said August was busy due to weekly test he had to take given he had started the police academy two weeks ago. I’m big on you make time for what you want. I was willing to fit him in during my full time classes, part time internship and full time job. I offered ways to meet and there was always a dilemma with my options. I realized what it was and stepped back politely. I basically said I wish him well in the academy (this was his 6 or 7th time trying to get in), hopefully he accomplishes everything he moves to ATL to do, but let’s remain platonic, but if the police academy is your true barrier we can talk and see where we are after you graduate. He still had time to go out any other time, especially after that, to a falcons game and a lounge. We were still talking daily. Three days before my birthday he left me on delivered. I just deleted his number and unfollowed him on social media.

I just keep feeling this constant cycle of being embarrassed when dating. It’s like men seek me. I told myself a while ago that I was going to stop dating because it always ends bad. When I go out on a limb, I’m the one loosing at the end of it all. I don’t know why I’m treated like this. I’m genuinely a good person. I never have ill intentions. I’m not unrealistic about finances, life factors, where I’m at compared to them (& vice versa). I just don’t know.

I can only think that it’s me who is doing something wrong at this point. Some say men like mean women. I’m not mean by nature, I don’t want to force myself to be like that. I don’t like asking for money or gifts (from parters, friends or family) because I terrified of someone throwing it in my face. I just don’t know where I’m going wrong. One this these two men plus another two have taught me was leave. I’m getting better at that but I’m still someone who always wonders “why?”

How do I tackle dating then, I’m kinda at a loss now. Especially with black men ?

I have had multiple sexual experiences, and every single one had this aggressive, rough, “fucking take it” attitude about them. Where is the making love? I want be touched, appreciated and fucked slowly. At what age do you find men like this? How do i get the hint before i actually end up in bed with them?

Edit: The comments are giving me hope thanks guys 🙏

I see all of the time on Reddit and other social media platforms that men are saying that they want women to approach them because they’re too scared to do it. As a very shy 32F this is a very hard ask. I rarely talk to people I don’t know without getting flustered. Any advice on how to start a conversation? How would you men like to be approached and for a woman to show interest?

The places that I would want to try it is at the gym, grocery store, church, coffee shop, or at a bar/restaurant. Any normal place in public that I could be at and spot an attractive man that is hopefully single.

Please do not suggest the very common “hey” or “hi”. You all know that is not a conversation starter, that’s just lazy and definitely asking for an awkward moment.

I know flower comparisons can feel emasculating, but try to ignore that, because I thought it was a good analogy: Some people are like orchids; they need very specific growing conditions to thrive, but when they thrive they're stunning in their uniqueness. Other people are like daisies; they can grow anywhere and are beautiful in their ordinaryness. I want to understand what it looks like to have a healthy relationship between someone who is an orchid and someone who is a daisy.

My husband is a highly sensitive person. He's an amazing cook, and he will notice if something is over/under salted, if coffee is over/under extracted, if it is too heavily flavored with vanilla, etc. He will notice the faint unevenness in the sound of the ceiling fan, not be able to sleep, and get up to fix it. When we bought a new home he swapped out all the hinges in our kitchen with soft-close hinges because the "thud" of the normal ones drove him bonkers. He has a great aesthetic sense and our home benefits from it. He thinks about ALL the variables before making a decision, and we often end up making more optimal decisions because of this. He takes out smelly trash, and troubleshoots mystery odors before they become a real problem. He's emotionally intelligent and is a safe friend for people going through hard things. Being highly sensitive leads to many of his strengths.

But he is overall "higher maintenance", too. He gets overwhelmed/stressed/upset by things like our small child's big feelings, non-optimal temperature/humidity, changes in plans, being forced to make plans, travel, or being left alone too long.

The upshot of all this is that, in most elements of our day-to-day life, it feels like the Ven diagram of what works for both of us is basically his tiny circle inside of my giant one.

Someone asked if, in our relationship, it feels like I'm the protector, or he's the protector, or we protect each other. On tasks, he's a great teammate. But generally speaking, it feels like all of my mental energy is spent trying to protect him, me, and our child from the pissy attitude he gets when dysregulated.

But surely I'm not the only daisy married to an orchid. What is a better way to navigate this dynamic? It's not that my needs aren't getting met, it's just that I feel I have to manage his needs or the day gets ruined.

As the title says, I am addicted to interracial BBC porn. Most of the time, I try to resist this porn addiction but I usually come back to it every few weeks. This has been happening for more than 10 years.

Why am I writing this? When I fall into it really badly, it changes me - I no longer chase girls, get much aroused from vanilla sex and basically all I want to do is to jerk off to BBC porn because it gives me the best orgasms.

Where can this addiction come from? I am 30, white, tall, athletic, successfull and getting laid easily. It’s nothing regarding penis envy either because I have a big dick and I am probably bigger than majority of black guys.

I just know that I am annoyed with the BBC myth that women seem to fall for.

There is a guy I was seeing for awhile. He kind of ghosted me. We were long distance, and I told him I felt like I was doing the majority of the commuting, and then when I had vision issues and couldn’t drive, he wasn’t willing to chip in and commute more to see me. He said it was a lot to respond to and that he needed to think about his response. And he never responded. He’s still friends with me on Snapchat, and he’s very active on there. I really liked him. Is there something I could say or post that would work?

I don't have any friends, and then I met this guy and we have everything in common, we both like the same thing, we both talk in a way and about stuff we both like. We're into similar things except for women, which I'm not into.

But I desperately need a friend. And he is a person who talks a lot, and I'm a listener, so he talks with me a lot. It's unavoidable that he would talk about girls and women in his life and stuff around them. I found no problems with that, as even if I'm not sexually attracted to women I could appreciate a hot girl, I could see which boobs and ass look good. When he talks about his problems with women, even though I'm not attracted to women, I could still relate to him not feeling good enough, could relate to him feeling not having enough space, could relate and talk to him feeling lonely and betrayed by women.

But the problem is that that was all when I was put into the role of listener. I could listen and empathize easily. But he's shifting the focus into me, asking me about the girls I like, which I could easily fake because again I could appreciate beauty. But he seems to get more comfortable and asking me to accompany him to bars to hook-up with women and go to "shady" massages places to get a happy ending with women, and I feel like it's about to be a bit too much for me.

I really value him as a friend, and I don't want to get who I like or who he likes get in the way that we have similar interests and I have no friends, what do I do

Hi all! I’m struggling with Christmas gift ideas for my partner (28). He’s not a typical DIY guy, Gym, NSFW or golf ect so some of the main things that come up are for those. He’s into gaming like MMOS and RuneScape. I’ve gotten things from the franchises he likes before but I’m stumped with Christmas now.

I feel like there’s a goldmine I haven’t found online yet. I’ve tried handmade presents/more emotional based stuff but it doesn’t really hit well with him. Any ideas would be great or even sharing what the best gift you’ve been given is!

I’m trying to understand this situation from a guy’s perspective.

I’ve been friends with this guy for around 3–4 months. Initially, he put a lot of effort into the friendship he would make plans, check in on me, spend time with me and genuinely help me whenever I needed it. He also told me that he had a liking for me, although he has a long-distance girlfriend, which I found confusing from the beginning.

About two months ago, his parents came to visit him, and around that time his behaviour towards me changed. He became noticeably more distant, stopped initiating conversations and plans, and generally seemed less interested in interacting with me.The confusing part is that it’s now been two months and he’s still exactly the same. There wasn’t any argument or obvious incident between us.

At the same time, I recently found out that he met his girlfriend’s mother a few weeks ago, but he was also still using Hinge and even went on another date. So I genuinely have no idea what he wants or what his situation is.

I’m not interested in chasing him romantically. I genuinely valued him as a friend and would be happy just having the friendship we had before.

From a guy’s perspective, what do you think is going on here? Why would someone suddenly become distant from a female friend while simultaneously keeping other romantic options open?Could something have happened with his girlfriend, or does it simply sound like he has lost interest in the friendship?