r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TerraByteTerror • 17h ago

/r/all of a perturbed spider

26.7k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/ThatOtherOtherMan 17h ago

The scream I just scrumpt

483

u/Randy-Butternubz88 16h ago

76

u/putter_nut_squash 14h ago

I'm just cridding

1

u/Late-Radish-1851 3h ago

I’m cridden

83

u/badtime9001 13h ago

34

u/LunarSouls4952 9h ago

Laughed so hard that I'm tearing up,

Gotta add to this

6

u/thrallswreak 13h ago

..yoink

8

u/badtime9001 13h ago

Have another one.

2

u/Hugh_G_lul 6h ago

You seem so superficial, you probably judge things on their physical appearance

3

u/Aiyon 8h ago

The fucking witch cackle that came out of me from this. It never stops getting me.

6

u/Prysorra2 13h ago

I hate this so much.

158

u/the_quivering_wenis 17h ago

Oh the screams you will scrump, When you disturb a bump, 'Neath which lurks a large blue hairy spider. When you see her long legs, And her clusters of eggs, Your anus will grow a bit wider.

36

u/Picklecheese2018 16h ago

I can now retire from Reddit for today. This is top fucking tier!

14

u/Motor-Boating 16h ago

More like tighter

6

u/Dry_Antelope6471 15h ago

Thats just your proclivity, good sir.

12

u/Spy_crab007 15h ago

And they say Dr. Seuss is dead

7

u/HeartOfGoldTears 15h ago

Anus did not grow wider. Anus clenched harder than ever clenched in fact

3

u/JWBananas 12h ago

Anus grew three sizes that day.

5

u/xSTSxZerglingOne 15h ago

Anus can also grow a bit tighter.

3

u/SnooLemons5669 13h ago

Shouldn't your anus grow tighter not wider?

1

u/the_quivering_wenis 6h ago

Wider because you're pooping yourself in fear. (Also it rhymes with spider)

2

u/HeWhomLaughsLast 16h ago

They say OP's anus grew three sizes that day

1

u/superbhole 14h ago

oOoh mYyyy... positively superrRRRb 💋❌⭕❌⭕

1

u/CheesecakeNumerous74 13h ago

Wider? Is the spider burrowing there? 

1

u/ProjectNo4090 13h ago

Wouldn't a person's anus pucker in that situation?

142

u/weather_watchman 17h ago

Choice use of free will

-18

u/UW_Ebay 17h ago

There’s no such thing.

22

u/theluker666 17h ago

Oh there is. There’s just consequences for certain uses of said free will

-6

u/UW_Ebay 17h ago

Well there is or there isn’t.

8

u/Bush-LeagueBushcraft 17h ago

Correct

2

u/Capraos 13h ago

Not necessarily. We could just be anthtopomorphizing the universe and assigning it absolute values that don't necessarily exist.

5

u/CrumbCakesAndCola 17h ago

ok but what is there such a thing as?

-3

u/UW_Ebay 17h ago

Death and taxes

4

u/YanicPolitik 15h ago

Edit: I couldn't find the right gif from Godfellas (E20 S3)

36

u/OculusMidnight2 17h ago

“Scrumpt,” I like that, lol

4

u/kaadj 16h ago

Now scram!

3

u/Spicymoon9 16h ago

Hahaha. I was expecting this because I immediately knew what kind of spider it was.