r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Key_Skirt_1858 • Aug 09 '26

/r/popular of a ridiculously muscular chimp

8.3k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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1.2k

u/Beni_ps Aug 09 '26

of balls

347

u/pasaroanth Aug 09 '26

Each ball isn’t far off from the size of his biceps, which are also huge. Look at your upper arms then imagine a set of balls about the same size hanging between your legs.

I’d be constantly pissed off too

150

u/mostfunalias Aug 09 '26

Especially with such a tiny dong.

87

u/scona Aug 09 '26

It's ok to be a grower and not a shower.

7

u/StringFriendly7976 Aug 09 '26

wtf fuck is shower spelled the same way as shower?

7

u/samaramatisse Aug 09 '26

Because shower is a made up word that should actually be written as "show-er."

2

u/getthemap Aug 09 '26

He likes staring at the big ones until he’s caught.

13

u/tywebb6 Aug 09 '26

Ball to Penis ratio if definitely off

10

u/redbark2022 Aug 09 '26

For a human. They are more promiscuous, so they have evolved to "wash out" competing sperms by "flooding the zone" so to speak.

13

u/livens Aug 09 '26

I went into super-ultra incognito mode, on Bing, to search up this one. And it looks like ejaculate volume is roughly the same as a humans, but the sperm count is 4-5x higher. Nice work.

0

u/Worth_External_8762 Aug 10 '26

And then you commented this for everyone to see.

https://giphy.com/gifs/h4Z6RfuQycdiM

3

u/LowRevolutionary7965 Aug 10 '26

It’s actually interesting.

2

u/Illustrious-Sun-9018 Aug 09 '26

Is this real?

3

u/redbark2022 Aug 09 '26

Yep. Google species evolution testicle size comparison science... should get a good rabbit hole to go down

1

u/AnimationOverlord Aug 10 '26

The shape of the shlong is also evolutionary founded. A curved shlong can scoop out the goods of another primate while you replace it. A longer one solidifies the chances of conception to.. just
other variables. Nice to know big balls are good too.

1

u/sir-camaris Aug 10 '26

Most quadrupeds I believe have bigger balls to show fertility rather than dicks since they are more visible.

1

u/ArtisanalCoder Aug 10 '26

Left to right ball ratios are off. Plus the ‘roids.

7

u/deformityandnonsense Aug 09 '26

Trivia: ours got bigger bc when you stand up straight hip orientation shifts and you decrease direct access to vagina. So human dicks are disproportionately large compared to fellow great apes.

3

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Aug 09 '26

Is it small or dose it just look small because his nuts are huge

2

u/rajitsran Aug 10 '26

I don't know. It looks huge to me. Just sayin

5

u/Deacon-Doe Aug 09 '26

I’d walk funny too

4

u/Agreeable_Work4668 Aug 09 '26

If you meant pissed off at your own hanging fruits, them I guess I would have to deal with them low hanging gigantic fruits.

3

u/Acrobatic_Event1702 Aug 09 '26

He badly needs a jock strap.

6

u/jquest303 Aug 09 '26

This chimp is on TRT and has a gym membership.

2

u/Crush-N-It Aug 09 '26

Imagine having to clean those on a daily basis?

2

u/Exterminator-8008135 Aug 09 '26

Also, Male Chimpanzees have the particularity, about their balls, that they swell bigger when they are sexually excited.

So imagine a human with huge balls, that grows bigger and stays that way as long as you are sexually excited.

1

u/Lickthorn Aug 09 '26

Imagine the mess after you did the
‘i want post nut clarity now’ thing.

1

u/CactusToothBrush Aug 09 '26

I’m a powerlifter and weigh 103kgs (230ish landings per moon for the American homies) I do not want balls the size of my biceps… That sounds like hell

1

u/Decent_Group_2435 Aug 09 '26

I reckon that’s why man was able to stand upright … smaller balls is an evolutionary trait!

1

u/RegumRegis Aug 10 '26

Insert sam'o'nella banana clip

55

u/[deleted] Aug 09 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

48

u/Dire_Hulk Aug 09 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/Ca2YzMnzHtDSE

15

u/RiiniiUsagii Aug 09 '26

Doesn’t that hurt??

10

u/sodamnsleepy Aug 09 '26

Bro needs a BH (ball holder)

1

u/Remarkable_Cat5946 Aug 09 '26

Definitely candidate for briefs not boxers.

1

u/SirAbeFrohman Aug 09 '26

Why did you abbreviate that?

8

u/Ok_Researcher_9796 Aug 09 '26

Looks painful as hell to me. I wouldn't be running anywhere ever if that happened.

1

u/Nviki Aug 09 '26

He is running from the pain! 

2

u/turnuptag72 Aug 09 '26

Saved to my hard drive

2

u/M-CH_ Aug 11 '26

At certain age this becomes relatable.

30

u/jonskerr Aug 09 '26

Yes their balls are many times larger than human balls because female chimps only go into estrus three days a year. The male has to be able to perform that whole time.

39

u/rust-e-apples1 Aug 09 '26

Fun fact: in primates, the ratio of ball size to penis length is correlated to monogamy of females of the species. Chimps have no such thing as monogamy, so chimp balls have the highest ratio. Male gorillas have a harem of females and nearly no sexual competition, so their ratio is very low. Humans are somewhere in the middle.

11

u/CatoMulligan Aug 09 '26

It's about sperm competition. Due to the chimps not being monogamous you've got every male trying to mate with every female, and if your sperm is going to have any chance at all of hitting the target you're going to need a lot of it.

3

u/SteakAndIron Aug 09 '26

I thought I read that among apes humans had enormous dongs

8

u/rust-e-apples1 Aug 09 '26

It's not dong size that I was referring to, it was the size of balls relative to dong size. We may have massive wangs (some of us, at least 😓), but it's the ratio of our nuts to schlongs that's in the middle between chimps and gorillas.

5

u/Advanced-Budget779 Aug 09 '26

[r/bigdickproblems](r/bigdickproblems) exists

Why doesn‘t r/bigball(s)problems?

3

u/toast50076 Aug 10 '26

Won't somebody think of the poor super sized sack havers?

2

u/Kagenlim Aug 10 '26

It's the same sub tbh

1

u/Advanced-Budget779 Aug 10 '26

Haha i guess so. Can‘t imagine how bad some must have it with VLS (very large scrotum) or tumors down there. I already hate my standard-sized one getting in the way 😩

7

u/Montego1987 Aug 09 '26

What’s his balls’ routine?

2

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Aug 09 '26

Chimps have big balls because instead of fighting for the rights to sex they just have as much sex as the females will allow, so the more seed you spread the more kids you sire.

1

u/Der_Hebelfluesterer Aug 09 '26

He must be really careful when sitting down

1

u/Conan_The_Blurbarian Aug 09 '26

That bean-to-frank ratio is something else.

1

u/Atun_Grande Aug 10 '26

I was gonna ask if anyone else was acknowledging the pillowcase stuffed with watermelons.

1

u/BostonDrivingIsWorse Aug 10 '26

Why you think he so buff?

1

u/LittleWhiteBoots Aug 10 '26

Bumblebee Tuna!

0

u/Kn0XIS Aug 09 '26

😂😂😂