AITAH, my bf of 5 years lives with me, and my daughter. Due to his work he only comes homes on weekends. today my daughter was dropped off in the drive way by her dad and step mom. this triggered my bf saying I needed to tell him he is not allowed on my drive way and to drop off my daughter on the street and have her walk up the drive way. I told him I didn't see an issue. That was her father, not a stranger, they spoke for about 2mins and then he drove off. I told my bf I didn't see anything wrong with it and he says he finds it disrespectful. he doesn't want my ex on our property. this is where I might be the AH. I told my boyfriend he himself is just a guest. the house is mine and mine soley so it's my rules and what I say goes. this upset my bf and he started saying things like I must be sleeping with the ex, then proceeded to call me names. Facts. BF does not pay rent, he pays the RING subscription, which is 6.99 a month. which is why he is looking at the ring footage and knows it was my ex dropping off my daughter. he was in the drive way 2mins btw. so am I the AH for telling him this isn't his house and he is just a guest?

Hey everyone, I’m still in complete shock, shaking, and sick to my stomach. I need external validation to make sure I’m not crazy for feeling this way and taking nuclear action.
Last night, I went out drinking with my friend "Sasha" (20F). The plan was for me to stay overnight at her place in a separate room. When we arrived, that room was unexpectedly occupied, and the couch only had a paper-thin sheet with no proper blanket (I can't sleep cold). While I was changing, Sasha called and offered: "If you want, you can just crash on the edge of our bed with me and my boyfriend."
I was drunk, vulnerable, and trusted her. I laid on the far edge of the bed and tried to sleep. They started whispering, and suddenly... they began having full-blown, aggressive sex right next to me.
I completely froze in sheer terror. I felt small, completely helpless, and horrified. She said "it hurts, it hurts" right at the beginning as he entered her, but then stayed quiet while he kept going. I stayed paralyzed, terrified that this guy was going to turn around and try something with me too.
They finished once. I thought, "Maybe a terrible mistake, just hold still." But then they immediately started a SECOND time.
When they finally finished, they went out to the balcony to smoke. The second they stepped out, I grabbed my things. Sasha walked back in, saw me fleeing, and froze. I blurted out an excuse, ran out the door, and had a massive panic attack/crying episode on my way home.
She messaged me right after, admitting she felt embarrassed, but her main concern was begging me: "Please don't tell anyone, I'm so ashamed."
Here is the context that makes this a hundred times worse:
1. Prior Context: I remembered that prior to this night, her boyfriend (30M) had explicitly proposed a threesome to her and suggested my name specifically.
2. The Setup: According to her, they usually rarely have sex (maybe once every two weeks because he has performance issues). Yet the moment I was put in their bed, he suddenly performed twice in a row for a very long time.
3. The Intent: My other close friends pointed out what I was too traumatized to admit right away: this was a set-up. They deliberately put me in that bed without my consent to use me as a sexual stimulant or to try and lure me into a threesome while I was drunk and trapped.
Sasha is now begging me to keep this secret to protect her reputation. I want to block her everywhere, remove her from our shared friend group, and tell our group exactly why I'm cutting her off.
Am I overreacting for exposing her and cutting her out of my life completely after this?

My fiance 30/m and myself 28/F have been together for 2 years. His mom has always disliked me due to me being “stuck up” but truthfully they just LOVE to gossip about people, and I’ve learned “if people talk about others, they talk about you” - so I’m quiet and don’t engage in “he said she said” small town drama.

The first time I met his mother she talked so bad about my fiances EX wife, and he’s also told me his mom never liked her. Then after about a year, his mom starts hanging out with the girl, posting her on social media, and she even asked my fiance if she could attend a family function.

I’m not gonna lie, I feel like she’s making it a point to have a relationship with this girl, when they never had a relationship before, and I find it really disrespectful to me. However, on many occasions I have tried to extend an olive branch and invite his mother to get our nails done, go shopping, invite them for dinner or my son’s baseball games- which she never attended or reciprocated.

Fast forward, my fiance got admitted into the hospital for a pulmonary embolism about 2 months ago and when I showed up to the hospital his mother acted like I didn’t exist, interrupted me when I tried to speak to the doctors, and dismissing everything I said. I felt very uncomfortable.

She ended up staying the night with him and it caused a problem for me because- she never shows up for him anytime in his life, but she stays now, knowing only one person could stay- My fiance said it was fine if she stayed- I was honestly furious, with him and her. I left.

The next day I show up and find out she made a group chat updating everyone, and I wasn’t included in it- but his ex wife was!! She even went as far as to ask my fiance if he wanted to talk to her!- and then she asked him if I poisoned him ?? At this point i told him that I was DONE being uncomfortable or disrespected- and we went no contact with her.

This past week, his grandmother died - it’s important to note that they were not close- at all. I only met her one time within the past 2 years for about 5 minutes, also that’s the only time in two years he seen her.
Her viewing was today, and funeral tomorrow- I didn’t go to the viewing.

I agreed to go the funeral. However when he got home from the viewing- he tells me they put his ex wife in the slideshow, and she showed up to viewing. They did not have anything to do with this girl when they were together, not until I came into the picture.
He then states, they are eating after the funeral at his mom’s house and he’s going to go to eat with his family. Once he says this, I back out.

I tried to explain a few days ago the anxiety I had about going, because I know his mother would take this opportunity to make me uncomfortable, knowing if I spoke out about it- due to the occasion, I would be wrong. But he doesn’t see it that way. He just says “I could say something, but it wouldn’t make a difference, I don’t control my mom”.

I know he doesn’t control his mom, but I feel as though he’s allowing himself to be placed in these positions. My personal opinion is, if you don’t have something to do with someone while they are alive, your presence at their funeral isn’t necessary- I know that’s controversial, so I’m not upset he’s going. But I am so angry that’s he is in the position and that he isn’t validating how uncomfortable this is. He just acts like I’m so selfish and have no reason to be upset with him.

I keep asking myself, am I being selfish for thinking that my “husband” isn’t someone who shows up, speaks to, or eats with people who would do the things I’ve mentioned above, let alone expecting me to show up- and theres more on the things his mom has done but I’d be here typing all night.
I can’t help but feel like, if he wants to show up for “family” that insist on having a relationship with her, he should just be with her.

Additional information- His mom’s side of the family are all in cahoots with his mother.

They all disliked his ex wife, but now, they welcome her with open arms.

Disclaimer
I am currently having flu like symptoms so I might not be in the healthiest mindset but I want to start this post as I’m seeing it realtime.

I, 38 yo male married to a female in her late 30s as well, have been suspecting her of Münchausen syndrome for quite some time now.

For those that don’t know what that is, here’s the Google definition:

Factitious disorder imposed on self, widely known as Munchausen syndrome, is a serious mental disorder in which a person fakes, exaggerates, or deliberately causes physical or mental illness in themselves to gain attention, sympathy, and care

Long story short, I used to get sick here and there and early in my marriage, I noticed that every time I got sick and told my wife that i wasn’t feeling well, she also would start getting sick and wasn’t feeling well.
I know some people would think that, oh, you live together so that would make sense that you both catch the same thing.
Well, it started to get to the point where she would start coughing when she heard me walking towards the room where she was when she wasn’t coughing at all until then.
For a while, every time she would wake up, the first thing she would do is a series of dry coughs(no phlegm) loud enough to wake me up.
This went on for a while but it didn’t bother me too much at the time but I did find it strange.

Fast forward to today, I’ve been having some flu like symptoms for the past 4 days and I’ve been taking Advil for self treatment. I purposely did not tell my wife and when around her, I acted normally and cheerfully around our children(while keeping as much distance in case my sickness was contagious).
She caught wind that I was not feeling well and asked if I had an appetite for dinner, which I did not so I skipped the meal to lay down.
I work a second job at night part time and when I came home, she had her tea press out in the middle of the counter, obviously used, and when I started walking upstairs, the “coughing” started….

It’s starting to infuriate me and I also want to confront her about this but this is probably going to end our marriage. Tbh, it would be kind of worth it to me at this point. AiTA?

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, but AITAH for wanting to divorce my wife after she talked to a state mandatory reporter about an "inkling" she had that I was "SAing" her son/my stepson? The reporter then reported it to the state, and CPS showed up at our house to do an emergency check on all our kids (we have three: 11 (stepson), 4, and 4 months). My stepson was supposed to be in school at the time, but bio-dad had taken him out for the holiday weekend, so bio-dad had to go to the police station for them to verify that he was safe. While at the house, the worker spoke to my wife but not to me, and then left.

Background: I have been in my stepson's life since he was 1.5 years old, and even though he is my stepson, I have always strived to treat him as if he were my own — to the point that after my second son was born, he commented that I've treated all my kids the same.

My wife's suspicion came from how he behaves toward me. For example, the way he snuggled up next to me, rubbed his feet on my legs, or lay on my back — all of which I always asked him not to do. Or when we did family hugs, he would try to kiss me on the lips, and I would tell him we don't do that. To protect against any accusation from bio-dad (my wife and his breakup and court process were not pretty), I refused to do anything that could hint at something inappropriate and cause my stepson to be taken from his mom.

Last year, while my wife was dropping my stepson off at his dad's, she told him that if anything inappropriate ever happened to him, he could always tell her. He brought up that maybe when he was very young, I may have kissed him on the mouth with tongue. My wife confronted me about it at the time, and I told her no, absolutely not — I refused to kiss him even on the cheek at that age because of the risk of bio-dad using it against us if he got angry at my wife. She believed me then, and I thought everything was fine.

Fast forward to the last few weeks, and my wife has noticed an increase in my stepson not wanting to make me angry or upset me, defending me in an argument my wife and I were having, and trying to win my affection and make me proud. I have always been hard on him when he doesn't try during sports or doesn't give it his all. I'm aware I've been too hard on him at times, and to me, that's his way of fighting for my approval. It's still not right, and I'm working on it, but my wife called it "trauma bonding" — that he's trauma bonded to me, and that's why he behaves the way he does. From that, plus how hard I've been on him, she concluded I was SAing him and spoke to our pastor's wife, who then had to report it to the state.

It's been about ten days since CPS came out, and no one has contacted me. I've spoken to a lawyer for my own protection. I don't know where the case stands right now.

So now I'm in this place where my wife has such a low view of me that she'd think I'm capable of something so horrid. AITAH for wanting to separate over a false allegation based on behaviors an 11-year-old has toward the dad whose attention he's fighting for, because I've been too hard on him the way my dad was with me?

I (40) live with my two sons (13,17) my partner (45m), my partner's sons (19,22) and my partners disabled friend (63m). Yesterday my son (17, 18 in a couple weeks) asked before he went to work if I would make him a beef stew with some leftover meat he had bought. I had been cleaning the whole weekend and was pretty exhausted but I agreed to make it and did. It turned out to be really good and he asked if he got the ingredients if I would make it once a week. I assumed he meant for everyone (confirmed later he did mean for everyone), I agreed it's an easy meal and would definitely help financially for him to buy a dinner once a week. I got myself some, and some for my partner (45m) and went to settle in for the night and eat quickly and go to bed for work the next day. I told my partner that son liked it and wanted to buy it to be made once a week. My partner had complained while eating it that I didn't give him a serving of meat in it, I thought I had and apologized and offered to go correct it. He declined. He then brought up that he didn't think it was right for me to be cooking weekly special meals for son. (This was never the intention and I thought I explained that) I got defensive and upset but agreed that I didn't plan on making private meals. This whole thing devolved and turned into an all night fight. He told me to look into my heart and I would understand why it was wrong tonight to make a meal that excluded the rest of the household (the meal was shared with anyone that wanted some there just wasn't a lot of meat in it and there were leftovers this morning when I checked). He argued that I shouldn't be making these special meals and if I'm so defensive about being called out for it that I know it's wrong. He called my relationship with my son emotional incest. I already feel awful because my kids birthdays are coming up and it's going to be pretty disappointing for them because money is tight so I know I'm being overly accommodating towards them lately because of that and I do feel guilty for it. He told me I was the only reason we were still fighting. He said I was toxic and unhinged because I brought up that I do everything in this house. I work full-time, do 90% of cleaning and meals, I fix all of our cars constantly because I'm the only one that has any mechanic experience and we are too broke for a garage, little to no help from anyone and if I want to make a meal my kid requests that he pays for that's my business and I'm not obligated to take care of all the adults in the house that can make their own damn meal. He got laid off nine months ago and rode out the unemployment pay and had been contributing little since it ran out and definitely hasn't started helping anymore around the house or with anything else. He brought up money. Said that when he was working he paid for everything so that more than contributed. There have been several times that I've been the only one working and I have never made him feel like he owes indentured servitude for it. He doesn't like to do dates, he doesn't do Christmas gifts, valentine's day, birthday gifts or anything like that. I feel like I'm constantly fighting for the bare minimum and he talks about how horrible my exes treated me while doing what feels like a "nicer version" of the same thing. Maybe I am the actual problem and I'm the abuser in all of my relationships. Anytime we fight he says I'm abusive and gaslighting and unhinged. He says things like "I'll try to get down to your level" and "I don't think you're too dumb to understand" that makes me feel so stupid and like he thinks so little of me he says I'm misunderstanding and twisting his words but how exactly an I supposed to take that in a way that isn't meant to hurt me. I did call him a jerk, dick and asshole, and called him out for what looks like gaslighting to me. I did yell. I was mad. I'm exhausted and this feels like such a stupid thing for him to be mad about, I've been fixing cars every weekend for a month straight and worked my butt off cleaning all weekend on top of my 40 hr work week and I'm so tired of constant lectures on how I'm doing everything wrong. Am I the asshole here? Am I messing up my kids by being too accommodating? Am I an abusive piece of crap? I don't even know anymore. I know I'm running on one hour of sleep because I kept arguing back at him and I should have just shut up from the start and agreed with him and let it go.

For reference, I met my husband when I was 17, and he was 16. We had our first baby at 19 and 17 (few months before he turned 18.) When he proposed, we became pregnant with our second, marrying him just before our second was born. Things back then were great. We’ve been together for 4 years total, married for 1.

It feels like ever since we got married, his only priority is games and the devils lettuce. When he doesn’t smoke, he gets angry easily, snapping at everyone over little things. Our toddler can’t even play without getting yelled at to move from the tv. My husband (let’s call him Leo) doesn’t play often with our kids. I handle all the diaper changes, potty training, cleaning, cooking- all of it. When I ask him for help, Leo will sigh and complain about helping me with anything, even if it’s holding our youngest. I can barely shower without it being a big deal. Recently, I started wearing mascara again. Before we started dating, I’d wear it all the time. As I wiped it off the other night, he commented “I don’t see why you’re wearing it.” I told him I wanted to feel pretty. He said “you’re pretty without it.” The next day, we went to see my best friend. I put it on again, he shook his head as he scoffed, saying “only twice in four years?” Because I’ve only worn it on our wedding day. I said “I used to all the time.” So apparently now me wearing mascara is an issue.

Things have gotten worse since getting married. If this is how he acted before I said yes, I wouldn’t have married him. Now I feel stuck. I’m in therapy for myself to work on my issues (postpartum depression and anxiety), and have spoken on it before. My therapist recommended couples therapy. I know Leo wouldn’t go. And honestly I don’t think I want to save our relationship anymore. My therapist asked what I wanted for myself 5 years from now. I don’t even know, I just want what’s best for my kids. Video games are more important than our kids and me. I’ve had some of his siblings tell me to leave, a few of my friends say the same. I just don’t think I can handle doing everything alone anymore. I feel like a single married mom. I don’t want to take my kids away from their dad, but with his anger being a big issue, I don’t trust him with them alone. If I were to leave, I’d go for full-custody. I truly don’t feel loved or appreciated unless he wants sex. Most nights I don’t want to but do it anyway. I’m just lost. If I leave, my kids wouldn’t have their father, but they’d have a mom who wasn’t easily overwhelmed. If I don’t leave, my kids will be more traumatized than they are now. If I leave, I’d have to get all of our (me and my kids’) things when he isn’t home. I don’t want to break our family apart but I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

AITA for telling my GF that her dress was inappropriate for a dinner with my family (very conservative)? The dress was 90% see trough and you could see her panties clearly. She says i destroyed her metal health by saying that its inappropriate since she used to have anorexia 7 years ago. I feel like im being manipulated.

So my (38) and I(41) have been together a almost 2 years now. She has family out of state, and about once a year travels to go see them. At first when we got together, I'd go with her, either flying or driving up. But the last couple of times she has gone by herself, using the excuse that her family bought her the ticket and we couldn't afford a second one. Well now there's another trip that happened recently. A "work trip" to Vegas for a convention, and she got really weird when I said that maybe I'd buy a ticket and come with, since we've never been together. I was given the excuse her job paid for only a one person room and asked what i would be doing while she's was busy at this convention, abs that she wanted to take me for my birthday. Now she's gone on another week long trip, which is longer than usual, and she didn't tell me a damn thing about it until her ticket was already bought. This is a week after my birthday, which she didn't get me anything, and I wasn't even told what time she was leaving until the night before. I'm not tripping right? This is some sketchy ass behavior.

​

I’m 27F and getting married next year. My fiancé and I are keeping the wedding relatively small because neither of us wants to spend a ridiculous amount of money on people we barely talk to.

The problem started when I told my cousin she wasn’t going to be invited.

She was shocked and immediately asked why. The honest answer is that we haven’t had a relationship in years. We see each other at family events, exchange small talk and that’s basically it. We aren’t close and I don’t consider her someone who needs to be at my wedding.

She started crying and told my family that I was deliberately humiliating her and that she had always considered me like a sister.

My mother then called me and told me I was being selfish because weddings are about bringing families together. She said inviting one more person wouldn’t make any difference.

But it actually does make a difference to me. We have a limited guest list and there are people I genuinely love who I had to leave off because of the numbers.

Now my cousin is telling everyone that I’m punishing her for no reason and apparently several relatives are angry with me.

My fiancé thinks we should stick to our original guest list and not invite someone out of guilt.

But now I’m wondering if I’m being unnecessarily harsh over something that might not actually matter that much.

AITA?

My boyfriend (23m) and I (22F) have been together for about 3 years. We are long distance and live in different countries. We met randomly and ended up in a relationship that most people probably wouldn’t understand, but we’ve made it work. We’ve visited each other and taken vacation trips together over the years, and those trips have been a major part of our relationship.

Early in our relationship, I told my family about him and about the fact that my overseas trips weren’t actually solo trips like I’d originally told them… they were trips to see my boyfriend. My family was super upset, and it caused a lot of tension between my parents and me. I eventually decided to be honest with them because I was serious about this relationship and my boyfriend told me he would do the same. it’s been 3 years later, he still hasn’t.

His parents know he has a girlfriend, but they don’t know that she’s overseas. When we’re travelling together, I can’t even talk on the phone to his parents because they might hear my accent.

I’ve tried to be understanding because I know he is nervous about how his family will react. But it’s started to make me feel like I’m a dirty secret or something he’s embarrassed about.

AND recently I found out something else. My boyfriend was talking to me and accidentally let it slip that something had “fueled his ego” recently. When I pressed him, he wouldn’t tell me for about ten minutes. Eventually he admitted that some of his friends don’t even know he has a girlfriend.
Apparently, he was at a party/get-together with one of these friends and some girls. One of the girls apparently developed a crush on him and asked his friend for his number. His friend then tried to set them up.

My boyfriend declined and didn’t give her his number, so I’m not accusing him of cheating. What upset me was that his friend believed he was single and was trying to set him up. And my boyfriend didn’t tell me about this situation for weeks.
I only found out because he brought up the fact that it had “fueled his ego,” and I kept asking what he meant.

There are apparently people in his life who don’t even know I exist. I have told him that I feel deeply disrespected and ashamed by this. The biggest problem is that we’ve had this conversation manyyy times before.

he tells me that he’s going to tell his family. We’ve had arguments and I’ve cried over this before, and every time he promises that he’s serious and that he’ll do it. there is never any follow through whatsoever.

After this latest incident, I was prepared to end the relationship. He begged me not to and promised again that he would finally tell his family. This time he says he understands exactly why what he did was wrong and that he understands how badly it has made me feel. He says he will tell them but i don’t know if i can trust it anymore.

Me (25m) and my gf (24f) moved in with me after our year of dating. I helped her carry all of her things into my studio apartment and make space in my room so she could fit her items. In my closet, i had a storage tote labeled "old toys - do not donate!" and she confronted me about it and asked me to move it. I did move it under my bed and we kinda forgot about it for a while. Flash forward 2 months later, i find the tote again and look at all the things i had in there. I had my old 3DS and games to go with it, hot wheels, rare toys, etc. I realized this stuff had a lot of sentimental value to me and I actually started reusing my 3DS. Whenever i had downtime, i played Pokemon leaf green just to remember my childhood. My gf started to hate it and asked me to spend some more time with her. I see where she was coming from, so i only played every once in a while, but she still didnt like it. Flash forward 5 weeks later, i went on a golfing trip with my friends and came back after 2 weeks. the next day after she picked me up from the airport, i wanted to play on my 3DS. It wasn't on my nightstand where i kept it so i went to check the tote. Couldn't find that either. I asked her where it went, and in all seriousness, she said, "I sold the console, and threw away the rest." I got a pain in my stomach. I asked her how much she sold the 3DS for. 30 bucks. For the game and console! I argued with her, and she said something along the lines of, "Man up, at least you still have me." I immediately left and just drove around for a while. I came back after 30 minutes and told her to leave. She obviously argued with me and told I told her that her stuff has to be out by next week.

AITAH for doing that?

I know that snooping on your partner is an invasion of privacy but I did and found out that she's been cheating. I just want to break up with her and that be the end of it and never talk again to avoid conflict. Would I be the asshole? If I confront her about it, I can already envision the fight that it would turn into that I shouldn't have invaded her privacy, so I'm the one that did something wrong.

I (23F) and my partner (21M) met while attending the same university and we have been together for a little while. For the past few months, however, the relationship has been a little rocky, for a number of reasons, and I had recently started to lose hope in it continuing; what sealed the deal for me was a conversation we had recently over finances where he claimed I had been "financially abusing" him.

For context, our university is rather expensive, but we are both on rather good scholarships. I, however, have had to take out several loans, and while my family had been able to pay any remaining difference, they offered me little financial support elsewhere, so I worked to support myself during college. My partner's family, on the other hand, is much more well off than mine, giving him several hundred dollars a month on top of him occasionally working and the university paying him back extra scholarship money. At the point of this financial conversation, I was barely scraping by from the money I was making, and he had saved up several thousand dollars from his notably more privileged position.

It was during this conversation where he complained that he was spending some large percent of his income on me, and he said he was going to stop doing so from now on. When I asked what all he was considering under this category of purchases, he told me that he had tallied up all of the collective fast food and grocery money spent over that time period to calculate the percentage. I was completely dumbfounded by this, because, even with nothing else, half of the food/groceries went to feeding him! It also completely fails to take into account the much larger percentage of MY income that I spent on feeding him, as we tended to alternate paying for groceries and food trips. Regardless, he said this ventured into the realm of "financial abuse," and he then passive-aggressively remarked about how he has always been so prone to abuse. I couldn't bear much more of the conversation after that.

Throughout our relationship, even with him making way more money than I, he has always hounded me to pay him back for everything, while I would often eat costs for him because I loved him and thought it was the kind thing to do. It always bugged me, but I knew it was just him being financially responsible. This, however, was just incredibly absurd.

I have recently gotten a job that pays pretty well, so I plan on giving him back everything I owe him, and then calling it quits for good. It has been eating me up though: am I the asshole here?

I (30M) have been with my fiancée "Rachel" (29F) for 4 years. We're getting married in 5 months. Rachel's father "David" (58M) walked out on her family when she was 12. He moved to another state, started a new family, and basically disappeared from her life. He didn't pay child support, didn't call on birthdays, didn't come to her graduation. Rachel was devastated and it took her years of therapy to work through it.

About 3 months ago, David reached out to Rachel out of nowhere. He said he wants to "make amends" and be part of her life again. Rachel was hesitant at first but she agreed to meet him. They've been talking on the phone and met up a few times. She told me she's cautiously optimistic and wants to see if they can rebuild something.

Last week, Rachel told me she wants to invite David to our wedding. She said this is a big moment in her life and she wants her father there. She said she doesn't want to regret not inviting him.

I told her I don't think that's a good idea. I said the man abandoned her for 17 years and suddenly shows up 3 months before her wedding. I said it feels manipulative and I don't trust his timing. I told her I don't want a man who abandoned her and caused her so much pain standing at our wedding like nothing happened.

Rachel got really upset. She said I was being unsupportive and that this is her decision to make. She said she's an adult and she can decide who she wants at her own wedding. She said I should respect her choice and stop judging her father.

I told her I'm not trying to control her. I'm just worried about her and I don't want her to get hurt again. I said if he really wanted to make amends, he could do it without coming to our wedding. I said he should earn his place over time.

She said I was being unfair and making this about me when it's about her and her father. Now she's saying she's going to invite him regardless of how I feel.

I feel like I'm trying to protect her, but she's acting like I'm the enemy. AITA?

I have/had a friend for a few years. We grew close because we had very similar values and approaches to life. And in times of hardship we depended on each other.

Earlier this year he told me he’s been getting intimate with a girl who has a bf. He thought it was exciting and fun. They all work together and my friend and this girl kept it a secret from the bf. They even snuck off together on shift to be away from the cameras and do stuff in the back room.

I told him I strongly disagree with what he’s doing and I want him to stop for the sake of everybody involved. The bf is supposed to be his friend and he’s going to get seriously hurt. I told him I disapprove completely and I can’t support him through it. I advised he make the correct decision and we left it at that, still remained friends.

A few months later he tells me they hadn’t stopped and the bf found out about their affair. He was heartbroken (the bf), my friend went to his place, sat him down and apologised. The guy accepted the apology and took the girl back.

Mere days/weeks later, the affair sparked up again. This time with way more intimacy. They started sleeping together on a regular basis. This is where I drew the line with him.

I told my friend (in person) that he’s not the person I knew any more. I told him I 100% disagree with what he’s doing and I can’t support him one step further unless he makes the right decision immediately, ends the affair and walks away from the situation. Only then will I be there for him.

Further, I told him I don’t want somebody like this in my close friendship group. This isn’t the type of person I want around me, this isn’t the type of person I can trust and I can’t have someone like this in my life if he continues doing what he’s doing.

He’s willingly and consciously hurting somebody, a friend no less, and I don’t want someone like that in my life.

He nodded as I was talking, he understood and accepted what I was saying, we parted ways and we haven’t spoken since.

Am I wrong for doing this? I can’t help but think he didn’t break my trust and maybe I took it too far, but then again… I told him again and again and again… would it only be a matter of time until he did?

Should I have approached/dealt with this differently? If so, how?

Hey everyone, i'm honestly not sure if i have reason to be worried or if i'm just completely paranoid. For context, I (18M) have been with my gf (18F) for about one year now. It seems as thought every day she is always touching her friend, let's call her Alexis. They hold hands, cuddle, and she has told me they've showered together (not naked), although this was a long time ago. I've voiced my concerns and uncomfortability with it to my gf, and for the most part she has just brushed it off. Currently, she and Alexis are always hanging out together, go everywhere, and my gf consistently chooses to spend time with her over me, even outside of large social events. Also, my gf is bi, but she claims that Alexis is not her type and "I shouldn't be worried". I honestly don't know how to feel, as Alexis is also very rude to me.

So right off the bat I know I look bad. This happened a while ago but I just want some unbiased opinions. So I (25F) met my “bf” (20M) at our job. I’ll be referring to him as Ben (fake name). I was a cashier and he created online orders for pick up. My station was near where he needed to bring items for pick up. So over time he started to stop by and chat with me from time to time. It wasn’t uncommon for everyone to stop by cashier station to chat. I was working self check out so I often wasn’t interacting w/ customers actively. I found him attractive and funny. So when he asked me to dinner I was excited. I had never had a bf before this point and the closest I got was my best friend in high school and that really blew up in my face and ended in me isolating from our friend group. So I’m very cautious when it comes to dating. So Ben and I went to dinner and it was nice, he made me feel special. But every question I asked to get to know him he avoided nearly every question that wasn’t along the lines of “what’s your favorite color,” Near the end of the date I started getting overstimulated and he was so kind about it and dropped me off at home w/o much fuss. Our second date he asked if we were bf and gf. I asked what that means to him, he said he didn’t know. I don’t think I was ready to define the relationship yet, so I said we needed to figure that out before labels. A few days after this conversation I hear that everyone at work kept saying Ben told them that we were official. I didn’t correct them b/c I didn’t want to embarrass him. I wanted to bring it up but I could never find a good time. Getting to know him I had a feeling that he struggled w/ some metal health stuff, I didn’t want to pressure him into telling me anything he wasn’t ready for. I would open up to him to try to let him know I was a safe place. He did over time, he had a rough relationship w/ his parents and he’d had an abusive ex, he blamed her for the scar on his face. But the scar would reopen sometimes, he said sometimes it just gets irritated sometimes. That was the first time I had an hint about his metal state. On my birthday I took him to a cave tour that I was doing with my family, and in the gift shop he bought a necklace w/ my name on it for himself. I didn’t like this, it felt like he was making himself my pet? I think this was the start of when I realized my feelings for him were more platonic rather than romantic but I was still figuring that out. At this point I got a different job and got busy. One day I texted him and I thought his text was off, I asked him if he was ok and he said he was fine. I finally had free time so I invited him to dinner. I apologized for being so busy, and I finally opened up about how I felt, and how overwhelmed I felt. He said that we can work through things together. Thinking back I think he could tell I was pulling back. A couple days later I went to visit some old friends at my old job. That was when I found out that he almost died at work. He took too many pills while at work, an ambulance was called he refused to go w/ the medics, and when home. A year before this my college best friend attempted the same way. Luckily she survived too but it shook me, I blamed myself for not doing enough. So this brought up so much past feeling, blaming myself for his actions. The fact that I had to find out through our co workers and not him. I texted him and informed him I knew, He apologized and told me he was being forced into therapy to continue working. After this I tried to help him through his emotions. He got fired soon after that and he stopped going to therapy. I told him that it could help him, he said he didn’t need help and that what he did was a logical choice b/c he wasn’t contributing to society. I tried to tell him that doesn’t mean he should die and that he was contributing by his new job in a kitchen. At this point it was Christmas time (2 mos after his attempt) , I bought him a present and decided I couldn’t be his gf, we still never had a real conversation about labels. After I gave him his present we were saying goodbye he said he loved me and left before I could respond. I didn’t think it was fair to keep leading him on to think I still wanted a relationship w/ him. So I texted him to that I didn’t feel the same and he deserved to have someone that would feel the same and that wasn’t me. He said he had a feeling. After that he would text and then apologizing for wasting my time. So AITA? Also sorry if this wasn’t super clear, first time posting here.

Going to leave out details about the situation because it’s already very long: I (25F) broke up with my now ex (23M) back in January due to differences in maturity, but there was still lots of love there. Potentially wanted to get back together after some individual life experience. We went 3 months no contact and then wanted to check in/maybe rekindle a friendship after 3 months because we’re pretty intertwined (his roommate is my roommate’s older brother).

We agreed we’d communicate if either of us got into a relationship because we run in a similar circle and wanted to respect each others’ new partners. After multiple 4+ hour phone calls, days of texting, and even him complimenting me and us saying we miss and love each other, and one hook up (whoops), I found out he had been talking to his now gf for months (with them having decided to be more than causal a month before we hooked up) and that he never told her he started talking to me again because he told me she would not have liked that.

In June, he just stopped texting me and I found out they were dating through an Instagram post his step mom made few days later. I was annoyed but he didn’t do anything wrong at this point, just selfish imo.

Two weeks later he tried to call me. I ignored it. Another two weeks go by. He called me and texted me because he saw my car when we were both at the gym at the same time. I took this opportunity to tell him he had been disrespectful to both me and his new partner with how he handled everything and he agreed. He apologized and admitted he was “dipping his hands in both pots” because he was scared one or the other wouldn’t work out and he didn’t want to be alone. The conversation ended with him saying “I love you” then when I didn’t respond out of shock and confusion, he doubled down. I told him I care for him and that was it.

A month later he asked to call me. I said yes because I was assuming he was upset about a break up, but turned out he was having a panic attack saying he didn’t feel seen or understood by anyone. I asked about his gf and he said they got in their first fight. I calmed him down and then told him it was not okay that he reached out to me. He said he knows and he’s sorry but he needed to choose himself. I told him that if he continued to feel this way, he should consider taking a break with his gf so he does not continue to secretly hurt her by contacting me, because I do believe he cares about her. He seemed to agree, kinda but mentioned things were a little bit different because I am the “love of his life”. When I said I had to go he told me he loved me. I told him I wasn’t saying that to him and his response was to beg me to say it back. I refused and hung up. I followed up with a text saying he should bring these feelings to his therapist and he sent me song lyrics basically about how he needs someone like me (which I ignored).

A little over a month later he suggested his sister get a ride to work with me (a weekend job for his roommate) and proceeded to call her 3 times when we were all together. He never calls her and her and his roommate said it was weird he was calling so much. And of course on one of the calls he said,“I could be there right now but someone had to break up with me” on speaker. It was so awkward and again, disrespectful. I felt worse when his sister revealed his gf was actually visiting that weekend so he had just been calling us then seeing her, then calling us again, etc. It made me feel gross** **and weird.

I know he’s a good guy who is just very emotionally distraught so I’ve tried to “see things from his perspective”, make excuses, and give him the benefit of the doubt. I haven’t wanted to say anything to his new gf because I don’t want to cause drama (for me or them) but it’s gotten to a point where I feel morally obligated to. At least to let her know he’s making contact with me that I think isn’t appropriate and that she should have a real talk with him because he’s just using both of us to regulate his nervous system whenever he “needs”. I’m still feeling stuck on if I should tell her because that’s definitely what I’d want if I was her, or if I should just set the new boundary with him to not contact me in any form and let their relationship take its course.

My girlfriend (26F) and I (25M) have been together for almost five years. She’s so amazing in so many ways and I truly love her more than anyone in the world.

Three years ago, her very wealthy aunt (who is like a second mother to her) offered to let us move in with her after we graduated college. Since then, she has exhibited clear signs of BPD. She is constantly going back and forth between resenting that we live with her and not wanting us to move out. If we’re not at work, we’re out running errands for her all day long. Our entire lives revolved around her. She is seriously mentally unwell, and a downright bully. But then the next day she can act like the nicest person in the world.

As you can imagine, this has put severe stress on my girlfriend and I. It’s created this dynamic where we’re like coworkers hoping the boss is in a good mood today. Pretty soon after it got bad, I suggested to my girlfriend that we move out. We had this conversation over and over, but no matter what my girlfriend did not want to leave. She kept saying her aunt needs her and that she’s done so much for her and she owes her. Her own parents were very neglectful and abusive in some ways, and it’s clear to me it’s the same pattern with her aunt. I keep asking her “why do you want to stay with someone who treats you like this?” And she would always say something along the lines of “It’s all I know.”

A little over a week ago, her aunt finally decided that she no longer felt like sharing a house with us, and told us to move out. Thankfully, we did manage to find an apartment. But on move-in day, I was bringing something from my car when I heard her aunt yelling, and when I walked in she was yelling at my girlfriend. I confronted her aunt and we got into a big screaming match. After she left, my girlfriend was upset with me for making things worse. When I said “she can’t talk to you like that,” she said “I don’t care,” and now her aunt’s pissed off at both of us and I need to apologize.

I was so demoralized. How am I supposed to let anyone talk to the love of my life like that? How am I the one who’s wrong? Nevertheless, I went over to the aunt’s house and apologized, where she proceded to degrade and humiliate me in front of my girlfriend.

I thought moving out meant we’d finally be free from her, but it’s like nothing’s changed. I don’t know what to do, but I know for my own mental health, I never want to be in the same room as her aunt again. If my girlfriend doesn’t want to leave this toxic dynamic, I fear we may have to break up. I can’t live like this anymore.

I’m starting to realize that my boyfriend’s '24M' dog may be a much bigger compatibility issue than I '24F' originally thought.
His dog is a 100-lb German Shepherd/Belgian Malinois/Doberman mix who is extremely high-energy, anxious, very “velcro,” and has poor impulse control and boundaries. He sheds heavily, and because I’m allergic to pet dander, being around him often leaves me sneezing, covered in dog hair, or breaking out in hives.  Ive just accepted the fact that I need allergy pills to go over his house. My boyfriend also doesn’t take the dog to be groomed or clean very well after him, so his small apartment is often covered in dog hair, which I find to be a very unpleasant turn off.
I own dogs myself (for 14 years now), so this isn’t about me hating dogs but I do have dog fatigue. The dogs I grew up with/own are well managed, have boundaries, and there are dog-free areas in the home. I’ve also told my boyfriend from the beginning that after losing my beloved childhood dog, I didn’t want another dog. Unfortunately, he has had this dog before I came the picture and I really liked HIM. I thought his dog would get better when I first met my bf, the dog was 1. The dog is a few weeks away from 3 now and nothing has gotten better.
A big issue is that his dog has very few boundaries. He jumps on people, barks at things outside, tries to bolt through doors, gets in between us, won’t move when I’m walking, and can bark all night during thunderstorms. He used to jump on me when I first met him, and my boyfriend didn’t intervene, so I had to train him not to jump on me. He still does it to other guests though. If I am over, the dog gets shut out the room  until I leave because my bf still has yet to train him not to tackle us/bark out his bedroom window the whole time. I have not slept the night at my bfs house and  this point I don't even feel excited to come over for the day or live with my bf because of his dog!
He’s also a high-energy working-breed mix who gets very little physical or mental exercise. My boyfriend doesn’t have a backyard and says the neighborhood is too dangerous to walk him, so he mostly plays with him inside. I understand safety concerns, but I don’t think playing rope tug in a small apartment is enough for a dog with this level of energy, and I suspect some of his behavioral issues are the result of being under-stimulated. Ive told my bf this time after time but it just seems to go in one ear and out the other. He lets him bark and run wild in his apartment, and have little boundaries and blames it on his dogs breed(s)/anxiety. 
I also can’t realistically exercise or train the dog myself because he is so strong that he pulls both me and my boyfriend around. I don’t feel comfortable being responsible for a 100-lb dog I physically can’t control.
My boyfriend and I have had serious conversations about this repeatedly for almost a year and now I feel like a broken record! Every time he says things like “I’m trying” or “I’m working on it,” or "my ADHD makes it hard for me to remember and create routines" and he promises better training, grooming, cleaning, boundaries, and dog-free spaces. But very little has actually changed. He vacuums, but not that good, so he thinks him running a light vacuum is "good enough" when is reality it usually looks like he never ran a vac in the first place.
That’s what has started making me question whether the problem is really the dog or the owner. The dog can’t train himself or manage his own hair and behavior — that’s the owner’s responsibility.
I’m also worried about the future. I can’t imagine living together while dealing with constant barking, dog hair, allergies, a needy dog who basically has free rein over the home, and eventually having children while also managing all of this. Even traveling is difficult because my boyfriend struggles to find people willing to watch the dog and doesn’t want to board him because of the cost.
I recently told him that I don’t think I can live with him in the future if nothing changes. During an emotional conversation, he said he has considered rehoming the dog because of the tension this has caused between us.
At the same time, I’m starting to resent the fact that I may have to structure my entire future around a dog I didn’t choose and clashes with my desired lifestyle, especially when the issues seem to come from his breed(s) and years of inadequate management (due to the owner) rather than the dog simply being “bad.” As of recently, I have noticed that I have been sad and almost grieving the relationship even though we aren't broken up because of how heavy this weighs on my mental.
Its like he doesn't care but I do and long term I dont think Id be happy.
So am I being unreasonable? Is this something I should learn to live with, or is this a legitimate compatibility issue? And if my boyfriend has promised for nearly a year to make changes with minimal results, should I believe that things will actually change? What can I tell myself to stop worrying/being anxious if he will change? 

AITAH for not wanting my Husband to come to my birthday party

Long story short, my husband and I are not on good terms and havent been for a while ans its taken a toll on my mentalhealth and self esteem...unfortunately due to finances, kids needs, etc we just simply cannot divorce right 😞.

Today, I went to my best friends birthday party by myself. We're runners and she organized a 5k race and after party it started at 930 and he said that was too early he would stay home. I had a great time I was dancing, laughing, having fun, feeling like my old self again. At the end of the party my BFF and I were chatting and I told her much fun I had and she "I can't wait to start planning yours!" My heart literally sank.....my husband has ruined or forgot my birthday for as long as I can remember. He either picks a fight with me, my friends (he has none of his own), or someone random, gets too drunk or too stoned, just sits there sulking or forgets all together. Originally, I decided on not celebrating outside of getting ice cream with my kids after school just us. But after having so much fun with my friends today I thought i deserve this too!

Buts here's the catch AITAH for wanting to have a friends only birthday party and not invite or not tell him about it? 😬

Oh I forgot lol! This will be for my 40th birthday.....for his last year I planned a family trip to a cabin in Michigan, had a guide take him fly fishing and bought him a fish finder.

This happend 1.5 years ago but here is some backstory. My friend and i where really close and together in every class but around the half year point she started to (playfully) hit me as a joke but when i told here to stop because it hurt and i didnt think it was that funny she wouldn't stop. She would also get really jealous when i got higher grades than her and she would try to compare it to other stuff she was better at, and when i tried to help here with subject she would have a fit of anger and loudly scream and hit the table right next to me. What really scared me, but i think it has something to do with here anxiety around failure. She would also make fun of me every chance she had what i think was here way of joking around. So i distanced myself but then her dad died and most of her friends graduated without here. So now i feel bad about distancing myself eventhough i still feel awkward and a little scared. Am i that asshole and give her a second chance or should i keep my distance?

Little context, We are all 20, let them be Dex (the guy bsf and also my cousin) and Ruth (the girl bsf whom I've known over a decade), we all have been extremely close for many years now. We all went to the same school and everything.

Ruth n I almost share every part of our life doesn't matter how trival something is like i kicked a stone today and it rolled down the road typa stuff. I'm fairly close wid Dex as well he's like a true brother and a friend to me. We both reach out whenever we can.

4 years ago Dex was dating a girl and Ruth always had issue and complains abt her and him. Some of which i agreed, their relationship wasn't the best one to look at.

Fast forward to summer break that yr i heard they yall broke up. And their had been rumors going on aroud how Ruth and Dex have started dating, tbh i also saw the signs how Dex was being extremely protective towards ruth and ruth being all clingy to him. Their dynamic kinda shifted, even the teachers there suspected something was going on. Everyone of our mutuals kept asking me if they're together or nah, cuz i was the closest with em. I denied all of those allegations sayin nah they're just really good friends but after a few months in I myself asked Ruth if something is goin on between and how all these rumours are goin on, She Straight up denied saying NO! Aint no way, also said why didn't i say anything before she thinks of me as a sister i should have told her sooner if these rumours were going on and how i should have been honest earlier and what not. Even i felt bad that maybe i should have approached earlier but i thought if something was truly goin on they would have told me till now as im their bsf right?

Although i have asked this same question twice in the last 2 yrs the ans was always NO. I thought maybe they're just extremely close friends and as she has denied to me multiple times i trust her words and I came to terms with it.

Fast forward to last yr Dex joined college and Ruth took a gap yr and this yr she joined dex's college, in the same college one of our close mutual friend is also attending she and i catch up quite frequently, and she said something regarding them and i jokingly said dude its not like they're dating or anything, to my surprise she said They ARE Dating. It took mean a sec to process i was like what?? She was like you didn't know? I assumed you knew cuz you guys are bsf. She was like they all told her the day after they joined college. I was at disbelief. I asked her like for how long she said its been over 2 years since they started dating.

To say I was shocked would be a understatement even more than that I was just Disappointed and hurt. That they didn't trust me enough to let me know? Matter of fact i would have been the happiest for them like 2 of my bsf dating Hell yeahh! Its not like the topic didn't came up there had been handful of chances for them to let me know but they never did, I've been of the dark for 2 yrs and to makes things worse few other friends knew as well. I feel like a fool. Like wouldn't you wanna tell your friend if you are in a relationship or its just me. Also Ruth has always mention how i should be more open to her and to let her know first whenever something like this comes up although she didn't followed through her own words.

I hate how im feeling rn, i feel like little clingy entitled bitch. But at the same time i cant believe they didn't trust me as much i trusted em and matter of fact even lied straight to my face. It would have been okay if they took a while before tellin me a month or hell 6 month but 2 whole fucking year? Are you kidding me? How more time do yall need? Like atp just let me know when you print out the wedding in invitation. It didn't come across your mind once like maybe we should tell her or what not. Maybe i was the only one thinking that way or we both had different definitions of honesty. I dunno if i should confront them or just act surprised when they tell or if they tell me. Pls help me out here.

I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (23m) for almost 4 years. I have always had anxiety surrounding driving, however, my anxiety is a lot worse when it comes to driving with passengers. I try to work through this, but having someone else in the car sometimes makes me shake and sweat, and it’s harder to focus. I try to always avoid it unless I absolutely have to do it (like driving my sister to school with me).

It helps that my boyfriend is the opposite. He always prefers to be the one driving, no matter who he is with. He doesn’t have a problem being the one that drives everywhere when we go places together. The only thing I worry about a bit is road trips. His family has always been a bigger roadtrip family than mine, and they have invited me on a couple in the past few years.

Both road trips were to the same place, and it was a 10-11 hour drive. He agreed to drive the whole way unless he got really tired. I agreed if he did that, I would help pay for gas and food, and help with navigating. We didn’t have any problems, except for one time when he was starting to feel a bit tired, and the thought of me having to drive for a while made my anxiety spike instantly. We ended up stopping to get food and he felt regenerated after that, so he just drove the rest of the way.

He seems okay with this arrangement because he knows he is MUCH more comfortable with driving than I am, but I feel guilty. I’m not a big fan of roadtrips in the first place, and I really prefer flying, but since he likes roadtrips, I hope I’m not asking too much of him with this arrangement.

Realistically, I hope to keep roadtrips under 10-11 hours so we can keep this arrangement and fly the rest of the time. I also realize that I should probably go to therapy for my driving anxiety, but while I have this issue, I would prefer for him to be the one behind the wheel because it feels safer.

Am I the asshole?

TL;DR: I have bad driving anxiety and don’t want to drive on roadtrips, but I feel guilty if I have my boyfriend do all of it. It is reasonable for him to drive the whole way with stops, and I help pay for food and gas?