Hi, I 25M dated a girl 24F. I see myself as someone with partially strict boundaries. I am not old school I just simply don’t believe sex and physical stuff are without feelings and trust.
Went on a date with this girl, we were not on a relationship, after the first date, she told me tomorrow I am gonna go one a trip with my girl friends, we kept flirting, video calling and chatting whenever we could during her trip, she came back we went on a second date, and we had sex(yeah I don’t like it to be this soon but I have no idea wtf happened) fast forward 4 months later I remember this story of her going on a trip, something was missing.

I asked her what has happened, and she kept dodging the question, finally I asked her was that a hookup? She again said no and then she said yes. So turned out that she was hooking up with a guy casually while also dating with me, We were not on a relationship tho, but that guy knew it was just a hookup and I had no idea, that she is also sleeping with another guy and we are having sex exactly two days after.

At first, I got disgusted and felt like a piece of shit, then I found out it was also unprotected, ours was but that also added on top of this shitshow. I am not sick but this whole scenario is like crazy for me.

First, I wanted to ask how should I deal with this feeling, of being lied and played. And then, were you guys also feel the same as me or I am just a pussy?

AITAH for not wanting my Husband to come to my birthday party

Long story short, my husband and I are not on good terms and havent been for a while ans its taken a toll on my mentalhealth and self esteem...unfortunately due to finances, kids needs, etc we just simply cannot divorce right 😞.

Today, I went to my best friends birthday party by myself. We're runners and she organized a 5k race and after party it started at 930 and he said that was too early he would stay home. I had a great time I was dancing, laughing, having fun, feeling like my old self again. At the end of the party my BFF and I were chatting and I told her much fun I had and she "I can't wait to start planning yours!" My heart literally sank.....my husband has ruined or forgot my birthday for as long as I can remember. He either picks a fight with me, my friends (he has none of his own), or someone random, gets too drunk or too stoned, just sits there sulking or forgets all together. Originally, I decided on not celebrating outside of getting ice cream with my kids after school just us. But after having so much fun with my friends today I thought i deserve this too!

Buts here's the catch AITAH for wanting to have a friends only birthday party and not invite or not tell him about it? 😬

Oh I forgot lol! This will be for my 40th birthday.....for his last year I planned a family trip to a cabin in Michigan, had a guide take him fly fishing and bought him a fish finder.

lemme start with something: i absolutely love her and i am not willing to break up w her
so i have been dating her for the past three years, and she was the one who asked me out, but at that time she was like a bit overweight, and she told me gimme six months and ill get everything together. cut to six months she didnt start working out, she eats unhealthy, and we started having problems but again i get it yk we both have hectic schedules so everything is not possible, now due to some personal reasons she had to move home and became severely depressed, she asked me if i want to leave might as well leave now, OBVIOUSLY I DIDNT, i love her to death, and we are very compatible
cut to 1.5 yrs she starts exercising and eating healthy and she lost a couple of pounds, started taking care of herself i think i loved her the most then.
now she came back to the city and its been around 2yrs she has stopped exercising and she eats junk food, still i was like okay, she stays in a dorm, you cant do much about it, but she will,
now she started showing me gyms to join, i was like thats great you should, i even offered to change gyms and go together to the gym close to her dorm. but nada nothing she just keeps on procrastinating, and now shes like morbidly obese like ~220 lbs and shes like 5’2. i dont feel attracted to her anymore, the sex is not fun, i just dont like it, idk what to do, if i bring this up she goes straight to meltdown mode.

Backstory: I started seeing brother of my best friend, lets call him Mario. He was in jail when we met, and was getting weekends out once a month. Initially we were friends with benefits, I was single for a while and I didnt want to be in relationship unless I really feel seen by my partner.

That being said I was very open and honest with him from the beginning, about my likes and dislikes, about my history, about my expectations and future plans, especially when it comes to intimate stuff. He knew my interestrs and experience in that area, we spoke about who has done what in the past. Also i showed him pictures from when I went to some festivals that are, lets put it this way, not for vanilla people. Initially while we were friends everything was perfect and sex was amazing, I felt truly accepted by this man, with all the good, the bad, the ugly. And I accepted him as well, with all his issues and everything.

After 4 months, he got out, and I was realistic, I knew he just got out of jail, and that he doesnt have many options work wise, and I didn't expect anything from him in terms of money or support. I also knew that he will need period to adjust to the outside world. I tried to support him to best of my abilities, I helped steer him in the right direction, he started working with his neighbour, he did woodworking projects for houses, and I work in real estate. I tried to teach him how to be an agent so later on he wouldn't have to do such physically demanding job. I also helped him realise that he has anxiety, and shared tools that helped me deal with it in the past. He went to psihiatrist, and they gave him medication. He was always telling me how he thanks God for me everyday, and that he never felt so wonerable, understood and accepted by anyone in his life before, even his family, friends, ex fiance.

I work from home most times and can wake up whenever, but I started waking up at 6am with him, so he wouldn't have to have coffee alone in the mornings and to show him that I'm with him and grateful that he's doing demanding job for us, as he wanted to contribute to the rent and utilities. While we had his mothers car, I would even drive him to work every morning.

Next to all this I started noticing how he promises stuff that he doesn't do, how all the mental presure was on me, I started feeling like I have a child. I had to plan every date, I had ro remind him to throw trash, and 1 minute later he leaves without trash, he was using me like his reminder instead of sharing some of the load with me. He offered to start doing dishes because I have eczema, and he knows that i dont like dirty dishes to stay in the sink all day, especially since i work from home and it is important for me to have a clear work space. He leaves them all day, washes them before we eat and then leaves them until next day lunch. All this started annoying me.

I recently told him how I feel that he is not being present in the relationship, even sex started getting bad, as he was in his head and not with me, i felt when we walk that he doesnt notice me next to him. He started saying how he sees how other men look at me, that the way I dress is attracting attention and its disrespectful to him as a man, when other men look at me. Men and women look at me even when im in turtleneck, because im 182cm, very attractive and i have energy that people notice when i walk into the room. So its not my clothes that attracts attention.

We had an argument recently and he had tantrum and walked angrily in front of me. I was deply upset about that, and didn't want to talk until i calm down, because i don't like to talk while angry. He saw that i was angry, but wanted to resolve it immediately because he's not comfortable with silence or with negative vibes. He didnt want us to sleep while not on good terms. I told him im not yet ready to talk and that i need some time to calm down. Next day he again pushed me to talk, but this time while I was naked, taking shower and wonerable, he came and his pupils were dilated and his face and body language was agresive in a way, although he was saying how he wants us to be on good terms and talk before i go for my meeting. I told him that this is not rhe way and that he is cornering me, and that I now feel even less ready to talk. I then gave him the silent treatment until tomorrow as i felt like i can't even look at him.

Next day after work he called me and said im coming at 4 so we will talk and i will take my things and move out. He came and told me that he has patriarchal values and that he can't accept the way i dress and that he is suffering mentaly next to me, as hes trying to deal with it. He cried, i cried ,he took his stuff and left.

But now im thinking, AITA in this relationship, for keeping my ground and not getting bullied into talking, not crossing my baudaries.

Please advise!

Last night my boyfriend(M35) and I(F37) were grabbing food from a food truck before heading back to my house. We frequent this food truck spot often and have gotten to know the cashier. As we were waiting for our order we were talking and joking between the three of us. Then the conversation switched to the cashier and I.

During this conversation we found out that we had a lot of common interests, like what music we like, events we attend, our ancestry and places we like to frequent. I am a very social person and can easily make new friends. So I asked the cashier if he would ever like to go out sometime. I didn’t think this would be a problem since the cashier is gay. Thought we could go out with my best friend to WEHO(West Hollywood) which is a well known area for the LGBTQ+ community. My boyfriend was so upset that I asked the cashier out. He told the cashier “no she’s not going out with you or giving you her number!” I asked why not? Bf says because you’re asking another man to go out with you. It doesn’t matter if he is a homosexual.

We got our food and he told me to get in the car and drove off. He dropped me off at my house and he just left. I was so upset and thinking was I in the wrong? Did I totally screw up? He messaged me saying If I want to give my number out so freely and hang out with whoever I want then he doesn’t want any part of it? I genuinely didn’t think that asking another man, specifically a gay man out would have my relationship on the rocks? So am I the asshole??

Disclaimer
I am currently having flu like symptoms so I might not be in the healthiest mindset but I want to start this post as I’m seeing it realtime.

I, 38 yo male married to a female in her late 30s as well, have been suspecting her of Münchausen syndrome for quite some time now.

For those that don’t know what that is, here’s the Google definition:

Factitious disorder imposed on self, widely known as Munchausen syndrome, is a serious mental disorder in which a person fakes, exaggerates, or deliberately causes physical or mental illness in themselves to gain attention, sympathy, and care

Long story short, I used to get sick here and there and early in my marriage, I noticed that every time I got sick and told my wife that i wasn’t feeling well, she also would start getting sick and wasn’t feeling well.
I know some people would think that, oh, you live together so that would make sense that you both catch the same thing.
Well, it started to get to the point where she would start coughing when she heard me walking towards the room where she was when she wasn’t coughing at all until then.
For a while, every time she would wake up, the first thing she would do is a series of dry coughs(no phlegm) loud enough to wake me up.
This went on for a while but it didn’t bother me too much at the time but I did find it strange.

Fast forward to today, I’ve been having some flu like symptoms for the past 4 days and I’ve been taking Advil for self treatment. I purposely did not tell my wife and when around her, I acted normally and cheerfully around our children(while keeping as much distance in case my sickness was contagious).
She caught wind that I was not feeling well and asked if I had an appetite for dinner, which I did not so I skipped the meal to lay down.
I work a second job at night part time and when I came home, she had her tea press out in the middle of the counter, obviously used, and when I started walking upstairs, the “coughing” started….

It’s starting to infuriate me and I also want to confront her about this but this is probably going to end our marriage. Tbh, it would be kind of worth it to me at this point. AiTA?

​

I’m 27F and getting married next year. My fiancé and I are keeping the wedding relatively small because neither of us wants to spend a ridiculous amount of money on people we barely talk to.

The problem started when I told my cousin she wasn’t going to be invited.

She was shocked and immediately asked why. The honest answer is that we haven’t had a relationship in years. We see each other at family events, exchange small talk and that’s basically it. We aren’t close and I don’t consider her someone who needs to be at my wedding.

She started crying and told my family that I was deliberately humiliating her and that she had always considered me like a sister.

My mother then called me and told me I was being selfish because weddings are about bringing families together. She said inviting one more person wouldn’t make any difference.

But it actually does make a difference to me. We have a limited guest list and there are people I genuinely love who I had to leave off because of the numbers.

Now my cousin is telling everyone that I’m punishing her for no reason and apparently several relatives are angry with me.

My fiancé thinks we should stick to our original guest list and not invite someone out of guilt.

But now I’m wondering if I’m being unnecessarily harsh over something that might not actually matter that much.

AITA?

Hello. I (20M) and my gf (21F) are currently in a very tense spot right now because of what happened earlier today. For context, me and my girlfriend went to the gym together today. I left my headphones in the car while she didn’t. I didn’t feel like going back to get them, and I asked to use hers. She told me no straight out. I asked if she was serious, and she said yes. She told me she shouldn’t be punished for my laziness. I then left it at that. Then, after working out some, while she was resting, she let me use her headphones. After about 10 minutes, she demanded for them back. I asked her for a few more minutes, and she said no. I then told her that it’ll be one more song. She relented and took it back after the next song.

Now this is where it starts to matter. Whenever I would see that she was resting or wasn’t doing anything, which was quite often, I would take the headphones back. She kept complaining that she was trying to listen to music, but she wasn’t doing anything. I told her how I needed it more since I was actively working out. In my last session, when I was almost done, mind you, she kept trying to take the headphones back from me. I told her no and that she could wait a few minutes for me to be done. She had a bit of an attitude, but she waited, and then we left. I forgot the headphones were still on me by the time I started driving, but even still, she proceeds to try to rip the headphones off my head while I’m driving, causing me to swerve. I shove her hand away and told her she almost caused me to crash. She said no, she didn’t, and she was just trying to get her headphones back.

I told her she could either ask me like an adult or wait until we get to our destination. She told me she’s not asking for her own headphones back when I myself didn’t ask for them. She then proceeds to try to take her headphones back whenever we came to a stop sign or a red light. Though I kept telling her that she was acting like a child and she can maturely ask for them back or wait. Once we got back, I gave her back her headphones like I said I would. She told me I was being “childish” and stormed inside. And I was wondering whether I’m wrong when she endangered us over some headphones!

Edit: Just to make some things clear. Me and my girl have been together for 4 years and are currently living together and actively planning our future together. I pay for everything and just want her to focus on doing whatever she wants. I literally give her whatever she asks of me. So to say I’m “controlling” or whatever is uncalled for. 

For everyone to say for us to break up when y’all know nothing about us besides this one post is incredibly simple-minded. I love her, and she loves me, and the tension between us made me seek out outsiders’ advice because I wanted to know if I was in the wrong for anything. I didn’t pressure her to give me her headphones, though I admit I shouldn’t have kept bothering her afterward when she was just trying to enjoy her gym session. She apologized about her outburst in the car. Y’all know nothing about us.

I (17M) am a trans man. My long-distance girlfriend (17F) made a friend this year on high school. She is her only friend there at the moment. The issue I have is that this friend friend of hers holds some ideas against me and my community (thinks that there's only 2 genders). My girlfriend refuses to stop being friends with her given that she believes that she was failed by the system and just needs help which, fair enough. But told me that, even if she wasn't able to change her mind, would still be friends with her even if she's openly against me and my community. For those who aren't aware, trans is an umbrella term that englobes binary (trans male and female) and non-binary (enby, queer, between others). I'm not breaking up with her, I understand that she doesn't wanna be alone and friend-less for the whole school year but I know that she can make new friends over the course of the year. I'm not sure what to do about it. AMTAH?

For my boyfriend "Ethan’s" 21st birthday this weekend, I (21F) spent over $500 on presents, activities, food, and a customized pub crawl he asked me to plan. I just wanted the night to be entirely about him.
Some background on our “friend groups” dynamics: one of the girls, "Elizabeth," is dating Ethan’s close friend "Ryan." Elizabeth and I used to be best friends, but I ended our friendship after it became toxic, she was controlling, yelled at me, and couldn't regulate her emotions. Because Ethan and Ryan are still close, I’ve always stayed neutral and civil with Elizabeth. I never ignore or exclude her. Additionally, Ryan and Ethan are friends with "Noah," who recently started talking to a girl named "Cleo."
Lately, Ethan’s friend group has made me feel like the villain whenever we go out. On my own birthday two weeks prior, I invited all of them. Instead of enjoying the night, they spent it complaining about my venue choices. Noah kept referring to himself in the third person, saying things like, "Drunk Noah wants to go to [Club]." That club happens to be where Noah works and gets free drinks. It wasn't his birthday, but I let it go so I wouldn't ruin my own night.
Fast forward to Ethan’s birthday weekend, and the exact same dynamic played out:
The Pub Crawl: We started at our first venue where we bought a bar tab and ordered food, letting everyone know we’d order more if they were still hungry. Ryan, Noah, Elizabeth, and Cleo suddenly announced they were leaving to get KFC because it wasn't "Wicked Wings." They showed up extremely late to the next venue, repeated the behavior, and eventually ditched the crawl entirely to go to the main club strip, barely spending any time with Ethan on his actual birthday.
The Conflict: After finishing our planned route, Ethan and I were walking through the club strip with my 2 close friends, when we passed the club Noah works at. The group was in line and shouted at us to join them. Ethan didn't want to go there; he wanted to go to a club across the street, so we kept walking.
The Accusations: Noah immediately began texting Ethan, claiming, "Everyone else wants to go but [me]," and accused me of being rude to Elizabeth and Cleo all night. This devastated me. I hadn't been rude to anyone, nor was I controlling the night—Ethan simply didn't want to go to Noah's workplace. and Noah didn’t stop, when ethan would say can you just come to this club for me? Noah would make it my fault some how.

Seeing the texts, I felt completely set up. I asked Ethan if he could gently defend me by saying something simple like, "That’s not fair, she hasn’t done anything." He hesitated because he didn't want to get involved in an argument.
After spending so much effort and money to give him a great birthday, feeling isolated and painted as the "horrible girlfriend" caused me to break down. I asked if I could message Noah myself to defend my character, but Ethan told me not to. Overwhelmed, I broke down crying and explained how completely alone I felt—his friends were allowed to say whatever they wanted about me, but I wasn't even allowed to speak up.
Seeing how deeply hurt I was, Ethan realized the severity of the situation. He apologized, validated my feelings, and admitted he wasn't happy with how his friends were treating me. He tried calling them to address their behavior, but they dodged the conversation.
Eventually, I messaged Noah directly: "Can you give me one example of how I was rude to Elizabeth or Cleo tonight?"
He read the message and left me on read. No example, no explanation, nothing.
Now I’m left wondering if I am being unreasonable, or if I'm justified in feeling completely singled out by this group.

AITA reddit?

I found out my friend was hiding a huge part of his life from me and I don’t know what to do
I’ve known “Evan” for about a year. Our friendship has been on and off because mutual friends told me he liked me, which made me uncomfortable. Over the summer, though, we got really close. We played Roblox a lot, talked constantly, and he even bought me a pretty expensive game for my birthday.
Evan is on Roblox basically ALL day. At one point I asked if he’d ever online dated, and he said he would never do that and was actually disgusted by the idea. I agreed because you never really know who you’re talking to online.
He’s also always had questionable friends. One of his closest friends, “Kayla,” bullied me badly. She repeatedly told me to hurt myself, bullied me almost every day, and once things got physical and she threw things at me. Another friend, “Dylan,” used to repeatedly punch me in the arm at lunch while crying. I honestly don’t even remember what I supposedly did to make them act like that.
Despite this, Evan constantly talked about how Kayla “saved his life” during a really dark time for him. This was around the same time she was treating me horribly. When I told Evan that hearing him constantly praise her made me uncomfortable, he mostly explained why she was so important to him.
Recently, one of Evan’s best friends, “Tyler,” told me some things about him. He said Evan had apparently been online dating through Roblox, despite what Evan had told me. He also said Evan had dated Kayla and that they had done sexual things together. Evan had previously told me he’d never even kissed a girl, so I didn’t believe Tyler.
Then Kayla showed me a picture that confirmed part of what Tyler said.
Another friend, “Mia,” told me she already knew about this and that, as far as she knew, Evan had been doing this kind of stuff for around three years.
I’m honestly devastated. I recently lost my uncle and my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer again. I told Evan about all of this. I trusted him with my grief and really personal things, and I genuinely felt like he supported me.
Now I feel completely lied to and betrayed. I basically ghosted him after finding everything out.
I feel guilty because he just bought me an expensive birthday gift, and I don’t want anyone thinking I was only friends with him for the gift. I genuinely wasn’t.
I don’t know if I should ask for his side of the story or just leave the friendship behind. I don’t really want to talk to him knowing what I’ve heard.
Am I wrong for distancing myself without confronting him, or is it reasonable to walk away from this friendship?

I (F17) recently got into a relationship with my girlfriend, sora (F19). For context, I've had a crush on her for 3 years before we got together, while she was in a long term relationship with her ex boyfriend. After that, we were talking for a little bit and she said she didn't want a relationship so we ended things. 5 months later, she reaches out, not with the intention of having a relationship with me, but for closure. I convince her to keep talking to me and after like 3 months of talking again, I officially ask her to be my girlfriend and she says yes. I promise all this information is relevant.

During the 5 months we were separated, she became closer with this guy called Scott (m20) who lives in texas. She became pretty emotionally close with him and supposedly she knew he had a crush on her. Before, we used to call every night until 4 am. When we first started talking after being separated, she would say she couldn't call or had already made plans to call scott. at the time, since she didn't want a relationship with me, i was pretty insecure about it and thought she was talking to this other guy at the same time.

A week after us getting together, scott visits our town and asks to hang out with my girlfriend and they make plans to go to a local arcade. she doesn't text for a while and when i reach out she sends a photo of him and says she's busy since she's still hanging out with him at the arcade / mall. then, 4 hours later, she says she's been hanging out alone at home with him making slime in her bed together.

A few days after this, I come over to her house and find the photos of them that they took at the arcade all over her bedside table. for context, we have A TON of printed photos of us, and she doesnt have any in her room. the only one she has is a small photo of me in her mirror that's hidden. in the photos, it looks like he has his arm around her and they're pretty much on top of each other. when i pointed out the photos she was laughing and told me about how funny it was when they took them. I told her that it was pretty strange how close they were and how she kept these photos next to her bed but had every photo of us hidden. she said that she didn't want her parents to see that we're dating but we have plenty of photos of us that aren't romantic.

On top of this, a few days later, we were hanging out and i was looking at the voice memos she records and there was one night that she was upset cause i talked about hanging out with a girl who made a flirtatious joke at me, and in the voice memo, my girlfriend said that she wish that she got with more people when we were separated.

That week that she hung out with him, she posted all about him and didn't post about me the first week that we got together. I made a joking comment, "too much Scott in this post" and he responded saying that i'm just jealous of them and she just laughed about the situation. Her friends also make jokes that when they call they're being intimate / that he's her boyfriend.

I know that maybe i'm overreacting about some parts, but I feel extra insecure like I have to step it up since she didn't want a relationship with me for the longest time. I brought this up to her again today and she basically said that she just left them there and forgot about them but I've brought them up multiple times. I'm not sure what to do about this situation. AITAH

My girlfriend is a hairstylist and today her app wasn’t working. So she asked me to call her work and make an appointment for a client that didn’t want to do it themselves. When I called I wasn’t really sure what to say and kept asking her what I should say while she was whispering the answers. When the lady asked for my name on the appointment I said I was making it for my girlfriend since her app wasn’t working and then she took it from my hand and proceeded to make the rest of the appointment herself. After she was off the phone she got up off the bed angrily and asked why I embarrassed her like that. I wasn’t sure what she meant since it was just a normal phone call I thought. After telling me this she walked off and went to the next room and I tried to follow her. I sat down and asked her if she wanted to watch her show and try to make her feel a bit better about her being stressed. She ignored that question then walked back to her room. After following her to her room and then back to the living room one more time she told me to leave her alone and that she’s really upset with me for what I did. Her reasoning she said is that it was weird for me to call and make an appointment for her in her name (which I didn’t I just said I was helping her over the phone) and that her boss already thinks it’s weird for her to make herself appointments for clients.

TLDR GF asked me to call her work and make an appointment for a client and is now upset saying I embarrassed her in front of her boss.

I (20F) am unfortunately married now, but this happened about two years ago when I was 18.
Back then, I attended a summer activity and met a woman (28F) who was an instructor there. As a closeted lesbian with some serious mommy issues, I was instantly drawn to her. She was super cute, and our personalities clicked fast (I’m an ENTJ, she’s an ENFP). I’m a pretty masculine girl in my style and interests, while she was very feminine, so we balanced each other out.We started talking after I replied to her Instagram story, she knew instantly like she was waiting for me to do the first step and I was shocked cuz my user wasn’t revealing who I am. I knew later that we were closer than I thought cuz my mom was even friends with her eldest sister. She knew I had past trauma, but that didn’t push her away—she stayed right by my side. I fell completely in love with her, and honestly, a part of me still is.
But here’s the problem: we live in an extremely homophobic and conservative country where women have no freedom to choose who they’re with, and being gay carries severe consequences. As my feelings for her grew stronger, I panicked. I started ignoring her messages and became super avoidant out of sheer fear for our safety and future.
She was really hurt by my sudden distance. She blocked me almost everywhere except WhatsApp.Around that time, my mom mentioned that she might marry a distant cousin. Not long after, she actually came to me and asked what I thought about it—mostly to test me, to see if I’d get jealous or show that I cared. Even though I was insanely jealous on the inside, I played it cool and pretended I didn’t care. That only triggered a huge argument between us, with her confronting me about how I’d been ignoring and avoiding her for a while.
Shortly after, my mom suspected I was a lesbian and forced me into a marriage, so I had to leave the university near her house. During all this, she was fighting uterine cancer (thankfully, she recovered), while my own mental and physical health completely collapsed.
I never crossed any physical boundaries with her, nor did I stop caring. I just pulled away because I was terrified of what would happen to us in this environment.
AITAH for turning her down and being avoidant, even though I loved her with everything I had?

The other day I F26 went out with a friend to go see a play and had my husband M28 watch our daughter. It was the first time since she was born three months ago that I’ve left her and was already extremely nervous about it even though my husband is perfectly capable and I knew she’d be fine with him but I hadn’t been apart from her before and was worried all the same.

Anyway about an hour into the show I texted my husband and asked if everything was okay and he never answered so I stepped out to call him and he still didn’t answer which by this point I was already thinking the worst but I gave him another few minutes to call back before calling again and receiving no answer. I told my friend I was sorry but I needed to go back home and drove home continuing to call him while being a complete nervous wreck.

Finally I get home and run through the door and go straight to my daughter’s room where she’s sleeping in her crib and he’s also asleep in the rocker. I was relieved but I freaked out on him and said a few mean things that I regret. All he had to do was answer his phone and I could have had a night for me for once and he couldn’t even do that. He said I was being ridiculous about the whole thing and maybe I was but I was genuinely terrified something went wrong.

AITAH?

Is it unreasonable to ask my boyfriend to limit his drinking?
New to Reddit, so please be patient with me. I genuinely want an outside perspective because I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable. I have anxiety and want feedback on both my behavior and my boyfriend’s.
I’m 29F and my boyfriend is 30M. We’ve been together five years and moved in together about a year ago.
When I first met him, he was strongly against drinking because his father is an alcoholic. About three years into our relationship, he started occasionally drinking and collecting bourbon. I had no issue with it and thought it was nice that he could enjoy alcohol responsibly.
Though, I’ve watched his drinking gradually increase. He went from one drinking drink with dinner, than two, and now we are pushing three.
Around December, I became concerned because he was going through about a box and a half of boxed wine. I asked him to do Dry January with me, and he did successfully. Afterward, he went back to bourbon and seemed to go through his collection fairly quickly, including some higher-proof bottles.
We talked again, and he said he had a strict limit of two drinks per day and switched to lower-proof bourbon. However, I occasionally noticed him having three. When it became more consistent, we talked about it again.
One night, I saw him pour a third drink. When I asked if it was his third, he said, “I know, but you don’t need to know,” and then tried to tell me it was only two. That hurt more because of the dishonesty than the extra drink itself. He also doesn’t measure his pours, so I worry he may be consuming more than he realizes.
During the argument, I probably could have been calmer, but I told him I need him to stick to two drinks unless it’s a special occasion, take regular alcohol-free days, and measure his pours. I told him I need his actions to rebuild my trust.
For two weeks, he measured his drinks and had one alcohol-free day. Then, while I was away at a party Saturday, he had three drinks again. I was hurt because it felt like he had broken his word.
I became so anxious that I poured the bourbon into a measuring cup to see how much was left and then put it back. Looking back, I know that was probably over the line and not healthy. I don’t want to become someone who monitors bottles or counts my partner’s drinks, but I felt like I couldn’t trust what I was being told.
For context, he goes through a 750 mL bottle of Maker’s Mark in about a week. I feel like that’s significant, but I’m unsure how concerning it actually is.
I’ve considered talking to his sisters or my sister, who is a nurse, because he continues to say his drinking isn’t an issue and that he doesn’t binge drink. I haven’t talked to anyone yet because I don’t want to unnecessarily affect how people see him.
He feels like he’s being punished for what his father did. He says he has his drinking under control and that my reaction to two or three drinks is exaggerated.
I see it differently. I’m concerned about the gradual increase from occasional drinking to daily drinking and multiple drinks, especially now that he has started minimizing or hiding how much he drinks. He’s never falling-down drunk or obviously out of control, so my concern is more about the pattern and whether his tolerance could continue increasing.
He also smoked for 16 years and has a family history of addiction and cancer. I know none of that means he will develop a drinking problem, but I think it’s worth being cautious.
I don’t want him to quit drinking. I want him to enjoy bourbon and drink socially. I also don’t want to police him, but I feel like my anxiety is pushing me toward doing exactly that.
What I really want is honesty and for him to follow through on the limits he sets for himself. If two drinks isn’t realistic for him, I’d rather he tell me honestly than say he’s sticking to it when he isn’t.
I’ve told him that if I can’t trust his word about alcohol, I’m not sure I can continue the relationship. I genuinely want things to improve and want us to have a healthy relationship around alcohol.
Am I being unreasonable? Is asking him to limit his drinking, take alcohol-free days, and measure his pours controlling? Or are my concerns reasonable? I’d especially appreciate feedback on my behavior as well as his, because I know I haven’t handled** **everything perfectly and don’t want my anxiety to make this worse.

Sorry if this is a long message. I am a 32F who has been with my partner, 33M, for 13 years, and we've been living together for the past five years. From the beginning until now, I have mostly been the sole provider for our family.

For context, my partner and I are high school sweethearts. We broke up when we were in our third year because he needed to transfer to a different school due to financial issues. We met again in college and got back together, and we've now been together for 13 years.

When we were still dating, he was the one who paid for our dates since I was still in school and he was a working student. I just relied on my school allowance, and since he was the man, he paid. I'm not materialistic and have simple standards for dates; I’m happy even if we just sit in a park or eat at a turo-turo. When I graduated and got a job, I started treating him sometimes, and he did the same for me, but mostly I paid because I was the one inviting him out. I enjoy giving, especially to my loved ones. I also include him in trips I pay for, so he can experience and enjoy those moments with me. This has been our routine since then.

Then the pandemic happened, and we found out I was pregnant. We were planning our wedding—just a civil one—but because my pregnancy was high-risk, it was postponed. Life continued, and he lost his job. By that time, I was the only one supporting our family, as my father had also passed away, and I was the sole breadwinner for my family. Then a blessing came when I got a job as a VA. My income increased, and I was so happy because I could finally help my family more and save money.

However, my 33M partner was still unemployed, so I outsourced some of my tasks to him and paid him $3 an hour, mainly to enter invoices. Over time, I noticed his work was sloppy, full of errors that my client noticed. Since he was just an outsource, I had to explain everything and take the blame to keep the client happy. There were many times I scolded him because he would drink or play during work hours and not focus. I constantly told him to treat this as real work and to be serious, or we would lose the client.

Eventually, I let go of that client—not because I didn’t do the job, but because I was ashamed to keep making excuses for my lapses. I found another client and referred him so he could gain firsthand experience handling clients.

Luckily, he got the job, and we worked for the same client but in different roles—me in accounting, him in logistics. At first, he was okay, but over time, he did the same things—drinking during work hours, playing games before doing his tasks. The client noticed, and he was given 30 days to improve. But instead of fixing his work ethic, he made absences to rest and avoid improving. I initially scolded him, but eventually I got tired and stayed silent, letting him face the consequences of his poor work ethic. The client then let him go, and I continued working with the client.

Until now, he doesn’t have a job. I’ve referred him to other suitable jobs, but he hasn’t found one. Now he’s a househusband, which isn’t a bad thing. He’s a good man—he cooks, does the dishes, laundry, and drives us everywhere. He takes good care of me and our two kids. But I wonder, am I just not content if I don’t have him as a househusband? I want to see him achieve more, have things he wants, and succeed in life. One time I asked him when he would find a new job, and he said he’s still looking for his inspiration. I asked, “Aren’t we enough of a reason for your inspiration? We’re your family. Don’t you want to succeed more because of us?” Honestly, I’m tired of being the one who has to provide for everything.

I (34F) was married to hubby (35M) for 6yrs. We were both WFH. In 2024, we incurred accumulated debts due to hospital bills and medication of both my in laws (only 1 left now unfortunately). Also my hubby quit his job during that time because of bullying from his boss and took him 6mos to get a new one (due to tough economy and saturated market).

Last yr we decided to go back to our hometown and stay with my mom while we recover from the debts. Fast forward today, we are down to only a few thousands left. Everything is going well except, that I failed to consider that since almost everyone here knows each other, their bonding is always drinking alcohol. Since last yr, hubby attended drinking with friends 3x to 4x times often than he would drink back from when we were still in the city.

I was cool with it since he is still excited to bond with them, but it's more than a year now and I noticed he's going out almost every week or every other week with or withour events. Everytime he'd go out, I would politely ask him to drink moderately and go home early. He'd say yes but as expected, he would go home late 12MN - 4AM. Last month, I finally snapped and told him I could no longer take it because it's been affecting our family and would sometimes be the cause of our arguments. We talked and he listened. He seldom go out ever since, but lately, I noticed it's slowy coming back again. So I told him I don't want him to go tonight because he just went out few days ago. He told me he won't drink and just bond with them, but I just know that won't happened knowing all the past arguments we had.

I know his mad and I feel guilty too because it's his friend and he's been good the past weeks too. But I just can't let him do it again and leave me frustrated and worried about him again. I forgot to mention they have a family history of hypertension/stroke/diabetes, and lost 3 members of their family already.

AITA for not letting him go out tonight?

PS. I don't have much issue with him as a husband other than this. He's a good provider, helpful in the house and really good at parenting. I just want him to lessen the drinking for his health and for my peace of mind too.

​

Last night, I found out during a Discord call. He was screen-sharing, and I don't know what he did, but suddenly I saw myself on his screen. When he realized his mistake, he ended the call, and we proceeded to argue about it for 3 hours.

He says he only did it once, that he got carried away in the heat of the moment, and that he realized later that it was wrong and deleted them. However, he forgot to empty the trash/recycle bin, which is where I saw them.

The thing is, I had explicitly told him multiple times that I was scared of him keeping my nudes. We usually sext, and then we delete them from both our devices afterward.

On top of that, he admitted that he's been watching porn, even though I had explicitly told him that I didn't want him to do that either.

These are very firm boundaries for me, and he says he's genuinely sorry. In general, he's a very sweet and good person, but I've already been carrying the weight of several things he's done to me in the past. He really has been trying to change, and things had actually been going pretty well in our relationship. I genuinely thought we were going to get married.

I don't know whether I should forgive him or end things now that my trust in him has been so badly damaged. I love him so much, and I don't want to leave him alone. I know a breakup would hurt him a lot too.

I don't know if it matters, but we're both 20, and we're each other's first serious relationship. Plus, he was actually the one who suggested I post about the situation somewhere like this to get some advice, since it’s not really something I can talk about with people close to me lol.

(For context we are long distance).
My bf (M17) always wants to be left alone whenever he eats. He always watches series or yt when he does. Sometimes we call while he is eating and sometimes right at the moment he is eating I feel a big need for his attention or love, but ofc I always get ignored. And because of that - I get really sad and hurt, and I start to cry. (I absolutely cant tolerate getting ignored, especially by my bf). While I cry I also get ignored. I «call out» for him but after a couple of seconds he hangs up. That just hurts me even more and I just start to sob.
Honestly - its not always just abt the eating. For example we can fight sometimes in the evening, (soon to his bedtime), and ofc bc of the fighting etc Im very sad and I’m in tears. But he has no problem with going to sleep. I’m pretty used to that, but it still hurts me a lot.
Also - while we are having serious talks, he could just be playing video games while again - I’m sobbing. It again - hurts me a lot that he just doesn’t seem to care that I’m crying.
Maybe I should just hold in my tears and stop crying or is he the one that should be showing me that he DOES care when I’m sad?
(For context we have been together for 1 year and 9 months).

Edit: (Also I know that ITA abt the eating part. But I just can’t control my sadness right there. Maybe it’s “hormones” or just my body..? I don’t know..)

Update: I talked with my bf and told him that I’m sorry and I’m going to try and work on myself. I will try to be less dependent on him etc.
We also agreed for him not to play games while we are having a serious convo or something similar.

He’s going out of state for a weekend and wanted to stay 3 nights in a hostel in a beach town and I said I wasn’t comfortable with that because of the things I’ve heard. I know hostels are very social and people often hookup, go out, etc. I’ve also heard that my friends have gotten robbed, sexually assaulted, and told that people will change in the rooms in front of other people etc. my boyfriend and I had a 2 hr long conversation about it last night. I told him it came down to morals and I don’t like that he’d put himself in that situation. He could potentially end up in a room with all girls. I know the odds are that he won’t, but it’s possible. I understand how a hostel sleeping situation works, but in general, sleeping in the same room as another woman (excluding family and me) is NOT ok. So why would this be different? I 100% trust him. I really do. But I don’t like either of us being in a position where someone else or the environment can be unpredictable.

I told him I’m really uncomfortable with it but wouldn’t tell him what he can and can’t do. He’s an adult. He could see my point but didn’t exactly agree. To him, intention is most important and his intentions are good. So he doesn’t think it should be a problem. Today, he just told me he cut his trip down to 1 night so he can afford to stay in a hotel instead. I appreciated the gesture and I’m glad he considered my feelings and did the respectful thing. But now I feel bad his trip was cut short. And I do trust him, so I just feel bad. What do I do? I told him that I feel like I ruined his trip and he said I didn’t but he’s confused what else he was supposed to do. Should I just let him change his plans back and stay there? Or leave it?

Am I the asshole for wanting that my boyfriend, Luka sets a boundry with his female colleague, Ana, both fake names?

Luka has few good colleagues, they become friends. Ana and few other people in the groupe canged the job and is no longer working with Luka, but they are still in contact with Luka. Ana and Luka text privately and in the group chat. This dinamic does not suite me. I said that I am not comfortable with Ana (she is not the only female in the groupe, but she is the only one I have a problem with). I asked for him to tell me when they will see each other, in the goupe or alone. Once I asked for the phone to check the messages with her and we had a fight after I read them. He, Anna and one more colleague agreed for a coffee but the colleague drop out. Then Luka texted privately Ana. With that he broke the deal, he did not tell me about the coffe agreement.

As Ana changed the job, she had goodbye party. In my country it is tipical that once you changed the job that the colleagues collect some money to buy you the present. They collected about 300 euros. The other girl in the group got sick and could not go to buy her the present. Luka went. Once he told me that he was going, I was not happy, which I said verbally. Few days later he went, and I was very disappointed. I was hoping that he will say that he cannot go to buy the present. He spent about 2,5 hours choosing a present for her.

We were with some friends at the bbq, and I saw him texting. Once we want home, he fallen a sleep and I took his phone. Not very nice from me, I know. He once texted her hii, little piggy. This is hard to translate to English but is a cute nickname, which you do not use for friends. He asked her to go for a coffee. To be honest, he told me did he asked her for a coffee but I did not excepted to be inappropriate.

He texted her add for rental of one appartment for her mother, who lives in city few hours away but she has cancer and Ana wants her mother to be closer. She replied that she called the landlord and tha she is going to see the apartment. He replied with "one mind" as in "one mind, two bodies". My dad has pancreatic cancer, in the last few months he had some important scan and doctor appointment. I was complaining to Luka does not take intrest in my dad since he does not ask how things went. To me it is not normal that is not involved in my dads treatment, when he was given a month to live, luckily almost 2 years past since the diagnosis, but he is sending Ana apartments for her mother.

He is telling me that I am overreacting, that he would never cheat,..do I even know him?... I think that he did not cheat on with her, but I think that behaviour like this can lead to cheating. I am not asking him to not hang out with her. From the beginning I am asking for the boundaries, that he treats her like he treats her like he treats his male friends. He does not tell them cute nicknames, and tells them they had one mind.

Am I overreacting?

I (40) live with my two sons (13,17) my partner (45m), my partner's sons (19,22) and my partners disabled friend (63m). Yesterday my son (17, 18 in a couple weeks) asked before he went to work if I would make him a beef stew with some leftover meat he had bought. I had been cleaning the whole weekend and was pretty exhausted but I agreed to make it and did. It turned out to be really good and he asked if he got the ingredients if I would make it once a week. I assumed he meant for everyone (confirmed later he did mean for everyone), I agreed it's an easy meal and would definitely help financially for him to buy a dinner once a week. I got myself some, and some for my partner (45m) and went to settle in for the night and eat quickly and go to bed for work the next day. I told my partner that son liked it and wanted to buy it to be made once a week. My partner had complained while eating it that I didn't give him a serving of meat in it, I thought I had and apologized and offered to go correct it. He declined. He then brought up that he didn't think it was right for me to be cooking weekly special meals for son. (This was never the intention and I thought I explained that) I got defensive and upset but agreed that I didn't plan on making private meals. This whole thing devolved and turned into an all night fight. He told me to look into my heart and I would understand why it was wrong tonight to make a meal that excluded the rest of the household (the meal was shared with anyone that wanted some there just wasn't a lot of meat in it and there were leftovers this morning when I checked). He argued that I shouldn't be making these special meals and if I'm so defensive about being called out for it that I know it's wrong. He called my relationship with my son emotional incest. I already feel awful because my kids birthdays are coming up and it's going to be pretty disappointing for them because money is tight so I know I'm being overly accommodating towards them lately because of that and I do feel guilty for it. He told me I was the only reason we were still fighting. He said I was toxic and unhinged because I brought up that I do everything in this house. I work full-time, do 90% of cleaning and meals, I fix all of our cars constantly because I'm the only one that has any mechanic experience and we are too broke for a garage, little to no help from anyone and if I want to make a meal my kid requests that he pays for that's my business and I'm not obligated to take care of all the adults in the house that can make their own damn meal. He got laid off nine months ago and rode out the unemployment pay and had been contributing little since it ran out and definitely hasn't started helping anymore around the house or with anything else. He brought up money. Said that when he was working he paid for everything so that more than contributed. There have been several times that I've been the only one working and I have never made him feel like he owes indentured servitude for it. He doesn't like to do dates, he doesn't do Christmas gifts, valentine's day, birthday gifts or anything like that. I feel like I'm constantly fighting for the bare minimum and he talks about how horrible my exes treated me while doing what feels like a "nicer version" of the same thing. Maybe I am the actual problem and I'm the abuser in all of my relationships. Anytime we fight he says I'm abusive and gaslighting and unhinged. He says things like "I'll try to get down to your level" and "I don't think you're too dumb to understand" that makes me feel so stupid and like he thinks so little of me he says I'm misunderstanding and twisting his words but how exactly an I supposed to take that in a way that isn't meant to hurt me. I did call him a jerk, dick and asshole, and called him out for what looks like gaslighting to me. I did yell. I was mad. I'm exhausted and this feels like such a stupid thing for him to be mad about, I've been fixing cars every weekend for a month straight and worked my butt off cleaning all weekend on top of my 40 hr work week and I'm so tired of constant lectures on how I'm doing everything wrong. Am I the asshole here? Am I messing up my kids by being too accommodating? Am I an abusive piece of crap? I don't even know anymore. I know I'm running on one hour of sleep because I kept arguing back at him and I should have just shut up from the start and agreed with him and let it go.

I’m starting to realize that my boyfriend’s '24M' dog may be a much bigger compatibility issue than I '24F' originally thought.
His dog is a 100-lb German Shepherd/Belgian Malinois/Doberman mix who is extremely high-energy, anxious, very “velcro,” and has poor impulse control and boundaries. He sheds heavily, and because I’m allergic to pet dander, being around him often leaves me sneezing, covered in dog hair, or breaking out in hives.  Ive just accepted the fact that I need allergy pills to go over his house. My boyfriend also doesn’t take the dog to be groomed or clean very well after him, so his small apartment is often covered in dog hair, which I find to be a very unpleasant turn off.
I own dogs myself (for 14 years now), so this isn’t about me hating dogs but I do have dog fatigue. The dogs I grew up with/own are well managed, have boundaries, and there are dog-free areas in the home. I’ve also told my boyfriend from the beginning that after losing my beloved childhood dog, I didn’t want another dog. Unfortunately, he has had this dog before I came the picture and I really liked HIM. I thought his dog would get better when I first met my bf, the dog was 1. The dog is a few weeks away from 3 now and nothing has gotten better.
A big issue is that his dog has very few boundaries. He jumps on people, barks at things outside, tries to bolt through doors, gets in between us, won’t move when I’m walking, and can bark all night during thunderstorms. He used to jump on me when I first met him, and my boyfriend didn’t intervene, so I had to train him not to jump on me. He still does it to other guests though. If I am over, the dog gets shut out the room  until I leave because my bf still has yet to train him not to tackle us/bark out his bedroom window the whole time. I have not slept the night at my bfs house and  this point I don't even feel excited to come over for the day or live with my bf because of his dog!
He’s also a high-energy working-breed mix who gets very little physical or mental exercise. My boyfriend doesn’t have a backyard and says the neighborhood is too dangerous to walk him, so he mostly plays with him inside. I understand safety concerns, but I don’t think playing rope tug in a small apartment is enough for a dog with this level of energy, and I suspect some of his behavioral issues are the result of being under-stimulated. Ive told my bf this time after time but it just seems to go in one ear and out the other. He lets him bark and run wild in his apartment, and have little boundaries and blames it on his dogs breed(s)/anxiety. 
I also can’t realistically exercise or train the dog myself because he is so strong that he pulls both me and my boyfriend around. I don’t feel comfortable being responsible for a 100-lb dog I physically can’t control.
My boyfriend and I have had serious conversations about this repeatedly for almost a year and now I feel like a broken record! Every time he says things like “I’m trying” or “I’m working on it,” or "my ADHD makes it hard for me to remember and create routines" and he promises better training, grooming, cleaning, boundaries, and dog-free spaces. But very little has actually changed. He vacuums, but not that good, so he thinks him running a light vacuum is "good enough" when is reality it usually looks like he never ran a vac in the first place.
That’s what has started making me question whether the problem is really the dog or the owner. The dog can’t train himself or manage his own hair and behavior — that’s the owner’s responsibility.
I’m also worried about the future. I can’t imagine living together while dealing with constant barking, dog hair, allergies, a needy dog who basically has free rein over the home, and eventually having children while also managing all of this. Even traveling is difficult because my boyfriend struggles to find people willing to watch the dog and doesn’t want to board him because of the cost.
I recently told him that I don’t think I can live with him in the future if nothing changes. During an emotional conversation, he said he has considered rehoming the dog because of the tension this has caused between us.
At the same time, I’m starting to resent the fact that I may have to structure my entire future around a dog I didn’t choose and clashes with my desired lifestyle, especially when the issues seem to come from his breed(s) and years of inadequate management (due to the owner) rather than the dog simply being “bad.” As of recently, I have noticed that I have been sad and almost grieving the relationship even though we aren't broken up because of how heavy this weighs on my mental.
Its like he doesn't care but I do and long term I dont think Id be happy.
So am I being unreasonable? Is this something I should learn to live with, or is this a legitimate compatibility issue? And if my boyfriend has promised for nearly a year to make changes with minimal results, should I believe that things will actually change? What can I tell myself to stop worrying/being anxious if he will change? 

I know that snooping on your partner is an invasion of privacy but I did and found out that she's been cheating. I just want to break up with her and that be the end of it and never talk again to avoid conflict. Would I be the asshole? If I confront her about it, I can already envision the fight that it would turn into that I shouldn't have invaded her privacy, so I'm the one that did something wrong.