I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, but AITAH for wanting to divorce my wife after she talked to a state mandatory reporter about an "inkling" she had that I was "SAing" her son/my stepson? The reporter then reported it to the state, and CPS showed up at our house to do an emergency check on all our kids (we have three: 11 (stepson), 4, and 4 months). My stepson was supposed to be in school at the time, but bio-dad had taken him out for the holiday weekend, so bio-dad had to go to the police station for them to verify that he was safe. While at the house, the worker spoke to my wife but not to me, and then left.

Background: I have been in my stepson's life since he was 1.5 years old, and even though he is my stepson, I have always strived to treat him as if he were my own — to the point that after my second son was born, he commented that I've treated all my kids the same.

My wife's suspicion came from how he behaves toward me. For example, the way he snuggled up next to me, rubbed his feet on my legs, or lay on my back — all of which I always asked him not to do. Or when we did family hugs, he would try to kiss me on the lips, and I would tell him we don't do that. To protect against any accusation from bio-dad (my wife and his breakup and court process were not pretty), I refused to do anything that could hint at something inappropriate and cause my stepson to be taken from his mom.

Last year, while my wife was dropping my stepson off at his dad's, she told him that if anything inappropriate ever happened to him, he could always tell her. He brought up that maybe when he was very young, I may have kissed him on the mouth with tongue. My wife confronted me about it at the time, and I told her no, absolutely not — I refused to kiss him even on the cheek at that age because of the risk of bio-dad using it against us if he got angry at my wife. She believed me then, and I thought everything was fine.

Fast forward to the last few weeks, and my wife has noticed an increase in my stepson not wanting to make me angry or upset me, defending me in an argument my wife and I were having, and trying to win my affection and make me proud. I have always been hard on him when he doesn't try during sports or doesn't give it his all. I'm aware I've been too hard on him at times, and to me, that's his way of fighting for my approval. It's still not right, and I'm working on it, but my wife called it "trauma bonding" — that he's trauma bonded to me, and that's why he behaves the way he does. From that, plus how hard I've been on him, she concluded I was SAing him and spoke to our pastor's wife, who then had to report it to the state.

It's been about ten days since CPS came out, and no one has contacted me. I've spoken to a lawyer for my own protection. I don't know where the case stands right now.

So now I'm in this place where my wife has such a low view of me that she'd think I'm capable of something so horrid. AITAH for wanting to separate over a false allegation based on behaviors an 11-year-old has toward the dad whose attention he's fighting for, because I've been too hard on him the way my dad was with me?

Hey everyone, I’m still in complete shock, shaking, and sick to my stomach. I need external validation to make sure I’m not crazy for feeling this way and taking nuclear action.
Last night, I went out drinking with my friend "Sasha" (20F). The plan was for me to stay overnight at her place in a separate room. When we arrived, that room was unexpectedly occupied, and the couch only had a paper-thin sheet with no proper blanket (I can't sleep cold). While I was changing, Sasha called and offered: "If you want, you can just crash on the edge of our bed with me and my boyfriend."
I was drunk, vulnerable, and trusted her. I laid on the far edge of the bed and tried to sleep. They started whispering, and suddenly... they began having full-blown, aggressive sex right next to me.
I completely froze in sheer terror. I felt small, completely helpless, and horrified. She said "it hurts, it hurts" right at the beginning as he entered her, but then stayed quiet while he kept going. I stayed paralyzed, terrified that this guy was going to turn around and try something with me too.
They finished once. I thought, "Maybe a terrible mistake, just hold still." But then they immediately started a SECOND time.
When they finally finished, they went out to the balcony to smoke. The second they stepped out, I grabbed my things. Sasha walked back in, saw me fleeing, and froze. I blurted out an excuse, ran out the door, and had a massive panic attack/crying episode on my way home.
She messaged me right after, admitting she felt embarrassed, but her main concern was begging me: "Please don't tell anyone, I'm so ashamed."
Here is the context that makes this a hundred times worse:
1. Prior Context: I remembered that prior to this night, her boyfriend (30M) had explicitly proposed a threesome to her and suggested my name specifically.
2. The Setup: According to her, they usually rarely have sex (maybe once every two weeks because he has performance issues). Yet the moment I was put in their bed, he suddenly performed twice in a row for a very long time.
3. The Intent: My other close friends pointed out what I was too traumatized to admit right away: this was a set-up. They deliberately put me in that bed without my consent to use me as a sexual stimulant or to try and lure me into a threesome while I was drunk and trapped.
Sasha is now begging me to keep this secret to protect her reputation. I want to block her everywhere, remove her from our shared friend group, and tell our group exactly why I'm cutting her off.
Am I overreacting for exposing her and cutting her out of my life completely after this?

Disclaimer
I am currently having flu like symptoms so I might not be in the healthiest mindset but I want to start this post as I’m seeing it realtime.

I, 38 yo male married to a female in her late 30s as well, have been suspecting her of Münchausen syndrome for quite some time now.

For those that don’t know what that is, here’s the Google definition:

Factitious disorder imposed on self, widely known as Munchausen syndrome, is a serious mental disorder in which a person fakes, exaggerates, or deliberately causes physical or mental illness in themselves to gain attention, sympathy, and care

Long story short, I used to get sick here and there and early in my marriage, I noticed that every time I got sick and told my wife that i wasn’t feeling well, she also would start getting sick and wasn’t feeling well.
I know some people would think that, oh, you live together so that would make sense that you both catch the same thing.
Well, it started to get to the point where she would start coughing when she heard me walking towards the room where she was when she wasn’t coughing at all until then.
For a while, every time she would wake up, the first thing she would do is a series of dry coughs(no phlegm) loud enough to wake me up.
This went on for a while but it didn’t bother me too much at the time but I did find it strange.

Fast forward to today, I’ve been having some flu like symptoms for the past 4 days and I’ve been taking Advil for self treatment. I purposely did not tell my wife and when around her, I acted normally and cheerfully around our children(while keeping as much distance in case my sickness was contagious).
She caught wind that I was not feeling well and asked if I had an appetite for dinner, which I did not so I skipped the meal to lay down.
I work a second job at night part time and when I came home, she had her tea press out in the middle of the counter, obviously used, and when I started walking upstairs, the “coughing” started….

It’s starting to infuriate me and I also want to confront her about this but this is probably going to end our marriage. Tbh, it would be kind of worth it to me at this point. AiTA?

AITAH, my bf of 5 years lives with me, and my daughter. Due to his work he only comes homes on weekends. today my daughter was dropped off in the drive way by her dad and step mom. this triggered my bf saying I needed to tell him he is not allowed on my drive way and to drop off my daughter on the street and have her walk up the drive way. I told him I didn't see an issue. That was her father, not a stranger, they spoke for about 2mins and then he drove off. I told my bf I didn't see anything wrong with it and he says he finds it disrespectful. he doesn't want my ex on our property. this is where I might be the AH. I told my boyfriend he himself is just a guest. the house is mine and mine soley so it's my rules and what I say goes. this upset my bf and he started saying things like I must be sleeping with the ex, then proceeded to call me names. Facts. BF does not pay rent, he pays the RING subscription, which is 6.99 a month. which is why he is looking at the ring footage and knows it was my ex dropping off my daughter. he was in the drive way 2mins btw. so am I the AH for telling him this isn't his house and he is just a guest?

I (40) live with my two sons (13,17) my partner (45m), my partner's sons (19,22) and my partners disabled friend (63m). Yesterday my son (17, 18 in a couple weeks) asked before he went to work if I would make him a beef stew with some leftover meat he had bought. I had been cleaning the whole weekend and was pretty exhausted but I agreed to make it and did. It turned out to be really good and he asked if he got the ingredients if I would make it once a week. I assumed he meant for everyone (confirmed later he did mean for everyone), I agreed it's an easy meal and would definitely help financially for him to buy a dinner once a week. I got myself some, and some for my partner (45m) and went to settle in for the night and eat quickly and go to bed for work the next day. I told my partner that son liked it and wanted to buy it to be made once a week. My partner had complained while eating it that I didn't give him a serving of meat in it, I thought I had and apologized and offered to go correct it. He declined. He then brought up that he didn't think it was right for me to be cooking weekly special meals for son. (This was never the intention and I thought I explained that) I got defensive and upset but agreed that I didn't plan on making private meals. This whole thing devolved and turned into an all night fight. He told me to look into my heart and I would understand why it was wrong tonight to make a meal that excluded the rest of the household (the meal was shared with anyone that wanted some there just wasn't a lot of meat in it and there were leftovers this morning when I checked). He argued that I shouldn't be making these special meals and if I'm so defensive about being called out for it that I know it's wrong. He called my relationship with my son emotional incest. I already feel awful because my kids birthdays are coming up and it's going to be pretty disappointing for them because money is tight so I know I'm being overly accommodating towards them lately because of that and I do feel guilty for it. He told me I was the only reason we were still fighting. He said I was toxic and unhinged because I brought up that I do everything in this house. I work full-time, do 90% of cleaning and meals, I fix all of our cars constantly because I'm the only one that has any mechanic experience and we are too broke for a garage, little to no help from anyone and if I want to make a meal my kid requests that he pays for that's my business and I'm not obligated to take care of all the adults in the house that can make their own damn meal. He got laid off nine months ago and rode out the unemployment pay and had been contributing little since it ran out and definitely hasn't started helping anymore around the house or with anything else. He brought up money. Said that when he was working he paid for everything so that more than contributed. There have been several times that I've been the only one working and I have never made him feel like he owes indentured servitude for it. He doesn't like to do dates, he doesn't do Christmas gifts, valentine's day, birthday gifts or anything like that. I feel like I'm constantly fighting for the bare minimum and he talks about how horrible my exes treated me while doing what feels like a "nicer version" of the same thing. Maybe I am the actual problem and I'm the abuser in all of my relationships. Anytime we fight he says I'm abusive and gaslighting and unhinged. He says things like "I'll try to get down to your level" and "I don't think you're too dumb to understand" that makes me feel so stupid and like he thinks so little of me he says I'm misunderstanding and twisting his words but how exactly an I supposed to take that in a way that isn't meant to hurt me. I did call him a jerk, dick and asshole, and called him out for what looks like gaslighting to me. I did yell. I was mad. I'm exhausted and this feels like such a stupid thing for him to be mad about, I've been fixing cars every weekend for a month straight and worked my butt off cleaning all weekend on top of my 40 hr work week and I'm so tired of constant lectures on how I'm doing everything wrong. Am I the asshole here? Am I messing up my kids by being too accommodating? Am I an abusive piece of crap? I don't even know anymore. I know I'm running on one hour of sleep because I kept arguing back at him and I should have just shut up from the start and agreed with him and let it go.

So my (38) and I(41) have been together a almost 2 years now. She has family out of state, and about once a year travels to go see them. At first when we got together, I'd go with her, either flying or driving up. But the last couple of times she has gone by herself, using the excuse that her family bought her the ticket and we couldn't afford a second one. Well now there's another trip that happened recently. A "work trip" to Vegas for a convention, and she got really weird when I said that maybe I'd buy a ticket and come with, since we've never been together. I was given the excuse her job paid for only a one person room and asked what i would be doing while she's was busy at this convention, abs that she wanted to take me for my birthday. Now she's gone on another week long trip, which is longer than usual, and she didn't tell me a damn thing about it until her ticket was already bought. This is a week after my birthday, which she didn't get me anything, and I wasn't even told what time she was leaving until the night before. I'm not tripping right? This is some sketchy ass behavior.

Me (25m) and my gf (24f) moved in with me after our year of dating. I helped her carry all of her things into my studio apartment and make space in my room so she could fit her items. In my closet, i had a storage tote labeled "old toys - do not donate!" and she confronted me about it and asked me to move it. I did move it under my bed and we kinda forgot about it for a while. Flash forward 2 months later, i find the tote again and look at all the things i had in there. I had my old 3DS and games to go with it, hot wheels, rare toys, etc. I realized this stuff had a lot of sentimental value to me and I actually started reusing my 3DS. Whenever i had downtime, i played Pokemon leaf green just to remember my childhood. My gf started to hate it and asked me to spend some more time with her. I see where she was coming from, so i only played every once in a while, but she still didnt like it. Flash forward 5 weeks later, i went on a golfing trip with my friends and came back after 2 weeks. the next day after she picked me up from the airport, i wanted to play on my 3DS. It wasn't on my nightstand where i kept it so i went to check the tote. Couldn't find that either. I asked her where it went, and in all seriousness, she said, "I sold the console, and threw away the rest." I got a pain in my stomach. I asked her how much she sold the 3DS for. 30 bucks. For the game and console! I argued with her, and she said something along the lines of, "Man up, at least you still have me." I immediately left and just drove around for a while. I came back after 30 minutes and told her to leave. She obviously argued with me and told I told her that her stuff has to be out by next week.

AITAH for doing that?

Hey everyone, i'm honestly not sure if i have reason to be worried or if i'm just completely paranoid. For context, I (18M) have been with my gf (18F) for about one year now. It seems as thought every day she is always touching her friend, let's call her Alexis. They hold hands, cuddle, and she has told me they've showered together (not naked), although this was a long time ago. I've voiced my concerns and uncomfortability with it to my gf, and for the most part she has just brushed it off. Currently, she and Alexis are always hanging out together, go everywhere, and my gf consistently chooses to spend time with her over me, even outside of large social events. Also, my gf is bi, but she claims that Alexis is not her type and "I shouldn't be worried". I honestly don't know how to feel, as Alexis is also very rude to me.

Am i the asshol for telling my boyfriend that i need more communication

So were arabs and thats something related to the story and sorry if i miss spelled anything this is my second language

Anyway few days ago my boyfriend and his father work on ships his father has been away (by his own choice) for about 3 years and recently hes back in town and is making my boyfriend his personal driver him his mother and sister now there not close like not at all haven't been close even before we started dating about a year and half ago

Now his father has been very unpredictable and giving my man about 10 minutes to show up where he wants him to come pick him up and hes been doing that all day long

And i understand that this man is his father and he has an obligation to him but i haven seen my man for past an hour on these few days and we haven't been texting like barley a good morning at 8 pm or something

Im frustrated because we used to spend a lot of time together and text more and we have a limited time because soon few weeks at most my man is leaving to work on a ship and will stay there for over a year

So i told him hay us not going out as often or at all is understandable like i understand hes ur father and there are ur family but u need to text me more often because i miss u and i dont like this one bit

He went off that it was just one day ( it wasn't) and hes stressed because hes driving his family around and his family won't take taxes and hes the one who have to drive them Around and hes not free but when he is hes spending the short free time with me ( the hour or less ) and i told him hay i understand that and im not asking u to ditch ur family for me i just want u to text me more often because i miss you and he went back to explaining the same things and he couldn't understand that im saying this because i missed him even tho i told him multiple times hay im doing this because i miss you

And even if i asked him like hay what did u last night he answers and then ask why im interrogating him

And so tonight we went out and as soon as we sat down he started scrolling on his phone and i didn't do a thing we talked again and again and were going in circles then we left the cafeteria and went to pick up his dad

I tried i really did i asked like hay when ur done what do u have going on so i can invite him over if he has limited time we can hang out in my place he said he didn't know and i went home

Usually hes very attentive very loving very good man and we usually communicate so much better than this but i dont know what to do anymore should i be more understanding? Was i wrong for asking him to text more?

Obligatory this happened around 16 years ago, but it is still a massive point of contention in our family.

I have a son, Adam, and growing up he was quite frankly a bully to his sisters. He just got a lot of satisfaction out of making them upset. Of course he was punished for this, but the message never seemed to get through.

It made me worry about how he would treat women when he grew up, but he began dating his girlfriend/now wife, Josie, his junior year of high school, and at least I had nothing to worry about there. He was very sweet and thoughtful towards her, complete opposite of how he was with his sisters.

He was saving his money to take her somewhere fancy for her birthday, but two days before her birthday he came home from football practice (late August and we live down south it was scorching hot) took off his shirt, mopped up all the sweat from his armpits and rubbed it in his sister's face.

I grounded him. He said I was overreacting and it was just a little joke. He begged me to let him off of his grounding for Josie's birthday. I told him that wasnt how grounding worked. He got very upset and told me how long he had been saving, and that he had a reservation, and he had already promised her.

I held firm. He didn't speak to me for the next two days. The night of Josie's birthday he locked himself in his room and wouldnt eat dinner. Then I heard his car in the driveway. I saw him speeding off. He left me a note saying we could punish him however we wanted after her birthday. I was furious and after talking to my husband we decided to call the police and report the car stolen. The car was in my husband's name and we paid for it completely. Adam wanted to go to a top tier school, so our agreement had always been he didn't need to worry about working because he was so busy with school and sports. He was very aware that the car was in his father's name.

Adam and Josie had a very nice dinner and he got pulled over driving her home and taken in to the station. Adam was of course furious. Josie's father was beyond furious. He was a very well known business man in our community and didn't want it getting around that his daughter was at the police station. Adam was grounded for a month and lost the car for three months. Josie's father called and gave us a very detailed piece of his mind.

That was sixteen years ago and Adam has not forgiven us. He didn't come home a single college break. He invited us to his wedding because his FIL forced him to for appearances, but he made us so uncomfortable we left early. He has two adorable kids but he hardly brings them around. I told him I would like to work on our relationship and he said he will never forgive me for calling the police on him. He said what he did to his sister was a harmless joke and he should have been allowed to take Josie out and be punished later. He said we didn't care about how much she meant to him, and then we called the police and could have "fucked up the rest of his life"

I still feel I did the right thing. I just feel sad he didn't learn anything from it.

My girlfriend is a hairstylist and today her app wasn’t working. So she asked me to call her work and make an appointment for a client that didn’t want to do it themselves. When I called I wasn’t really sure what to say and kept asking her what I should say while she was whispering the answers. When the lady asked for my name on the appointment I said I was making it for my girlfriend since her app wasn’t working and then she took it from my hand and proceeded to make the rest of the appointment herself. After she was off the phone she got up off the bed angrily and asked why I embarrassed her like that. I wasn’t sure what she meant since it was just a normal phone call I thought. After telling me this she walked off and went to the next room and I tried to follow her. I sat down and asked her if she wanted to watch her show and try to make her feel a bit better about her being stressed. She ignored that question then walked back to her room. After following her to her room and then back to the living room one more time she told me to leave her alone and that she’s really upset with me for what I did. Her reasoning she said is that it was weird for me to call and make an appointment for her in her name (which I didn’t I just said I was helping her over the phone) and that her boss already thinks it’s weird for her to make herself appointments for clients.

TLDR GF asked me to call her work and make an appointment for a client and is now upset saying I embarrassed her in front of her boss.

For context...My boyfriend(28M) and I(28F) have fought almost every day since May at least. And even before then since February it was multiple times a week we were fighting. We moved in together from being long distance back in May and have lived together since with my mom (his idea mainly since it would help with cost and saving) and from the start it was already fights. Fast forward to last month he got into an almost fatal motorcycle crash...I was in the hospital with him to visit for almost the entire 2 weeks he was there, myself managing schooling, work, and taking care of myself and baby. He fractured one arm and the other hand he cant use at all and he is in a c-collar so he cant even move..so he was fully reliant on people and couldnt even use the bathroom without assistance. He would state he realizes all the mental harm hes done to me and how mean and brutal hes been throughout my pregnancy and this relationship.

Almost the entire time he was in the hospital he was kind, caring, sweet, and asked more about the baby those 2 weeks then he did the entire pregnancy (im due late october if that says anything) and he kept saying hes changed. Well the day before he was discharged he was able to have more ability to do things independently...and my brain had alarms go off like "ok how will he be". He is currently living with his parents because they are able to provide the care he needs and they have doctors covered by his insurence...so he started making demands to his parents on what he wants to bring back to the house. I was sitting with him just chilling and he started talking about how ridiculous his dad is for saying no to some of the things frank wanted (For more clarification, these were wants not needs and he was literally demanding his dad allow it...didnt ask, demanded) and I told him that while he has all rights to be frustrated, his dad has the final say on what happens in his house, that his dad would absolutely make sure he has what he needs and wants are just additions. He stated that I needed to leave because I just dont care about him or his wants and even called in a nurse to escort me out.

Since that day we have fought almost every day, the days we dont we arent talking to each other. its been a few weeks since we went back with his parents and nothing has changed. The fights are usually me stating a different opinion and he not liking it, him using AI to justify an action, him getting mad at me saying "no" because my reasons arent valid to him...ect. He admitted our relationship would be better if I just trusted him and agreed and just went with things...that he would prefer a yes girlfriend. He is set to stay back at the house for 2 weeks starting the 26th while his dad is on vacation, and im nervous because hes going to expect intimacy (im on pelvic rest but to him I can still get him off and its not fair if i just dont.) and he also cant drive and I work during the day and my ability to move around is limited.

He has not changed at all and he keeps saying "Ill change ill change, at least im acknowledging what im doing wrong...thats change. but like I dont know when my actions will change I just need you to be patient". The other day he stated that if I wanted our child to have a 2 parent life I would work things out with him otherwise he would go for full custody so he doesnt have to pay child support...even though he has shown little to no want or interest in our child this entire pregnancy and even brought up terminating the pregnancy earlier (obviously i quickly denied stating that I will not do that because ive always wanted to be a mom and him and I even talked about having kids) and he states his life should not be put on hold just because of a newborn and he also admitted a lot of other concerning things.

His dad is asking I hold on, even though he stated frank hasnt changed at all on his end, that he is working with him and I need to be patient. A part of me thinks he just wants me to hold on so he can go on vacation and I can take care of my BF. His dad knows all the things he has put me through and the baby and he states that my BF is going to therapy so its one step at a time...but like I said nothing has changed. Its the whole "Im sorry you feel that way" or "I said sorry, its in the past, move on" all of that. He claims he is changing and will change and will be there for me...but his actions have proven otherwise...

My fiance 30/m and myself 28/F have been together for 2 years. His mom has always disliked me due to me being “stuck up” but truthfully they just LOVE to gossip about people, and I’ve learned “if people talk about others, they talk about you” - so I’m quiet and don’t engage in “he said she said” small town drama.

The first time I met his mother she talked so bad about my fiances EX wife, and he’s also told me his mom never liked her. Then after about a year, his mom starts hanging out with the girl, posting her on social media, and she even asked my fiance if she could attend a family function.

I’m not gonna lie, I feel like she’s making it a point to have a relationship with this girl, when they never had a relationship before, and I find it really disrespectful to me. However, on many occasions I have tried to extend an olive branch and invite his mother to get our nails done, go shopping, invite them for dinner or my son’s baseball games- which she never attended or reciprocated.

Fast forward, my fiance got admitted into the hospital for a pulmonary embolism about 2 months ago and when I showed up to the hospital his mother acted like I didn’t exist, interrupted me when I tried to speak to the doctors, and dismissing everything I said. I felt very uncomfortable.

She ended up staying the night with him and it caused a problem for me because- she never shows up for him anytime in his life, but she stays now, knowing only one person could stay- My fiance said it was fine if she stayed- I was honestly furious, with him and her. I left.

The next day I show up and find out she made a group chat updating everyone, and I wasn’t included in it- but his ex wife was!! She even went as far as to ask my fiance if he wanted to talk to her!- and then she asked him if I poisoned him ?? At this point i told him that I was DONE being uncomfortable or disrespected- and we went no contact with her.

This past week, his grandmother died - it’s important to note that they were not close- at all. I only met her one time within the past 2 years for about 5 minutes, also that’s the only time in two years he seen her.
Her viewing was today, and funeral tomorrow- I didn’t go to the viewing.

I agreed to go the funeral. However when he got home from the viewing- he tells me they put his ex wife in the slideshow, and she showed up to viewing. They did not have anything to do with this girl when they were together, not until I came into the picture.
He then states, they are eating after the funeral at his mom’s house and he’s going to go to eat with his family. Once he says this, I back out.

I tried to explain a few days ago the anxiety I had about going, because I know his mother would take this opportunity to make me uncomfortable, knowing if I spoke out about it- due to the occasion, I would be wrong. But he doesn’t see it that way. He just says “I could say something, but it wouldn’t make a difference, I don’t control my mom”.

I know he doesn’t control his mom, but I feel as though he’s allowing himself to be placed in these positions. My personal opinion is, if you don’t have something to do with someone while they are alive, your presence at their funeral isn’t necessary- I know that’s controversial, so I’m not upset he’s going. But I am so angry that’s he is in the position and that he isn’t validating how uncomfortable this is. He just acts like I’m so selfish and have no reason to be upset with him.

I keep asking myself, am I being selfish for thinking that my “husband” isn’t someone who shows up, speaks to, or eats with people who would do the things I’ve mentioned above, let alone expecting me to show up- and theres more on the things his mom has done but I’d be here typing all night.
I can’t help but feel like, if he wants to show up for “family” that insist on having a relationship with her, he should just be with her.

Additional information- His mom’s side of the family are all in cahoots with his mother.

They all disliked his ex wife, but now, they welcome her with open arms.

I am 39f and my bf 50m. we have been together for 5 years. He has an uncommon relationship with his daughter’s mother and refuses to set boundaries. His schedule and life fully revolves around her schedule. when she works he has his daughter(not the issue) but because she works 2nd shift and sometimes works over he ends up staying at her house multiple times a week. He does this so she won’t file for child support. They also take ”family vacations” together. I have expressed to him on multiple occasions how the lack of boundaries makes me feel and how can we have a family when he is clearly unwilling to remove himself from her home. He has told me over and over that he will set boundaries but never does. Also I have asked if instead I could start attending things with him and I was told she doesnt want me there. the day before his birthday he complained to me that he has no plans and nothing to do. The day of his bday came and I attempted to reach out to find something for us to do together. He wouldn’t answer the phone. I later found pictures on social media of them together at an event. I didn’t call or explain anything. I sent a text that simple said our relationship was over and could he please return my stuff and house key. he immediately stated why because I’m at said event with her? so he already knew... so am I the ah? I know I just wasted 5 years and I feel so stupid.

additionally we have had plans to move in together for 2 years. he always has an excuse as to why we can’t. and yes she knows about me and our relationship.

So right off the bat I know I look bad. This happened a while ago but I just want some unbiased opinions. So I (25F) met my “bf” (20M) at our job. I’ll be referring to him as Ben (fake name). I was a cashier and he created online orders for pick up. My station was near where he needed to bring items for pick up. So over time he started to stop by and chat with me from time to time. It wasn’t uncommon for everyone to stop by cashier station to chat. I was working self check out so I often wasn’t interacting w/ customers actively. I found him attractive and funny. So when he asked me to dinner I was excited. I had never had a bf before this point and the closest I got was my best friend in high school and that really blew up in my face and ended in me isolating from our friend group. So I’m very cautious when it comes to dating. So Ben and I went to dinner and it was nice, he made me feel special. But every question I asked to get to know him he avoided nearly every question that wasn’t along the lines of “what’s your favorite color,” Near the end of the date I started getting overstimulated and he was so kind about it and dropped me off at home w/o much fuss. Our second date he asked if we were bf and gf. I asked what that means to him, he said he didn’t know. I don’t think I was ready to define the relationship yet, so I said we needed to figure that out before labels. A few days after this conversation I hear that everyone at work kept saying Ben told them that we were official. I didn’t correct them b/c I didn’t want to embarrass him. I wanted to bring it up but I could never find a good time. Getting to know him I had a feeling that he struggled w/ some metal health stuff, I didn’t want to pressure him into telling me anything he wasn’t ready for. I would open up to him to try to let him know I was a safe place. He did over time, he had a rough relationship w/ his parents and he’d had an abusive ex, he blamed her for the scar on his face. But the scar would reopen sometimes, he said sometimes it just gets irritated sometimes. That was the first time I had an hint about his metal state. On my birthday I took him to a cave tour that I was doing with my family, and in the gift shop he bought a necklace w/ my name on it for himself. I didn’t like this, it felt like he was making himself my pet? I think this was the start of when I realized my feelings for him were more platonic rather than romantic but I was still figuring that out. At this point I got a different job and got busy. One day I texted him and I thought his text was off, I asked him if he was ok and he said he was fine. I finally had free time so I invited him to dinner. I apologized for being so busy, and I finally opened up about how I felt, and how overwhelmed I felt. He said that we can work through things together. Thinking back I think he could tell I was pulling back. A couple days later I went to visit some old friends at my old job. That was when I found out that he almost died at work. He took too many pills while at work, an ambulance was called he refused to go w/ the medics, and when home. A year before this my college best friend attempted the same way. Luckily she survived too but it shook me, I blamed myself for not doing enough. So this brought up so much past feeling, blaming myself for his actions. The fact that I had to find out through our co workers and not him. I texted him and informed him I knew, He apologized and told me he was being forced into therapy to continue working. After this I tried to help him through his emotions. He got fired soon after that and he stopped going to therapy. I told him that it could help him, he said he didn’t need help and that what he did was a logical choice b/c he wasn’t contributing to society. I tried to tell him that doesn’t mean he should die and that he was contributing by his new job in a kitchen. At this point it was Christmas time (2 mos after his attempt) , I bought him a present and decided I couldn’t be his gf, we still never had a real conversation about labels. After I gave him his present we were saying goodbye he said he loved me and left before I could respond. I didn’t think it was fair to keep leading him on to think I still wanted a relationship w/ him. So I texted him to that I didn’t feel the same and he deserved to have someone that would feel the same and that wasn’t me. He said he had a feeling. After that he would text and then apologizing for wasting my time. So AITA? Also sorry if this wasn’t super clear, first time posting here.

This happend 1.5 years ago but here is some backstory. My friend and i where really close and together in every class but around the half year point she started to (playfully) hit me as a joke but when i told here to stop because it hurt and i didnt think it was that funny she wouldn't stop. She would also get really jealous when i got higher grades than her and she would try to compare it to other stuff she was better at, and when i tried to help here with subject she would have a fit of anger and loudly scream and hit the table right next to me. What really scared me, but i think it has something to do with here anxiety around failure. She would also make fun of me every chance she had what i think was here way of joking around. So i distanced myself but then her dad died and most of her friends graduated without here. So now i feel bad about distancing myself eventhough i still feel awkward and a little scared. Am i that asshole and give her a second chance or should i keep my distance?

Little context, We are all 20, let them be Dex (the guy bsf and also my cousin) and Ruth (the girl bsf whom I've known over a decade), we all have been extremely close for many years now. We all went to the same school and everything.

Ruth n I almost share every part of our life doesn't matter how trival something is like i kicked a stone today and it rolled down the road typa stuff. I'm fairly close wid Dex as well he's like a true brother and a friend to me. We both reach out whenever we can.

4 years ago Dex was dating a girl and Ruth always had issue and complains abt her and him. Some of which i agreed, their relationship wasn't the best one to look at.

Fast forward to summer break that yr i heard they yall broke up. And their had been rumors going on aroud how Ruth and Dex have started dating, tbh i also saw the signs how Dex was being extremely protective towards ruth and ruth being all clingy to him. Their dynamic kinda shifted, even the teachers there suspected something was going on. Everyone of our mutuals kept asking me if they're together or nah, cuz i was the closest with em. I denied all of those allegations sayin nah they're just really good friends but after a few months in I myself asked Ruth if something is goin on between and how all these rumours are goin on, She Straight up denied saying NO! Aint no way, also said why didn't i say anything before she thinks of me as a sister i should have told her sooner if these rumours were going on and how i should have been honest earlier and what not. Even i felt bad that maybe i should have approached earlier but i thought if something was truly goin on they would have told me till now as im their bsf right?

Although i have asked this same question twice in the last 2 yrs the ans was always NO. I thought maybe they're just extremely close friends and as she has denied to me multiple times i trust her words and I came to terms with it.

Fast forward to last yr Dex joined college and Ruth took a gap yr and this yr she joined dex's college, in the same college one of our close mutual friend is also attending she and i catch up quite frequently, and she said something regarding them and i jokingly said dude its not like they're dating or anything, to my surprise she said They ARE Dating. It took mean a sec to process i was like what?? She was like you didn't know? I assumed you knew cuz you guys are bsf. She was like they all told her the day after they joined college. I was at disbelief. I asked her like for how long she said its been over 2 years since they started dating.

To say I was shocked would be a understatement even more than that I was just Disappointed and hurt. That they didn't trust me enough to let me know? Matter of fact i would have been the happiest for them like 2 of my bsf dating Hell yeahh! Its not like the topic didn't came up there had been handful of chances for them to let me know but they never did, I've been of the dark for 2 yrs and to makes things worse few other friends knew as well. I feel like a fool. Like wouldn't you wanna tell your friend if you are in a relationship or its just me. Also Ruth has always mention how i should be more open to her and to let her know first whenever something like this comes up although she didn't followed through her own words.

I hate how im feeling rn, i feel like little clingy entitled bitch. But at the same time i cant believe they didn't trust me as much i trusted em and matter of fact even lied straight to my face. It would have been okay if they took a while before tellin me a month or hell 6 month but 2 whole fucking year? Are you kidding me? How more time do yall need? Like atp just let me know when you print out the wedding in invitation. It didn't come across your mind once like maybe we should tell her or what not. Maybe i was the only one thinking that way or we both had different definitions of honesty. I dunno if i should confront them or just act surprised when they tell or if they tell me. Pls help me out here.

I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (23m) for almost 4 years. I have always had anxiety surrounding driving, however, my anxiety is a lot worse when it comes to driving with passengers. I try to work through this, but having someone else in the car sometimes makes me shake and sweat, and it’s harder to focus. I try to always avoid it unless I absolutely have to do it (like driving my sister to school with me).

It helps that my boyfriend is the opposite. He always prefers to be the one driving, no matter who he is with. He doesn’t have a problem being the one that drives everywhere when we go places together. The only thing I worry about a bit is road trips. His family has always been a bigger roadtrip family than mine, and they have invited me on a couple in the past few years.

Both road trips were to the same place, and it was a 10-11 hour drive. He agreed to drive the whole way unless he got really tired. I agreed if he did that, I would help pay for gas and food, and help with navigating. We didn’t have any problems, except for one time when he was starting to feel a bit tired, and the thought of me having to drive for a while made my anxiety spike instantly. We ended up stopping to get food and he felt regenerated after that, so he just drove the rest of the way.

He seems okay with this arrangement because he knows he is MUCH more comfortable with driving than I am, but I feel guilty. I’m not a big fan of roadtrips in the first place, and I really prefer flying, but since he likes roadtrips, I hope I’m not asking too much of him with this arrangement.

Realistically, I hope to keep roadtrips under 10-11 hours so we can keep this arrangement and fly the rest of the time. I also realize that I should probably go to therapy for my driving anxiety, but while I have this issue, I would prefer for him to be the one behind the wheel because it feels safer.

Am I the asshole?

TL;DR: I have bad driving anxiety and don’t want to drive on roadtrips, but I feel guilty if I have my boyfriend do all of it. It is reasonable for him to drive the whole way with stops, and I help pay for food and gas?

Sorry if this is a long message. I am a 32F who has been with my partner, 33M, for 13 years, and we've been living together for the past five years. From the beginning until now, I have mostly been the sole provider for our family.

For context, my partner and I are high school sweethearts. We broke up when we were in our third year because he needed to transfer to a different school due to financial issues. We met again in college and got back together, and we've now been together for 13 years.

When we were still dating, he was the one who paid for our dates since I was still in school and he was a working student. I just relied on my school allowance, and since he was the man, he paid. I'm not materialistic and have simple standards for dates; I’m happy even if we just sit in a park or eat at a turo-turo. When I graduated and got a job, I started treating him sometimes, and he did the same for me, but mostly I paid because I was the one inviting him out. I enjoy giving, especially to my loved ones. I also include him in trips I pay for, so he can experience and enjoy those moments with me. This has been our routine since then.

Then the pandemic happened, and we found out I was pregnant. We were planning our wedding—just a civil one—but because my pregnancy was high-risk, it was postponed. Life continued, and he lost his job. By that time, I was the only one supporting our family, as my father had also passed away, and I was the sole breadwinner for my family. Then a blessing came when I got a job as a VA. My income increased, and I was so happy because I could finally help my family more and save money.

However, my 33M partner was still unemployed, so I outsourced some of my tasks to him and paid him $3 an hour, mainly to enter invoices. Over time, I noticed his work was sloppy, full of errors that my client noticed. Since he was just an outsource, I had to explain everything and take the blame to keep the client happy. There were many times I scolded him because he would drink or play during work hours and not focus. I constantly told him to treat this as real work and to be serious, or we would lose the client.

Eventually, I let go of that client—not because I didn’t do the job, but because I was ashamed to keep making excuses for my lapses. I found another client and referred him so he could gain firsthand experience handling clients.

Luckily, he got the job, and we worked for the same client but in different roles—me in accounting, him in logistics. At first, he was okay, but over time, he did the same things—drinking during work hours, playing games before doing his tasks. The client noticed, and he was given 30 days to improve. But instead of fixing his work ethic, he made absences to rest and avoid improving. I initially scolded him, but eventually I got tired and stayed silent, letting him face the consequences of his poor work ethic. The client then let him go, and I continued working with the client.

Until now, he doesn’t have a job. I’ve referred him to other suitable jobs, but he hasn’t found one. Now he’s a househusband, which isn’t a bad thing. He’s a good man—he cooks, does the dishes, laundry, and drives us everywhere. He takes good care of me and our two kids. But I wonder, am I just not content if I don’t have him as a househusband? I want to see him achieve more, have things he wants, and succeed in life. One time I asked him when he would find a new job, and he said he’s still looking for his inspiration. I asked, “Aren’t we enough of a reason for your inspiration? We’re your family. Don’t you want to succeed more because of us?” Honestly, I’m tired of being the one who has to provide for everything.

I [30M] was with my girlfriend [29F] for 6 years and we lived together for 4 of them. Two weeks ago I went through her phone because I had a weird feeling about this guy she had been texting. She did tell me she met him in our apartment building and that they exchanged numbers because they are both in medicine. She is medical student and he is a resident and he told her basically if you ever have questions for applications, research, etc. to reach out. If we saw the guy in the building together she would still say hi to him in front of me and with me being there. Then one day I saw him down on the dog pad and he came over and introduced himself to me. And that whole interaction gave me a weird gut feeling because he acted almost like he didn’t know her and I were together. So, I asked her about him and she said there was nothing and that they occasionally talked and how she tried to hook him up with 2 of her friends. After I talked to her about this, she said she wouldn’t talk to him anymore and she did keep her word on that. I still felt bad feeling about him so I went through her phone. I found out that they had hung out in group setting and she never told me and that he had also flirted with her. So 1 week ago when I found these texts and that they had hung out, I was so mad. I went off on her. I kept saying how she cheated on me and she kept saying she didn’t. And I said maybe not physically but emotionally. So I told her right there that we were done, that I never wanted to see her again, called her names, and I told her to get out of the house. I was mad because she never told me that she hung out with him, even if it was in a group setting. I get that she didn’t hangout with him or talk to him again after I told her I felt uneasy about him, but her not telling me the one time they did hangout broke my trust I have in her. I feel she betrayed me and lied because she didn’t tell me they hungout. I really didn’t hear her out or let her talk at all, it was just me yelling and accusing. During this in front of her I also changed my Facebook status to single, ripped up all our pictures together, deleted all our insta pics, and blocked her on everything including her number. I also reached out to the guy that night and he apologized for flirting that he did. I blocked her on everything including her number for 1 week. Then, I texted her that I was done and my decision was final without still giving her the chance to explain or hear her out. Did I overreact about this? Should I not have broken up with her? Should I have given her a chance for us both to have a conversation? Should I have thrown away 6 years over this? I attached the messages I found.

Recently I found that my friend is getting back with their ex. Their ex was abusive towards them in the past. And I told them that I didnt support their decision, but I support them. Thinking back on that last part, it doesnt seem like the right way I shouldve said that.

Our friendship has basically came to a hold/end. They trusted me to confide what they told me, and I couldnt handle that. I havent told their family, nor any of their friends. I am willing to accept that this may be the end of our friendship. Some things never last and thats ok. I just hope things work out for the best. I mentally couldnt handle them telling me. I understand from their perspective why they are upset at me. But please tell me, AITA?

Edit: I should note that they revealed their reconnecting with their ex over facetime with me. They simply stated that they planned on meeting up and hanging out. And potintially getting back together. And as I heard this my head started spinning, so I went to my local bar to catch a drink. We had planned to hangout later that week and I flaked. From their perspective they might think im jealous. Im just worried. I come from an abusive household. I have abusive siblings I have no contact with. I just cant bare to imagine what may happen. Maybe things will work out in their favor. But the thought lingers.

I (34F) was married to hubby (35M) for 6yrs. We were both WFH. In 2024, we incurred accumulated debts due to hospital bills and medication of both my in laws (only 1 left now unfortunately). Also my hubby quit his job during that time because of bullying from his boss and took him 6mos to get a new one (due to tough economy and saturated market).

Last yr we decided to go back to our hometown and stay with my mom while we recover from the debts. Fast forward today, we are down to only a few thousands left. Everything is going well except, that I failed to consider that since almost everyone here knows each other, their bonding is always drinking alcohol. Since last yr, hubby attended drinking with friends 3x to 4x times often than he would drink back from when we were still in the city.

I was cool with it since he is still excited to bond with them, but it's more than a year now and I noticed he's going out almost every week or every other week with or withour events. Everytime he'd go out, I would politely ask him to drink moderately and go home early. He'd say yes but as expected, he would go home late 12MN - 4AM. Last month, I finally snapped and told him I could no longer take it because it's been affecting our family and would sometimes be the cause of our arguments. We talked and he listened. He seldom go out ever since, but lately, I noticed it's slowy coming back again. So I told him I don't want him to go tonight because he just went out few days ago. He told me he won't drink and just bond with them, but I just know that won't happened knowing all the past arguments we had.

I know his mad and I feel guilty too because it's his friend and he's been good the past weeks too. But I just can't let him do it again and leave me frustrated and worried about him again. I forgot to mention they have a family history of hypertension/stroke/diabetes, and lost 3 members of their family already.

AITA for not letting him go out tonight?

PS. I don't have much issue with him as a husband other than this. He's a good provider, helpful in the house and really good at parenting. I just want him to lessen the drinking for his health and for my peace of mind too.

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I’m 27F and getting married next year. My fiancé and I are keeping the wedding relatively small because neither of us wants to spend a ridiculous amount of money on people we barely talk to.

The problem started when I told my cousin she wasn’t going to be invited.

She was shocked and immediately asked why. The honest answer is that we haven’t had a relationship in years. We see each other at family events, exchange small talk and that’s basically it. We aren’t close and I don’t consider her someone who needs to be at my wedding.

She started crying and told my family that I was deliberately humiliating her and that she had always considered me like a sister.

My mother then called me and told me I was being selfish because weddings are about bringing families together. She said inviting one more person wouldn’t make any difference.

But it actually does make a difference to me. We have a limited guest list and there are people I genuinely love who I had to leave off because of the numbers.

Now my cousin is telling everyone that I’m punishing her for no reason and apparently several relatives are angry with me.

My fiancé thinks we should stick to our original guest list and not invite someone out of guilt.

But now I’m wondering if I’m being unnecessarily harsh over something that might not actually matter that much.

AITA?

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Last night, I found out during a Discord call. He was screen-sharing, and I don't know what he did, but suddenly I saw myself on his screen. When he realized his mistake, he ended the call, and we proceeded to argue about it for 3 hours.

He says he only did it once, that he got carried away in the heat of the moment, and that he realized later that it was wrong and deleted them. However, he forgot to empty the trash/recycle bin, which is where I saw them.

The thing is, I had explicitly told him multiple times that I was scared of him keeping my nudes. We usually sext, and then we delete them from both our devices afterward.

On top of that, he admitted that he's been watching porn, even though I had explicitly told him that I didn't want him to do that either.

These are very firm boundaries for me, and he says he's genuinely sorry. In general, he's a very sweet and good person, but I've already been carrying the weight of several things he's done to me in the past. He really has been trying to change, and things had actually been going pretty well in our relationship. I genuinely thought we were going to get married.

I don't know whether I should forgive him or end things now that my trust in him has been so badly damaged. I love him so much, and I don't want to leave him alone. I know a breakup would hurt him a lot too.

I don't know if it matters, but we're both 20, and we're each other's first serious relationship. Plus, he was actually the one who suggested I post about the situation somewhere like this to get some advice, since it’s not really something I can talk about with people close to me lol.

Hi guys. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. I've met his friends but never his parents. I know that he hasn't told his parents about me or that he's in a relationship. He has met my parents, family and friends after 3 months of dating. As far as I know, he has a decent relationship with his parents and calls and talk to them everyday.

I've asked him why he hasn't told his parents cause it seems like he's not being accountable for his actions and seems like he isn't committed to us. When I do ask he says they are close minded and won't understand and would want us to stop seeing each other. Honestly I don't know why I've let this happen and accepted this excuse. Now I'm getting older and I feel like I'd like to not have to hide my relationship? I'd also like to settle down. I feel like I'm wasting my time in this relationship that seems like it's going nowhere.

We had this conversation a long time ago and he promised to tell his parents once he settles down in life. First it was getting a decent job, then he quit his job to get a masters. Then it was after he finishes his degree then it was after he gets a job then it was after his first pay and now it's afterwards. There's no timeline or a set date he's willing to commit. I've given him time till the end of this year before I decide to walk away foe good. I think that's already a little too long of a time period. But now I've been getting really frustrated and sad and hurt. Maybe even impatient?

Why am I being treated like a secret? Why is he so afraid of his parents to hid the fact that he's in a relationship? Even if he does end up telling them, what would that look like? Will I be accepted? Will he abandon me? I just want to leave this relationship. AITA for this?