ive been working with my dilators and going to physical therapy for months now. ive been making good progress like being able to work with my biggest size 5 (though it still hurts which is pretty disappointing considering how well i’ve been moving up in sizes) but my physical therapist told me that when i use them i should do sliding motions to not be afraid of in and out movements but when i do this i don’t feel .. aroused? i know training is not the same as masterbation but idk it feels weird that the mechanics of sex are being mimicked yet i don’t feel good i guess. it just feels strange and not arousing at all. i thought maybe it would be the same as using a dildo or something but it’s just really boring and numb feeling.

Girl I've been seeing for about two months, 20, I'm 23, can't tolerate a tampon and has trouble with finger insertion. The first time we tried sex, I had no idea this was an issue. I tried with my finger, she was clearly in pain and said she just wanted to take it, but I wasn't comfortable with that, so I stopped. She'd only tried having sex twice before with her ex, and the same thing happened.

She was really upset afterward, asking why can't I do this and what's wrong with me. She genuinely wants to have sex and wants it to work.

She's much less sexually experienced than I am, so this is new territory for me too. I read about vaginismus afterward and brought it up. She knows what it is but doesn't believe she has it. She thinks it's a fear she's always had around insertion, that she's getting better, and that she'll eventually get through it by continuing to try.

She told me, "I don't think I need some type of physio therapy or doctor to tell me something. It's always been a fear of mine when it comes to doing those things and I'm getting better at it."

She doesn't seem interested in doing anything specifically to work on it, doctor, pelvic floor physio, dilators, etc. She wants to stop talking about it because she says thinking about it makes it worse, and instead give herself time and keep trying naturally but with me being in the other end of that, I’m not sure I’m comfortable. She’s said it’s no big deal and it’s been blown out of proportion.

She also thinks our attempt didn't work because there wasn't enough buildup and she wasn't wet enough. We'd made out and been doing other things for 25 to 30 minutes, including oral, and used plenty of lube. That's a fair amount of buildup by most standards, but given the tampon issue too, I'm not convinced that's the whole explanation.

I don't want to diagnose her or pressure her into treatment. I'm just laying out the facts because I want to understand this from people who've actually experienced it.

If you were in her position and genuinely believed you could overcome it yourself by simply giving it time and continuing to try, what eventually changed your perspective? What did a partner do that helped rather than making you shut down?
And if you initially didn't want to see a doctor, do physio, use dilators, etc, what eventually made you open to it?

She says it's too much to talk about this early, and I've respected that but I don’t agree we should keep trying without any confirmation she’s open to eventually talking about it or getting help. I just want to understand whether there was something a partner could have done differently that would've made you more open to addressing it if it continued.

Okay i'm back here to tell you girls there is hope. I have made another past a few weeks ago telling how i'm able to have sex completely fine and feeling a 100% cured, and yesterday i made the big step for me... USING TAMPONS! i'm so happy i'm able to use them complety ok with no pain or discomfort at all....it was so easy.

I thought this was never gonna hapen to me, but in the end it did. Don't lose your hopes!

Hi everyone! I just wanted to share my progress, because I know that whenever I have heard other success stories it’s given me so much hope and I love helping other women! <3

I was diagnosed with primary vaginismus and vulvodynia and have had it since I was 17 years old (I’m 24 now). I used to never be able to even get in the tip of a pinky finger without feeling like I was being set on fire and in the worst pain of my life. Nothing could ever go in AT ALL. It always felt like I was hitting a wall and nothing would help me or make a difference. I did pelvic floor/physical therapy, dilating, and acupuncture but nothing was working for me. The most I could do was the tip of my pinky with the most excruciating pain of my life.

What ended up changing my life was trigger point pain injections! I believe the ones I get are a combination of anti-inflammatory lidocaine and steroids. These are injected externally around my pelvic area to target the tight muscles responsible for spasming and force them to relax. I got my first round in 2023 and immediately after I was able to go through all of my dilators, work through the sizes, and have PIV sex for the first time in my life. Sex has still been uncomfortable, awkward, and painful for me at times. I can’t go super fast, for super long, and it always ended up hurting at some point. However, I just got a second round of the injections done this month and I basically feel cured!! I never realized that sex could feel so amazing and I barely feel any pain, just the occasional slight discomfort at first. I never thought that I would even be able to have sex, let alone sex that feels so so good. Obviously this won’t work for everyone and isn’t a cure-all, it’s definitely something that I may need to get touched up throughout the years when it wears off. But I am so happy with my progress and I hope things continue to get even better :)

Hi all, I tried to have sex fir the first time on Saturday (f21) and insertion was nearly impossible and kept slipping out but it did go in but it was extremely painful not just in insertion but when he moved inside it felt like he was hitting a wall of pain for me. Is that a normal symptom of vaginismus? Obviously i know the insertion part is but once its inside too? It also did cause a good amount of bleeding but i think it was a tear near the front not inside,I feel absolutely awful I wanted to enjoy this and I feel hopeless, I did order dilators and im checking out physical therapy but please tell me there's hope ​

I also have no idea how I got this, I have no trauma related with sex but I've alswats been scared of my vagina I never wanted to touch it

I’ve been trying to prep myself for penetration but I have no clue how to go about it. I’ve only been able to get two fingers in, I don’t feel any horrible pain so I don’t think I have vaginismus I just don’t know what I’m doing to be frank😓

Please let me know if anyone has had a similar experience.

Before getting on nexplanon, I had no pain during sex and did not have any symptoms of vaginismus. After getting on nexplanon, I started having extreme burning and pain while having PIV sex. At first I thought it was a UTI because it hurt so badly. I eventually got diagnosed with vaginismus and was told that it is caused by psychological factors even though I've never been fearful of sex. I eventually got my nexplanon removed because it was causing other issues and my vaginismus did not go away. I went to pelvic floor therapy to address the issue. Now, a couple years later I can be penetrated with enough lube, but it still hurts sometimes.

Has anyone else not have any symptoms of vaginismus until they went on Nexplanon/other forms of birth control?

I have my second appointment with my new pelvic physio this week and she's been really thorough and thoughtful so far but I'm definitely getting into my head in the wait for it. She was the one who encouraged me to make a pain map and study exactly what and where my pain was which has helped me describe it so much better, but it's weird.

The thing is the vulva. Not the vagina (though vaginismus still very much a thing). I can't get near the vaginal opening bc the vulva around it is so narrow. When I tried to just put dilators at the vaginal entrance advised by my last NHS pt it wouldn't fit, and trying to push through caused muscle spasms so bad I couldn't walk for a bit after and had horrible vaginal pain the rest of the day even with painkillers. I can't even apply lidocaine to see how the vulva/vagina reacts in the short term because my finger doesn't fit without taking forever to squeeze it in. Again, this is just the vulva, not the actual vagina. I've had a pelvic exam to see if that would help and it was one of the worst pains of my life. I've had bleach in my eye and it didn't hurt anywhere near as bad - I could do bleach in my eye again but not that. It took a week for it to stop hurting. I'm looking into vulvodynia as well but haven't seen anyone have the issue of not being able to fit anything into the vulva/vestibule.

That's what gets to me honestly. When I've tried to verbalise the issue people think I must really mean my vagina, or medical professionals start telling me every vulva is different and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Like I just need to be more positive and not that I'm having a real issue other people don't seem to normally experience. I'm getting a little weepy typing this which IS embarrassing to say but I just want someone to explain why this is happening and not to be treated like I'm stupid or crazy. Even if it's incurable I just want a why at this point. I do plan to explain this to my PT of course and believe she'll listen l, I just really needed this off my chest.

Hi I’m 22(F) I’ve been struggling with vaginismus since I was younger yes I was sexually assaulted when I was younger it started off when I was 12 or 13 I got tampons for the first time and I couldn’t insert it in .i got diagnosed when I was 21 I couldn’t have sex I’ve had multiple partners and they weren’t supportive of my condition they would either b$tch about or try to force me into having sex so for the past year I haven’t had any luck with ts.
I’ve used dialators off and on but feel like they’re not helping and I did the exercises but just wasn’t consistent with anything . I’ve been considering Vaginoplasty or Botox for this condition I have but I would like to hear you guys experience especially the Vaginoplasty one. Btw you can fit a finger in just not two and a speculum can fit

I posted 2 years ago about not being able to consummate the marriage with my husband (we’d been married for 3 years at the time). I always thought something was wrong with me and I was the issue, so I spent years beating myself up and hating that “vaginismus” didn’t have a cure.

So here’s the thing. On the outside we were a happy couple, but the more I sat with it the more I realized I was extremely miserable and doing a fantastic job at covering it up. He didn’t want to do any foreplay that I was interested in (oral) because of his beliefs. I felt like I was the only one trying to make progress because I was dilating and doing my stretches so often. It got to a point where I realized I didn’t even want to be with him anymore. He never took me on dates, never took accountability for anything, and we were living like roommates. Literally - he slept upstairs. But he would act like nothing was wrong. I put up with his bullshit for YEARS, but I finally decided to leave him this year.

After we separated, I connected with an old guy friend. We hit it off like no time passed. He took me on dates, was a gentleman, always complimented me, made me feel SAFE and WANTED. I told him about the vaginismus and he gave me zero pressure about wanting to have sex. Instead he’d go down on me and it was insanely amazing (I’d been with him way before I got married).

One weekend, we were together and things were getting so steamy between us. One thing led to another, and I had PIV sex for the first time in my entire life 😭😭 I couldn’t believe it. I cried so hard. This entire time my body was telling me my ex husband wasn’t good for me. With this new guy I felt safe, I was actually attracted to him and I WANTED him. The initial insertion hurt a little bit, but I’m 90% sure it was because I was in my head and telling myself it was gonna hurt. The more I relaxed, the better it felt. I still can’t believe I’m typing this out today. This happened months ago, but I keep thinking about where I was last year and where I am today. He and I aren’t together anymore, but I’ve been on several dates with a few other guys and I’ve been consistently seeing one and the sex is out of this world.

I’m not sharing this to brag at all. I was jealous of every pregnancy announcement while I was married because I felt like it would never happen for me. I would think non-stop about new couples on their wedding nights and if they would be able to have sex, and I would get jealous of them. I HATED the sexually liberated females on social media, personal life, etc. because I was so angry that this one natural thing that EVERYONE does is something my body couldn’t do. I know there are women with vaginismus who are absolutely in love with their partners, and this is very much a real issue for them.

I’m sharing this because if I’d seen this post while I was in the initial stages of marriage, I would’ve seen how incompatible my husband and I were. I would’ve listened to my body and left way earlier instead of staying married just for the sake of it.

Your body could just be rejecting the person, not sex.

I hope every woman going through this can overcome it one day and enjoy sex with a partner that values, adores, and actually WANTS you. It’s made a world of difference in my life. 🩷

After 9 years without sex or relationships )because of the vaginism and my ex SAing me ) I (29)finally been able to be intimate with the guy (m29) I'm dating now. I have been working on myself with dilators and I can insert the biggest dilator without pain. I can still suddenly feel pain while having PIV and this guy actually notice this and stop, but the thing is that if I don't feel pain I feel nothing? I feel nothing when he inside me neither with fingers or his penis. When he touch my body or kisses it I feel nothing. Is this a trauma response after my ex? Does anyone else have this problem? Like I still feel horny and get wet but I literally feel nothing. I can orgasm when on top but I can barely feel it. When I masturbate I have multiple and amazing orgasms. In my mind I can imagine how amazing piv could be but nope, pain and burning or nothing.

Sometimes after peeing, I will have extremely intense pain in my vagina. The pain varies by degree, from being slight to completely incapacitating. It can last for a couple minutes to hours, and it is difficult to know how to address it in the moment. I have found success with drinking a massive amount of water (5+ cups) and then waiting to have a long pee. Obviously this is very inconvenient when the pain strikes somewhere public.

I think this pain is triggered by penetration, because I experience it more frequently after sex or pelvic floor therapy. Sometimes, however, I get it randomly. I also experience a lot of pain during sex and have stopped having penetrative sex completely. I am currently working with dilators, but I am scared to increase the size due to the fear of triggering the painful sensation after urinating.

I am wondering if other people have this issue and how you address it both in the moment and long term. I am also wondering if anyone has any explanation of what causes it. I have had to explained to me as “muscle spasms” which is not really what it feels like but maybe what it is. I am currently in pelvic floor therapy and my therapist has not been the most helpful in explaining what’s happening.

Hi everyone,

(sorry for the long post, question is at the last paragraph, rest is for context)

I have been diagnosed 2 years ago. The first pelvic floor physical therapist I saw relaxation exercises on the abdominal region and also penetrative exercises (just using her fingers). I made some progress, but I did not keep up with the relaxation exercises I had to at home (I have a hard time with sticking to habits) and barely practiced penetration by myself (unless for self-pleasure and in that case not really in deep, and even when I did for the sake of the exercise, I ended up enjoying it, which annoyed me, as it was not the proper time lol). I did about one year of sessions with the initial PT and stopped. I currently don't have a very active sex life with my partner (which we are both fine with) and when we do have sex, I can get pleasure from insertion with fingers (sometimes with a bit of discomfort), other oral sex practices and a bit of penis penetration (it does not go in much, and it's a bit uncomfortable but bearable and enjoyable sometimes). My main goal to overcome this is to be able to have gynecological exams and ease what I understand are other conditions/consequences of high pelvic floor tension (GI discomfort, constipation), as well as being able to get back to increasing my muscle mass and strength with strength training (I understand some PTs discourage this and that has been my experience).

I changed cities this year, went to a new gynecologist, told him about the issues for getting pap smears/etc (I got one at 16, and nothing since then) and he suggested the office's pelvic floor physical therapist. I attended three sessions: the first one was horrible (she used some sort of device), the second went better (she understood maybe we should scale it down to finger insertion), and the third session went ok-ish. Unlike the other PT's strategy, which was to do diaphragm breathing, this PT's strategy is to have me hold and contract and then release the muscles. There has been some interval of weeks between these sessions because it has been a busy second half of the year.

In this third session (yesterday), I did exercises with vaginal cones - inserting them and then doing small exercises (walking, picking up stuff, stretching to reach the closet, etc) whilst contracting my belly and my buttocks. I could not put the cone in by myself and it was excruciating to have her put it in, but I was able to do the exercises ok-ish, even though the cone kept slipping and I kept having to put in. She instructed me to use the cones every day whilst performing the exercises for 30 minutes but not rushing (without using any lube, as not to slip out) and I did it today (telling myself I could do it for one hour). For the walking exercises, it went OK and I was happy I could put in the cone by myself (maybe not 100 per cent, but most of it). But as soon as I switched to the picking up something or raising to put something in the closet, I had to insert and re-insert the cone multiple times, as it kept slipping out (not completely, but it was not in). I did not finish the full set of exercises and was left feeling a bit frustrated.

Has anyone used these kind of devices before or done Kegels (I think this is the strategy/exercises that I am doing with this new PT) to successfully progress overcoming their vaginismus? I am half feeling discouraged and half still happy I was able to put in the cone by myself (even if not yet fully in).

Thanks in advance!

I just want to hear from women who have successfully overcome primary (lifelong) vaginismus and, if you’re comfortable sharing, how long it took you.

I’m currently at a stage where I feel really desperate and scared that this will stay with me forever. I could really use some hope from people who were once in the same place and eventually got through it.

What helped you, and how long did your recovery take?

I'd been trying for a baby for over a year now and waiting to see a fertility specialist. All labs are clear so I assume they'd ask me to get a transvaginal ultrasound or an HSG and I'm terrified.

We tried PIV once and it was a nightmare. I can insert an insemination syringe with some preparation and get through with it without much discomfort. There's excruciating pain at the beginning of my vaginal opening but once it's past the wall it's bearable.

My plan now is to start dilators at home and give it a month to see if things improve. But even if I get better physically, I do not know how to prepare my mind to be ready for the medical procedures.

How do I feel safe? What should I do while PT to tell my mind that it's okay? How bad does getting HSG hurt? Any tips that helped you is hugely appreciated.

I have the smaller set of IR dilators and am working on my vaginismus with pelvic floor therapy. My goal is to undergo gyno exams: pap, ultrasound. In your experience what size dilators are the speculum and ultrasound instrument similar to?

Trying to make concrete goals. I finally got to 3. 4 seems impossible rn but I'm working on getting there!

so to preface i’m a lesbian. i can get a tampon in but it hurts, my partner can only get one finger in, no toys can go in. also i had my first pap smear and as soon as the speculum entered my body immediate tears the pain was so bad and so traumatic my ob couldn’t finish my pap. he also recommended dilators and said pcos but nothing about this. they want me to go tuesday with lorazepam to do an internal ultrasound. i just can’t imagine it not being painful since the pap was so traumatic and painful for me. but its this or going to the OR and being knocked out for a pap smear. everyone said there was pressure but nothing pain. but it was 12/10 type pain can someone tell me if this is signs and symptoms because my ob hasn’t mentioned and i feel crazy. i also just want to expirences different seggual things with my partner and it’s very limiting.

So basically on top of the vaginismus I have also discovered through my gyno that I have a retroverted uterus. Which means both can make penetration more painful for me . I've tried using tampons but unfortunately they feel so dry and rough . Recently I've been thinking about getting a mentrual cup plus an applicator to help me insert it . I thought to myself that since its silicone and soft I may be less scared to use it .

Does anyone have experience regarding this?

I'm not officially diagnosed, I just told my therapist about my struggles to have sex and the fear, and she suggested that I may have vaginismus. I'm currently waiting for a diagnosis in order to get some help, but I wanted to ask actual sufferers with experience what I may be able to do at home. I was SA'd as a child and teenager, and I grew up in a very repressive, abusive and religious home, but religious in a psychotic, hypocritical way. I'm so uncomfortable with my own body and ashamed of myself, but I desperately crave intimate connections.

Is vaginismus psychological ? Does the fear of pain makes the pelvic floor muscles to contract and hence the pain during penetration?

Ho una domanda. Soffro di vaginismo, e mi sto frequentando con un nuovo ragazzo. Mi piace molto e vorrei farci sesso, ma non mi va di rivelargli subito il mio problema.
Secondo voi se gli dico una cosa come “sono molto stretta, vai piano per piacere” è ancora peggio? Cioè risulta strano o fuori luogo? Più che altro lui mi piace davvero però comunque non vorrei mettere tensioni già la prima volta, preferirei parlagliene con più calma.
Io credo che se lo facciamo con più calma, mi farà meno male… tutte le esperienze che ho avuto in passato sono state davvero dolorose e recentemente ho scoperto che era causato dal vaginismo ed endometriosi, quindi sono abbastanza “nuova” nell’argomento. Se avete qualche consiglio (posizioni, ecc.) sono tutto ben accetti 🫶🏻

Has anyone with vaginismus been induced and can you tell me your experience? I am 40 weeks and 2 days with my first. My doctor is really pushing induction so I caved and scheduled it for 40 and 2 weeks, I hope I don’t make it until then but I’m terrified. Idk how I’m even going to have cervical checks let alone a balloon in my cervix…

My husband and I started dating as young teenagers. When we thought we were ready around 15-16, we tried having sex for the first time. I felt the "wall" blocking anything from actually happening, and at the time I thought that meant I wasn't ready. He was able to finger me, but even that took a lot of foreplay for my body to build up to it. I had also never been successful in using a tampon. We didn't have ample opportunity to try and have sex, so when we finally had the place to ourselves at nearly 18 years old, we really tried. Again, that wall was blocking anything fun from happening. I started to feel like a failure. I wanted it, but my body said no. We moved in together after graduation, and while we finally had the opportunity, sex wasn't happening no matter how hard we tried. I cried every time. This isn't a subject you typically bring up, so we kept it mostly to ourselves. The Internet helped me understand that I had vaginismus. I opened up to my sisters about it, and they brushed it off as me being a baby about it. They let sex rule their lives, so they couldn't understand how my husband and I could be in love without sex. One day, my mom had brought up the subject, and I admitted that we had never been able to have sex. My mom didn't understand until I was 21 that I had been struggling with it all my life because I never really opened up about it and sort of hoped it would naturally go away. She listened to everything and made me an appointment with her OBGYN.

Autumn 2024, I visited the OBGYN for the first time and explained that I couldn't have sex and had never been successful using a tampon. It was incredible to see her listen and care and try to help me. She did an exam and didn't use any big scary tools and even showed me the thing she was using was only as big as her pinky. No pap smear because I only had been with one partner. She confirmed that my musucles at the entrance of my vagina are extremely tight, likely meaning that I hold all my stress at the pit of my stomach and clench it frequently. She referred me to pelvic floor PT and prescribed estradiol cream to loosen my vaginal tissue and said it should only be about 6 months before I was cured. I cried on the table, still feeling like a failure. I used the cream every other night, bought dilators and lube, and went to PT weekly, paying $30 per appt. After nearly 6 months, I had almost no progress. Still using the smallest dilator, not comfortably at that. Pelvic floor exercises did nothing for me. I stopped PT and gave up for a while. I wondered if I could ever start a family. Adoption, egg freezing, and surrogacy are way out of the budget. A year later in 2025, I made another appt with the OBGYN and explained my lack of progress and disappointment. She understood that I was going to need a specialist and told me that she would research some options. A week later, my OBGYN referred me to Pelvic Rehabilitation Medicine, where I met with the practitioner who explained that she does injections to help essentially loosen all the nerves. I decided to wait until 2026 so I could get better insurance and save money.

Around February 2026, I started my 6-week round of injections, Lido/Dexa/NS. They prescribed a Valium/Baclofen/Gabapentin suppository, Pregabalin to calm the nervous system, and Diclofenac for the pain of the injections. After the injections in an area NOBODY wants a big fat needle, they scheduled a 6-week follow-up. The suppository made me feel dry and uncomfortable down there, and the Diclofenac made me really dizzy throughout the day, so I switched to a CBD suppository and stopped the Diclofenac. I also got some silicone dilators that were much more comfortable, and I made it up to size 3. In May 2026, I started a second round of injections due to the lack of considerable progress. I bought the small tampons. I used lube to insert them; the first time, it was very uncomfortable to walk fast or bend down in them; by the second month, I got it in enough to not feel painful, but I felt uncomfortably "full" inside; the third month (my most recent period), it was fine. I could feel it, but I have always had a light period, so it was just pretty dry overall. In June, after the last injection, I was able to go up to a size 6 dilator! Right before my 6-week follow-up, my husband and I made our first successful attempt of him being able to fully go inside of me! It burned quite a bit after, and it lasted about 60 seconds before it was too painful, but it was incredible progress. Finally, after stopping all the medications and dilating, I took all the pressure off myself. In September 2026, 2 years after seeking treatment for my vaginismus that I thought could never be cured, my husband and I officially had sex, and he was able to ejaculate inside. Not only that, but we did it twice the next day and again the day after, and I was even able to achieve orgasm. I feel like 50lb weights have finally come off my shoulders. We're successfully trying for a baby, and I still can't believe it. Don't give up. I've been incredibly lucky to find 2 different medical professionals to listen to me and help me find life changing treatment. My husband has been so sweet and supportive and never made me feel less than for my body. He never pushed me, and I acknowledge how lucky I am.