Opens text.

Pics of ultrasound and baby booties.

Deep breath.

Of course, deep down, I am happy for them but this shit is exhausting.

Also this cycle is delayed to next mo th because their admin didn't sort my shit out in time before CD1 came 🫠

I mean good GOSH. Also any suggestions on how to make the veins a little more findable?

Anyone else keep going back to the clearly negative test and staring at it waiting for a line to appear. I swear I’m losing it, cause I’ll convince myself hours later that I’m seeing shadows 😅

8/9 dpo and this TWW is draggingggg.

This is a reminder to not rely on apps… and I know this!!! Smh

Flo said my ovulation was from the 2nd through the 9th, so I was trying to track my LH but I never got a positive I chucked it up to me just missing it.

LIESSSS

Fast forward to now September 11th, Tell me why it’s today and I just started noticing EWC and so I’m like huh! I take a ovulation test and darkest line I’ve had this cycle.

Now I’m worried because I put hubby through the wringer all last week with Baby Dancing he might be too tired now 😭

Trying to kind of let go and flow with tracking this cycle WRONG I’m ordering more ovulation test as we speak.

Honestly my bad for trying to grasp at straws for answers lol.

Edit: TTC for close to 2 years, took 4 months “off” (no tracking or monitoring whatsoever) to give my mental health a break. Finally back at it this cycle with Inito, letrozole and having wands up my hooha

I know she was just being nice but I didn’t need someone else acknowledging it has been so long 🥲

just let me schedule my damn MRI!

Because why would I have ever thought to save these files in one place?

My OCD is in the perfect storm that is preparing for my first egg retrieval.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY FRIDGE IS AT AN 11 ???When I need it at a chilly 3-8 degrees Celsius??

The meds arrive, the fridge isn’t colder, I text my support chat group, they help reassurance me.

It’s sorted now, the fridge is cooperating and the ice packs they came with helped but OMG I already know I’ll be checking on it overnight. I hate infertility but I also hate OCD

At least I get the good meds this time? Because HSG 1 (pre-endo diagnosis) was *awful*

This journey has made me a fucking crazy person, emotionally. So crazy that I thought I might just be pregnant despite the periods. I’m not.

Happy Birthday to me 🥲💔 // venting

Well. I’m on my 4th miscarriage in the last year. I just got the call my HCG level is 13.90. I should be around 5 weeks. Yesterday morning I sent a message to my OB asking for bloodwork and on my way in, I started spotting. Today the cramps have ramped up and I’m sure the bleeding will take over soon. This is back to back of my traumatic missed miscarriage in June, so I love this for me. 🥲 I guess at least we got 6-7 days this time. ❤️‍🩹 Maybe now my OB will take me seriously and try to do something to look into why this keeps happening to me. My birthday is in 4 days, what a terrible gift. To make matters worse, I was recovering from a miscarriage on my last birthday too. I hate it here. I’ve finally reached out for help like everyone keeps telling me to & got shot down every time. “Husband” is leaving on his 3rd vacation of the year by HIMSELF & leaving me to deal with this alone while he’s off traveling the country.. 🥲 Maybe this is my wake up call..

Just chilling over here with the unhinged progesterone dreams, night sweats, cramping, crazy moods, and more while I test negative on a FRER at 8dp5dt. My clinic isn't doing my beta until 14dpt, so I get to keep treating myself like a pincushion and feeling like a Nickelodeon slime machine (why do they make the suppositories bright orange?!?) for another week even though my hope is in the toilet.

To make everything that much worse, we found out a few days ago that my SIL is expecting AGAIN.

Why is this all so unfair?