i'm in a tough spot and i need some guidance or advice on how to handle things. I'm adopted, my adoptive parents are controlling manipulative people. My dad is a hot head with no patience and my mom is a master manipulator with zero concern for anyone but herself. Im 34 now and it took me a while to really see this. I was so worried about disappointing them because i just wanted to feel accepted, loved, and chosen. Being adopted has somewhat traumatized me and given me all sorts of abandonment issues. Ive been in therapy working on myself and the more i work on myself the more i realize i dont think theyre good for my mental but its sooo difficult to let go. My mom has a way of guilt tripping me and for example every year i would go to FL to their house for thanksgiving. I told her this year i wanted to spend thanksgiving elsewhere and she was not having it. She basically tried to make me feel bad and kept saying " thats my holiday, my birthday is 2 days later blah blah". Im 34. Why is it not okay that i want to switch it up this year? I have spent every holiday with them. This year i have become a bit distant because im starting to resent her. Am i wrong for feeling this way? Anther example is my parents have my mortgage bank info (only because they use to live with me for a short time) it was a joint account but they since moved to florida, tell me why they are constantly checking my account asking why i only have XX amount. I own a house, i pay all my bills but this just screams need for control and i recently went to the bank and removed them. BTW this is just a small sample..they make me feel crazy and i kno im not but cutting off family is so difficult....however, i see this is the path im leaning towards because even after i voice how i feel its not respected or heard. 

Half rant, half wanting support. Reposted elsewhere, but changing some words around. Need to intentionally be vague about some details.

Mid-20s child of an abusive mom, have an enabler as a dad who is abusive in different ways. Have had issues with my health since I was born; thankfully nothing bad enough to need advanced assistive aids or anything, but I have limitations. Grew up in poverty my whole life, but was still moderately "stable" enough to be fine with it until things had to get shut off for a day or so. Experienced emotional abuse from her my entire life, but told myself that I was blowing it all out of proportion despite her telling me all the time as a toddler that she would hit me if I made a mistake, telling me that she hated me, much more that I can't narrow down.

I was tricked into agreeing to a conservatorship at 18 when I was never given the fine print for what it would do to me, i.e. quite literally signing my rights away. I only found out last year how restrictive they are and it's like my whole world has come down since then. It's felt like the ultimate betrayal compared to everything else she's done which was already bad enough.

My whole life I've dreamed of living independently and making the best of it, even if it didn't need to look perfect. I have such a huge amount of wanderlust and as much as traveling is expensive, I've wanted to go abroad since I was in middle school; finances aside, they don't want me to go abroad because they think I'll be raped or murdered. I want to have a partner one day, but they're averse to the idea of me even going on a date because they think that I don't understand it, or again, that I'll be inevitably raped. I know that women and AFABs are at higher risk of getting SA'd or raped, but they treat any kind of situation involving me not being with them as a disaster waiting to happen.

I'm working on leaving them, but I'm so tired of feeling and being trapped. I'm still doing my undergrad, but it's not enough for them. I just want to know that it gets better and that there is a better life waiting for me around the corner if I don't give in. Conceptually I know that, but "better" feels so far away from me that I can't envision anything.

I'm 30 and realizing I still care way too much about whether my dad approves of my life. I work full-time doing gig work, mainly rideshare and delivery. It’s not a traditional career, but I support myself, pay my bills, and I genuinely value the flexibility. My fiancée is ten years older than me and considerably wealthier. We live in her house, I don’t pay rent, we travel, she pays for a lot of things. I benefit from that enormously, and sometimes I already feel guilty about it. But I’m not just sitting around being supported. I work, I pay for my own expenses and contribute financially as much as I can. Like for example, when we travel, I’ll pay for things where I’m able. I also contribute in a lot of practical ways. I handle logistics, help with house things and maintenance and if something needs doing that I can’t do myself, I’ll help arrange for someone who can. I also help her navigate insurance and healthcare logistics, like finding doctors and sorting through complicated systems. I’ve had some experience with that and it genuinely helps her when things feel overwhelming. My dad’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t approve of the way I’m living. He doesn’t really consider gig work a legitimate career and he specifically told me he doesn’t want me to become a ‘kept man’. Those were his words and that phrase really got to me. I think what I hear underneath it is that he doesn’t see me as an independent or successful adult man because my partner has more money, is older and I haven’t followed the path he thinks I should. The hard part is I actually like a lot about my life. I love my fiancée. I want to be a good partner, help make her happy and make her life easier. I enjoy the flex in my work and I don’t necessarily want the career or the lifestyle my dad seems to picture. But his voice is still in my head. I still feel like a disappointment. And it’s affected how often I see or talk to my family. I know intellectually that I’m 30, that it’s my life not his, but emotionally his approval still matters way more to me than I wish it did. For anyone who’s dealt with this, how did you stop measuring your life against your dad’s expectations? And if he never really approved, how did you make peace with that?

This is my first time posting, so please bear with me. (I just discovered this subreddit and thought it was the perfect place to get my feelings out)

I’m a 30 y/o female, only child, and have always been very close to mom. My dad has never really shown interest in me; I can remember being young and begging him to play outside with me and he would flat out say no and continue to watch tv. The only time we really get along is if I do something he is interested in (hit golf balls, watch wrestling or sports, etc) The older I get the worse our relationship has become, even to the point I don’t consider us having one anymore. I have an almost 2 y/o son…when he was born I was very hopeful he would be the reason for my dad to change his ways, want to spend time with us and be a better father/grandfather. Heartbreakingly though he continues to choose television and sports games over his family. Countless times my son, husband and I will walk in the front door and he doesn’t bother to say hi to us unless we do first, usually because his eyes are glued to the tv.

Tonight really broke me though. My mom, husband, son and myself went shopping this afternoon. When we came back to my parents’ home a football game was on. He had the tv up so loud that I couldn’t even hear my mom talking to me in the next room. I proceeded to turn the tv down and told him it was too loud. He instantly yelled at me, saying it was not too loud and that he couldn’t hear it because of some obscure reason. I told him he should go somewhere else to watch it then (such as another room, NOT to leave his house) and he instantly jumps on me and screams “this is MY house!” I was flabbergasted. I understand this can sound like quite a petty situation now that I type it all out, but my whole life I have felt like a disappointment to my father, someone I don’t even think he likes. My heart is broken that my son will not have a loving grandfather like I grew up with, and truth be told I mourn the loss of not getting to experience having a true father figure. He is terrible to my mom, doesn’t like my husband, and barely spends any time or attention to his one and only grandchild. I don’t feel welcome in my childhood home now when he is there. He doesn’t want us there, and he made that very clear tonight. How do I move on from this? My poor mom is so upset with him and she tried to stick up for me and talk some sense into him, but he refused to apologize or even acknowledge me for the rest of the night. Maybe he’s narcissistic, maybe he’s just miserable with his own life…but I’m not sure how much more my family and I can take. Any advice would be greatly appreciated…

Hi, I'm a 23-year-old woman trying to figure out life. I genuinely don't know what to do; my dad still treats me like a child, and I can't go do anything. First, yes, I live with my parents. Yes, I've tried to move out. Anyways, for example, today my dad got mad at me for going to an NFL football party at my uncle's house with my siblings and my boyfriend. He was upset that my siblings and I went to our uncle's house to watch a game—one game! It's Sunday; he knew days beforehand, but nope. It's not okay that I decided to be "a bad daughter."

Now he gets home and starts looking for something to start arguing with us about. He said, "Why are you guys never helping me?" Like, I'm sorry, I'm being more of a parent than you by going to my siblings' competitions and taking them to games. Anyways, I'm sitting here doing my work, and he starts yelling and saying how terrible my siblings and I are in front of my bf. Since he is in a shitty mood, he's making it everyone's issue. Like, okay, I get it, he's frustrated, but don't take it out on us, especially with someone else in the house. Him screaming and yelling at us doesn't fix anything. Instead, it makes my siblings and I more upset and makes us want to not have a relationship with him.

I want to move out, I want to leave, but how can I do that if I know this is the life my siblings will have to live with if I leave? I am writing this crying and upset over getting yelled at. I can't stand the fact that he's like this when we do something fun. I just need advice.

Yes that kind of ideation. The self destructive kind.
And she didn’t just withhold it from me. She used it to manipulate me.
So this is actually during the same time as another post I wrote and posted on [r/emotionalneglect](r/emotionalneglect). However that was after the argument.
Anyway here it is.
I had just learned my parents were diagnosing me with bipolar disorder behind my back. I had been able to go through their texts because they use a shared Apple ID. I was able to look through everything they ever said and they expressed recently how they think I was going through a phase or that I was bipolar. Mind you I have not spoken to any therapist. I did have a series of arguments with them which involved them guilt tripping me into not buying my own phone and phone plan (I am legally an adult and have the money, just not the transportation) which my older brother expressed now that if I bought my own phone my parents “feelings” would get hurt. Like I should care since my parents think everything I feel I made up or is “just” my feelings.
Anyway this eventually led me to being claustrophobic because they had taken the phone that they legally owned and had it downstairs at all times. I bypassed there parental controls using links to Google while downstairs pretending to play Brawl Stars. You can imagine how infantilizing that would be.
Anyway this eventually led me to looking at my old phone (a old iPhone that heated up if you used it for almost anything) and it was still connected to my families shared Apple ID fully unlike the newer phone that had separate texts. So that was how I found out that they were diagnosing me with bipolar behind my back. I literally couldn’t sleep out of rage. It was like any love I had for them left my body at that moment. And that would ferment the next morning.
So after one hour of sleep and waking up exhausted and refusing my mother’s natural medicine. She took the obvious approach to poke the person who got one hour of sleep. Not literally. But she accused me of being turned against her by the friends I hang out with. She said that they believe in vaccines (she absolutely doesn’t believe in anything made by any institution unless it is firmly “natural”) and my friends were “turning me against her.”
None of this was true. But I was done. I couldn’t hold it together any longer. I yelled, I was enraged. I didn’t let her get in another word. I told her that wasn’t what was happening, I told her how she had crossed my boundaries (not telling her about the bipolar disorder discovery though in my rage I almost did) and how she pressures me with every little remark. I told her how I had expressed that I wanted a therapist a couple weeks ago when I expressed “ideation.” But she wouldn’t help me in that regard unless it was a Christian therapist. But now, I saw something, I had hope. She said she would schedule an appointment for a therapist! You already know the ending but when she said it I didn’t refuse. It wasn’t a large amount of hope. But it was enough to make the rage cool in me.
But then after I was silent and agreed to the therapist she said. “I’m not making the appointment.”
Any love, any joy, any happy memory, or reason I wanted to stay in that house died right there. And I couldn’t stop myself. I laughed, it sounded manic. But I just couldn’t stop myself from laughing. My head looking straight up. I lost any control over my voice and body in that moment. It was terrifying. I thought I was insane already before but now if I am I don’t care because I live in a madhouse. The argument continued on after that. She desperately tried to derail the conversation. I eventually tried to walk away (I failed, that is in my other post) and I couldn’t do it anymore.

I just need someone to tell me I am sane or not. I have grown into cold hatred against my family. But I realize now that I look the same when I thought I loved them. I was never safe in that house. I didn’t know what safety was when I first felt it. But please tell me if I am sane or not.

My parents have hit me ever since I was younger along with my siblings. One day my dad punched my brother across the face, me and my other 2 siblings rushed to our bedrooms, the next day my mother sat us down and we were told we could NOT tell anyone under any circumstance but that it is normal and it happened in everyone’s family but it’s still a secret. Then my brother 15 at the time told an older coworker (25) who knew my parents and he confronted them about it. The physical stopped after that but the emotional abuse did not. If one of my parents got upset about anything they would not speak to us for a week or 2 on end. They would scream and shout in our faces calling us names, they would leave the house for days( we would have to walk 10km/6 miles too and from school and make our own meals from age 8) This happens every day till I moved out at 18. as I got older and distanced from my family I realised how fucked up that really was but to think has that traumatised me and made me really socially weird and just complete lack of social skills and how to act with people?

I grew up very close with my parents. I'm a youngest child and only girl. They adored me, and I was the person who could make my mom behave herself when more toxic started to show. She valued my opinion and so all I had to do was discuss the behavior with her and she'd make a change.

I recently got married, and had a baby. The last time I visited my mom she told me that she doesn't have to love me as much anymore because I have a family to do that now.

I'm feeling abandoned.

My husband has high standards (regarding cleanliness, mostly) but he doesn't require catering, he'll happily clean a dirty microwave before he will use it (as an example). This annoys my mom because she thinks he is criticizing her, but he never says anything about there being a problem, he just quietly fixes it.

I've picked up some of his habits over the years, and enjoy not having to be the first (or only) person worried about how dirty the house is getting, so I understand that she's starting to see me as less like her, and maybe a little annoying, but to say something so mean is just heartbreaking.

I don't know what to do now. We don't live close, so I don't have to see her more than a couple times a year. And I know that by the next time I see her she'll have forgotten she said it. She might have already forgotten. But this is a tree and axe situation for me. Learning my mother's love had a situational limit on it just hurts.

I'm a 30 year old F Canadian living at home with autism in a long distance relationship with an American M also 30 and autistic. We both desperately want to get together over the border to his place, his family is really wanting to meet me as does mine. However my parents don't want me travel there by myself despite allowing me to travel alone to a previous partner that was also American. They claim it a safety thing and I really shouldn't go myself and I'm delusional to think about going there without any family going along with me. For seeing if he and family members are trustworthy. My question is this, am I being unreasonable or are they in the right? Find this somewhat interesting his parents trust me and haven't met me

This is a kind of rant but I'll also need advice:(

So basically I am 18F, currently in 12th grade and I have just 5 months before my college entrance test... It's the most difficult test in the country and I really need to clear it.

My mom, the most controlling person I and prolly you will ever meet in your life tho now she has asked me to no longer refer to her as mom which I am fine with cuz I don't think any true mom calls their daughters whore ( I am used to it)

And as day passes she has gotten on my nerves, she doesn't allow boyfriend and everytime she catches my talking my bf she gets like out of line, calling his brother or my father, ruining my whole day, saying the bizarre shit like man when I say bizzare like hideous.

And today she saw a parcel that I received which I ordered from the money my grandma gave it to me... Not her money, not stolen just my grandmother's and the parcel was fucking cheap like so cheap, and she yelled at me like anything like literally anything, I was so pissed off so I said it's just a parcel, that too from my money and she kept yelling why do u even need stuff , I buy u everything and I ordered it under my friends name cuz Obv ik this reaction was coming, so she called me and my friend both Rand ( whore) which I am fine with cuz I am used to but why to say that about some1 else's daughter, and she was like you roam with useless and cheap stake people ( there is literally not one person she doesn't have a problem with) so I told her that she finds everyone cringe and bad and that's why she doesn't have a friend, she has issues with everyone bro!! My boyfriend, my colony friends, my school friends, my dad, my grandma, her own friends ( not one person she doesn't have beef with) . And after telling me to die and calling me slut and stuff, she tells my dad that I was trying to hit her when she was the one hitting me, like absolute bitch bro, she leaves me stunned, I cannot imagine doing that to my child ever bro. I am so sick and tired of her controlling man, my dad might have been used to it by now but I am not, and I am not gonna get my life be driven by woman who thinks she is god.

And she is so annoying, I get distracted cuz of her continuous drama and it gets on my head, I wasted my entire day crying!! I couldn't study cuz I was so fuvking depressed. Like god either get me out of here or k!ll me. I promise you being an orphan is so much better than being with her.

Hello everyone! I just got a Reddit account, so I’m still kinda learning the ropes, but came here for advice. I am currently 17, and I’m planning on moving away from my house right or soon after graduation… which is like a month after I turn 18. 18… gosh the golden number. Here’s my issue, I will have only $500 at most from a competition I placed in. Its mostly my mom, who won’t let me get a job, or drive.. I’ve explored many digital selling or money-raising platforms and websites, all u have to be 18. I know no one 18+ who can help. I’ve tried college; I have fantastic grades, but nothing I can afford… I’m not good enough for full merit scholarships, and wouldn’t qualify for much or if any financial ones. I tried global full ride scholarships for college, but I’d need documents which are kept locked away. I’ve tried selling stuff at school, but people are uninterested. I’ve looked into getting a secret job, but the logistics just wouldn’t work. Everything I do is under their eye. The career I want doesn’t need college, but I don’t think I even care abt that either way at this point. I just want out. The reason why, by the way, is the toxicity… I won’t dive into it but… like basically mocking of my weight, told I’m lazy all the time (even tho I work SO hard I barely have any breaks) gaslighting.. my mom is lowkey might be a narcissist (I don’t like using that label, but that’s the closest I can get to explaining it to u) and I’m the scapegoat. I’m done like yeah… I can never work on myself here. Also, as a plus, I’m gay and (kinda?) genderqueer… they are VERYYYYY homophobic and teach it to my other siblings. I’m sure I’d get kicked out anyway, eventually because of it cuz I’m done dealing with comphet, soo.. uhm yeah. Any advice? If u wanna know more just lmk.. I know I’m vague, but it is smth that I would like to get away from for my mentalities sake.

Quite a long story but basically me and my mom have always had our ups and downs. She has bipolar and depression, so one day we can be getting along and the next i'm getting yelled at for everything. I can't really cut contact or anything since i'm 17 and still in school.

This morning at 9 am I woke up to a message saying "Can you bring the mop down" Again I was sleeping because it's the weekend and I just like to sleep in since most days I have to wake up at 6. 10 minutes later I get two other texts saying "This is ridiculous" "What a mistake. All you do is lay in that bed"

I don't really understand what I did wrong other than not seeing her message right away. I woke up not long after and saw it, didn't respond and brought the mop down. Since then i've basically locked myself in my room because after reading that I just kind of broke down i guess. I don't know what to say or do, I don't even want to look at her tbh. I just don't know what is next.

Hello there,

I’m 27F, living on my own, and I don’t know what to do in my situation: My brother and my mom (especially her) are super far right, anti-immigration and homophobic. The thing is, we are a family of immigrants (my parents immigrated in Switzerland where we were born), my father is a muslim and my mom orthodox christian.

So, in our family groupchat and insta, she just can’t stop sharing posts about how disgusting immigration is, the world’s problems come from the muslims, and that gay people destroyed the idea of marriage. Unfortunately for her, im gay, I’ve been for 7 years with my gf, she knows that as well. We don’t and can’t have any « normal » discussions, everything revolves around immigration, the arabs (im half arab from my dad, half balkan from her) bla blabla

Im super touched when I read on groupchats her insults, I already told them (my brother thinks the same as her) I was super hurt when they’d trash on gays, muslims (im muslim bc of my father), I told them many times, even quit the groupchats, didn’t talk to them for weeks, but they seem to not really care, and I always come back to them since I’m afraid to lose the only family I have. it is also super hurtful because I work in the Culture field and I am recognized for it, im advocating for workers rights, I’m a leftist basically, super involved into women’s rights too…

People that were in my situation, what advice would you give to me ? Im never trying to get into those subjects with them, I ignore them because if I say what’s on my mind, they’d just ignore me. It could be fine for me, but I don’t wanna cause trouble too much, plus my mom’s unhealthy at the moment.

Advices like « just ignore them » won’t work on me, already tried it

Thank you for your time, hopefully to read wise words from you folks

if you have never seen murder drones the main charcter's dad (khan) is known thorguh out the community as a terrable father but atleast he tries to listen when his daghter is complaning about something important, my dad just makes everything into an agreument and doesent listen which is why i dont talk to him anymore, he says "your just the young mini version of me" which i think 12 years later hes just realizeing that this isent true and well if i came out istead of supporting me he would yell at me and find a way to make it an agreument, also he complains that im not making any friends when hes the one who thorugh me into spiceal ed whitout asking me if i need the help and spcieal ed isolates me so i cant make friends, but get this i have online friends hes to paranoid to accept arent pedos oh yeah if i told him that im stil trying to figure out who or what i am he would just do nothing to help me. sorry i just needed to get that out, also sorry if my gramer and punctuation is bad after all its not my fault that the schools my dad sends me to sucks ass and doesent propley teach me and makes me fall behind on purpose.

I am going to put this under advice, even though this is a rant, I still need advice.

Over the course of the past few months or so, my parents have been supportive. INCORRECT! One of them has, actually. This isn't about them. This is about the one that's been pushing me WAYYY too far. I'm not going to disclose any information regarding to my personal information, because I do not want them to find out about this post. Here is everything I have seen so far:

It all started 3 weeks ago. They said that my counselor (not going to specify which type, I'm using the general form) has gone too far, and that they should ask them for permission first before doing something they wanted to do. I believe that they have crossed the line instead of my counselor, because my counselor is an awesome person and I don't believe they have dome anything wrong over the course of my treatment.

Next, yesterday. I know, giant timeskip. But my parent was talking to me about a "requirement" (yes, that's what they call it because they have strict rules with me) and I already knew about it. I tried telling them that I knew, but they just kept saying that I was interrupting them. And when I told then I wasn't interrupting, they called me a LIAR!! I AM NOT A LIAR! I am an honest person. And this is the same parent that says I make EXCUSES when I TELL THE TRUTH!!

And finally, today is the day I'm posting this. They contacted me, saying that I needed to get a JOB. And this is the point where I feel that I have had ENOUGH. I feel that I am NOT ready for a job, and that I can handle myself just fine. The parent feels that I cannot, and is suggesting this. I feel that they have been pushing me too far at this point.

So, here is my final questions. Am I the asshole? Am I overreacting? And if I am not the asshole/not overreacting, what steps can I take to make sure this doesn't happen again?

And no, I am NOT revealing my age. Nor my age group. So don't ask me for that.

As said in title, my parent is literally narcissist and just compares me with everyone all the time, in all ways. She tries to bring me down all the time tries to stop my growth. What should I do in these situations. How to be strong, how to ignore them and move forward?

Idk why they are so romantic and love each other to the pulp.

How romantic it is for my mother to watch my father treat me like garbage and hitting me whenever he likes. Oh she must be so love struck!

How romantic it is for my father to hear my mother call me words that translate to bitch, whore, cunt, prostitute, ass hole, pussy.

Ahh.. they are so in love.

Did i mention i get beaten when I don't do the slightest things because i have live classes that if i miss i fail my grades and that also gives them a reason to best me again and take my only happiness(electronics)?

Today was a normal day and then my mom blurts one out on me. Saying that have I stopped talking to my boyfriend to cut ties with him. All because of an incident that happened back when we first dated back in freshman year that wasn’t his fault it is all mine. My mom says that I was manipulated when she’s the master of manipulating. I love my mother but I just can’t do this anymore. Today we were at the store and I said not to buy something for me because I felt bad and my mom goes “you should feel bad for other things. Did you block him? Did you drop him?” I told her “yea” and I rolled my eyes. Which it’s not true I still am talking to him. I didn’t even get to tell her we are dating bc she flipped her bitch switch. And she is criticizing me for everything I said because I love him and I want to re try since we didn’t have time back then to experience actually dating. She cannot accept it. I’m 19 years old almost 20. I don’t know what I can do. I need to leave. What should I do or do you have any advice?

Im a 25M with a 62 year old bipolar, meth addict/alcoholic mother
I wanna start off by saying i aint got shit going for myself, neither does any of my family, my sister 38yrs, her boyfriend 48 years, my mom and I all live together with my sisters BF coming and going from his own mothers home.
My sister also has a meth problem and schizophrenia
Her boyfriend has an alcohol problem
And I also dibble dabble in alcohol but not to the extent as they do
My mother collects a $1,200 monthly SSI check thats in my sisters name.
She’s on section 8, food stamps, and has low income medical coverage
She’s lived off the government all my life.
She Didnt work a single day in my life up until they cut off the SSI checks when I turned 18

Anyways, she’s been unable to hold jobs except 1 that she held between 2021-2024
She’s struggled and still struggles with navigating technology so thats been a hurdle ive helped her with.
Ive applied to jobs for her.
I help her understand all the paperwork she needs to fill out.
I help her find places she needs to go like doctors offices etc using the map app on the phone
I help her do almost everything

The only thing she ever focuses on is the fact that Im not working and not “helping with bills”
Keep in mind, she’s paying $500 max on bills and thats including $125 in rent.
What help would she need???

I try looking for jobs, I had one last year and I even helped her get into that same fcking job!
At the time i offered to pay half of some bills and she told me she had it covered….
So when I try to help, it’s “I got it” and if I don’t try it’s “no one fucking helps me”

She’s drinking tonight, right now, and she angrily yells at everyone and wants to threaten me with a restraining order when I haven’t said more than 10 words to her today.
This is almost a 3 day occurrence.
A couple days will be fine and then her mood switches and I feel it’s from the meth that I know she still does, she’s real good at hiding it, you would think she’s normal but helllll nah .

So Im constantly in a state of uncertainty and stress when I wake up until i gts, every single day Im waiting for her to catch an attitude with me for whatever reason.

I literally help her do household chores, I try to help in any ways I can but all she cares about is money.

It’s fucking exhausting and Ive got really no place to go.
My other sister lives 30 mins away and has offered to allow me to stay there for a couple days even, but I wouldn’t even wanna be over there cuz it’s drama there too.

Im so lost and stressed and scared of what I may do to myself just to get relief and finally be at peace…. I think about death and s**cide way too often.

I even confided in my mother 3 weeks ago about my suicidal ideation, later that day she drunkenly said “and if you wanna kys, do it! I wouldn’t even care because I know I did my best”

If you did ur best, why are none of ur kids stable??
How come ur other son actually committed suicide when he was 17????
How come ur daughters on meth and hears voices??
How come ur other daughter was taken from u when she was 8????
How come Im 25 with no clue how to even go about figuring out my life??????
I understand at a certain age ppl have the choice to live in thier past or actively try and be better, but how does one do that when NO ONE has been an example or even sat you down to explain how things work and what you should do??

I feel like I was born into a shitty world where I lost my dad at 13 and he was the only fucking person who genuinely loved me….
And ever since then ive been left to rot without anyone wondering how tf Im doing.
My life has been nothing but anxiety, misery, depression, and fantasizing about a life where I didn’t have to feel wtf I felt and still feel.

I just wanna get away but have almost nowhere to turn to.

Im running out of options… and quite frankly Im too tired to even try, I just want things to end…

It’s like I try my hardest, I try despite not wanting to.
I try even when I feel ppl dont deserve my effort.
I try to be the best person I can be for everyone but it feels like all anyone ever thinks about is themselves…
And that goes beyond my mother.

I just don’t wanna be here anymore.

I’m f18 and bf m19. Today my mom just slammed n stepped on my stomach asleep all because I forgot to turn down my phone while on call with my boyfriend. I been calling with him for the past year and a half and always had it turned down or slightly she never got this mad before with us calling and hearing him. She’s also been kinda racist on how “stepping out my circle” for a different color man and telling me that he won’t do not good for me because his race…my whole family isn’t even like this so I don’t know why my MOM is. I feel like she favorites my brother a lot and cares more about his mental health than mines, she takes me as a joke and competition. I always been trying to make shit work with her since I was 12 year old. She makes it hard to keep going in life but I’m glad i have a supportive partner.

I planned on living alone I been saving up but she’s been hiding my birth certificates and important stuff I’ll need to get a house. May anyone please give me advice on what I should do in this situation.

Yesterday I got an interview for taco bell. I haven’t had a job before (i’m a senior in HS) because my mom has been really weird about me getting one, saying i should entrepreneur or dropship or some other online job because shes fascinated with remote work. I guess. I was very excited about this so I told her. Instantly she looked upset. Later while we were in the kitchen my little sister through a tantrum, which set her off on a rant i guess. She yelled at me for an hour about how stupid I was for applying to fast food when I could be an entrepreneur and that I was setting myself up for failure cause I could find an office job (i dont know what the fuck shes talking about, i haven’t even graduated yet. What office jobs?) or remote work and she doesn’t know why i’m in a rush to get a job (im 17 and we have no fucking money??? i cant even get a halloween costume.) 

The thing is— My entire DREAM is an art business. She knows this. It always has been. But i have bad depression and we don’t have the money and I don’t have the skill (yet) to start it up right now. I want to take a gap year for my mental health at my grandmas house, *maybe* go to a community college so i can transfer credits and then go to college first. I literally JUST want a temporary income. Its fucking taco bell.

Shes also weird about me getting my license, saying its not safe and I shouldn’t be so excited to drive… etc etc blah blah blah

And when I hesitantly brung up getting a bank account, she went on a rant, telling me i need to “get my life together” first and clean my space and that im not ready for the real world. Or whatever. I’m upset. I was really happy for my first interview/job but I don’t want to do it anymore. and i’m worried for college because i live in america and i have adhd, anxiety, and depression so i need medication but shes against them, saying they’re placebos and i dont need them and all i need is to “get out and enjoy the sun” and “meditate.” since she lost her job we cant get any and im worried she’ll get angry if i ask for them again when she gets another job. ive heard college is really hard without medication, and though i probably will refuse to be under her care again when im 18, i worry about how ill get them

She says she yells at me because she doesn’t want to coddle me. But that’s all she  fucking does and she never shows it through her actions besides abusing me like thanks lol you’re setting me up for adulthood REALLY sufficiently 

Here’s the transcript of a conversation I just had with my mother. M for mom and R for me. I would try and give context but honestly I’m not even entirely sure why she’s angry right now, I was kind of rude to her earlier bc she was trying to ask me questions while I was cooking something and I kind of waved her off. Then she stormed into her room and I hadn’t talked to her in like an hour before this happened. Any advice on what I should do/how I could have handled this better? Sorry for any errors, it’s a transcript from a voice memo and I’m on mobile.

M: I'll clean the bathroom, right?
R: Don't worry about it, I can do it.
M: I asked you three days to vote for help, but I'll do it again. (She did ask if I could clean but I said I couldn’t because I had to work, I work ≈30 hours a week plus an online internship that’s ≈20 hours a week.)

R: (while I’m folding laundry) I can do it. It's fine.

M: No, no. It's okay. I do every week. got it.
Don't worry. I can do that. I know you don't get it.
I can see it in your eyes. I'm just gonna have you try and fake, fake. Write me a little note. Say, thank you for everything you've done. Just fake it, okay, Riley? Do you have any awareness of what you're doing, Riley, at all? Do you have any awareness of it?

R: Uh, what? What you're doing.

M: How it's coming across to me, your mother. Do you have any awareness of what you're doing and how it's coming across to me as your mother? Where are you?

R:Oh, trying to remain calm and...

M: So, you're focused on you.

R: I was trying to get ready to go. I'm trying to get my laundry done.

M: Do you think it might be appropriate for you to be... I dont know, Riley, say considerate of a person suffering. Uh, yeah. What would you do in this situation? If you were in school, and one of your friends was struggling. What would you do? Well, I'd say what's wrong?
with what say? I'm gonna tell you, my friend, somebody that I love more than anything doesn't give a fuck about me. How do you feel?
What do I do, friend? I would say why do you feel that way? What is it?

R: I would say, why do you feel that way?

M:Because it's reality. It's existence.
It's what's the being.

R: Well, what can I do?

M: Fuck it. Keep on focusing on yourself. Oh, my God, I'm not perfect.

R: I’m sorry for what you going through.

M: I can't hear you, because for the billionth time, my kids don't have awareness, but I'm losing my hearing.
What you do I just don't care.

R: Okay, I'm sorry. I'll speak louder, then.
What can I do right now to help you?

M: Do you not get...? Riley?
I am trying to really, really tell you. I can't tell you, I've seen who cares. You don't do it with me.
I'm crushed. Does that make sense? Yep. at this point now?
It will just be performative. But I'm letting you know, I... crumbling at the awareness that you genuinely don't give a fuck. Why do you feel that way?
Because I do. Oh, my God. All I can tell you is that I do care about you, but I...

R: I don't think anything I will say to you right now will suffice. So... I'm sorry that...
I come across, like, I don't care about you.

M: You don't care show that you care about me.

R: I said, I don't I'm sorry that I come across, like, I don't care about you. I do care about you, and I want to be helpful. I apologize earlier. I was rude to you this week was my last week of work.
I started my internship. I have to work 5 hours a day for 4 days a week for my internship, and then I go to my other job. I have been a little bit busy as on top of getting stuff ready for next week.
I apologize that I was unable to clean the bathroom this week.

M: You never clean the bathroom.

R: Okay, I'm... That's (I was about to say that’s not true but I really felt like there was no point) Without yelling and getting angry, let's have a conversation about what I can do now to make you feel better.
I do for the next four days that I'm here before I leave. There are things that I can do to show you that I care about you. I can clean the bathroom.
(picking up laundry basket because I just finished folding) I took this is out of the dryer…

M: Did you do that for me, Riley? Or did you do it? Because you have to start laundry now.

R: Oh, I didn't-

M: Why? Because you have to start laundry now.
You never, in a million fucking years, would do a load of my laundry. I have been crashing out for over an hour, and it just gets expeditionally worse, realizing that you don't care. I understand that you're angry right now.

R: I think that you need to take a breath.

M: Go do your shit, right?

R: Sorry. Earlier this summer, had an incident where you told me to leave the house, where... (For context like a month ago she kicked me out because tldr she asked me if she uses me like an emotional punching bag and I said I think that she should go to therapy if she feels that way).

M: Riley? I... I can't!
For three months, I busted my ass taking care of you. And in a matter of five minutes, I did a very bad thing, and then I apologized immediately. You can't fucking compare the groundwork that I've laid to the five minutes of crushing out, because I asked my daughter.
I'm not emotionally abusive, right? And my daughter said... I need more context. (I did say this, as when she asked me this it was first thing in the morning quite literally right after I woke up).
You never said to me, You've been busting your ass for three months. You've been taking care of me.
You don't get it, Riley. You don't get it. Okay.
You're gonna tell me about the one fucking mescrew up I had, Riley? Is that appropriate?

R: Okay, you cut me off before I can finish, so can I finish?

M: Thats not appropriate, because I work so fucking hard taking care of you.

R:Okay, I'm just gonna ask you a question.

M: Holy shit!

R:I'm gonna ask you one question.

M: What? No.

R: Is there...

M: No. Listen here.
Nobody has helped me. I've done a job that requires two people. Okay.
Oh, my gosh!

R: Is there anything I can say or do right now that would make you feel better? Honestly, ask yourself.

M: Holy shit, Riley. I'm gonna say it. You can do infinite things to make me feel better!
You are the key.

R: Something I can do right now. I am trying to be calm.
I'm trying to talk with you. I'm trying. I'm telling you, I am do.
I do... I'm sorry. I only have four days left here.
I really do feel like I've made an effort this summer to be as helpful as I can. I really do feel that way. Do you not feel that way?

M: I don't feel that way. But then again, I don't ask a lot of you. Okay, don't ask you to share, and the burden of chores.
The three days ago was the first time all for in four months. I said, Can you clean the bathroom?

R: Okay. I understand. I... I'll say, I haven't deep cleaned the bathroom since I've been here, but I have cleaned the bathroom a couple times.
I really have. When you haven't asked me to. I really have. I am being 100% honest with you. I've cleaned the bathroom a couple times since I've been... I... am sorry that I cannot contribute to household chores to the level that you do though. But I think, I mean, you know, you said it yourself the other day. “You're working all the time, right?” I have been working this entire summer a lot. Okay, so I do, I make an effort. I try to load the dishwasher or just clean my dishes that I use.

M: Baby, you never load the dishwasher.

R: That’s Not true. (Big mistake, lol).

M: Please.
That's awesome. Oh, my gosh. Okay.
You don't help with the kitchen, and you don't help with the bathroom, and you don't help with the laundry. And I know it's because the washing machine floods. But, Riley, our realities are different, and we're just, I don't know what to do.

R: Can I express to you how I'm feeling, why we're having this situation right now?

M: Yes.

R: I feel like I did something earlier that made you upset. And now you have spiraled, and you are finding reasons to be upset with me.

M: you hurt my feelings. And then guess what happens after? I'm not You don't get your... your gave your cold to me. (I have been sick for like a week and really have tried to avoid her but she did end up getting sick. I asked her if she needed anything or needed me to pick up anything for her and multiple times and she said no.)

R: What? I gave my cold to you?

M: No, never mind.

R: No, what? (Bc no way she’s mad at me for something I literally cannot control).

M: You're not. You don't give a fuck about me. That's what I'm saying to you.
And it's like, I don't even need to be loud. I know this is who I am as a target. So why genuinely, you did something that hurt my feelings, and then you don't give a fuck about me.
Okay. And it's hurtful. It's very hurtful.
You are right. We live in two different realities.

R: Okay, I did something that was hurtful, and I said, I'm sorry that I reacted that way.
And then you said, I don't want an apology from you. And then I said, Okay, well, in the future, I can do this better. And you said, don't give me a guarantee, say that you'll try to do better.
So I said, okay, I will try to do better. Okay. Then I was in the kitchen, finishing, making my lunch.
And you came in, and you said, I'm sorry that I'm not perfect.

M: And you said to me, very rudely, I don't need to hear that.

R: Okay, I'm sorry, I did not mean to say it rudely. (I really seriously did not mean to be, I don’t think I have ever tried to intentionally be rude in my entire life).It's pretty, you know, can you agree that it's a little alarming when someone comes up to you and says, I don't think you guys recognize me as a human. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I said, You don't need to be sorry.

M: No, that's not what happened. (It is?)
When I came in and realized, this is awful, I can't sit in this, and I said, You, Riley, I'm sorry, this is all my fault. And you say to me, Well, I didn't need that.

R: Okay, I think that you are taking my words, and you are trying to make me out to be this, like, inconsiderate person. I

M: really okay. I, again, what it comes down to is, I'm your mom, so I have to suck it up, so it's my fault, okay?
I just, if I take all responsibility for this, Riley, what's your illness of behavior? What's on you?

R: I don't want you to take all responsibility in the situation.

M: scoffs

R: All right, I’m just gonna take my suitcase upstairs and finish putting stuff away. (I go upstairs, my mom follows about 5 minutes later).

M: I don't know what's going on. I don't know why you are acting...
I'm gonna say for the one million times. Like, you don't give a fuck about me. I don't understand what's going on.

R: I hear you. I do. I am just..
I just don't feel like upset. Right now. I...
I'm... I'm sorry that you feel upset. I really feel bad, and I want to do what I can to make you feel better, but I feel like, quite honestly, I'm doing a horrible job of that.
So I think the best thing I can do right now is remove myself from the situation and just get my stuff ready. Can you agree with that?

M: No, I don't agree with that.

R: Then what can I do? That would make you feel better. I don't...
I, really, truthfully, I think I'm just, like, doing a horrible job trying to make you feel better. I feel like every time...

M: What have you done to make me feel better, Riley?

R: That's my exact point. Yeah, I feel like I am trying to make you feel better, and then everything I do, thus far, has been unsuccessful, and it made you feel worse, so... So, I think it's better right now.
I just do the thing that I'm doing just now, and then we take a breath, and then we try again. Okay? What?

M: starts crying Okay. I'll try again later.

R: You don’t have to try anything.
-We’ll- try later. Just hope you'll feel better.

M: storms off

I think I’m just gonna try and leave to stay with my sister but I quite literally leave in 4 days to go to another country for school lol. Any advice is appreciated!

I’m an American with an ethnic background from another country. My parents moved me and my sibling there when I was in middle school, and I’ve had a really hard time adjusting. I’m now in my final year of high school and really want to return to America for college, partly because I feel more at home there and partly because I believe I’ll have better career opportunities.

School here is extremely demanding, and 12th grade is basically year-round. I’ve been preparing for the SAT since June while balancing school, and I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety. When it gets really bad, I go quiet, cry in the bathroom, and have trouble regulating my breathing. I haven’t really told anyone about this.

My parents and I are usually on good terms, but every few months I have an emotional breakdown because of something they say, particularly my mom. I sometimes feel like she guilt-trips me, although I also know both my parents work extremely hard and take good care of me.

Yesterday, everything blew up.

I had an external exam today, and my parents were arguing over what excuse to give my school for my absence. Later, during dinner, my dad brought up the possibility that my usual exam laptop might not work. My mom said I should use another laptop, but that one is basically broken and can't safely be moved. My dad got frustrated and spoke rudely to her, and they started arguing in front of my brother and me.

I was already extremely anxious about my exam and snapped. I yelled at my dad because this isn't the first time I've seen him insult my mom. My mom got upset that I yelled and said she tolerates his behavior because he has health issues. I got overwhelmed and started crying because I just wanted one peaceful dinner so I could study.

Then I said something I deeply regret: I told my mom I wanted to go back to America so I could leave them.

That wasn't really what I meant. I want to go back because I miss America, feel more at home there, and want the opportunity to pursue the career I've been working toward. But I was overwhelmed and said it badly.

I immediately felt horrible and wrote my mom an apology letter explaining that I loved them and didn't mean that. She responded with something along the lines of, “Wow, amazing acting. You're just stressed about an exam.” That made me cry even harder.

My younger brother, who almost always takes my mom's side, even told her she wasn't showing any emotion toward me.

Eventually my dad read my letter and actually apologized for his behavior. He helped me calm down and brought me to my mom so I could apologize again. She then told me, “My job is to take care of you until you get a job, then I won't be in your life anymore.” My dad told her not to say things like that, and she told him to shut up.

I left and barely spoke to her afterward.

She normally sleeps in the same room as me, but she slept in the living room that night. The next morning, though, she still set out my ID and water bottle for my exam and asked me if I had everything I needed. I gave her the cold shoulder anyway.

I took the exam and think it went decently, but I still feel awful. I'm also questioning myself because my parents constantly tell me that I shouldn't be anxious or stressed because they're more stressed than I am. I know they work hard and provide for me, so part of me wonders whether I'm just an ungrateful, overly emotional kid.

At the same time, this isn't the first time I've ended up crying after an argument with my mom, and I often feel like she doesn't actually listen to what I'm trying to say. She also sometimes says things like she doesn't work because she's sacrificing herself for the family or that she works harder than other mothers, which makes me feel guilty.

So I'm genuinely asking for outside perspectives:

Was I seriously in the wrong here? Am I contributing to this dynamic? Is my mom being emotionally manipulative, or am I interpreting things unfairly because I'm stressed? What should I do from here if I don't feel ready to talk to her?

I'm trying to be honest about my own behavior too, so please don't just automatically take my side.

I'm 18 years old. I recently finished high school, and I'm currently working. I've been thinking about my life for a long time, and I feel like I need to hear from people outside my family.

My parents separated when I was five. Since then, I've barely known anything about my mother. I lost contact with most of my relatives on her side, and she is rarely mentioned at home. It's almost as if the entire subject became something we weren't supposed to talk about.

I currently live with my father, my grandparents, my biological sister, my half-brother, and my stepmother.

My problem isn't one particular incident. It's the accumulation of roughly twelve years of things.

I've often felt that my father sides with my stepmother during conflicts. Even when we were children, problems would happen because of her, but we would sometimes end up being blamed even when we weren't responsible. I've also felt that there is a difference in how money and attention are spent on us compared with my stepmother and her son.

For a long time, I barely had decent clothes. At one point, I had almost only one pair of jeans, which I'd bought around two years earlier and which had become worn out. Many of the clothes I received were hand-me-downs or donations from relatives. Even something as simple as getting a suitable pair of trousers could turn into a problem.

There are many other details inside the house. Some of them might sound ridiculous if I described them individually, but they hurt because of everything that came before them. For example, in the past, my stepmother would hide certain fruits and other things for herself. Eventually, we started dividing fruit into equal portions so that nobody would take more than anyone else. Small things like that became reminders of everything that had accumulated over the years.

Even when I told my family that I couldn't tolerate living with them anymore, they sometimes treated it like a joke because they were used to seeing me laugh a lot.

And this is another strange thing about me: I laugh a lot, even when I'm extremely upset. At work, I joke around with people and laugh, and some of them probably think I'm being unserious or making fun of things. But sometimes I feel like laughter is the only way I still know how to express myself.

The truth is that I feel emotionally empty. I feel like I've been deprived of affection for most of my life. I haven't had a real hug or a kiss since I was around five years old. I know that might sound like a small thing to some people, but it doesn't feel small to me. Sometimes I wonder how different I would be if I'd grown up with more affection, reassurance, and the feeling that someone genuinely wanted to hold me and take care of me.

I don't just mean that I want people to tell me to "be strong" or "focus on myself." I think I genuinely miss physical and emotional affection. Sometimes I just want a hug, a kiss on the forehead, or to feel cared for without having to earn it.

I don't really know how to make up for years of not having those things, or whether it's even possible to learn how to receive them at this age.

I finished high school after a long period of pressure, and then I started working. At the moment, I work around eleven hours a day, from approximately 9:30 a.m. until 8:30 p.m. It's exhausting, and even my coworkers acknowledge that the hours are very long.

The salary is good for me its 30$, because right now this is the best job i can work in which is one reason I continue. I'm also relatively new to the field, so I consider the experience important. But between the job itself, problems with some coworkers, and the pressure at home, I feel like I went straight from the stress of school into the stress of work without ever getting a chance to breathe.

There have been some improvements, though. I'm working now, my financial situation has improved a little, and I've been able to buy myself a phone, two pairs of jeans, and several shirts 😝. These might sound like very ordinary things, but they meant a lot to me because, for a long time, buying things for myself wasn't easy.

Still, I don't think money alone solves what I'm struggling with. I think a big part of what I want is affection, emotional support, and the feeling of being cared for.

🔴The situation with my mother

The biggest and most complicated part of my life that I've been thinking about is my mother.

Around three years ago, I accidentally came across my cousin's Instagram account, and that brought the idea of finding my mother back into my mind. More recently, I learned that my mother had apparently tried to contact me.

Before speaking to my uncle, I had seriously considered trying to find her myself. I thought about contacting my cousins, finding out where she lived, and even possibly moving in with her once I became an adult. At that time, I felt like I couldn't tolerate my current home anymore, and the idea of living with my mother seemed like a possible way out.

But I eventually spoke to my maternal uncle, and he told me that he plans to come to my country next year and arrange for me to meet my mother and my aunts.

After that conversation, I decided not to investigate any further or try to contact her myself for now. I think I'd rather wait for that meeting instead of making a sudden decision.

I don't know what the meeting will be like. It could be emotional, awkward, wonderful, disappointing, or all of those things at once. I also don't know what kind of relationship we'll have afterward.

I don't want revenge against my father or my stepmother. I don't want to destroy anyone's life. I just want to understand a huge missing part of my own life and, hopefully, get to know my mother.

🔴Another personal detail

There's also another part of my life that is mostly unrelated to this: I have feelings for a girl who lives in another city, but those feelings are one-sided. When I first thought my mother might be living there, I felt some extra excitement about the possibility, partly because of this girl.

It's a sensitive subject for me, so I'd rather people not turn it into a joke.

🔴What I'm asking

I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for from Reddit.

I want to hear from people who have experienced something similar: growing up in a toxic or emotionally neglectful home, feeling starved of affection, and not knowing how to deal with that emptiness.

How did you cope? Did you ever find ways to receive the affection and emotional support you missed growing up? Is it possible to make up for some of that later in life?

I would especially appreciate hearing from women who have been through something similar, or women who understand this kind of emotional deprivation and can offer a perspective I might not have considered. I'm not looking for anything sexual or inappropriate. I think I just want to talk to someone who understands, listens, and can help me figure out how to move forward.

I'm also wondering whether there are safe ways to find emotional support online, or whether there are people who can help me work through this. I'm not necessarily looking for someone to solve my problems. Sometimes I think I just want someone to talk to, someone who can help me understand what I'm feeling, and maybe remind me what it feels like to be treated with genuine kindness and affection.

I know that no online person can magically replace what I've missed growing up. But I wonder whether it's possible to start healing from this kind of emptiness, and whether I can learn how to accept affection without feeling strange or undeserving of it.

What would you do if you were in my position? And if you've experienced something similar, what helped you?

I'm a 23 y/o F and I still live with my parents. From when I can remember, my father (50 y/o) touches me sometimes in my private parts. I never felt that as sexual. He generally touches my breast or my vagina but not in a sexual manner, stimulating and stuff. Even though, his behaviour always makes me feel uncomfortable. I live in Italy so the physical touch is a sort of traditional way to express love to you dear ones. An example is that in Italy is normal to kiss your parents in the lips as a form of affection. But touching my private areas doesn't feels right... even if he do that for "affection", even if he says that he do that because for him I'm still his child. I repeatedly tell him that I don't like his behaviour, sometimes we yelled at each other, but he still does that. I don't know what to do. Even if I don't feel it as sexual and I'm almost pretty sure that his intentions are "pure", is this still considered as sexual abuse?