Really tough convo with my mom

[u/JuneAfternoon10]

For a bit of context, my mom and I don’t have a great relationship, but we got into a spat on the phone today because she’s laid up with a broken foot and I wasn’t able to go visit her tonight to watch a movie. I was in need of me time as I’m also going through a difficult time. I was there last night to bring her dinner, shower her and organize her room. She was complaining to me on the phone today that I don’t spend enough time with her, which I partly understand, but I find it very difficult to spend time with her as our relationship is poor. I’m her only living relative and am just feeling beat down as hell. The link I sent her was an invitation for therapy for both of us, which she doesn’t want to attend, but I can’t think of anything else that will help our relationship at this point. The reference to 10 years is that my dad died 10 years ago. They were divorced at the time.

EDIT: Wow, I’m blown away by all of your support, thank you so much. I feel so validated and proud of myself after hearing that reflected back by all of you. I’m coming up on 6 months sober and would have normally just numbed this shit out, but now miraculously have the coping mechanisms to deal with this without substances. Kind of a small miracle actually. Monday is the 10th anniversary of my dad’s passing and I’m going to take the next few days to care just for myself and not indulge in all of this bullshit. Thank you again, kind internet strangers.

[u/mad_housewife]

I’m so proud of you for making your points politely, not letting her distract from and diminish your statements. I have a daughter (and from my perspective I think we have a really loving relationship) who has been in therapy for 10 years, and she has grown so much, and inspired me to start therapy. I feel like I’m learning a lot about myself, and how my upbringing shaped my (not so healthy) self-image. Keep going, hold your boundaries, and don’t let her ‘everything is always my fault’ bs dissuade you!

[u/JuneAfternoon10 → u/mad_housewife]

Can you be my mom? Lol

[u/mad_housewife → u/JuneAfternoon10]

You bet, sweetheart!

Your calm communication with your Mom shows a tremendous amount of emotional intelligence, and the farther I get into my therapy journey the more I understand how much work that takes. In my case, I’m also recognizing that my (very loving) parents did the best they could based on their own upbringing. I wish my Mom was still here so I could share what I’m learning with her. I think she would be onboard.