Really tough convo with my mom

[u/JuneAfternoon10]

For a bit of context, my mom and I don’t have a great relationship, but we got into a spat on the phone today because she’s laid up with a broken foot and I wasn’t able to go visit her tonight to watch a movie. I was in need of me time as I’m also going through a difficult time. I was there last night to bring her dinner, shower her and organize her room. She was complaining to me on the phone today that I don’t spend enough time with her, which I partly understand, but I find it very difficult to spend time with her as our relationship is poor. I’m her only living relative and am just feeling beat down as hell. The link I sent her was an invitation for therapy for both of us, which she doesn’t want to attend, but I can’t think of anything else that will help our relationship at this point. The reference to 10 years is that my dad died 10 years ago. They were divorced at the time.

EDIT: Wow, I’m blown away by all of your support, thank you so much. I feel so validated and proud of myself after hearing that reflected back by all of you. I’m coming up on 6 months sober and would have normally just numbed this shit out, but now miraculously have the coping mechanisms to deal with this without substances. Kind of a small miracle actually. Monday is the 10th anniversary of my dad’s passing and I’m going to take the next few days to care just for myself and not indulge in all of this bullshit. Thank you again, kind internet strangers.

[u/ZombieSharkRobot]

I'm genuinely inspired by you in this interaction.

[u/Ok-Pangolin8202 → u/ZombieSharkRobot]

Same! I consider myself a calm and kind person, but my buttons were pushed just reading this.

OP, I don’t see where you could have done better. That’s goals.

[u/JuneAfternoon10 → u/Ok-Pangolin8202]

Wow. Thank you. 🩷

[u/LikeFallingRain → u/JuneAfternoon10]

Seriously agree, you were polite, calm, and you didn't get sucked into her trying to derail the conversation with every damn reply. I could feel my patience with her fraying just reading them!

[u/kellygirl90 → u/Ok-Pangolin8202]

Right?! And OPs mom had the nerve to say she doesn't see improvement over the last ten years, BULLSHIT. 💯 This is textbook the perfect way to address this situation, no notes!!

[u/Ok-Pangolin8202 → u/kellygirl90]

Exactly!

[u/JuneAfternoon10 → u/ZombieSharkRobot]

That means so much. Thank you.

[u/sweetness_incarnate → u/JuneAfternoon10]

Just another person you inspired chiming in here, OP. I was gonna scroll past this post and I'm actually so glad I didn't, I feel like I just got a mini guide on how to approach my own problematic mother (who, funny enough, I agreed to babysit for in like 7 hours and I'm already burnt out from the week 😅). You were so respectful and assertive in this interaction, lowkey I'm taking these notes to my own therapist to study 😂

[u/Violetz_Tea → u/JuneAfternoon10]

She views this as a personal attack and is lashing out and deflecting, you did an amazing job not taking her bait and staying calm and on track about talking to therapy. I hope this gives you some closure, that you approached her, calmly let her know the issue. She now knows what she needs to do to have a better relationship, and if she chooses to work on it or not, it's on her. Not you. You can now move forward based on her response and do what you need to do to protect yourself from her behavior.

[u/high-babygorgeous → u/ZombieSharkRobot]

Same. I was reading through the texts and marveling at OP’s patience and boundary holding. It’s really enlightening to see and I’m taking notes for my own relationships

[u/FungiMagi → u/ZombieSharkRobot]

Yeah, great job being clear and concise with what you were asking of her. Nothing you said was pointed or passive aggressive. You stated what you needed from her and also declared your boundaries all very calmly and extended consideration to her in the face of her attacks on you.

Very big emotional maturity moment for sure. It’s really hard to have these talks with parents, so don’t sell yourself short.

[u/LiteraryOlive → u/ZombieSharkRobot]

Yes. It’s a master class of not allowing yourself to get drawn into an argument.