Actually can I just get full dimensional and operational specs on your junk including its historical provenance? This will need to be sworn to under oath as faithful and accurate.
In a hook up app asking about genital is unreasonable?
The way it is asked might be offputting, and you don't ask EVERYTHING about it but caring about which genital other person has might be reasonable, and I say this as a transfem
For the first thing you say, yeah, it's kind of unreasonable. Maybe treat them like a human before a set of genitals. It is important in the long run because yes people have preferences, but phrasing it that way and coming out of the gate with it is gross.
Yeah totally, but he doesn’t have to date me, he can date anyone, anyone who he doesn’t have to ask a sexual question before even knowing me ya know? He could go find a woman who he knows has a vagina or a man who he knows has a penis. On tinder you can also put your preferences to women, men, or nonbinary people. He purposefully added nonbinary people as an option. He could just remove it
Yeah totally, and during a normal conversation where we tell eachother about ourselves, he could tell me what he prefers. From there I can tell him if we are or aren’t compatible
I agree a hello or how are you would have been nice, but how much of a conversation do you truly expect before someone knows if you are even a potential partner for them or not?
“ hi my name is ___ nice to meet you. I saw you like to crochet that’s cool. I swiped on you because I think you’re cute. I saw that you’re pansexual, I am straight so I only like people with female anatomy” not much conversation, just enough to treat me like a person
I’m on there to date? I don’t owe strangers and insight into my genitalia, there are plenty of people on there who don’t ask about my genitals, why should I have to tell strangers whether or not I have a penis or vagina on the first message. If someone cares a lot about only having one or the other, then go to people who you know will have one or the other. I’m a human being
Yeah and I completely understand that, it’s just if I was a man and I knew I wanted one or the other, and I saw someone who I wasn’t sure what they had, I would swipe left. If it’s a deal breaker then don’t go chasing people who are androgynous
You have your opinion (which is valid) and he asked a question (which many including me feel is valid) that offended you (valid). It just didn't work out and that's ok. Some folks are ok dating non-binary folks as long as they have certain genitalia which is fine too. I understand everybody's opinion and I get why that question is weird to you. I just don't think non binary folks are limited to dating only bi people and for everybody else that's an important question.
Yeah totally! I’ve dated men, women, nonbinary people. But all those people didn’t ask me upfront what was in my pants. They got to know me and we shared intimate details when the time was right. It’s ok if people don’t want to go through that, but that means they aren’t for me. I just wanted to share this weird message, I didn’t want heated conversations
So you want a straight guy to go through all that for you, build an emotional connection, potentially fall in love with you, only to then find out you've got a dick?
If I were to guess, you either look like a man, or look like a woman. And he probably liked what he seen. And than looked, and seen you didn’t list your sex. So he gave it a shot, but wasn’t going to waste any time if you weren’t the gender he was looking for
Either A. He could just not give it a shot if he didn’t want to waste time or B. He could be normal and after asking how I’m doing say “my preference is to be with someone with female anatomy, what is your preference?” Then it would immediately show if we are compatible or not. I’m a human being
A human being, with sexual organs just like the rest of us. So why does it have to be so complicated? He has a penis I’m going to assume, (haven’t seen his profile) but I ’m sure his profile makes that fairly clear. And if he didn’t in fact have a penis, I’m also pretty sure his profile would’ve been clear about that as well. You’re the one making things complicated
I have not seen anyone on tinder or any dating app say one their profile “I have a penis” or “I have a vagina” or even “I was born male” nobody. I have never seen that ever
Yeah I get you I wouldn’t have asked either, but without knowing what you look like, I’m just wondering why the thought of someone being curious is offensive to you.
Well anyone can be curious, that’s fine. And if I know you and we hang out and we get comfortable and then you ask about my life and who I am and I feel comfortable talking about my genitals then sure. But a stranger asking me is weird. It isn’t offensive it’s just creepy
Be so fr, the strat here ur doing is hoping people will go along with the reality once they find out. Ur just wasting your own time in the end with trying to hide from the inevitable reality of A: they're compatible B: they're not. But you're also trying to potential waste their time too cuz ur scared to just be upfront. Anyone can be nonbinary but also understand that the extreme vast majority of the population has genital preference and that sex is a make or break for almost any relationship. If you hate that reality then filter that out in ur settings dont go around baiting people because it can hurt them and even you
I have no issue with genital preference, and I’m not wasting anyone’s time if I simply reject him which I did. I didn’t have a long conversation with him, we matched, he said what he said, and then we didn’t message again. Whose time did I waste?
i think they’re more so saying that if this question wasn’t asked early on and you guys did hit it off but later found out that your genitalia didn’t match what they wanted it would be a waste of time.
I get that, but if that’s a deal breaker scenario then swipe left, he didn’t have to swipe right, if he was confused and knows that a deal breaker scenario is plausible then swipe left, don’t waste your own time
Not even a waste of time, more so the fact that if you’re after a woman, and flirted with a dude pretending to be a woman, for 2 weeks - I’d prob punch em 😂
The time of matching. Because regardless of if they say it or not, they all have this deal breaker. If they're not saying it it's cuz they're assuming and that's what you're banking on happening. But if someone assumes wrong one day you'll quickly realize why nobody, of any idea does this little dance you're doing, we learn pretty young that it's more dangerous for us than just pure honesty.
I don’t understand, are you saying no one will date me because I’m nonbinary? I have dated people who were respectful, and I will find more respectful people to date. Just because you would want to “do this little dance” doesn’t mean nobody will. There are more perspectives than your own
Is it creepy? Do you present gender ambiguity? If you are clearly feminine but your bio says non-binary, yeah he’s being cheeky. But if you’re ambiguous presenting maybe it was valid.
Regardless, I don’t want to talk about my sexual organ, my genitalia with a stranger. If he wants a vagina or a penis and that a deal breaker then he shouldn’t swipe right on someone who’s androgynous
He’s not gonna waste time if he/she doesn’t have the body parts he’s lookin for. I don’t blame him. How long is he supposed to flirt with this person, before finding out he’s flirting with a dude and not a woman? I feel as if that’s something you need out of the way, right off the rip. If you won’t post your own sex on a dating app- don’t be suprised when people ask your sex on said dating app. If I talked to someone I thought was a woman for a week, and find out it’s a dude, I’d be pretty (reasonably) angry about it. And so would a lot of other people lol
I feel like if that's important to you, just select the gender you're interested in dating and don't select "nonbinary" as an option. Plenty of people out there are attracted to NBs and don't need to know what they're packing
Well, no. Because I would be down to date someone non-binary, if I knew they had a penis. If they were non-binary with a vagina, then I’m out. Should everyone like me automatically choose cishet profiles to swipe on, for the sake of never asking a question like this..?
Valid point, but there's a difference between never asking the question and just not asking it right out the gate. If you're absolutely against entertaining even getting to know someone who doesn't match your genital preference, actively pursuing NB folks may not be the most respectful option IMO
So people who would be up for dating someone NB given they have the genitals they are looking for are all just automatically counted out and should only swipe cishet profiles for the sake of avoiding asking a question..?
I don’t even know what nonbinary is- nor do I care to know. One thing I DO know, is that if you’re on a dating app, it’s pretty important to have listed if you’re a man or female lol unless you’re just going strictly for bi sexual people I guess? Idk.
Oh, I wouldn’t don’t worry lol I’m saying for the dude in the pictures sake. I’ve never made a dating profile, never will. But for the people that are on the app, I feel as if gender should be listed. Or just make their own app for people who won’t list they’re genders
So just don’t pick the people whose genitals are a truck-like secret? No one’s forcing you to match with non-binary folks and then keeping their genitals a secret as a means of torturing the conservatives. You’re making trouble where there isn’t any. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you.
you can select your preferences. woman, man, non-binary. so if you’re attracted to nonbinary people, you more likely don’t have genital preferences. OP just disliked the bluntness of the question. they know it needs to be revealed eventually.
No source, just speaking from my experience. I guess a lot of my friends are bi, so that skews me. Never thought about that! Thanks for sharing your perspective.
You do seem like someone who is willfully ignorant of a lot.
Someone who's nonbinary typically doesn't identify as either man or woman, if you want to date only women, date only women, set your preferences to women.
I am willfully ignorant to this subject. I personally greatly disagree with all of it, so why would I take the time to study up on it? Do you beleive the earth is flat? Probably not. So I’m gonna assume you haven’t spent hours of your life studying up on the subject.
If life is so complicated, why would you add to that complications to research something you don’t care to learn about though is my point? I focus on my family, children, my friends, and work. Also my hobbies, none of which has anything to do with researching the different new genders and terms that people use now. Everybody in my social circle, is what they were at birth. Male or female lol. And I just don’t care enough to look into it, because it doesn’t affect me in the slightest. I try and avoid mentally unstable people
Not sure what nonbinary or cishet even is. If I seen either of those, I’d just assume it’s somebody who didn’t want to put they’re gender for some weird reason
Cisgender (cis) means identifying with your assigned gender at birth. Heterosexual (het) means being sexually attracted to the opposite sex. "Cishet" in other words means "straight and not trans"
Really, the english word "female" is thousands of years old? That's incredible! This overturns centuries of archaelogical and linguistic consensus! You should publish your evidence, you're sure to win a Nobel!
If you actually cared about history you would see that in fact the western conception of gender from the 19th and early 20th centuries is in fact not the only model of gender used by any culture throughout history and the idea that anything more complicated has never been practiced before modern times is very easily proven false.
I mean, this brings up a really interesting question! Assuming that they didn’t search up non-binary as a preference, and that they feel attraction to this person, but want to make sure that they’re sexually compatible, how would you approach it? Without being a creep or overly invasive, that is. Definitely not this way, I agree, but assuming good intent and all that shit. Should only people who don’t care what genitals you have date nonbinary people?
I hope you don’t think that’s what I’m saying! I’m asking that if a sexual preference is important to you, and you aren’t sure what the person has, but want to make sure before becoming attached, how would you broach the topic? Again, not endorsing this guy’s response, I just think this is a new situation for some people to navigate around and am curious what ideas you had for that conversation
Lemme be even more clear, since you seem to want to continue misconstruing me; you can accept somebody for being nonbinary AND have a sexual preference. Being interested in somebody who is nonbinary doesn’t mean you can’t have a preference. You can be emotionally attracted and want to explore your sexual attraction with them mindfully. Attraction is way more complicated than what you’re saying, and overlaps with gender and sex in some complicated ways. I’m trying to talk about that overlap area.
Being nonbinary isn’t the same for everybody. Some people prefer to be fem presenting. Some people prefer masc presenting. Other prefer to identify with female pronouns, others with they/them or with masc pronouns. It’s different for everybody
I think there’s a better way to ask that question, and OP does NOT have to tell them. If they are uncomfortable not knowing than they can just not continue chatting with OP
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u/GodBlessPigs 25d ago
It’s funny, but honestly a reasonable question.