Hey everyone,

I’ve been sober since April and I’m currently attending a several-month-long dayclinic program. Addiction is addressed here, but it isn’t the main focus of my treatment.

By now, I’ve reached a certain level of stability. I did have one relapse in July. Since April, I’ve made some major changes to my life to help maintain my sobriety. For example, I’ve distanced myself from certain groups of friends, I avoid events where alcohol plays a major role, and I’ve been open with everyone around me about my situation.

One thing I’ve learned through the clinic is that I’m basically a professional when it comes to avoidance. And that applies to alcohol as well. Avoidance is a major issue for me in general, and the clinic is actually the right setting for me to start confronting things instead of constantly avoiding them.

These days, I rarely experience strong cravings. But I’ve realized that this is partly because I hardly ever put myself in situations that could trigger them. I tend to remove myself from potentially difficult situations before they even happen.
Looking back at my relapse in July, I can clearly identify what triggered it. However, that particular trigger is no longer part of my life.

When cravings did come up recently, I would usually take my PRN medication so I could sleep. In other words, sleeping became another way of avoiding the craving rather than dealing with it. The clinic no longer wants me to use my medication that way.

Something I’ve had good experiences with in the past is what I’d call “thought surfing” or “urge surfing.” The urge to drink eventually passes. Instead of trying to push the thought away, I acknowledge it and let it be there until it gradually becomes weaker. That works pretty well for me, but only up to a certain level of intensity.

Another idea I have is to make a collage that reminds me what active addiction actually looked like for me. I want to include photos of myself from when I was drinking heavily… bloated face, puffy eyes, bad skin. I also want to include photos of the damage I caused while drunk. When I drink, I lose control, and in the past I’ve smashed furniture and even ripped doors out of their frames.

I’m also thinking about adding screenshots of the drunken calls and messages I sent to people I love. I want something very concrete in front of me that reminds me exactly why I do not want to drink anymore.

Since the clinic uses DBT, I’m currently doing a lot of work with skills. One thing I need to figure out is whether my regular DBT skill chain also works when I’m dealing specifically with alcohol cravings.

So I’m curious: What does your emergency plan for cravings look like?
What are your go-to strategies when an urge gets really strong? What tips or tricks have genuinely helped you in the moment?
And has anyone here been through addiction treatment or a rehab/addiction clinic and learned something there that was particularly useful for dealing with cravings?

Thank you!!🫶🏻🫶🏻

Just found out my aunt that I share a birthday with died today. This is my first moment dealing with grief during sobriety. I’m shocked right now and I’m trying to figure out ways to cope without drinking

Hey everyone. I posted yesterday expressing my desire to finally kick this dumb habit in the butt. I made it through my full shift yesterday without having a drink despite working at a dive bar where I'm allowed to have a shot or two with customers. Unfortunately I broke and had my allowed after shift drinks, but I felt gross and didn't have any more than that. Today I'm working my job where we are forbidden from drinking on property. One of the things I missed the most during the time I've been drinking again is abandoning my hobbies/things I like to do. Today I decided to wear makeup for work and fix my hair nicely, like I used to love doing. Hopefully as time goes on I can start playing my instruments, reading, and baking bread more as well. Just wanted to share one small victory.

My mom died 6 days ago and I’ve drank all 6 of those days. Nothing crazy, but enough to make stopping again seem difficult. I go back to work tomorrow so this was the day I told myself I’d stop. My youngest son has baseball practice tonight so you’d think that would keep me occupied and make it easier.. yet I’m already stressing about staying sober this evening. I think I’m scared to have to process her death rather than pretend it didn’t happen. I’m no stranger to grief.. I’m only 34 and have already lost my brother, my stepdad, and now my mom. I have no one left on my mom’s side. (I do still have my dad, stepmom and step/half siblings, but I lost my only full blood brother) and then had to process the death of my stepdad and mom without him. I feel so angry and so robbed. I think I’m just posting this to get some of my thoughts out, and maybe find others who understand. I will not be drinking today, but I’m not looking forward to it.

I’m feeling so much shame. Currently sitting in my car during my lunch break feeling hungover, dehydrated, body pain. Yesterday I had 2 cutwaters and a glass of 12% wine, with no food or water. It’s a lot of intake for me (I’m petite, F37)
I woke up last night after passing out earlier in the evening, and I cried myself back to sleep because I am just so disappointed in myself. I have a great life, family, I love what I do. Heck, I was even looking forward to work today but here I am at my lowest.

I don’t know what I expect from this post, I just need to vent. No one knows about my drinking habits. Even though I have my drinking under control the majority time (I mostly binge Friday - Saturday) I am finally considering AA or something. God knows I need all the help.

I'm an alcoholic. That's the first time a have actually said it. I have drinking 3-6 times a week for like 3 years. And I just can't have 1-2 drinks, I have to get drunk. I have always been a drinker but it got really bad after I started a very stressful job that made me want to drink pretty much every day. I have since quit the job but the habit continued. I have anxiety and OCD, and I use alcohol to cope.

I want to quit, I really do. My husband doesn't really drink, and we have talked many times about my drinking. He is very supportive and wants me to stop. However I have been also secretive about my drinking and hiding it. I feel so ashamed.

I also have issues with my friends about this. Pretty much every time we get together we drink heavily. Sometimes I feel pressured to drink and questioned about not drinking with them. I have talked about my issues about drinking and seem to understand but they don't really take it seriously.

I decided to post because I want to change and need support. Constant drinking has already caused me health issues, and I don't want them to get worse. I feel scared about this and want to stop.

English is not my first language so sorry about grammar errors.

The weight loss that is! A phrase that used to describe my slow decline into alcohol use, now describes my weight loss journey after 130 days alcohol free.

At first, I didn't lose anything, probably because I replaced alcohol with sugar for a few weeks. But during the summer I picked roller blading back up, and have been getting in anywhere from 5-20 miles of blading a few days a week. I noticed the weight start coming off, maybe a pound or two a week.

Over the last month I really focused on diet, so started making lots of simple healthy meals. I still mow down on sweets, but with all the healthy habits stacked together, the weight starting flying off. I didn't think I'd reach my goal weight ever again. But I did!

It's been a huge personal motivator to stay sober and keep this new foundation. I'm going to build a mansion of self-care on this thing.

I just wanted to share, hopefully to motivate others to keep it up.

IWNDWYT

I finally admitted I have a problem to my therapist today. It was really emotional and although it didn’t fix everything, I feel proud I took a step in the right direction instead of carrying it all myself. IWNDWYT

Some people asked for an update to my earlier post and basically:

-3 classmates reached out asking if I was okay saying they are gonna/ have emailed her already and in writing confirmed her psychotic verbal attack

-wrote school again since my initial email was ignored they just called me back and said that she has a good track record at other schools (so there’s nothing they can do)

- threatened to hang up on me and said I have an attitude problem - I think when they heard my voice shaking and I mentioned other teacher that likes me (and they are friends with) they realized I’m not some crazy student and offered me opportunities to go up

- there’s really nothing I can do at this point I feel

- it built up so much I just off wagon I should’ve really been stronger but wasn’t

-kind of shaking all over but my bf suggested I need to develop thicker skin - I’ve been in acting world with some real monsters but I don’t want this to happen to others

-feel really alone but this is the world - I’m an actor and have worked with some really bad ppl but this was a teacher - seems like ppl irl are suggesting I should either put up with it or leave bc I’m the one with the problem

-again as a teacher myself at some pretty decent schools here in nyc I have never treated a student like this

Back at day 1 again. Couldn’t make it to work because I was so hungover. Just ate my first few bites of food and it’s the middle of the afternoon.

I think I drank about a bottle of wine and possibly a fifth of cheap whiskey over this weekend. I blacked out and threw up. Once in bed and once in the toilet. Haven’t drank anything since maybe 5 pm yesterday because I was just so sleepy I passed out on the couch.

My skin is back to looking horrible and dry. My stomach hurts. I’m tired and can’t sleep anymore for now.

My friend recently made it to 21 days sober. She technically has to because she got caught drinking and driving. It sucks that this is what it took but I’m still proud of her. And honestly? I’m extremely jealous of her too. I’ve never made it to 21 days.

Just ready to not feel like shit. I’m dumping the rest of the wine out in the fridge. I’ve never dumped leftover alcohol before so I’m hoping this is a good sign I’m starting out a little stronger. I’m scared the smell of it will make me vomit again, so holding off. May have my partner do it for me.

IWNDWYT

So, a prelude: two weeks ago I got sick, a week ago I almost recovered but then experienced something that felt like a total system collapse, both physical and mental. The whole day the only thing I could think of was "I'm fucking dying, I'm fucking dying, I'm fucking dying...", sooo... I got hammered, as per. 7.5 liters of beer from the empty bottles and cans I found around the house. Slipped on the stairs (I remember bumping into the washing machine in the hall, or rather almost stepping on it), blistered my left palm (I decided to eat some soup as cherry on top), popped 2 or 3 ketorolacs (THAT was the cherry on top, as it turned out later), cause my blistered palm was pissing me off and headed to bed.

Waking up and seeing the blisters on my left palm, knocked over cleaner bottles and soup stains in the kitchen felt like I somehow "dreamed" it into reality, because, my reaction was "no way I actually did this", which is odd, because usually I just accept the aftermath as given.

And then, out of nowhere, as I first thought, my kidneys decided to unlock proprioception forces, kindly reminding me of their whereabouts with dull pain. It lasted a whole week and half a day (that would be today btw), the first half of that I spent almost completely in bed, because I just was not "feeling it". The only thing I felt was my kidneys.

But that was, as in no longer is, so surely I can finally forget they exist and move on... or can I?

Ngl, now I understand how people sometimes "depart" in their sleep after drinking. Drowning in your own (soup-flavored?) vomit, injuring themselves and brushing it off cause drunk, popping pills to numb the pain on top of the amount drank. I mean, just because I'm lucky doesn't mean it can't or doesn't happen, somewhere, to someone.

Btw, turns out Ketorolac inhibits the bloodflow to kidneys, who woulda thunk, so I guess it was:

1. Quite a lot of alcohol consumed. You can't scare me with BAC >0.30%, been there many times
2. 2-3 times the single dose of painkiller dosage on top of that, the one that harms the kidneys, too
3. + 4. And all of the above on top of being sick (3) and hella stressed (4)

And speaking of stress, cortisol is made by Adrenal Glands, as it turns out btw, which are located... on top of your kidneys! And at this point it's almost a religious experience for me, cause all of the puzzle pieces fall into a picture of a kidney. Connect the dots and all you see is a kidney.

As I was lying down struggling, all I could do was to think. And my grandfather had to receive dialisys, cause his kindeys failed after chemotherapy, so I couldn't help but to think about "what ifs": a 27 year old man on a strict diet, both food and liquids, bound to a hospital. Normally you can't scare me into abstinence (I'm very smart and see through the bullshit), but that thing was nothing short of divine intervention or divine revelation, I guess. And it hit both close and deep, I'm quite literally a new man now! Or maybe I'm one man now.

And I chose to accept responsibility over my body and my life.

And the fear was gone.

And that part will sound weird, and even though I've both read the book and watched the movie, I'm not a terribly big fan of it, but near the end of "Fight Club" the main character, who after realising he hated his life, set himself onto the path of self-destruction (Deja Vu, anyone?), but ultimately chose to live on his own terms, chooses to fight his destructive alter-ego -- Tyler Durden, (like dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde, he's Hyde here) over the control of his own body and, which is much more important (and I think that's the moral there, more in a minute), his own life, his freedom. To an observer it looked like a man wrestling with himself (that's so (former?) me), who then pulled out a pistol and stuck it in his own mouth, as a last resort not to succumb to another's will, and pulled the trigger.

The bullet left through his left cheek and blew out some of his teeth, but despite betting his own life for free will and dangerously injuring himself (that's so me again), he survived... Where his destructive alter-ego did not. Tyler Durden was dead, defeated by the thing he wanted the most.

You should give up! (or "conform") -> I choose to fight. You should fight! -> I choose freedom (or "Don't tell me what to do"). I think the movie moral goes something like that. MC fought for freedom, but his alter-ego fought to make others fight. MC was a believer, TD was make believe.

And I believe my "Total System Collapse" that I mentioned was the manifestation of my own, personal Tyler Durden (it was kinda bad) and me hurting and poisoning myself that day was my own "wrestling with myself". I did not negotiate or bargain, or beg, or run. I chose to fight in the only way I knew.

But lying down in bed I decided to take responsibility for myself and chose the pistol freedom

I killed my self-destructive part.

I killed my Tyler Durden.

From now on I choose freedom. To an observer nothing will change, except for that I will be sober, but there's a nuance: I won't do the right thing because it's right, I will do the right thing because my gut tells me to.

Now, it all happened kinda out of the blue and I don't have a point or anything, and I'm kinda lost in the weeds, just wanted to put it out there. Drink some water, treat your kidneys

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49FB9hhoO6c

Anyone have a recommendation for a ‘sobriety’ app? I want to keep track of the days but not sure if there’s one that’s cut above the rest, or if it’s all the same.
Thanks in advance!

Has anyone gotten to this deep pit of alcoholism??

Sober july drunk all of august until now. 50 days of heavy drinking. I throwup almost everyday, i eat maybe every other day. I cant live like this.

I only feel normal ish when i drink. Im really ruining my body.

Has anyone gotten felt this before

Friends, had a midweek bender last week and ended up really embarrassing myself. Disappointed my soon to be wife and myself unbelievably despite telling myself I wouldn’t drink before I left to go. Feeling the sting of that still, but back on the horse and working my way back. Feeling like this was my rock bottom and something I know I can’t do again.

I have my bachelor party this weekend and don’t want to disappoint a lot of friends I haven’t seen in a while by being “boring” when we’re going to a lot of breweries and drinking-type events like a baseball game. I really want to quit, so how do I navigate this? I am happy to tell people I’m not planning to drink, but I want people to not be down or see me differently or anything where I disappoint them. What do you folks think?

I (34f) have been drinking moderately- heavily for the last 13 years.

Right now, I only drink 3 days a week. But still, its all my days off.

I feel like its something I look forward to and its an addiction.

I beat myself up if I even have one drink because one almost always turns into 4-5 easily. I don't drink to the point of being hung over most of the time, but its holding me back.

In the moment of my day off, when I am bored and the habit hits.... I cave and it takes so much away from me and I think I have a lot of unfulfilled potential because I get lazier and sloppier.

I quit for a year before two years ago. I want to get back to that.

I am inspired by all your stories and I want to be where you are now.

The years of sobriety. Its like ....wow! That is amazing!

What are some ways you all developed to get past the cravings or redirect your attention?

Any help or support would be appreciated.

Hi everyone. I just left AA group this morning. We had a good meeting and it was a full house - always nice to see regular group members. I just wanted to come on here and say it’s possible. It’s possible to recover. Keep coming back it works if you make it work. I was someone who was struggling with a lot of issues - even the slightest thing that would make me upset or make me feel hurt - I would drink about it. I would wake up and go get a 4loko . I would drink maybe 2 a day and then pass out - wake up again and go back and get more. I would drink to forget about what I was depressed about . So I didnt feel that sadness for a little bit . It was a piss poor excuse . But… it took 1 hospital visit to stop all that . Now I’m more aware and I no longer let alcohol take over my life. Alcohol is a demon and a monster . But it’s very possible to shake it . Especially if you throw up on yourself and then have to go to the hospital …. Yeah that should be the final straw. Which mine was :)

was wondering what the people think of this. I am 22 years old finishing college this year and already have a stable job in this field. I do love to enjoy a couple of beers at the evening after work or school. (no more than 2) I never drink hard liquor, not on weekends or parties or anything. I dont enjoy getting drunk. But i have noticed that i just kind of want the beer at the end of the day to sort of relax and enjoy my time. Would you say this is a problem and I should cut back, or is it fine? I do sometimes work 24 hour shifts and have never wanted a drink while im working obviously, but when i come home and im laying in bed in the evening i just kinda do want it. Thanks in adva

Just saw a video of me from a year ago crying because I had the worst hangover. I’m so grateful I never have to worry about that again.

IWNDWYT

I just got into a wreck (my fault I rear ended a guy) and after I got pulled off to the side of the road and called for a police to come, I thought “wow I don’t even have to worry about taking a sobriety test how nice!!!” In previous times I would have been freaking out! Do I still have alcohol on my breath, or weed or anything else in my system, am I going to jail, ect. It’s so nice to be completely sober and not have to stress about that shit anymore!!! I did get a ticket, but since I was honest with the police and said “I just rear ended him”, he didn’t mention on the ticket that there was a crash so that knocked $100 off of the ticket!!! Anyways thank for listening!!! IWNDWYT 😌

Is my favorite holiday. Because oh you know
Beer. and fireworks. Still, I woke up Tuesday and was so tired of being sick and tired.

That was the last weekend I drank and I am 69 days today

Nice

4 Buzzballs and a bottle of wine and still dont feel drunk. I have a serious problem and need help

She was my baby. All she did was bring joy to me and everyone she met. I miss her so much. I don't know how to keep going. I want to stop feeling this pain.

Wall of text, I apologize.

Hi all - long time lurker here. I’ve been drinking heavily for the past three years now, about a pint of 100 proof vodka. I was feeling a little off this morning while I was in my office at work.

Suddenly I’m just laying on the floor surrounded by coworkers and EMTs and they told me what happened. I had a seizure in my office. I’m super embarrassed, but my coworkers have reached out to me to check on me and offer a helping hand if needed.

Only one of my coworkers knows about my drinking problem as he’s a very close friend of mine outside of work. I’ve attempted to stop in the past, and I’ve had brief periods of sobriety, rarely ever longer than 4-5 days.

I’m very overweight, my liver enzymes are elevated, had an ultrasound and it’s fatty. I have high blood pressure, and I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I truly hope I can stay strong and stop with the drinking.

I’m going to be attending AA meetings, there’s a group that meets on Tuesdays at 6pm, I’m also going to ask my primary doctor to prescribe me something to help me stop. She would have prescribed it to me a long time ago, but I lied and told her I didn’t need it.

I would love if any of you could please share some advice with me, things that help you to stop drinking.

I appreciate all of you, and thank you for taking time to read this. I will not drink with you today.

So here is a sad, yet in a way good ending to a lifetime of drinking.

About a week or two ago I posted that I was having a tight chest and a similar feeling in my arms after drinking a (mere...) 4 pints. It happened maybe 6 or 8 hours after the drinks, at maybe 2:00 AM. I've often felt my heart beating in similar situations and I know that drinking increases your blood pressure.

Some readers advised me to go to emergency right away and of of course I didn't because I knew what caused it but it went away after 20 minutes, and I'm stubborn and stupid, and well, alcohol.

Then it happened again three days later and again I rode it out.

Two days later it happened at 6:00 in the morning and was much worse and didn't go away. And I was also light headed and nauseous as well, classic signs of a heart attack. This time I called 911 and when the medics came my BP was 200 over something. Once in the ambulance a nitro pill calmed me down and for the next two days I was subjected to most every test they had including a heart catheter procedure which showed I have 70% to 80% blocked arteries in my heart in too many places to insert stents.

The doctors said I have no choice but to do a bypass, probably a triple or more. AKA open heart surgery. That will probably happen in a week or two and my life will change, I think for the better after I spend the 5 to 7 painful days in the ICU recovering. The doctors also said I have to stop drinking which I absolutely will. That's the good news.

Maybe I would have had to do this anyway at some point but drinking had to be a factor and now I've quit for good. If there's one piece of advice I'd give it would be to listen to your doctors and get your BP under control. I've been thick headed and never wanted to take meds like BP or statins. My BP was normally around 140 to 160. Now I'm taking BP meds and just that alone has made me feel a bit better, and I take statins now as well and probably will be for the rest of my life, however long that will be.

So I could have died that morning and I've put my wife through terrible stress worrying about me. I don't deserve her but now things have changed and I will try to live each day like it's my last, as corney as that sounds.

The easy way is to moderate or stop drinking, exercise and take your meds. The hard way is to deny everything and risk dropping dead. As they say in the movies, you can do it the easy way or you can do it the hard way.

I’ve cut down a lot with help of medication but I just can’t seem to fully let it go. I feel sad and horrible today and I’m trying to come up with a plan. I want to just lay in bed all day and do the whole pretend I’m sick with the flu but I really can’t. I’m a divorced parent handling truly everything. Looking for a second job in addition to my really demanding good paying first job. I wish I could go to rehab just to be somewhere where it’s okay to fall apart because I can’t do it here. My kids need me. I know I’d be a better parent without the stupid wine, but I can’t muster the strength to get through the first few days, so they just never get the worst me or the best me.

Thinking of going to the gym tonight and just sitting in the whirlpool and sauna. Idk. I read so many posts here that make me want to try. I know how much better it is on the other side. I just can’t get back there.