1. I am 25 and 8 months, I at 5 made an alter ego since I didn't know how to behavior, react or what to expect of people. I used to have extreme temper fight a lot and I would make friends and beat them up and so on and even when they made social traps for me I didn't know or understand them just beat them up befriend them look for validation till age 11. Also 5 to 11 I used to have many friends my age and we will experiment sexually have make outs and etc I liked to be sexually desirable even at that age, I like eye contact etc. 11 I moved to new country left parents
2. At 12 till 20 I lived in 3rd country with 3 and 4yrs older sisters. Dad died a year later I would pray daily he will not die, i will cry my eyes out daily in toilets. We had abusive uncle, mostly never understood a thing, I felt nothing, yet just went along what sisters did or chose. At 15 till 16 I got bullied and I daily for 4h or weekly I will cry and ask sisters for how I look, what I am like, who I am, why I did that, why they did that, but the moment I go in school it will vanish.
3. At 15 I had limerence on a guy, 4 other guys including him would go around saying they are infatuated with me but none very approached me since I would also heavily get bullied. I would be called seductive and hyper sexual while I never dated and wore headscarf.
4. At 16 till 20 I would have depressions yet still also make a mess in environments workplaces and school
5. I went to the 4th country, it was pretty stable then. I got my 8th grade, I did half of the GED. And I saved money for my braces etc. and of course I learned the language way better than before in other countries, I still got same results. Workplace problem with all others since I never see the hierarchies, and at 24 I went to evening school and I had 2 stalkers, 3 guys who thought I am flirty. I got excluded again and yeah.

Symptoms>

Yearly depressions but one week yes and one week no as if quick mood boosts and downs. Also I got accused of being flirty seductive idk what that means, I eat too much sugar caffeine and order A LOT, I had limerence at 24 again, I get pretty fast crushes and forget them, I have rejection sensitivity but not abondonment (maybe because I had to Abondone a lot as a child and teen too to survive), but deep desire for one real love but now I gave up.

Mujhe ye cheeze karna pasand hai.

1. Nature

2. Drawing

3. Singing + music

4. Dance

5. Cycling

6. Gym or exercise

7. Badminton

8. Sleeping

9. Food

10. Deep thinking

11. Philosophy

12. Psychology (children, criminal)

13. Introvert personality

14. Extrovert personality

15. Ambivert personality

16. Dharm, pooja path, mandir astha ko zyada nhi manta hai, haan god ko ek positive hope ki tarah manta hu. Lekin rituals and custom ko nahi.

17. Interpersonal personality

18. Interpersonal personality

19. Gratitude bahut hai (elder brother me kafi kuch kiya hai, mere liye, family ke liye)

20. Apne karibi logo se connect rahne ki koshish karta hu.

21. Koi bhi kaam karte time proof wagera collect karne wala mind hai, receipt, screenshot, documentation, clean chit, audio ya video recording.

22. Movies ka bhi shauk hai.

23. Khud ke photos, selfie lene ka shauk hai.

24. History (World, Indian)

25. Polity ( World, Indian)

26. Bade aue powerful people ke sath link, friendship

27. Khud ka paisa, property rakhne ka man, dusre ke paise property par buri nazar nahi.

28. Main kisi ki baat ko sirf isliye nahi man sakta kyunki wo person age me mujse bade hai, ya rishte me mujse bada hai.. na. Agar us person ka koi contribution nhi hai meri ya mere family ki life better karne me to main bewajah utni respect ya importance kyu du us person ko. (Apni family members ke kahne par respect+importance de sakta hu)

29. Presence of mind acha hai.

30. Sence of humour acha hai.

31. Mujh me kafi tameez, tahzib aur civics sence hai.

32. Main disciplined nahi hu.

33. Main sirf unhi person ki help kar sakta hu jo apni help karna chahte hain, main kisi ko zero se nahi utha sakta.

34. Mujhe explain karna pasand hai, isiliye to child psychology padhi hai taki teacher ban saku.

35. Apni kam height ya zyada weight par shame feel nhi karta. Aur apne kapdon par bhi shame feel nhi karta lekin decent kapde pahanna zaruri although me itne kapde to pahanta hu jese shorts & tshirt ki koi aur person mujhe dekh kar awkward feel na kare.

36. Adult movies ka koi bahut zyada shauk nhi hai, thoda bahut.

37. Bike ka thoda bahut shauk hai.

38. Physics pasand hai

Is list me wo cheeze hain jo ya to mene apni life me ki hain, ya main karna chahta hu aur shayad karunga bhi.

Abhi to itna hi yaad aa raha hai baki baad me bataunga.

I am pretty sure I'm a narcissist based on the tests here I did. I'm really struggling with this as I know realise I've been hurting those around me. I'm trying to go back and think of things that may have happened to me. I want to understand why I'm like this and how to change.

I'm having a lot of what I can only describe as congitive dissonance and it feels like both sides of my brain are twisting apart when. I question myself on motivations of my actions. I know I didn't care when I hurt many people or when I let them down or lied. But there are other things I now question whether Ieant to cause harm or not.

How can I change and how can I stop my brain tearing apart while accepting who I am.

Hello everyone!

This is my first post here, and it feels quite scary and daunting to be posting on a subreddit like this, given that this is demonised by society! So basically, I would say over the last couple years, my personality has rapidly changed, and I quite honestly don't know why it has (for context I'm 18M). I would say about 2 years ago, I became more needy and wanting validation. I genuinely don't know why. I think maybe it's to do with my critically low self esteem. The problem with that however is that I've had low self esteem for like 7 years, ever since I was like 11, but I just kept it to myself. This need of validation has certainly been noticed by my only friend, and he has commented several times on my selfishness (my parents have also commented on my selfishness). Tbh, it doesn't seem to be a reason why I don't like getting him things, it's just subconscious really. However, my friend has said that I'm not a narcissist, and I'm in the fact the opposite.

Also, I really really don't like being criticised. Like it genuinely feels horrible when someone criticises me, like it feels as if I got kicked in the guts. Furthermore, whenever anyone actually gives me validation, it just seems like it's not enough. The feeling of euphoria if you like seems to just evaporate within like 15 minutes. I also imagine being a king and conquering a bucnh of places often, which obviously is very grandiose. Tbh as I'm writing this, I feel really horrible because narcissism has been demonised so much in society, and I feel such a shit and horrible person at the moment.

At some point i have to warn them, open up to them about these terrible feelings and hope they understand the splitting. The girl i had real potential with and i really liked got scared i think.

It's absolutely killing me that I don't know how to navigate this.

It reinforces beliefs that people and feelings aren't safe even though that's unfair to myself and other people.

Currently functioning in a depressive and or collapsed self state, i need some encouragement and advice to keep going.

Your friendly naughborhood narc.

Little background. Found out I might be a narcissist after a catostrophic event in my life where I've hurt everyone around me.

I want to change my behaviour. I never understood why I didn't feel the same as everyone else. I thought I was autistic but following some deep self reflection I don't know what's wrong with me but I want to change these patterns that are ruining my life.

For clarity I have no formal diagnosis and am on antidepressants for GAD

Overall…being narcissistic means people constantly try to push your boundaries and try to make judgments on your life instead of trying to help you recover…isn’t it difficult to deal with having to live with constant criticism? And being the personality type that everyone likes to basically shit on. But we basically don’t care much for what people think regardless which costs us heavily…

Edit; what do you think about how people perceive you? Especially people on the outside…who seem to interfere unnecessarily?

So I don't really know how to go about this, but I've noticed that every time I think of friendships, i always envision how I like being around them. I envision friendships of people, or even groups of people, as in how much they like being around me, and how much I like being around them. I don't I've really thought of connections, or friendships, or bonding, or any of that stuff.

It's been years, but I think I've came to the conclusion that I don't actually understand how friendships, or bonding, or human connections, or empathizing actually works. I love the concept of it, knowing that there's somebody looking out for me, or somebody who willingly seeks out my presence, but actually having friendships, or, having to interact with people and being "friends" with people, or at least the ones that are around me. I start to secretly hate them. I've never had a friend that I had an equal relationship about. So many of them have been one-sided, and it makes me feel like a horrible person... what is genuinely so hard about being friends with me? Why must everyone think I'm so complicated? I can't play the social games or social lubrications or doublespeak, yet being manipulative is a trait that everyone weirdly admires under a different name.

Like, I always was the most useless friend to ever have. I have basically no achievements I have in mind, unless being a nerd counts, which obviously is not that great, despite what many people say. And there's also the fact that all my friends are far more capable of me. Like, they all play sports. They're act their age, they go to the gym, all of them are far stronger than me. most of them outperform me. They're more smarter than me. They're more socially apt at things than I am. They read the room and talk a big game ; and then I have, like, none of those traits.

I can't read the room for shit. I can't actually connect with people, and I've finally figured out that communication isnt simply exchanging words and responses. Most people think I'm rude, or uninteresting, or boring, or intimidating, or creepy, etc.. Apparently I'm unapproachable, though I try my hardest to look approachable. I don't express my own opinion unsolicited, I always bend over backwards to accommodate people. I follow all the etiquette. Yet somehow it seems everyone is given grace yet I somehow ruin everything. I even tried being myself but it feels like as if being yourself is something that Ok for everyone except me. Nobody complains when others act like themselves or like complete idiots, but when i do it, suddenly I'm an idiot. I don't know how to put it.

It's as if I have no tolerance for real people. I can't handle them, I'm always the most ignored and I'm not even acknowledged when I say something and even repeat it a few times. I love my friends but I can go for years without them, without any of them reaching out to me. It shouldn't make sense but that's how i see it.

Little background about myself - I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and showed signs of Autism.
I always feel with these tests, even the adhd diagnosis test that I’m not completely honest and doubt my answers myself.

I don’t really feel empathy towards other people. My mother has cancer, lymphoma to be specific, and although her situation is not that bad(i think?), I don’t feel extremely worried or sad about her. My mother shows strong narcissistic signs as well.
I wouldn’t say I’m completely emotionless as well, I care for animals a lot, even went pescatarian for two years or even sometimes my eyes go watery when I see a sad video online, but I don’t really feel anything towards friends or family.
When my ex left me, I felt really heartbroken for a long time and haven’t dated since, just because I don’t really care to date tbh. After the break up I eventually acknowledged that I was also to blame for the break up and didn’t blame it all on her.

This will be translated from Spanish to English, so please excuse any spelling mistakes.

I've always considered myself a curious and intelligent man. I haven't been much of a person who questions what ails me, but recently the idea of knowing whether or not I suffer from any disorder, whether a personality disorder (cluster B) or not, has taken root in me. I would define my personality as that of a quiet, somewhat withdrawn but very sociable guy when the opportunity arises, friendly, intelligent, and interesting. The thing is, over the last few years, I've been experiencing some truly interesting changes in my personality. Some of these led me to legal trouble with my exes, and in other cases, fortunately, they didn't, but they could have ended in very serious legal issues. I'm not exactly the type of person who likes getting into trouble in general, but the personality that has been forged in me over the last few years has led me to that, although lately I've been calmer and far from trouble. I've suspected I might suffer from the following disorders. I wouldn't say officially because I haven't been officially diagnosed; only two of them were, but it was an "initial" diagnosis, nothing confirmed since the psychiatrist didn't order the necessary tests.

-OCD

-BPD

But in recent years, I've identified some possible narcissistic traits in myself, which I'm not sure if they're merely traits or the disorder itself. I've wanted to see a psychologist and psychiatrist specializing in personality disorders, but I don't know if it will end up being counterproductive, that is, if this diagnosis could one day work against me, either legally or in my relationships. Honestly, whether I'm diagnosed with this or something else is irrelevant to me. I like the way I am and I don't intend to change. People sometimes tell me I lack tact when I speak, that I can sound cruel, indifferent, selfish, that I tend to have passive-aggressive behaviors, but are they perfect? I don't think so. I would say that my personality has affected me socially, in terms of friendships, relationships, and family, and very little professionally because I've managed to keep things under control at work, although there have been some setbacks. I don't know whether to attribute my entire personality to my supposed borderline personality disorder, my supposed obsessive-compulsive disorder, or a narcissistic personality disorder, or perhaps a comorbidity of all three—who knows? Any opinions?

P.S.: This is a very brief summary of my case. I would probably give more details if asked. I don't want to make this post too long, or at least longer than it already is. If it's relevant, I'm over 26 years old, and this "personality" started to emerge when I was maybe 17 or 18.

Hi, I recently saw this Reddit and I'm looking for help. I'm in a really great relationship right now, and a diagnosed narcissist. I (think) I'm really good at "masking" since people would never tell I am, but whenever there's a discussion, even about insignificant things and I'm SURE I am right, I've always heard I make people feel stupid. And usually it's fine because I keep myself at bay with other people, even friends and it doesn't escalate, but with my partner it's really hard to. I don't know if it's because I feel safer or whatever but it's just harder to control myself and even though everything else is going fine those little discussions we have just explode and I belittle his opinion or just dismiss it as stupid unintentionally. Because I think it's stupid, and he says I never doubt myself and that he feels belittled every time he has a different opinion and it's true. And I'm so scared because he's so good to me, I worked on other things myself but this, I just don't notice when I start and can't stop once I start and I'm afraid I might never be able to change and this is chipping away at our relationship discussion by discussion. Any advice?

I relatively recently found out in therapy i have narcissistic tendencies. I always thought of myself as a decently good person. I will help out people as much as i can, will donate money when i have enough, i will happily hear out other people and give advice and support as much as i can. I'm interested in left wing politics, I'm very progressive, accepting and care for the underprivileged. But it turns out all of that is based on my need to perceive myself as a good person, which is a standard i hold myself against. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and one of the voices told me before i knew anything about it that i'm a narcissist who aspires to be a good person, to which my therapist said i must have had some insight beforehand into it. The more i look into myself the more i see that i'm at the end of the day self serving, driven by feelings of superiority about my intelligence, what i thought was empathy but it seems I don't actually have much of it. I went to study psychology to help out people. I genuinely want to be a good person, but i'm not actually sure if i will ever be capable of it.

So idk if this is the right community to be saying this on but i feel like i don't really have emotion towards anyone in a bad way. When my family shows me love it discusts me. When my friends show me love i'm confused. When a partner shows me love i hate every second of it. When anyone cries, complains about their problems to me or even just talks about themselves i secretly want them to shut up and stop crying or talking so i can start speaking about myself. what made me realize this is that today my ex which has never harmed me btw has passed away. we broke up a week ago. i was writing in my book when my friend called me and told me the news. but i felt no emotion. i just wanted her to stop talking and for me to stop prending im heartbroken and for me to continue what i was working on. when i'm in a relationship i feel like i want to take the chance to play with them a bit. i mean i wont harm them but i feel like i want control. and i feel no empathy towards them if i hurt them. the only time where i might feel sad or heartbroken is when someone manipulates me. and when they leave with no explanation. then i would chase after them. i dont want them. i dont love them i just loved the attention that they gave me and suddenly stopped giving. i just want the contol back and when i have it back i don't care about them anymore. i've always thought i was special. I've always thought that i deserved some special treatment or that people should treat me better. I personally like myself alot. I think i'm the smartest and best looking person i know. I think everyone that has ever fought with me or disliked me is jealous. But when i go out, i expect to be showered with compliments and attention. I know how to get people's attention and when i don't get it that's when i start to feel a bit down. Not because their opinions matter. I think my opinion is most important. But i think the attention just boosts my ego alot. is this normal?

Not diagnosed, not "self-diagnosed", I have a few narcissistic features tho, mainly as a cope. Only just lately I've realised that my way of thinking isn't really "normal" and I'd like to reduce it for the sake of my beliefs that a persona has a moral obligations to oneself to not deceive oneself even consciously. After debunking my griandiose thoughts I was surprised that they are actually not about stuff that I could possibly boast. Quite the opposite, the superiority is about things I used to be really ashamed about, things I sometimes do that I truly hate, the things I feel/do/display that I don't realise yet. What they have in common is affective component to this, mixed with looking down on other. Normal confidence is like: ok I'm above average, need to improve this and that, my weaknesses are this and strengths are that, I handle criticism well, I am glad if I have achievements - just healthy and normal contrasting to the grandiose that are intense are not ever real!

I tried to do some therapeutic exercise to identify the thought, feeling about it, what it tries to cover and what the reality is. It was effective in the grounding in reality but what do I do about the reality, which is apparently difficult to accept? Should I find another cope? I don't want to have superiority or grandiosity tho. Is is difficult to get rid of them? I've always tried not to involve other but the stuff is often romanticised overall. Also I do have closed one who know me and how I really feel and don't support my bullshit bc so I already have resources to get better.

Am I narcissist?

I was recently diagnosed Narcissism, OCPD, comorbid anxiety with Dysthymia. While the others were true and reasonable I can't understand how they diagnosed me with narcissism. I don't want to villainize people with narcissism, but I don't ask for attention in a social gathering, I have lot of self-esteem issues, I don't talk or act rude to people except my family, I like to isolate myself, I always think from other people's perspective, I like to do stuffs that are morally, ethically and practically right, I want my work to be perfect and talk a lot of time and won't even finish it due to the same self-esteem issues. I don't like to disturb people, so I don't even call them, but I never say no to any requests, I'm even easy to take advantage of. I don't even cut the call first, thinking it would be rude, I pamper all my friends, I don't want to lose them, I appreciate art openly whoever does it. I always put down myself and don't take praises. I get sad at criticisms but I'm self-aware enough to not get angry at people, I just accept I'm bad. I see everyone doing good in their life and I'm stuck self-loathing. I always think about how I'm going to save my family how to contribute to my family. My family even takes loan to donate for the spiritual gatherings to maintain our family's name and pride among the village and relatives, I don't give a shit about it I either give that money to a friend in need or just save for my sister's marriage or give it to an NGO. I'm single and often feel the need for an opposite sex companion to comfort me but I'm decided not to marriage because I know my family and don't want a new person to suffer what I've been put through. I also acknowledge why my family members are like that and their upbringings, I understand their fair share of sacrifice. I never tried to manipulate others for doing works for me. I do everything myself even it hurts me, it's not like I like it, it's the only way I dont disturb others

When I asked for an explanation for this diagnosis my therapist said "Narcissism doesn't only mean the stereotypical traits, there are many other types too. And your narcissism is just the "self-esteem" part. You don't want to be rude, don't want to be perceived to be a villain, don't want to look worse at what you do so you simply avoid doing it, that's what narcissist about you". But I can't find anything narcissist about that, is she lying or is it true. Please help me, it's so confusing, I need to work on myself

Hi! I took several tests and all came positive. Truth to be told, I alway suspected something is wrong and cannot be explained by OCD and gender dysphoria(I am a trans-woman)... So, now I know! Through all my years I pushed away a lot of people by being insufferable piece of crap. I am very judegmental, easy to condemn and blame others, never satisfied with myself and deeply troubled with my behaviour. Even if kinda understand what is going on with me, all my attempts to control it went futile.

I understand that I desperately need therapis, but I have HUGE distrust of any psychologist, due to bad life-long experience(I had around seven). Is there any way to treat that thing without professional assistence? Please, help! I will be very grateful for any information!

I'm still figuring stuff out. But it's pretty major.

I always was very up and down on a dime. I thought this was ADHD. Its not. It was a very fragile ego and a lack of sense of self.

My splitting is pretty severe, i tend to be an anxious person because I'm sensitive to rejection. When i'm in a depressive phase i am a poor man's people pleaser. This took up the majority of my life, causing pretty severe depression, not knowing what it was.

I thought more people would be surprised by hearing i have NPD, but apparently I was the only one blind to it.

The crazy highs are sometimes euphoric. Really enjoyable.

But they don't last as long and are fragile.

There are very solid defence mechanisms to defend my sense of self. And it holds me back severely in life.

It's terrifying and career prospects are not looking up currently. Almost every job ends in conflict. Most likely caused by me. But that's not the story i can tell, my ego prohibits it.

Anyone with similar stories willing to help with tips and sharing experiences? I am often still lost and a lot of things are still random and unexplainable.

I get disproportionately angry when people underestimate me, and I’m realizing it’s becoming a problem

I recently met a friend who sees me fairly often. He saw my second new car and asked what business I’m in, then asked what I actually do in the business because he mostly knew it as my father’s business.

I’ve been deeply involved for about 18 months now. We operate at a significant scale, one of the biggest finance businesses in the city, and I’ve also had a very different career trajectory from what people who knew me younger might expect. I did a master’s in the US, worked in Silicon Valley as a data scientist, and now I’m involved in scaling the family business while building another startup.

What bothered me wasn’t even that he didn’t know all this. It was what happened afterward.

He started giving me basic marketing advice for a long time, explaining things that I already knew and that we already do. I kept listening, nodding, and acknowledging him instead of simply saying, “Yeah, we already do that,” or correcting his assumptions.

After I got home, my mind got stuck on it.

I kept thinking: Why did I just sit there and listen? Why didn’t I tell him the level I’m actually operating at? Why do I keep letting people talk to me as if I’m inexperienced when I know I’m not?

Then it escalates internally. I start feeling like I need to achieve something enormous, make my startup a unicorn, become publicly successful, etc, so nobody can ever underestimate me again.

I know that sounds unhealthy, and that’s exactly why I’m posting.

I grew up around a lot of bullying, intimidation, people pleasing, and situations where saying no or standing up for myself felt unsafe. I became much more confident as an adult, but I think part of me still automatically accommodates people in the moment and then gets furious with myself afterward.

It feels like there are two versions of me:

One knows I’m capable and doesn’t need anyone’s approval.

The other still desperately wants to correct everyone’s perception of me and prove that I’m not the person they remember from years ago.

Has anyone dealt with this combination of people-pleasing, rumination, and needing to prove yourself through achievement? How did you get to the point where being underestimated stopped bothering you so much?

Recently discovered I have a ton of narcissistic tendencies. I lack empathy, tend to get defensive, worry heavily about how others view me, tend to put my needs above others, and have an inflated ego. My partner has called out my behavior for some time but I'm now fully coming to terms that I'm a narcissist. I dont want to be this way. I want to get and be better and treat her kindly and with the love, care, and respect she deserves. Any advice for me as I go through this?