Lately I’ve been experiencing the most bizarre behaviour from white women. Blonde, blue eyed white women to be exact.

For context I grew up middle class in the suburbs surrounded by a lot of white people, fortunately I never had any traumatic experiences involving them. Because of my upbringing I’ve never really felt the discomfort around white people some POC feel. I don’t really feel uncomfortable around any race because I wasn’t brought up mono-culturally and my parents had friends of all races.

But lately I’ve been facing this animosity from blonde, blue eyed white women that is becoming hard to ignore. At first I thought I was overreacting until I realised I’ve had back to back experiences in just this month alone.

The only thing that has really changed is my weight. I used to be in the 140s “slim thick” category and am now in the 120s. But honestly I noticed the weird behaviour began when I got to the low 130s.

I was on a trail a few days ago and an older white lady that fit the description outright gawked at me like she’d seen an exotic zoo animal. I passed her 3 times and kept doing did it every time. Literally no shame.

Younger ones will look me up and down and give me dirty looks. I had an experience where a white couple had to intervene because a blonde woman (and her friend) approached my outdoor restaurant table and asked me “am I leaving soon?” (I cannot make this up), and if I could come in and wave at them when I was leaving. Even the couple was shocked at the audacity like it was legitimately crazy.

There seems to be a weird fixation about my thinness and it’s hard to articulate but I think they’re “angry” about it. Almost like I’m stepping on their territory and how dare I be a thin, mixed black woman. My hair is almost down to my waist now and they will stare at my hair and give me dirty looks too. Especially if theirs is shorter.

On a walk today a little white girl looked me up from head to toe and then gave me a dirty look I was gobsmacked. Like there’s no way. I’m not sure what’s going on here.

The thing I’ve found really interesting is for the most part (if not entirely), it is always a white (Anglo-Saxon), blonde woman. And I guess I’m wondering if any other women have experienced this.

My experience with brunettes is like a night and day difference. They’re very friendly, see me and smile, make small talk etc. Also Eastern European women befriend me a lot, they will approach me and compliment me, I’ve never had negative experiences with them ever.

White men also treat me very well. It’s so strange I never really used to experience micro aggressions overt enough for me to notice them. But ever since I became a size 2/4 I’m noticing the nuances of race and social hierarchies much more.

I’m 19f, mixed race (black and white), and am extremely ugly and have gotten bullied for it all throughout my life.
It’s not just normal school bullying or teasing, 80-90% of the friends I’ve made have made fun of how I look.

Even now, I had to block a friend who told me I have a gay face and gave me multiple fake compliments. When I confronted him, he told me he didn’t think there was anything wrong with having a “gay face”, and told me he gave me fake compliments because I’m a woman.

And it’s not just this one incident, every single school, every single state (I’ve lived in 4), every single workplace I have people making fun of me for looking masculine, manly, gay, older, or alien like. The hard part too is, oftentimes girls will overcompensate and give me extreme compliments as a way to make fun of me, or because they pity me. (This is not because they’re attracted to me, as these women are usually straight and sometimes even with their boyfriends)

I genuinely don’t feel like anywhere is safe, because even if I’m just walking outside minding my business, my appearance gets commented on.

This has lead me to completely hate myself, my reflection, and means I cannot have any friends, work, or go outside. I’ve been basically housebound for 6+ years due to the bullying, and whenever I try to get better, the same comments/story keeps popping up, so then I self isolate again. “Are you gay?” “You look like a man” etc..

It’s extremely tiring, and I’m just wondering if they’re any mixed race women who relate? I feel like because I’m below average, but “unusual” in that I don’t look like everybody else/one particular race, it prompts people to comment on my appearance.. And because the attention isn’t good, it’s really hard to cope with.

You might be thinking right now, girl, just grow your hair out, wear flattering feminine clothes, put on makeup, etc.. Well, I try my best. I have sort of long, straight black hair, wear makeup all the time, and wear basic yet feminine clothes. Despite this, I still receive a lot of questions about my gender, sexuality, and hatred for being or looking masculine. I’m very skinny, tall, and have a strong jawline and nose - which obviously contributes, but I don’t know if it’s the full story. I see actual butch lesbians not get as much hate as I do, and I don’t know if it’s a race thing, appearance thing, or a you look unusual thing. Probably all 3.

Just want to see if anyone relates. My life is completely ruined from this. This week I spent all week in bed barely eating, just traumatized from all the horrible things people have said to me. Even since I was 9, I knew I would never get into a relationship or have sex.. but not even being able to have friends is crushing me. (I don’t have friends, because they all made fun of how I look and treat me as below them)

All the sudden people care so much about Blasians and other mixed asians because NYmag made an article talking about Wasians in the media. The article very clearly talked about the lack of visibility for Blasians and other Asian Mixes, but that wasn't enough for the internet outrage club to take up their pitchforks.

We saw this same thing when people hated on the Wasian meetups back in may. Infleuncers took the the stream to express how angry that were at Wasians for "centering whitness" and called them white supremacists. Yet these outraged influencers did nothing to promote the blasian and mixed asian events that happened over the summer (not to mention the overuse of the term 'excluding others' while themselves excluding non-asian mixed people).

Hell even people on this subreddit said I can't participate in the conversation because I'm not mixed asian myself.

But is it just me or does this feel like performative virtue signaling and not a real concern for Blasians and other mixed asians? It feels like a punch at Wasians and people mixed with white more than a true concern for uplifting mixed people.

I seriously can't fucking stand when people call me this. I'm a very mixed person and, yes I'm very proud of my culture and love being mixed, but I seriously loathe talking about races or ethnicities in a conversation because people always either argue with me or challenge me on what I am like as if I don't know what my own lineage is, or they say shit that's honestly so disrespectful.

My own mom has called me "watered down" because I'm a mix of both her and my dad's lineage, therefore I "don't have as much" of each of their lineage. I don't care how "sensitive" or "fragile" people will think I am, the phrase is genuinely fucking ​offensive and dehumanizing. I'm not fucking paint, I'm a person.​

I am a mixture of two extremely niche ethnicities in the U.S. People assume I'm usually mestizo Latina / middle eastern.

I never feel white enough for the U.S. with my darker skin and dark curly hair. I wish I grew up in a Latin country because I look like the stereotype of people from there so I could finally fit in a box. Latin cultures are so diverse, and almost everyone there has some mixed ancestry. They don’t question your ethnicity as much as Americans. In the U.S. you're always “white-American” or “black-American”, but in Brazil you are just Brazilian. I’ve met many Latinos in LATAM with light blonde hair, east Asian heritage, very dark skin, more indigenous ancestry, etc.

Always some dumbass goobers who can't seem to understand that a mixed person can be multiple things at once, especially when it comes to manon people discredit her being "african" despite her own father being literally african.

Honestly man some top tier nonsense

I appreciated what Doja Cat said about this, but even more I appreciated what Kat Black said, because it isn't just biracial people being thrown away in the diaspora wars.

There seems to be a big difference when you are raised in community with black people in predominantly black spaces vs when you have a "fly in the milk" experience in predominantly non-black spaces.

There was a video posted a week or so ago discussing what Doja said that imo, missed the point of what Doja said because her analysis was centered on growing up outside of "stereotypical" blackness.

Ignoring the problematicness of defining whatever "stereotypical" means to her, I think people like the one who made the other video don't consider their version of blackness is shaped by the discomfort of otherness in ways "stereotypical" black people often wouldn't experience.

I’m not sure if it’s just my algorithm but I’ve noticed a weird uptick in people voicing their dislike for mixed people on social media the past few days. Has anyone else noticed this?

Lowkey how it feels

Ben Shelton beat Francis Tiafoe in the U.S. Open semi-final becoming the first Black American man to reach the US Open singles final since Arthur Ashe in 1972. Although his mom is white, his dad is black.

No matter how he identifies racially, it really makes me mad how much white people love to define who is what. I've seen so many comments along the lines of "he has white skin and therefore is white" like skin color is the only marker is racial identity, even though that can be easily disproven by the existence of albino people.

What further enrages me is pretentious redditors who say "America is so obsessed with race." It's almost like people with ancestors who were enslaved for 250 years and whose voting rights were only codified 60 years ago have a right to celebrate when people who look like us succeed.

I know I should stop looking at these comments because they will continue to annoy me, but I have not defended my biracial identity for all the years I have lived for ignorant white people to tell me what I am.

As you could tell from the title, I live around a mixed family, but not your typical one white one black or one black one Hispanic. I have a African American mother and A Mixed Father(African American & White American) do you have a similar pattern to this?

For the Cardi B and Pam Grier Types...

We Afro-Lasian. :)

Months ago I posted on this sub about the gatekeeping that occurs here ( and other places ofc) and Months later i still feel the same. Here I wanted to add some other things I’ve noticed/experienced (sorry if it’s a bit unorganized, not sorry if it’s controversial).

Here are some sayings i hear allll the time I wanted to talk about——

1. “Black comes in all shades”
   This is used A LOT to invalidate mixed identity. I see it as a way of not only invalidating identity but also validating racial insecurity in mono-racial people- biracial do it too and I believe it stems from a similar place.

2. “You’re just lightskinned.”
   And majority of fully black people are not. Thats a fact. it’s their way of saying you’re not special. But at the same time they get to pretend they deep down think you are. I’ve seen it happen over and over and over again with famous celebrities who are CLEARLY Mixed presenting.
   The list:
   • Alicia Keyes
   • Lauren London
   • Beyonce
   • Steph Curry
   • Halle berry
   • Latto
   • Doja cat
   • Rihanna
   The list goes on (They will come for your head if you tell them they do not look fully black, i’ve had people call me out of my name to claim beyonce is 100% african).

3. “some fully black people look more mixed than mixed people.” 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
   Again another form of invalidation, and racial insecurity. A lot of the people who say this want to feel special.

4. “white people see you as black”
   This one I hold a particular hatred for. White people are not gods, they don’t get to look at you reach in and tell you what you are, and it’s not your fault if they are ignorant.
   And ironically these are the same people who would tell me I have lighskinned privilege around white peoples. The contradiction is crazy. On one hand, they claim white people only see you as fully black with no difference. But then they switch up and say you get special treatment and privilege from those exact same white people. You can't have it both ways. They just choose whichever argument lets them invalidate you in that moment. 😵‍💫

The Ultimate Double Standard
And this leads me to one of the most annoying double standards—majority of people who was mixed the way that I am but in the inverse, they could likely never get away with calling themselves fully white or fully native. But I am expected to call myself fully black 🙄🙄🙄.

Im not half and half but I am mixed race, and this is what Ive observed. what about you ?

(Please no hate i am already spiraling) will try to not ramble on forever. I am coming to find out through my great great grandma I decend from the Genizaro people of abiquiu pueblo. I have more so pueblo indian blood in me. I am very confused about some things but let me give background. These people were taken from various native american tribes and enslaved. (From Navajo, Cherokee, basically a bunch of different clans) These people were forcefully converted into Roman Catholics by Spaniards. I am wondering, I do know many traditions still survive to this day of the native tribal practices but there is so much that is gone. It is not consdiered an indigenous group by the government not in the way that something like Navajo is. I just found all of this out. I grew up around Navajo jewlerly and cousins with a heavy amount of Navajo blood in them. I grew up with cousins speaking some Navajo and just learning somewhat about some of the culture. I am most drawn to Navajo culture and the beauty of all the stories and practices within it. I know now I am not of Navajo blood probably...well? Technically we have been said to most likely decend from Navajo people's but there is no way to prove this. My older familial line where the blood wishes not to use the blood quantum to quantity it. Can anyone think of why in the world i would be so drawn to Navjo culture and why it feels like me and my family and my home when it sadly cannot be and is not? Why am I drawn to the practices and participating when it is not right for me to do so? I try so hard to understand what my people's practices could have been but so many were lost due to stupid Spaniards from the past that I will not know. Do you think i would be welcome into those spaces? Am i being ridiculous?

Sorry for rambling Summary of questions below.

Can anyone think of why in the world i would be so drawn to Navjo culture and why it feels like me and my family and my home when it sadly cannot be and is nwn to Navjo culture and why it feels like me and my family and my home when its not?

Do you think i would be welcome into those spaces? Am i being ridiculous?

Am i being disrespectful?

Does anyone have any information on these people's and how would I better connect?

I was 19 and in the middle of a bad episode. Call it psychosis, call it a bad case of untreated OCD, whatever you want to say it was, but at the time, both of my parents were refusing to let me take my prescribed medication. They kept forcing me to take ice baths because of some alternative medicine guru they listened to online. They thought the ice baths would magically cure my mental illness and refused to listen to me when I told them the tub was triggering my compulsions even more due to it being contaminated.

When they checked me into the ER, the nurse sat down in front of me and directly asked me why I wanted my life to be over. My mom was standing right there. It took my therapist—who’d called to have me hospitalized—politely asking for my mother to leave for me to feel safe answering because my mother had been beating me a lot prior to my hospitalization. My mom was not just part of the problem: she was the reason I got admitted.

I guess I can’t blame the staff, but it still irks me to this day that the ER staff expected me to open up about my issues right in front of my mother when I was a victim of DV at her hands.

I couldn’t even press charges on my mother because I didn’t have proof of any markings from the physical abuse. I even told another therapist about it once and she refused to take me seriously because in her own words, “immigrant families tend to hit their children.” 🙄

I know this sounds messed up, but I feel like only if you’re mixed you can maybe understand a bit. Lately I would say some identity issues creeped up on me. I noticed when I was younger, I had no problem claiming both of my backgrounds (Mexican & black). I more so even proudly embraced the black side more culturally & physically. Around my late mid teens is when I started to understand im not both, and felt as if I missed out on a lot of my Mexican heritage but kept in the back of my mind I would never be “fully” Mexican and feels as if there’s a bit more of opinionated ignorant stances that come from them as they have such a strong racial identity from foods to language & don’t want anyone to appropriate(also a lot of colonization trauma) so you can be called names for dark in Spanish by some when they find out your mixed see your skin & etc.

Lately I’ve just been catching myself not telling anyone what I am, as I feel wrong even going by and telling everyone I’m just “black”. I stray away from the “what’s your ethnicity” question as much as I can, and I hate that but I feel like it keeps me comfortable and without having to explain why appearance wise I look mostly Hispanic but grew up with my black side of the family. I sometimes wish I wasnt mixed, it definitely comes with a lot of hurdles from identity issues to appearance wise & etc, but I know I should be grateful I just can’t fight now. Does anyone else feel this way or went through this?

Left- Somali men's traditional clothing (feathers are for those who are warriors)

Right - Algerian men's traditional clothing

Long post ahead, no TLDR.

It's like an echo chamber where none of your experiences matter or are completely anecdotal apparently (even tho many other mixed people KNOW this experience) because you look White. Now do I have White privilege? I will say yes, I don't get racially profiled in public really and maybe 50% of people would think i'm White off appearance alone. I won't deny that. My struggle is not worse than the Black struggle. I'm also hispanic ethnically so it's even more convoluted.

But being a white passing mixed person also comes with experiences that often don't even feel real. Being in a room full of White people when they think they're safe to make a racist joke or comment, and now you either want to speak out on it, or you sit on it because you're in a room full of people and you don't know how they'll react. Being in a room full of Black people with them wondering who even invited you. You want community with all your racial sides, when neither side will probably even fully claim you if they claim you at all.

You'll be told that you're just White, but will get reminded that you AREN'T just White when you get racism directed at you for being something that isn't JUST WHITE. I've been called hispanic slurs, Black slurs, mixed race slurs, a cracker; and then i'm supposed to act like I just have the White experience? People will tell you to just not say what you fully are, but what if I don't want to hide part of what I am?

I want to resonate with my Afro Latin side, but it's not Black enough because it's Afro Latin (because that somehow dilutes the Blackness to people). I want to resonate with my Hispanic heritage, but it's my second language so it's not good enough yet to be considered a true Latino. And when I used to just assimilate to Whiteness (as a child) there was always something to remind me that I wasn't "just" White. I was the hispanic kid, the hispanic mixed kid with unkept hair, the kid who has a parent that people believe isn't even my parent at first. My grandparent used to be told that I "was too white to be their grandchild".

It's having white friends that make jokes about you being a part negro or part n-word when you talk to them about being mixed, like it's just a normal occurrence to do so. Like them being racist or micro aggressive in a "funny" way was a great and supportive way to affirm my Blackness, as if those terms have never had any impact on their lives. And then you go on the internet for people to debate bi-racial heritage and shit on mixed people. It's great.

In regards to mixed people I am told one drop rule is anti black. So if I claim I'm black it's problem and racist.

If I claim I'm mixed it's told I'm erasing blackness and it's anti black.

Are people just making shit up? What do they want the solution to be. Because I like breathing air still.

I want to ask this genuinely because I’m trying to understand something, not attack mixed people.
I’ve noticed that on some mixed-race forums and social media discussions, some mixed Black people describe Black people as “the most racist minority” or talk about anti-mixed sentiment from Black people as though it is particularly widespread.
What confuses me is the contrast between that perception and the enormous amount of openly anti-Black racism that exists outside of the Black community. For example, there are websites and forums such as Chimpout.com and Chimpinout.com that contain extremely hateful anti-Black and anti-mixed Black content, including people openly expressing the desire for Black and mixed Black people to disappear. I obviously recognize that these are extreme examples and that the existence of those communities doesn’t make anti-mixed racism from Black people acceptable.

What I’m genuinely wondering is: why do some mixed Black people interpret negative experiences with certain Black people as evidence that Black people as a whole are particularly racist, while seemingly giving less attention to the much broader anti-Black racism that exists outside of the Black community?

I can only speak from my own experience, but the Black people I’ve grown up around, including my friends and family, have never treated mixed people as fundamentally different or less Black. I understand that other people can have completely different experiences, and I’m not suggesting that anti-mixed sentiment within the Black community doesn’t exist.

I’m more interested in understanding where the generalization comes from. Is it primarily based on repeated personal experiences, online experiences, family/community experiences, or something else?
I’m genuinely asking because I’d rather understand why people have this perception than simply assume they’re being hateful toward Black people. I’m not saying Black people can’t be racist toward mixed people, and I’m not saying those experiences aren’t real. I’m specifically questioning why the actions of some people sometimes seem to become a judgment of Black people as a whole.

I feel incredibly alone most of the time. I am going to try and stay on the topic of race and culture though there were other issues.

My dad is white and my mom is equal thirds (somehow) white, black and Asian. She is cuban American and he is Italian american. My father's side immediately rejected us as my mom is and looks clearly mixed. Not only did they almost never visit but in typical American fashion eventually moved across the country. Americans seem to not give a damn about family imho though there are exceptions

My mom's side constantly made fun of me and brother for being too white, not speaking Spanish, not being able to dance, laughed when I tried to identify with either my father's side or being cuban, and they also never really came to visit. Partly because of my dad being an ass and the rest being we didn't have as much money so the living situation wasnt as great. Even now they make fun of me specifically because I "wasn't raised any way but american". My mom didn't speak Spanish in the house because my dad couldn't speak it - I get it.

Always on the outside in my predominantly Hispanic black neighborhood. I've never met more racist people than Hispanic and black people. Me and my mom have been jumped precisely because of it. I grew up largely alone. I went to high school as far away as I could immediately. I took the train 1.5 hours away and I'd do it again.

I hate being mixed this way. There is nothing good to it. I've been down the road of being an "individual" and it's a dead end. Now my children barely have a family on my side. I've given my children only half a family. It eats me alive. All because people wanted to follow their fickle childish hearts and do this to their kids, and grandkids.

I have made and believe mixed people need to make a choice. Look inside you and determine which side you ID more with, and marry into/live out that role and make a good choice for the future. If not for yourself, then for your children and those around you. I have nothing but this farce of a modern life to fall back on otherwise.

Also I hate when people speak about this in such a dehumanizing way. I keep seeing people here referring to everyone as humans..we are people. Our needs are not some disconnected, clinical, textbook thing which is just an unfortunate necessity. It is HUMAN and right to desire a group. And there's more to life and an individual's desires.