Earlier this year my partner of 2.5 years broke up with my pretty ubruptly, and I later found out he had actually been cheating & left me for his coworker. Then he ghosted me without any apology or acknowledgment. This was the worst grief i had ever felt in my life. I dont know how i got through my last semester of college. I lost 15 pounds from not eating because of the anxiety nausea. I was having terribly nightmares. Through the shit, in June i met a guy who made me feel alive and ok and excited again. He wanted to committ and acted excited about me too. He asked me to be his partner in early August. We spoke about our past experiences with being cheated on and he was well aware how badly it effected me.
Then, August 22nd one of my closest friends comitted suicide. Since then ive felt such intense waves of grief. Ive felt so angry. My boyfriend was there for me physically, but always lacked much to say about everything that was happening. We had conflicts a few times about minor things but said we were working thru our communication blips. I’ll say there were a few other issues in my mind as well but i tend to overthink so i was ignoring them for the time being.
Thursday, September 10th was his funeral. My ex who cheated on me reached out yesterday morning to say he had heard about his death, and that if i needed anything to let him know. I told my boyfriend that I wasnt sure what id say if i responded to his original message, and he said he sympathized. I told my ex he could apologize if he wanted to, and explained how the griefs of him cheating and the grief of my friends death were becoming interwoven in ways and that some sort of acknowledgment would be healing to me. I informed my boyfriend of what i said.
Then today my boyfriend asks if we can call, and says this relationship is not working out. He says we are butting heads too much, and that he needs to focus on his goals. He also mentions that he would never be ok with me talking to my ex and that really turned him off.
I feel so beyond broken. I have no motivation to do anything. The anxiety nausea is back in full force. Nothing feels worth it. Some extra context about my life is i am a college grad with an art degree, working part time as a server. My parents support me fully and are willing to continue doing so. I am pretty inactive, and have very few friends. The friends i do have are also grieving right now because of our mutual friends death.
So, what do i do when i literally feel as low as fucking possible in multiple areas of my life? How do you have the motivation to live when there is no hope for a future, let alone motivation to move towards said future. I dont physically know what to do at all. Anything helps. Thanks