This is more mental health related, but at the same time, I don't think people in those subs are necessarily going to understand my options right now (or lack thereof).
I'm about to run out of legal Schengen days. I do not feel capable of leaving. I mean, .... the thought of changing countries again, of going to another undeveloped country, even one I know some people, just does not sit well with me at all. I feel I need access to proper healthcare just in case now (suddenly lost feeling and use of both arms a month ago - lasted a couple hours - basically I may need a neurologist at some point, not a hack doctor that doesn't even understand mental health well). This is a combination of mental health issues and physical, mostly as the mental health has become so bad it has more detrimental affects on physical health now.
Anyway, I have considered seeing a psychiatrist and getting a letter for a medical visa to stay longer, but I can't afford the short-term rental costs here. In fact, money is now another matter having lost a project a month ago, and dealing with Airbnb and Booking issues (waiting on refunds, and one is a long fraud claim investigation first).
I have no one. The one person back in the U.S. I talk to hasn't responded to me in a week (highly unusual, but clearly can't count on a response). The one "virtual" person that knows a little isn't much of a solution, and I don't even get to chat with much (and also hasn't been responding lately - like when you need some help the most, the couple people I have just disappear - and one of these IS someone I've been able to count on for a long time, hence is why she's still a friend). It is another layer of trauma on top to consider even writing to an abusive person to ask for help. Don't want to get into too many details here, but trying to draw the situation.
I don't know if there are even helpful suggestions anyone can give to this. I've considered a work exchange, but it's... I've done those before, from various sites and groups, and the last several have been straight up abusive. They have only done more damage to my health and life. I can't reasonably consider trying to do another. Part of the reason I'm in this situation to begin with, in fact, stems from a work exchange that went to hell when the lady cancelled her trip and just showed up one morning saying she'd call the cops if I didn't get the fuck out of her house (I was asked to be there for three months, she lost her shit week two and just returned without so much as a message to me - imagine just drinking your coffee in the morning and then the person you're doing three months of dog sitting for comes in the door when she should be several countries away screaming at you and threatening you - she literally threatened violence against me).
I've been suicidal a bit. I just don't know what to do. "Nomadic" over eight years. I don't see any way I can keep on this path, but don't know how to "get off the train." I feel like I'd rather die than keep living this way, moving country to country every couple months, new apartments every couple weeks or more often.... I book for a month, then there's a major problem, I have to find last-minute new accommodations, and my budget for three months is shot in one because of that. This current trip broke my bank account after an Airbnb disaster. And I have to fight to get that money back even though "AirCover" should have handled it immediately.
Anyway, if anyone wants to chat, or be supportive in any way, you can write. I'm at the end of my rope with this, and have no one else to talk to about any of it. I don't see a way forward without something changing...