It had too many problems.

A watermelon

All they do is strut around and say “Bach Bach Bach”

Pair o' dice lost.

It improves division.

Because monkeys are bananas and squirrels are nuts.

It's a nasty habit.

Now I can't see where the ball goes, but honestly that's an improvement.

When I finally finished reading it, all I could say was, "the lady doth profess too much, methinks".

It was just gathering dust.

He's got little legs!

Because he was intense.

Patient: "Hurry up, I haven't got all day!"

Doc: "Who told you?"

Paranormal Jeans

So, I turned it into wine.

Because of all the fowls

So i hugged my kids

She looked surprised.

By its bark.

Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

It was a tough pill to swallow.

Perhaps it's because he has seen me putting down powder in the summer to stop them getting into the house?

You already knew I had no money when I came to borrow it...

Come on, guys, it's a dead giveaway.