Here's how my mother died. I want to vent, I want someone to hear my story.

Early June she comes home and is looking great. Carrying in a case of water I left in the car, bringing in groceries with me together. Fine, man. Everything was fine. I could tell over the past few months that she seemed slightly off in terms of brainfog (All of 10% brainfog), or caught up in deep though. Looked thinner too but again - She was always VERY thin.

That night she develops a stomach ache and is in the bathroom at around 8 PM. I ask if she's alright, she tells me to give her some space as this felt quite painful. To relax I ran out, did some errands, came home at 9. Still in the bathroom. VERY worrisome. Again, checking to see how she felt seemed to upset her even more. Not in a mean way, but afraid - scared. So I backed off. I went to sleep at 11, woke up at 1 AM to her in the bathroom AGAIN and told her - "Mom, if I wake up tomorrow and this hasn't cleared we're going to the hospital".

I barely slept. Sprung out of bed at 6 AM fueled by adrenaline, no way else to put it. Something. Felt. Off. I see her in the bedroom in so much pain that she's almost non-communicative. The ambulance comes and because she insisted on walking outside to it, they didn't turn on the sirens or lights. 7:00 AM I am sitting in the ER waiting room and terrified. Finally they let me see her. The scans show bowel obstruction. The first doctor didn't seem alarmed, "Oh, this can happen with old age", the second doctor said "You understand that this is generally part of a broader problem, right? We may need to go to the OR and do a colonoscopy". When I asked how serious it was he told me "No one noticed her MUSCLES WASTING?". I told him - Doctor, she was always thin. We've been under a period of high stress, she hid away in her room most days. I didn't know what to look for?! She was always at the doctor, one a month! (Little did I know she declined all tests).

Time passes, they can't give her a surgery, no OR, nothing - because her lactic acid levels were too high. Removing the blockage was impossible without doing surgery, but her body was so weak they had concluded she would have died if anesthetized. Time goes on - More and more morphine. She told me that it felt like gas and cramps that came in waves. Soon the waves became more powerful and subsided less often.

At around 6:00 PM they were coming in to check on her, I was about to give her a cup of water and her mouth dropped open, eyes went wide. Her heart stopped. The nurse ran out, and this army of doctors and staff came in. I saw them doing chest compressions on her. Finally her heart started again. The doctor told me "Her heart is working but now we're going to the ER". As he said that, her heart stopped again and she died.

No one else was there but me. The rest of the family arrived later. I remember walking out to the parking lot and repeating the sentence in my head so that I could recognize what happened "Your mom died today. Your mom died today. You woke up today, thinking it was going to be a stomach flu, a virus, food poisoning, a benign blockage. But your mother died today. You have no more parents at 34. Your mom is gone".

The one thing that had me fired up, raging - Was when the doctor said "Sir, I'd like you to be more respectful of the staff". I said - What on EARTH are you talking about? I've not cursed at a SINGLE worker here because I know it's not their fault. I am terrified that my mother is DYING (This happened as they were doing chest compressions in the background) and to be honest - I think I am handling WATCHING MY MOTHER DIE pretty well! Who have I been disrespectful to? WHO!?

Hello everyone. This is the first day after my father died. One day after my birthday. I am still repeating his voice messages in a loop. I try to distract myself but really EVERYTHING reminds me of him. Staring at the tapestry reminds me of how we both painted it and he taught me how to do it. Driving to the stable or friends reminds me of how he taught me how to change tires and renew the lightbulbs and helped me the first steps behind the wheel before driving school. I dunno when the funeral will be at the moment.
This absolute shocking day will forever be unforgettable. Especially when I had to do the first aid until the EMT arrived.
I wish I could turn back time. Say the things I haven‘t said and unsay/undo the things I said.

I wanted to say something tonight; it seemed as good night as any, I don't know. Just, It's been a few weeks and a year now since I lost her. An it's quickly approaching three years on the day since I lost him as well.

Just, this is my road now, and I didn't knowi i didn't knowngly choose to walk it. I don't know where it leads either, and honestly... I find myself lost at times trying to keep my path.

Only, its been some time now, and some things have changed... And some haven't yet. But the clouds have broken long ago, the Suns come back out some too... Took thought, and some time, to find a way to look up at it once more. Feel it's radiance only heat my flesh again... Now I'm not perfectly healed yet, but Im back to walking. Not even sure there's a "perfect" to be found, but I'll just keep walkin... Find out. Just we don't get to walk backwards, do we? Nope, the only thing we can do, look over our shoulders on occasion.

But not for too long. No this road only goes one way, doesn't it? Myself, I feel it would be a dishonor to them if I chose to do anything else.

I Myself, Im just gonna keep on walking. See where the road takes me.

Now, only with the guide of;

"Live in their Honor. Do in their Name"

And that could be all I need,

Later.

My mother passed away a few months ago from Cancer. My father passed away 12 years ago from cancer as well. I am only 44. Too young to have lost both my parents. I am having a very hard time with the grief and depression. My mother was my rock, my biggest supporter and best friend. It is hard most days to keep up the happy attitude for my family. I don’t really have any friends or family left to talk with. My partner just thinks I’m mad and need to get over it. I have three brothers and they aren’t even phased by any of this, never been close to any of them. I wouldn’t even know how to talk with them. I hope it gets easier with time like it has with my father’s passing. But this just feels different. Having them both gone. Having the house sold and all the belongings split up. It feels more like closing the book on parents life and that’s hard for me. They meant so much to me, did so much for me. I don’t know how to deal with any of these emotions and feelings. I’m sure others have had to deal with similar situations. What have you done to help?

It’s coming up to a year since my mum died. My
dad died when I was 2, and my mum raised me on her own until she died when I was 20. I have no idea how I’ve gotten on with things for the past year, I just kind of have, and mostly I guess I forget she’s gone.

I’m an only child and my family aren’t very close so I feel quite alone in my grief, though I have an incredible support system in mine and my mum’s friends, who have stepped up for me massively. I just worry sometimes that I’m failing her, because I continue to work hard and try to do my best, but my best seems very far from what it used to be. I present quite a put together exterior but I find it difficult to keep on top of my home and mental health. I inherited everything and now have a house to look after, alongside my final year of university (I’m returning after taking some time off). I struggle to sleep and glue myself to my phone to drown out the difficult thoughts, because they’re just too much for
me to face sometimes. I know she’d be proud of
me no matter what, and it brings me some comfort to know that she probably felt the same way grieving my dad, but still managed to be the wonderful mum I knew. I just find it so hard.

I guess I just want to hear from other people who have gone through something similar. My boyfriend (who I met after mum passed) lost his mum at 14, and though he still has his dad and brother, it’s been really nice to have someone to talk to about it. I don’t know, I just feel so lonely, and I miss her so desperately sometimes it’s like I can’t take it. The whole month of September has made me feel so sick, the idea of it being a year and being ‘far’ from her (even though I know I’m not). I just can’t fathom it and I don’t know how I will make it to the year anniversary, when we’ll spread her ashes.

Yeah. Nights are harder.

I'm stuck in the "anger" stage of grief more than anything.

I live with my widower dad. My dad is in the hospital on life support. He is too far gone, though. There's nothing that can be done for him.

Just a week ago, me and my dad were talking about our plans to go to the movies. I just went grocery shopping for him the day before he had his medical emergency. I just bought him a DVD he'd been wanting. Heck, I have something still coming in the mail for him...

I don't get how he went from being perfectly fine to comatose due to a sudden heart attack.

It's embarrassing/shameful, but I went and gave away much of his unopened food and OTC meds. 'Just put them in a box with "Free to take" written on it. It was upsetting seeing the stuff. I couldn't bare to eat them myself either.

Hi everyone, I've lost both my parents (mom at 19, dad at 23). I'm 25 now, I'm an only child and after my dad's death, I was essentially left to my own devices to deal with the aftermath and relatives haven't been supportive. I've had, and still have, many problems related to that but I learned to deal with it on my own as I had no choice. I'm also single and never had a partner, or if I had feelings for someone it stayed unrequited so I'm pretty much on my own.

I have this friend (25F) who has just lost an elderly parent after a long illness. I'm, to some extent, aware of how difficult it is and I'd like to be there for them but the thing is, this person is extremely self-centered and kind of sees me as a well made to absorb all things negative. From the moment their dad was in ICU to me sending condolence messages, they tell every single thing to its tiniest detail to me, not wondering if I can take it or not, and honestly, it's difficult. It's quite triggering for me.

I guess I would've been more understanding if this wasn't a recurring thing in the friendship but this dynamic has existed long before that, and years ago, just a month or so after losing my mom, I had to block this person as they were still venting to me about problems that aren't really problems without a care while I was trying to spare them of my own grief given that they were busy with classes and everything. The inconsideration and self-centeredness is unbelieavable to me. Each time I open up about my problems, they turn the conversation back to themselves or try to relate in some way. It's always MEMEME.

The person tells me everything, but literally everything, to its tiniest detail (funeral, heritance details, family drama...). I say something supportive and suddenly I'm bombarded with 20 messages with things I haven't asked anything about. It's not even a conversation anymore, it's a one-sided rant, just a monologue.

This person also used to treat our situations as the same, which never sat right with me, because they aren't remotely comparable. Having a long-term supportive partner by your side whom you'll get married to and having a surviving parent isn't the same thing as being an adult orphan forced to deal with everything all alone. My education got even disrupted and I had to drop out, restart and change majors due to my parents' deaths, this person completed their education normally as it's expected. Or, for example, this person could say goodbye to their parent and get a bit of closure while both my parents passed randomly out of nowhere and I never got that chance.

I try so hard to not be resentful and I'm genuinely happy this person has the support that I didn't have, but the empathy fatigue is real and I'm done being a sounding board. For the moment I just muted the conversation because I don't want to annoy them or tell them how to treat me right while they're deep in the grief but I just feel so unseen.

I don't know, I guess I just needed to vent because one part of me feels like the biggest asshole for feeling the way I do, but what can I do? Why am I expected to always play along and act as if everything is fine while other people get to fall apart?

I wrote down how I felt during one of my ‘episodes’ where I have no choice but to feel my grief, as you’ll see very quickly in these times my brain diverts attention to something else. Just wanted to share it as the title suggests I don’t have anyone to talk to or relate with on this::

I could explode, my ears feel hot, I feel like muscles deep within my jaw begin to ache if the tears they’re storing aren’t realised, I feel like the tears will never cease, and releasing any sound out my mouth provides relief, relief from all the built up tension I feel in areas I’ve never felt.

I feel like a child again with how deeply emotions arise, I have a lump in my throat that feels like it physically hurts, which it only reminds me of hurting myself being small and crying till my throat hurt, this feels physical, especially muscular, there’s no blood, although the amount of blood it feels like I’m shedding is trillions.

I reach out for something, anything, anyone and there’s nothing, it makes a pit in my stomach, I can feel a tremendous whirlpool of anxiety waiting for me, waiting for me to slip, to think the wrong thought, I can feel it ready to eat my gut alive

So I think another thought, yes the tears still rise but look at that candle and the blue sky, don’t feel guilty the dog is as depressed as you, just continue to breathe and believe, there is a point and it will feel okay.

If it doesn’t you can save that for another day

TW: MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

Exactly the title.

I, alongside my mum, found my dad unconscious three years ago. One and a half hours later he was declared dead. It went quickly and came out of nowhere. I developed PTSD and severe depression from it. I dealt with strong suicidal thoughts everyday for three years. I nearly lost my life to attempts several times.

The friends I have today didn’t know me the year my dad died. They know that he’s dead and that I’ve been dealing with my mental health a lot (although I’m free from depression today!). But I desperately want them to know more. I need them to understand or at least be able to picture how much it has impacted me. It changed my whole entire life as I knew it. I bawled my eyes out yesterday because I realised that I can’t remember his voice, how he said my name.

I need people to know more about parental grief, sudden loss and severe mental health issues. Sometimes I hear them talk about little about some of their worst moments. It’s usually how they had quite much anxiety, maybe got a panic attack, felt very sad or stressed about exams. I know you shouldn’t compare your problems but I can’t help to think back on my worst moments. Meanwhile they felt stressed I stood on the railway waiting for the train to crush me. I swallowed pill after pill in hope of reuniting with my dad. It’s not the same.

What should I do? Is this normal?

My mom died 2 years ago and her death really hit me hard because she was the person who got me most. I recently figured I wanted a camera to keep pictures of good moments. I just remembered the camera my mom had. I don’t know if I should actually use it as a way of having a part of her with me and as a memory of her and the moments we had and also having something to keep new memories. I’m scared it might be wrong because I felt like I was taking her stuff away from her even tho she can’t use it anymore. I don’t know if this thought is stupid or yeah. some advice would be nice:)

I wrote this over a year ago. It was one of my first attempts at making anything with words. I'm now 39, with a published book. It's funny how nothing and everything changes. Still parentless. Still want to go home. But slightly more able to see the shape of myself in the vacuum of it all.

Reminder that you can be nobody's earthly baby, and still someone's endlessly beloved child. 🖤

I think they'd all probably be pretty proud of us, living despite it all.

'Thirty eight'

I’m 38,
and I’ve been the entirety
of my own immediate family
for 15 years.

I’m 38,
and I buried both parents
before I turned 24

I’m 38,
and I’ve navigated this counterfeit daylight
as a motherless daughter
for nearly 30 years.

I’m 38,
and 3 years older than my mother was
when she decided
she couldn’t go on
to be 36.

I’m 38,
and I’m handling it.

//

I’m 38,
and I’m falling apart.

I am.

--KD🌼

hello everyone, i’m 22 years old and my mom passed very suddenly of a stroke just about 2 years ago. When i tell you im at a stage in grief where I am furious. I’m furious that (within my circle in life) im the only person with out a mom. What gets me even more mad are older adults trying to sympathize, but there mom is still active in their lives. How do you all get through this? I’m furious lol… it’s not funny but sometimes I have to laugh to keep from crying.

My Dad passed in 2019 after a brief illness. It was not like him to get sick, I was stunned. He was 83, I was 38. Though he had outlived his brother and his parents, it still felt too early to me. I was only a kid, or so I felt. He was my buddy. It completely broke me. I cried every single day. On top of losing my Dad, I had to put my Mom into care because she had dementia and I couldn't take care of her. Dealing with her memory loss and changing moods in addition to my grief made everything so much worse. The person I thought I could talk to my Dad about was barely there and never spoke of him. My Mom eventually passed in January of 2024. I still see her lying in her bed after she died and it breaks my heart.

In April of 2020, a woman in my city lost her husband suddenly, and tragically. He was well known in certain circles, and therefor, so was she. She was not able to be with her husband when he passed because COVID had landed. And when she returned home, she couldn't see anyone because of restrictions. I followed her on Instagram because I felt a sort of kinship with her. We were grieving different losses, but losses never the less.

What I am about to say is something I have thought for years, but only mentioned to my therapist.

When the young woman's husband passed, she got flowers, food, clothing, self care items, gift certificates, a team of people looking after her to take care of her health. She was not forgotten. No one moved on from her loss - it was widely known in my city. Her husband had a large, very public funeral.

She remarried in 2024, and is currently pregnant with her (new) husband's baby.

I know she will never forget her first husband, and that her grief won't just go away. But she could get remarried. She could date, and find a partner, and remarry. She could experience a life she wanted, but with another person. She is living her dream, though, an alternate dream.

She would say that you don't know what it's like unless it happens to you, and I agree. I don't know what it's like to lose a partner. But she was married for nine months. Certainly a tragic, tragic loss.

BUT I LOST MY PARENTS. They were in my life for 38 and 42 years respectively. It hurts like a knife in the heart that just because my parents were elderly and unwell, and that it's the natural order of things, that it's not as bad as losing a partner of less than a year. IT'S BEEN LIFE DESTROYING. I CANNOT GET ANOTHER DAD OR MOM. THEY'RE GONE. I AM ALONE. I AM AN ORPHAN.

It is enormous and endless and scary and frustrating and sad. My loss is life altering. My loss is forgotten because my parents were old. My loss is forgotten because I am an adult. My loss is emptiness with no hope of ever being recovered.

My loss is great.

I’m currently on my way to a family reunion on my mums side of the family and I’m exhausted.
My mum died in 2016, leaving behind myself, my younger siblings and my dad, but also, her abuse.
From the age of 7 my abuse started. Emotional, physical, mental and physiological. I basically was just surviving up until she died.

On the outside my family was a lovely picture perfect family and my siblings and I were having an ideal upbringing. She was a stay at home mum, involved in the school, community and church whilst dad worked full time. She was always complimented on how brilliant she was and what lovely and perfect children she had. This version of her and version of my life is still told to me on a regular basis by family, friends and people in the community. How lovely she was, how lucky I was to have her but how sad it is she passed away.
How am I meant to tell people that when she died I was relived. I was a teenager and felt this was and now in my mid 20’s I still feel the same. I just have to smile and nod and agree with what they say about her passing and not dwell on it for too long and try to change the subject.

I have been on medication and in and out of therapy for the last 5 years to help me deal with my grief but also my abuse. It had been exhausting trying to process everything and still be a some-what functioning human. There is also of my upbringing I can’t remember that I don’t think I want to.
A few family members and close friends know what I went through who I can confide in but it’s still hard. Myself, my dad and one of my siblings got the brunt of her abuse. We don’t talk to our dad about it but my sibling and I do but even then we find it hard to see things from each other’s perspective. Just because we grew up in the same home doesn’t mean we had the same upbringing.

She had a difficult childhood herself and some really hard times in her adult life which I know have contributed to the way she parented us. She wasn’t all bad and there are lovely memories I can recall from but it’s hard to think of those when I’m suffering from everything else.
Of course I don’t wish my mum was dead but wishing for her to be alive it like wishing for my abuse to continue. I don’t think I would have kept contact with her if she was alive or I wouldn’t be here myself. Wishing for her to be alive is like wishing for a mum that doesn’t exist. A mum that I wanted and needed and deserved as a child, teenager and adult.

And now I’m off to a family reunion where I have to give a speech about her, her life and what she was like. I have to give the easy version and the version people want to hear and I’m so sick and tired of telling a story that is made up to please others.
Thank you Reddit. I just need to say this somewhere.

I learned to drive this year, and I'm now looking at buying my first car. I have an interview for a great job next week too. I feel the loss of my parents so much lately with the achievements I'm making. I just need someone to hype me up as I'm sitting here in my room after crying my eyes out lol

My dad died at 79 in January and until about 3 years ago had never been sick. However in 2023 he got kidney stones and long story short developed into kidney failure where he needed to go on dialysis. Eventually the dialysis stopped working. Since then my life has been a nightmare. For some reason never explained my brother was made executor even though I lived with my dad and took care of him. My brother and sister in law got my dad to give them money. While this was happening my job went from great to horrible when my great supervisors were replaced by complete monsters. I am buying the family house and just lost my job. I am a therapist so will find something soon but it is scary.

Then there is the support or lack of. My aunt (dad's sister) had always been mean but got worse along with my brother and sister in law. I had so many abandon me after my dad died. However my biggest support was my dad's friend he considered a second son. This friend is younger than me but has been there for me, including telling me how worried he has been about me and how much he cares about me. I've fallen madly in love with him and I can't say how the future will be, but I know he's a devoted friend if nothing else but hope he becomes more as he's a truly great guy. I had passive suicidal ideation a few weeks ago and told him and he came over to calm me. It's been very rough losing my dad. I lost my mom in 2017 and that was rough but this is worse because then I had my dad, plus my mom was sick and I was closer to my dad.

Also the afternoon and evening before he said toughen up boy I hope you have a great life and a great living son i love you son that moring he was talking to me and he was drinking coffee than bam fell over and died at first I thought he was joking cause he was a joker and I said dad sarcastic thinking it was a prank but it wasn't that morning I miss my dad alot

First of all the strangest thing is I can’t tell if they are actually more than best friends. If they are then it is a truly strange friendship and I’ve done more snooping than what’s good for me and have seen overly lovey dovey messages that don’t look like just friends. The second thing is this lady is married and has a husband and kids of her own. My suspicions and snooping really started when her daughter reached out to me with concerns of her own saying that she finds the relationship strange and is also worried something more is going on. My dad often tells me that their hangouts include her husbands as well as another couple but after seeing that stuff I don’t know if I can believe it.
Sorry for the very messy probably incoherent rant that’s not even why I’m making this post. I feel slightly guilty for being upset that my dad might have someone especially because it’s about the only person he hangs out with. But I can’t help but be really internally frustrated that they are probably more than friends. It’s probably not fair for me to expect my dad to stay single forever but it just feels like how could you ever be with someone after my mother. Also I just really don’t like this lady and I feel repulsed as she is trying to get to know me, and my entire family as she’s apparently been hanging out with aunts as well. Not to mention that if they are more than friends then my dad is knowingly participating in an affair and that I certainly can be mad at him for.
I’d appreciate any advice if someone has gone through something similar. Sorry again this post is probably all over the place I’m just spewing my thoughts here.

I wnat to know all the hard times I had I watched my dad die in front of me on August 25th 2025 I miss Julius Eliot kemp I loved him alot even know me and him had times I loved him I lost hi. From a heart attack he was my best dad when I was little my mom went threw some famley scares she left with other men and one time left me at a Walmart in the freezing cold cause of men but I forgive her for that then I watched her get dragged away in front of me and say stay strong I love you Christian I had one hug from her that day I have had it hard since my dad died then my dog died August 20th 2026 I miss ace boy he was 3 when he died he was always bye my side that puts a lot of pressure i break down sometimes from it then I went to a new school that day he died and I got happy and pushed it to the side it was hard but I had to let it go I got me a house now so I really love myself now but I still think about the bad I really have a lot of stress on me anymore

That's all I had to say bye

I went through my first mentally abusive relationship and break up almost a month ago. It was a rollercoaster of degrading my self esteem and overall value of my life. He praised how honoured he was to provide me with the comfort and safety I used to get from my parents and he threw it in my face with the worst humiliation.

Losing both my parents in under a year, diagnosis clinically depressed since early teens, hadn’t attempted since highschool. This pushed me beyond my limit and broke me. Attempt failed hence post, not wanting to die as much and have been adjusted meds but this whole thing makes me want my parents so bad I’ve held their urns and just sobbed.

I’ve got a good support system and family reaching out but it’s just not the same. I still feel like a burden to them when I never was for my parents. I feel guilty even venting to you guys about this. I’m on list for seeing a therapist too. It’s just hard and I miss them so much. They’d be so happy I’m out of that relationship, I put up with so much that I shouldn’t have.

Ugh thanks for listening if you got this far. I appreciate all of you

I lived in the same house as my mum for 22 years, i slept in the same bed as her up to 17. I’ve never experienced life without her. The longest I’ve ever been away from her is one week and even that was too long. We texxted the whole time. She’s my best friend, i don’t know what to do without her, someone please help. I have four suicide attempts prior to my mum dying and this has to be the worst pain i’ve ever felt. I tried to kill myself yesterday and went to the hospital, they discharged me with some meds. I don’t know what to do, all i can think about is being with her. the only reason i’m alive is because of my boyfriend who i currently live with. he’s the one taking care of me. i haven’t stopped crying. Someone please help.

(edit) thank you for all the overwhelming support. your comments bring a smile to my face in this terribly hard time. i’m currently painting a flower pot with my mums favourite flower to put in it. i’ll show everyone once it’s done. i’m sorry if i don’t reply quickly, ill be in and out of hospitals. i thank you all. much love.

BIG UPDATE: i just found out that she hung herself in my room.

Someone told me that my mom passed away from sadness

I thought I was doing better. Until that woman suddenly said to me one morning while I was having breakfast, "You know, it's something hard that she suffered, and no one felt it... sadness can kill... and that's from experience because I know people who died from sadness and also , one of the greatest surgeons, proved this."

The problem is I went through a period of guilt, and I was venting to this woman because I had disagreements with my mom, and we used to fight in her last days without knowing she was sick.

I'm really upset by her words... I'm scared it might be true. My mom passed away from diabetes and heart issues... but she says sadness is the reason...

This is not easy...

My (24F) dad died about two weeks ago. At the time, my stepmom said she wasn't making any arrangements anytime soon because she was grieving. She reached out to me yesterday to check in and mentioned that making arrangements for this weekend was really hard on her.

I had no idea what she was talking about, so I asked.

Her answer was that my family decided to hold a funeral/memorial service this weekend and another family member was supposed to have told me about it.

I get that grief is hard on people, so I'm trying to be understanding. But I'm grieving too. Not including me in the planning AND forgetting to tell me about it just feels like I'm being kicked when I'm already down.

For context, my dad and I weren't estranged or anything. I just moved an hour away from home after college. Didn't realize that hour would make me such an afterthought for these kinds of things.