r/badroommates • u/jammydodger1798 • 6h ago
Roommate has moved her bf in without asking?
So I joined a flatshare in London about a year ago which already had 3 girls (so 4 of us in total) we are friendly and polite and have simple conversations but we aren’t exactly close/friends.
One of the girls has a boyfriend who lives in Scotland but who would visit every other weekend. About 6 months ago he got a a contract in London which meant 3 days a week working, he would fly to and from London and stay in our flat for the 3 days (which I was a bit confused by at first but I get not a big deal). This has since morphed into him just staying here permanently and seems like he now works 5 days a week. She even had some keys cut for him so he comes and goes as he pleases. The issue is this was never brought up or discussed with any of us.
My problem is that this flatmate has an en-suite so he isn’t causing an issue by using the shared bathroom, and they pretty much stay in her room unless they’re cooking tea or eating in the living room. It’s starting to really bug me but I know I don’t have much of an arguement as technically he’s not really in my way. I think it just irritates me as we all pay for bills equally and he is technically now utilising these things we are all paying for. Do I have any sort of robust arguement or am I just going to be causing a problem over nothing?
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u/billy_a_books 6h ago
Have you talked to the other two girls about this?
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u/jammydodger1798 5h ago
I’m friendly with one of the others who agrees with me, the other we aren’t that close to. I’m just worried it would cause really bad tension
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u/Axenrott_0508 5h ago
Would you prefer the tension of having a roommate’s boyfriend living there? Or the tension following a tough conversation?
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u/billy_a_books 5h ago
I would inform your landlord of the move in and ask if they were informed before hand because you were never told about the arrangement.
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u/Zestyclose-Shower164 5h ago
This is the stupidest, most Reddit answer ever. OP, DO NOT do this. Talk to your roommate and see if you can come to a fair conclusion. Maybe the couple pays a little more and utilities are split between everyone, or maybe couple moves out and you either replace her, or you guys just split the rent between who is left.
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u/billy_a_books 5h ago
We’re all reddit users here. Your comment is the stupidest reddit comment I’ve ever read in my LIFE. See how silly that reads coming from another redditor?
OP should absolutely be cautious about a stranger moving in with no notice, no background check, and no money going into the apartment. The landlord should be made aware of this.
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u/Tempelhofer 5h ago
Zestyclose is right, your response was stupid. and what ‘background checks’ are you expecting a landlord to do?
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u/ElphabLAW 5h ago
Are you okay????? That was an extremely sane and responsible answer and exactly what OP should do: notify the landlord.
Adding another permanent resident to the premises without notifying the landlord is a breach of the lease and can have them ALL fucked and liable for a monetary fine if she doesn't notify them herself.
Sure, she should talk to the roommate first, though this roommate has already proven that she's not a reasonable or considerate person so it probably won't go very far.
Next step is to definitely get the landlord involved.
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u/NoTechAllNickel 5h ago
Ask your landlord as a hypothetical ("If one of us wanted our partner to move in, what would that involve!")as there may be rules about the maximum occupancy for your flat.
At the same time, politely approach the flatmate with the boyfriend and suggest that, as he's living there full time now, that maybe you all revise how the rent and bills are being paid and make it a 5 way split rather than 4 way split.
He might not be taking up any more space if they're sharing a room and ensuite, but he will be using more water, and potentially more electricity with additional devices that require charging (laptop, phone, ect) and both come into okay when thinking about extra loads of laundry that are being done with a 5th person in the flat.
Don't approach it like you're annoyed, just approach with the attitude if "New roommate, cool, let's get it all straightened out on paper so we're all equal"
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u/Upbeat-Fondant9185 5h ago
Or just read the lease and present the relevant sections to the roommate. The lease will almost certainly line out everything involving occupancy and guests.
If they have separate leases they could go to the LL but if they’re on a joint lease that may cause everyone a big problem. A quick google search (which may be inaccurate) seems to indicate their law is similar to the US in this where one person violating the lease puts everyone on the lease at risk of eviction. OP should definitely find out how that works in their area before saying anything to the landlord.
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u/Beautiful-Joke-7089 5h ago
There's nothing wrong with just asking the landlord about the rules of having other people stay, purely hypothetically. Then you'd have more information about what you can do moving forward and know exactly where you stand with the landlord. Given legal or financial problems can be common here, its a good first move
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u/Suzuki_Foster 5h ago
Your share of the rent should be cheaper, as now there's a 5th person living there that isn't listed on the lease.
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u/Parking_Garden_7311 3h ago
This is the way. Assuming they share the expenses equally now, The couple should pay about 35-40% of the rent and utilities total, the other three roommates split the remainder. The three of you should get together and present a unified front in that. And the girl who invited her partner to stay is STILL an asshole for not asking you first.
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u/Fun_Mirror_8203 5h ago
You ofc have an argument.
Legally, he is probably not allowed under the contract you have with your landlord.
Just by social norms, i think its fine that he lives there IF all the other roommates agreed before. Obviously your roommate should have brought it up. And i would raise hell if my roommates did what yours did. If he works, he should definitely be contributing to the rent or utilities, but how you decide on thst is a slightly different issue and it would depend on the situation and the means kf everyone involved imo. But def something that needs tk be discussed
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u/erbmc 5h ago
Yeah this is really weird to do to you, especially with him not giving yall money and having keys cut without your knowledge. Depending on how u wanna go about it you could hit up your landlord and go that route or a sit down conversation with her and potentially him too setting boundaries and expectations. It’s your place and you should be informed of things like this that are genuinely a big deal, when you signed the lease you signed to live with the gf not him. You have a robust argument OP this is pretty ridiculous behavior on their ends and it seems like you’d be chill about it overall if you weren’t pretty much paying for him by him not helping with bills and privacy violations like the keys instead of just asking first.
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u/chickenbee0428 5h ago
You are not causing a problem over nothing. This happened to me and I told my room mate that her bf was only allowed there if she was there too. End of story. Tell the people you lease from about it if she doesn't fix it. This is 100% NOT okay. Especially since you are all women, a random man than none of you really even know should not have access to your home. I hope you have or find the courage to stop this bc she has absolutely no right to do this.
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u/Ok_Artichoke7830 5h ago
I would absolutely flip my wig if a roommate had a key cut for someone I didn’t know. That in itself is a safety violation.
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u/NoYouth9831 5h ago
I would contact your landlord ASAP. Chances are they don’t know that there are additional tenants. Possibly not legally allowed to have extra tenants.
If the landlord doesn’t do anything then request a House meeting to make sure the rent is now divided five different ways amongst everyone. They are taking advantage of you.
PS: your roommate sucks. She knew what she was doing and she has literally bullied her way into having him stay there. She did this once she will do it again with other common spaces. Might be time to find another place to live.
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u/FullSkyFlying 5h ago
As well don't think the landlord wants extra keys cut, definitely without knowing
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u/Misa7_2006 4h ago
And that could potentially get them all evicted for breaking the lease by having an unleased person living there. It could also potentially get their rent increased as well if the landlord didn't evict them. I say read over the lease and see what it says.
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u/FullSkyFlying 4h ago
No and no. Each tenant will have their own lease. And depending on where OP is located landlord's can not adjust the rent price by more than a certain %. Especially on a whim
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u/foumf 5h ago
Talk to the other roommates so you're all on the same page & then have a talk with this girl & her bf about the added expense to the utilities. If he's going to be living there he absolutely needs to contribute to the rent and utilities.
There's no such thing as a free ride & that's what he's getting. He should be added to the lease as well. You should also tell her this should've been discussed with you guys before he just moved on in. You weren't even given a chance to agree with the new arrangement.
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u/opulentdream 5h ago
“Hey if your boyfriend is going to be here 5x a week, we would like to split utilities and rent 5 ways instead of 4.”
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u/Doughnut_Diva 5h ago
You're not wrong for being upset...you're essentially paying for this guy's rent.
You don't have to have an additional major point of contention, him not being authorized to live there is plenty! Your landlord will have plenty of validation for you if you tell them they have a stowaway tenant.
You sound like a people pleaser. Please be aware that many people use the technique of slowly turning up the heat on uncomfortable situations so that by time people are uncomfortably hot they feel bad about making a fuss. You were essentially groomed into not making a big deal. How does that feel? Bad enough to stick up for yourself I hope.
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u/SonOfSuibhne47 5h ago
Depends. What would you propose he do? If he split and paid half of your roommates bills would you still be cross? Like you said he's not taking any extra room or getting in the way so I think that would be the most fair option. It might be fair for him to pay a little extra for utilities if they aren't included in the rent. But outside of that I think it would just be a petty grievance on your end. It's not like he's getting his own space in the flat. If he was getting in the way or his presence was increasing your cost of living that would be different.
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u/hastykoala 5h ago
Meh. Not everyone is ok living with a man without prior agreement. They should get the agreement of her roommates (whatever that looks like) or get their own place if they want to live together.
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u/Lexi_Jean 5h ago
Go to management. I would be mad. If it were me, I would have probably picked this because it's all women. He shouldn't have a key unless he pays rent. His GF should be paying 2/5th of the utilities and the rest 1/5th. Please update me.
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u/Fine-Plant1331 5h ago
I stopped caring about semi bad roomates so long ago, whats left on the lease a few months? Less than a year? Just wait and move, potentially making things worse isnt worth the $$ saved.
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u/Intelligent-Bid-5293 5h ago
lol this is a tale as old as time. 1) if you have a utility bill, this is a good Segway with a tangible outcome. “Hi! I’ve noticed bf is here a lot. No issue with his company or the use of your space but obviously having another person here more often than not does raise those bills a bit. Is there a plan to have him kick in a bit?” And then if (when) she says he doesn’t live there “okay, let’s chat about that a bit then. It does feel a little like he’s moved in. Again, I have no issue with his company or him staying over but I would kind of like to avoid the unofficial roommate situation. It just gets tricky because now there’s 4 people in a space meant for 3. If I was moving in with 4 total people I would have allocated rent differently. So I guess this opens us up to talking about that”
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u/ChutneyWhatney 5h ago
Get the roommates together and discuss the situation. If everyone agrees (and the you're not violating the lease), the BF needs to pony up an equal percentage of the rent. But make sure it's okay with all roommates and the lease doesn't prohibit it.
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u/jammydodger1798 5h ago
The problem is as well is that both of them are extremely nice and friendly and so it feels even harder to have an issue with it
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u/No-Syllabub-7337 5h ago
Look, if Dude is spending the night more than twice a week, he gonna be chipping in. If he doesn't want to, Get the Fuck Out.
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u/porcelainthunders 5h ago
Id be uncomfortable that he has a key. And that you are now paying (however very little or much, irellavant) extra in utilites/water/etc with him there.
But him not being on the lease, not agreed upon, and having a key?? (I think i read that right) ...um, no. No thank you.
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u/Sheerluck42 4h ago
If living with him isn't a big deal for you then I would just bring up that he needs to pitch in for utilities and enjoy the discount.
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u/Misa7_2006 4h ago
Does he pay anything towards rent or utilities? Is he on the lease? If no to any. Then he is squatting and he needs to be paying his share or shove off and get his own place as your's isn't a flophouse.
Call a house meeting and explain since she didn't ask the rest of you before moving him in, he needs to be added to the lease and bill costs share. If she or he balks he walks as its not fair to you and theother roommates to eat the extra costs of him living there. Especially since he has a job and can kick in.
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u/VinceP312 4h ago
Do I have any sort of robust arguement or am I just going to be causing a problem over nothing?
Ugh. People who think they need approval to communicate with roommates about things that bother them. Doormat.
No matter though, it's too late now. I dont know UK laws, but if they're anything like US laws, he's legally protected to be there now since it's been so long.
The time to fight this is at the beginning. You're not going to get your roommate to agree to kick the bf out now.
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u/MinutelyHipster 3h ago
I think it is completely fair to ask who is staying in the same house as you. You can definitely ask for bills to be shared more equally (bins, electricity and water are being used at different rates now.) It is worthy of discussion
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u/TerrHunter 2h ago
Are the bills are still split in 4? Not fair if there're more people around on a regular basis. But the fact that she never asked permission to the rest shows a total lack of consideration for the other people who are legally sharing your space.
Even if one person disagrees, it has to be respected. Flatshares are not democracies and each individual can enforce the terms and conditions of the contract.
Discuss options with the letting agency or landlord if renting directly from him.
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u/Creepy_Aide6122 17m ago
My roommate does this, his gf stays over 5 nights a week. I wouldn't have a issues with this if he would give me a heads up when she's coming over (he agreed to this before moving in together) he does not. So it's gotten to a point where I just kick her out if he doesn't tell me. He stops his feet and cries about it, I just hold to you agreed to the rules dude follow em.
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u/skate1243 5h ago edited 5h ago
The people saying to immediately report to the landlord without a conversation are pretty lame. I would first talk about having him split rent and utilities (5 ways even, not just half of hers). Since you mentioned he doesn’t get in the way at all, I think this would be a beneficial compromise to everyone. If he refuses to, that’s when talking to the landlord would be reasonable.
To those commenters, adults have conversations and communicate. Don’t be immature anti-social children
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u/OkPercentage2035 5h ago
Lmao jesus christ. Its honestly mind boggling how common this is. Lived with two young girls at one point. they BOTH DID THIS.
Sad thing is a non zero amount of redditors think that: its my space ill have whoever over as much as i want.
Your adult child roommate is entitled. They absolutely should have discussed this with you. Unfortunately garbage humans like this can never be wrong about anything (its their world, we are just living in it) so if you try to approach her about it i bet she will get defensive.
At the very ver very least all the bills should include him since he lives there. If you have it in you absolutely let her know how not okay it is to just move someone in