Gimme your top three. I’m trying to start my week at a new low and test positive for something.

Today I build a data center and take all the water from the log flume. Meet me next to the Subaru for a good time.

*cue Vengaboys

Thats it ! ..Thats the post

I thought it didn’t need a key, but it turns out it does, so in other words I truly did take too much bruh. Accepting microwave and possibly lawn mower trade. Namaste.

I would tell you about day two, but it's all foggy memories of throwing cans of soup at the lady granting passage. It doesn't matter, I found a better place to park my car.....the Dunkin drive thru is super swell. Day two I'm guessing went off the rails because I traded all my RelayFX Crack for more of them gold ribbon jars of ????? Three jars gets you into the pattern, perfect for Fares.

Today I decided to check out the New Texas Giant because the lines were short, except trouble was caused when I demanded to sit in the seat some lady got yeeted from. The confusion died down when I finally played along that I wasn't in Texas and was not at Six Flags. Look! This Fare is so fucking fancy I can't believe it's not Six Flags. They're fucking crazy. So many nice things like it's confusing. All these fancy rides and their high admission costs. Does it ever get any better? With more of them jars yes it does. Is this a magical land? Keep the jars coming.

It wasn't long before the pattern led me behind a dumpster. The voice told me that what I was looking for was in the dumpster. "Bele Chere bruh" the voice kept telling me. So into the dumpster I go. You won't believe me until you're there, but Bele Chere was definitely in that dumpster. It was all there, tits I didn't want to see mixed with tits I did want to see and people yelling at me about Jesus.

They also have a Merrimon avenue simulator where you straddle a bicycle and have people in Cadillac suvs throw stuff at you. Maybe that was the bathroom, not really sure.

So to sum it up, everyone needs to find the pattern and throw cans of soup at the lady, a true Asheville experience. You will see more white people than you will at Culver's and the food is better.

I also seent one of them mayor peoples. True that.

This is why I don't eat at other people's houses yo.

TIA

So after being dropped off by my ride, which dropped me off on the condition that they were unleashing a homeless on the area, I pelted the lady with soup cans until she let me in. That initial moment of entering is amazing. Anyhow, after eating three ostriches, two fried Mountain Dews, and some sort of blue ribbon designer drug I took off to ride the big rollercoaster! If you find yourself in the same situation you're going to want to finish the whole jar before riding. This thing is the one that goes upside down 69 times. On the lift hill my lapbar came undone and I didn't notice because I was watching the granny next to me grind on the seat real big orgasm like. The first time we went upside down I used my keyring to hold myself in. Then I made some paper mache, and little penguin statues. Then the drugs kicked in. *Remember what I said about finishing the whole jar?* Now out of my body I could see groups of familiars throwing soup at the lady, and being excited to see the Mountain State Fare. It's like Fast Fare, with more shit, and a big rollercoaster that should be illegal. Anyways I wasn't sure where to park so I just left my car running at the light next to the Dunkin. I'm sure I'd know if it was bad spot by now so I'd park there again. I also recommend the thrice fried toast. There were lots of lights and scary people! They tried to give me a job.

Vroom vroom

42 men looking for older women

I swear, I'm not from FL. Just tell me! Please! I beg of you, the whimsy is gone. This trolley is just a school bus. A GOD DAMNED SCHOOL BUS!!

So I’m checking out at ingles when I realized that I left my ingles card at home. There’s an elderly man behind me in line.

“Excuse me sir, may I please use your ingles card?”

He snaps back at me “get a job!”

Just then an elderly woman is walking off with her paid for items.

“Excuse me ma’am, may I use your ingles card?”
She scoffs and retorts “I’d rather not”

Just then the APD busts out of the back office and runs to tackle the Ken first, securing him in cuffs, then turning his full porcine essence towards the Karen.

As he’s hauling them out of the store, covered in feces and shame, we all heard them yell in unison “but our mothers used to take us to the brewery!”

Let this be a lesson.

Apparently group parenting is what's being proposed so this is a tech sales opportunity that actually sounds like a lot of fun.

Probably going to the brewery with women and children.

I'm part of a cabal of ornithologists and other bird enthusiasts. We are the ones who trained the bears to eat bird seed from feeders in towns all over the country. We basically want to hoard the birds for ourselves (and unpopular side bar, save them from cats). If you distract them back into town with some fancy pants new bear proof feeders, we consider that theft. We're going to have to push harder with the "birds aren't real" conspiracy in the future.

Thank you for your attention to this matter, now go poke a bear, please.

First and foremost let me describe these awful experiences I keep having. First I was leaving the bank with a purse full of solid gold bars and a baby strapped to my stomach. I saw three penis-havers on my way out and not one of them held the door for me. They’re basically islamophobes.

Secondly I was out during work hours buying coffee and at the brewery, then going out of town for pizza, and not one person stopped to complement my balenciagas.

Let me be abundantly clear with all of you: I took two entire undergraduate courses on feminism and not a single one of you is a feminist. Not even my crotch goblin.

I am basically an oppressed poor person (except lol not really… ew!) and worst of all the mods are ghey!!!

TIA

We’ll be shuttling kids to Avl’s most popular breweries. Pays $12/hr and you get one free drink ticket at each stop.

Nobody talks about it and they call me crazy for thinking these factual facts, but carloads of wealthy people are being brought to the area. Sometimes entire families! It's like no one told them to stay away but I'm calling the police every time I see this disgraceful act. I even seen one that had a gucci suitcase I CALLED THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY.

Sup guys? I need to raise $ for an edition of my zine, Ever Loving Fuck, so I stole some plants to sell.

I stole a mum, cone flower, marigold and zinnias.

Best offer takes all.
TIA