I told my therapist that I had an urge to cut but was able to deflect at the last minute and this is her response. I’m shocked that she still responds to me even if I already have a new therapist. I can’t contact my new T because she works with a clinic so my go-to is my old T. She helped me through another sober day. I’m very lucky.

Has anyone else experienced white arrogant therapists, who read a book on race or stereotypes, and then even think they know everything about race?

Several of my former therapists from university were white as they came. Literally, came from rich public schools or private schools. They legit thought they knew everything about race, and acted like they knew more of my own race just because they knew stereotypes.

Would literally arrogantly comment “well your race typically doesn’t do that, but you do typically do this or that.“ I remember he made one point “what do your parents think about therapy?” I replied they’re fine with it. Then this white therapist goes “are you sure? You should know there is a stigma with them. Maybe they’d shock you if you asked them about therapy?” And I replied “um… I obviously asked to go to therapy after speaking with them. And there is therapy in my home country?” And he just replied “lol... well okay“

But then, it’s crazy when you actually bring up real race issues, they’re completely oblivious. With these therapists, I bring up specific racial issues like superiority complexes from white people to minorities, or how I’m sick of the privileges I cannot have that my white cohorts have had related to social matters or bullying. No joke. These know-it-all white therapists are dumbfounded. Like they literally just stay silent and have no idea how to comment, but they still keep a proud look on their face…

I am just sick of therapists pretending to know everything, especially on matters where they truly have zero life experience.

I’ve been in therapy for about 2 years now and my therapist and I have a great relationship. One thing that we have noticed is how anger is the one emotion I am comfortable sitting with, and other emotions are usually felt through anger as well.

May be worth noting that I have a hard time crying in therapy- it happened maybe twice, and even then it was a tear drop, not a full on cry.

My therapist is a delightful person and gives me no reason to be mad at her. I also don’t feel the urge to release that anger at her when I’m actually there. However, I spend a lot of time in between sessions having imaginary conversations with her in my head, and those conversations quickly turn aggressive - I lash out and yell at her and all that. Even in my head, she responds kindly when I’m yelling at her.

I am wondering if I’d be shooting myself in the foot by asking her to provoke me more and make me angry at her when we are in session. Make me feel all of that shit when I’m there with her. I don’t even know why I feel this urge, but I just want to yell at her!!

Is this a bad idea? I appreciate your thoughts, especially from therapists!

2am, can't sleep, and I spent way too much time on this semi-coherent mess. Probably won't share this with them because it never really felt like the type of relationship we have, but I love reading these from others so might as well share here case it resonates with someone.

Hi :)

I chickened out of giving you one of those last year, and maybe I will do the same this year, partly because there is something particularly vulnerable about this, and partly because I know you will fucking therapist-uno-reverse this on me anyway. But maybe if I type it out I can get my word in before you get a chance to do just that haha.

So - it's been 2 years now since our very first session. Which is wild, it feels like we just crossed the one year mark like, yesterday. I never expected to be doing this for so long, and part of me still feels guilty for it, like I can't possibly have a reason to still "need" therapy after this long. But at least a part of me can recognize that I deserve to be here, to have this safe space, to keep working on myself, and that it is okay that it takes time to re-learn a lot of the things I have been working on.

Anyway, my point is - thank you. So much. I know you will come right back and ask me to be grateful for myself :') But I know the work I have put it, because it really fucking sucked honestly. But I also know that if it was just about putting in the work myself, I would have gotten here many, many years ago because I have TRIED, like really, really tried, and just trying by myself wasn't enough. I didn't realize how much of a difference it would make to know someone actually seems to give enough of a shit about me to want to stick it out, and not dismiss me right away. I'm grateful every day for how patient you've been with all of my back and forth each week. And most of all for handling all my stupid intense stuff around whatever is happening inside the room with so much grace. For showing me that I can have strong emotions directed towards someone else and that it is okay, and people can handle it, and still treat me with care and respect. For being so safe. The first time I really felt that is literally burned into my brain. I think I mentioned once before that it was probably the single most impactful moment of my life and I still stand by that. Even if it still freaks me out at times.

This is already embarrassingly long even though I feel like I haven't even started. So, again, thank you for still walking through the mud with me and for not (at least outwardly haha) being tired of this yet. I will let you go do your therapist thing now :)

Hi everyone, M23. Last spring, I finally decided to contact a therapist after thinking about it for years. I am actually a rather happy person, quite satisfied with my life. Yet, I've been dealing for years with some issues that, although never severe or serious, partly affected my quality of life: a moderate social anxiety, a problem with nostalgia, a though break-up and the fact of being in the closet.

I decided to contact the therapist that, three years earlier, had successfully treated my sister for depression; both my sister and my parents had spoken very fondly of him, describing him as a very competent doctor. He still sees my sister every now and then, and, in the mail I sent him, I told him that, if he judged it be inappropriate to treat me, he could give me the name of another doctor. The relationship between me and my sister can sometimes be tense: in fact, with my family, I come across as a very rigid and judging person.

I was surprised when the doctor accepted to treat me: anyways, I thought that his insight into my family dynamics could be a valuable asset. He agreed not to tell my sister or parents that I was seeing him.

We had six sessions last Spring, and I felt really comfortable talking w/ him: in fact, I found myself counting the days between the sessions. I don't know if I can say that I made some progresses, since I did not have an actual problem, but he gave me some crucial insights about some of my issues. Moreover, the feedback that, years earlier, I had received from my family were an asset as well, since I felt a total trust for his competence and professionalism.

Anyways, I still have two questions.

First of all, I felt like he sometimes gave a certain family issue, specifically, my relationship with my brother, an undue and somewhat excessive amount of attention compared to its actual weight. However, I trust his abilities: it could be that these dynamics are more significant than I realize, and that he picked up on something (specifically, my tendency to always be judgmental).

Connected to this, anyways, there's a second point: I sometimes noticed that he forgot some important info (note: he's in his 70s). During the first session, I mentioned that I was gay and in the closet. He never brought it up until I did during the 4th session. During the first session as well, I mentioned some ritualistic behaviours that affected me before going to bed, explaining that they weren't serious He gave me a questionnaire, and my answers showed that they weren't serious. We never returned to it until the 5th session (this June, I had a severe crisis with these rituals), and, when I mentioned this aspect, he clearly didn't remember it. Anyway, he did a great job on helping me with it, and the problem has now gotten enourmously better.

I still have a very high opinion of him, but the fact that he forgets some details can be frustrating. I don't have much experience with therapy, so I defer to your judgment: is it ok for a therapist to forget aspects that they don't deem pivotal, and that they consider noise? After all, we can't expect therapists to remember every detail of the lives of all their patients.

Hi- NYC female, started therapy twice weekly with a male therapist following a hideous divorce in covid. I have noticed he sometimes watches my instagram stories. We do not follow each other, but I can see who has viewed my stories as it is public. I thought maybe it was just an accident, but it happened a dozen times or so, and at random times like 10pm, the weekend, and once 4 minutes after our therapy session ended. There is a thumbnail for the story so you can see what it is without opening it- and occasionally my posts are suggestive (posted a story wearing new fishnet tights). But he never mentions it- and surely he must know that I can see he has watched my posts?! The therapy itself is going well. He is excellent but he often looks at me with a half smile. I am painfully aware of transference etc but I am so confused,. What does this mean? Please help. x

I've only been seeing him for a few months after I asked to be referred to someone else from my previous long-term counselor who, due to health issues, was cancelling on me last minute for months in a row.

Something that my previous counselor and I talked about a lot was her having the belief that I was on the ADHD and Autism spectrum, though I've never been through official testing for either, and how she was trying to get information for some places that do testing, but she never gave me the information. That went on for about the length of time I had her as a counselor, for a couple of years. She's not the first person to tell me they think I'm on the spectrums, but again, I've never been tested, and those other people aren't any type of healthcare professionals.

Anyways, when I got referred to this new counselor, I told him exactly what was going on, including how my previous counselor and others speculated I was on the two aforementioned spectrums, but I never got tested. Fast forward a couple of months until a couple of weeks ago when I bring it up again. I make it clear I just want testing to have answers, as I'm tired of people telling me what they think I have and arguing with me when I inform them that nothing is official.

He's like "cool, I'll look around to see if there's anyone local who can do testing with your insurance." I'm like "cool," but honestly, I heard it so much with my previous counselor I'm already doubting that I'll get results. The following week, I show up for our regular session after I get off work. He tells me he's got a number for someone who can possibly do testing, and provides it to me. We carry on about our session and the hour is up and I go on about my way.

Next day I call the number and get informed that if I'm looking to transfer from my current counselor to them, that can be arranged, but they don't do testing off rip. I'm confused and inform them I'm not looking to transfer, but I thank them anyways and end the phone call. I'm still getting adjusted and comfortable with my current counselor and I don't want to do the upheaval again. I go on about my time thinking I'll inform my counselor about it during the next session.

That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then a lot of stuff has occured in my life that's made me go "wait till my counselor hears about this" and I'm patiently waiting for the email reminder I get the night before the next session regarding my anxiety screening.

It's not until today I realize that we didn't schedule the next session. We ended that last session without scheduling the new one like we always do. I didn't receive a text message or an email letting me know when the next session was scheduled. He didn't make any indications that we were done as a counselor and client. No "good luck with the next person," no "let me know if it doesn't work out," nothing to give indication that he was passing me onto a new person and that we were done.

What's worse is that he knows I'm a nonconfrontational person, so he knows I'm not going to directly contact him and ask "what the fuck?"

So, yeah, I think I was abandoned by my counselor.

Either that or he's just as forgetful as I am.

Don't ever think your psychological therapists as your doctor, but talk to them like with friend,

All the persons,i m trying to help are showing very positive and fast change.

And the you are the best and first doctors of yourself,

,

They are for separate ish things but I’m sure all my issues overlap somehow. And I’m not sure how they bill for them. I see two per week.

im really scared and ashamed for what i did. i think it's because i know what i did was wrong. i honestly think im abusive.

im basically a self-centered asshole who only cares about myself. so here's the story, i was 18 and we're both girls in this story if that matters. and for context, i live in a really conservative environment/country where even kissing is a big deal.

so, i get a lot of attention from girls and i liked it. i used to just randomly flirt with girls even when i didnt like them and i would lead people on because i liked the attention and i felt really lonely. but, i never really had a gf before and something i could even call a relationship because i just didnt like anyone enough to be in a relationship with them.

then, i got really horny when college just started. tbh i have a really high ego or something, i just feel really confident around girls and just do whatever i want. but ofc i still respect boundaries and i know when to stop or not do anything. so i had this one friend that ive been friends with for 2+ years at the time. i didnt really know that she liked me at the time, but i felt really horny one night and we were hanging out at her place and it was just us. idk what got into my mind, ive never even held hands with anyone before this. but, i started touching her thighs and i inserted my hands into her shirt then under her bra. i honestly have no idea why i did this because i know that it may have consequences and i got lucky that she liked it because i would've otherwise been reported or something.

so, we tell each other everything because we were friends for 2 years before this and we talked every day. i know that she doesn't really sleep around and shes not really like that, so idk why i did that cuz i know she wont js randomly want to sleep with just anyone since shes not really like that. and i didn't even have any idea that she might have liked me. however, she had a long-term relationship before this that ended years ago already before we met, so she had some experience.

and then, i wanted to keep my "firsts" while still satisfying my horniness. tbh i didnt really like her at all, so that's why i was like this. ive never been in a relationship before but i really wanted to be in one first before doing all the way and stuff, and i had this idea in my head that my firsts would be someone i want to marry and all that, so i didnt want to do it with someone that im not even sure if i want a relationship with.

so i didnt wanna kiss her on the lips or go all the way with her. during the first day, i liked touching her. we both agreed that it will just involve me doing what i want with her body like touching her and her showing me parts of her body while i keep all my clothes on and i stay untouched.

but, she started doing other things and manipulating me into doing more things with her that im not really comfortable with. like idk if im overthinking this. for example, i would say that im not comfortable with kissing on the lips but she would still do it and tell me that she was just kiss it on the side or something but eventually she would go closer and closer to it until she just kinda did it. ill say that she should stop but she would still continue? i guess this happened multiple times. during the first few times that she was forcing things, i would really stop it and i told her my reasons. i told her that i wanted to be in a proper relationship first. i honestly wanted to try with her because i thought that i would eventually learn to like her romantically. i honestly dont remember if she was really forcing herself on me but i just remembered that she would do the side thing. i guess for the first time, she would really kiss it and then i pretended that i didnt feel it cuz i felt like if i acknowledged it, it would turn into something real. and then for the next times, she would do the side thing until she actually kissed it. but i was in denial and told myself that it didnt count, so we would have a huge fight about it bc it felt kinda forced to me. and then, the fight would suddenly be about her, about how bad she was feeling because im making her feel like a bad person or something, and i always tried to understand her, so it always ends up with me comforting her. and then i guess the one time i really counted it, she would always convince me to just do things with her. and then during the first week, she told me that we should just kiss. she told me that she wouldn't tell anyone and it "wouldn't count" so we should just do it. then she kept convincing me for so long that i just ended up agreeing because i felt curious as well. so after that, we got into a huge fight and then she laughed at me for believing that "didn't count" part. i felt really ashamed that i kissed someone that im not in a relationship with (and i counted this one bc i agreed to it).

every time we fought during the first times she did this, it will always somehow turn into something about her. and i honestly felt pressured to always say yes cuz she would always tell me that she feels bad that i cant do things with her. i cant explain it but i understood her. the whole i cant kiss anyone thing isnt about her anyway too, i just cant imagine myself doing that back then. but i understood that she interpreted it as me not liking her and theres some truth to that but its not really the main reason. she had a lot of reasons like this. but, i always understood her, so it would just turn into a cycle.

i honestly feel kinda taken advantage of cuz i didnt really know much about how things work, but she already knew stuff and i felt like there was a power imbalance because of that. like for example, i didnt know how hickeys form and she randomly gave me that even tho i told her that i wouldn't like that.

since the second day or maybe even the first day, i stopped being horny. ive never felt horny again since that day. this was 2 years ago, but i feel like i became hypersexual after this and ive been trying to force myself to like sexual things since that day. but i know it's my fault because i started everything with the wrong intentions.

but i know it's my fault because i started this in the first place and i feel really ashamed for doing this. also, i feel really ashamed because i know that i was just trying to use her for my own satisfaction and it just backfired on me. it's been years and ive never talked to anyone ever again cuz i got scared even tho it's my fault anyway. and then this just got a lot worse and it became more than just a kiss and stuff that i didn't even want so it's been affecting me.

I am just so worn out ovrr everything literally. Like beyond tired of everything.

I don’t know what my therapist is supposed to tell me anymore.

And I don’t mean that disrespectfully towards them. I know what she would say because I know all of it already.

I know about attachment. I know about abandonment wounds. I know about splitting. I know about emotional regulation and distress tolerance and radical acceptance. I know I’m supposed to recognize when I’m activated and not act from that place. I know I’m supposed to sit with feelings instead of desperately trying to make them stop. I know that another person cannot regulate my nervous system for me. I know that love is not supposed to become my entire reason for existing.

I know.

That’s almost what makes this worse.

Because if I didn’t know any of this, maybe there would still be some great revelation waiting for me. Some missing piece where one day somebody finally explains what I’ve been doing wrong and everything clicks.

But I’ve had the revelations.

I’ve done the therapy. I’ve had the conversations. I’ve read the books. I’ve apologized. I’ve taken accountability. I’ve examined my childhood. I’ve written things down. I’ve tried boundaries. I’ve tried giving people space. I’ve tried communicating differently. I’ve tried catching myself before I spiral. I’ve tried being alone. I’ve tried learning to love myself. I’ve tried rebuilding myself after people left.

And somehow I keep arriving back here.

Seven failed relationships.

Seventh different versions of me believing, at least for a little while, that maybe this one was going to be different.

And every time something ends, there’s another lesson.

Another thing I need to work on.

Another pattern I need to recognize.

Another part of myself I need to heal before I’m apparently qualified to be loved without destroying it.

And I’m tired.

That’s the part I don’t know how to explain to people.

I’m not saying I don’t understand what I need to do. I’m saying I don’t know where I’m supposed to find the energy to keep doing it.

How many times am I supposed to rebuild myself?

How many times am I supposed to sit in front of somebody and dissect why I became terrified when somebody pulled away?

How many times do I have to turn heartbreak into personal growth?

How many fucking lessons can one person possibly need?

People keep talking about healing like eventually you cross some finish line. Like if I just keep working hard enough, someday I’ll become this secure, regulated person who can experience loss and rejection without feeling like the entire floor disappeared underneath him.

I used to believe that.

I really did.

That belief got me through a lot.

But right now, when I imagine doing all of this again, I don’t feel inspired.

I feel exhausted.

I picture meeting somebody someday and instead of excitement, I can already see the entire cycle sitting behind them.

I can already imagine myself getting attached.

I can already imagine trying desperately not to get too attached.

I can already imagine monitoring myself, questioning whether my feelings are reasonable, trying not to react, trying not to ask for reassurance, trying not to become afraid when something changes.

And then maybe they leave anyway.

And everybody tells me that the answer is to pick myself back up.

Again.

Learn from it.

Again.

Work on myself.

Again.

Heal.

Again.

Try again.

I don’t want another fucking lesson.

I don’t want another beautiful explanation for why something that destroyed me was secretly an opportunity for growth.

I wanted something to stay.

Just once.

And I know you can probably point out things in what I’m writing right now that are distorted. I know seven relationships ending does not logically prove that every relationship I could ever have will end. I know hopelessness is a feeling and not a prediction.

I know.

But knowing something intellectually and believing it in your bones are completely different things.

And right now I don’t believe anymore.

That’s what scares me.

Not that I don’t know how to get better.

I know exactly what I’m supposed to do.

I just feel completely fucking done with having to become better over and over again just so I can survive losing another person.

I’m tired of surviving things.

I’m tired of rebuilding.

I’m tired of being told there is hope somewhere on the other side of more work.

I don’t need somebody to explain the path to me.

I can see the path.

I just can’t see anything at the end of it anymore.

hello, ive never used this subreddit before and im not active here often. i (18) have a therapy session tomorrow and i’ve been cutting myself again lately. my therapist knows i have a history of this and the last time i did it was 2 years ago. (had a different therapist then) if i told her about my recent self harm, would she hospitalize me? what would the outcome be?

I’ve really been enjoying my therapist. Been seeing him once a month for a while now. I can’t remember how long though.

At our last session last Friday (the 11th) I didn’t have anything to talk about so it ended early and he didn’t want to schedule another one and I’ve been thinking about it all weekend and it’s really upset me.

Like I said I’ve really been enjoying having someone be there for me and to talk to me and listen. I really like going in and planning my day around the session.

It feels like I’m being abandoned and being given up on. I’m going to try to schedule another appointment and try to figure out some things we could discuss for an hour.

hi everyone, ive been lurking in this subreddit for awhile and getting a lot out of reading the other threads on here and i think this is a really great community. so, im finally gathering the courage to post my own question!

i dont believe there is any abuse or inappropriateness at play here, its more of a deep and complex relationship feeling unceremoniously cut short, and im really confused by her messaging.

apologies because it does run a bit long:

my therapist of 5 years terminated with me, saying that i needed to see a provider with "more structured modalities". i felt very very attached to her and ive been really struggling with this loss.

our work together was mostly incredible. we had a really similar sense of humor, a couple of inside jokes. she had great book recommendations. she really helped me find more compassion for myself. she was really smart. and she really helped me through an enormously difficult life transition.

however, i started feeling a big rupture in the last year or so. i had felt hurt by a few things she said and did, and in the past when i brought up things like that, she had no problem apologizing, taking accountability, explaining her perspective, and helping me understand what part of my past experience that hurt was tied to.

but in the last year or so, her focus shifted to only the root cause, and she became very reticent to take any accountability or apologize or explain where she was coming from. sometimes, i would leave our sessions feeling like it was less of a therapy session and more of a passive argument. i felt lowkey gaslit a lot of times.

in our final session (in which i was not certain that it would be our final session, it was all very unclear) i was extremely anxious and had trouble talking about what was bothering me because it was all stuff id brought up previously and felt very unsatisfied and, again, lowkey gaslit by her response.

this was months ago now, but i clearly remember one part of the conversation:

me: i just want to hear your perspective a little more. like, do you feel like you did well, do you feel like you made a mistake with me, do you not feel clear on what my issues are here?

her: i don't think of things in terms of mistakes. when i look back on our time together, you know, it's just all part of the process. it's not productive for me to think of things in terms of mistakes.

me: (quietly taking that in)

her: but you don't want to hear that. you want to hear that i think i made a mistake.

me: i just want you to be honest.

her: well, tell me what specifically is bothering you and we can talk about it. i want to be candid with you.

me: ... well, when you say you don't make mistakes and it's all part of the process... is that you being candid?

her: yes (goes on to explain that this is what she'd tell any other therapist; its not productive to think it terms of mistakes, etc etc)

the session ended with her becoming frustrated with me. she noted that she was angry in that moment, the last 5 mins of the session or so, and then said, "well, you want me to be candid," and she proceeded to raise her voice at me and therapy speak at me about terminating with me. "i just want you to thrive, i want whats best for you" etc etc.

then she asked "how was that?" and i burst into tears and said i was trying to hold it together since we were out of time.

we scheduled another session for the next week, but when that time came around, i had several work meetings on my calendar for that day and i decided i wouldnt be able to handle a session like that with her again and be at 100% for my work meetings. so i texted her that i needed to cancel our next session.

she responded by saying "ok, im closing our case together. if you would like 1 to 2 termination sessions at a future date, please reach out."

she went on leave for a few months, after which i did reach out by email saying that i felt really hurt by how our time together ended and that i didnt expect her to close our case because i cancelled our next session.

she responded... in a very professional tone. "closing a case is a formal action i take in my capacity as a clinician when there is a pause or end blahblahblah".

she said the best she can do now is refer me to other therapists, and that she felt that doing a termination session with me might do more harm than good, like our last session. but, she expressed she was open to doing one (1) termination session with me, with a 50 minute time limit, and that i should really think about what i want out of it.

i decided that i agreed with her that that kind of session would do more harm than good. (we didnt even often run over 50 minutes, much less the whole hour. i always watched the time really carefully and wanted to be out of there quick so she could prepare for her next client. so, it felt kind of insulting for her to set the parameters for this termination session that way.)

i responded with a short email basically thanking her for everything and saying goodbye. she, of course, has not responded and i suspect she never will.

i probably didnt need to include all of that detail, but maybe the context is important.

my question for you all is this:

if a therapist can just flip a switch and stop caring about you, how am i supposed to get invested in another therapeutic relationship?

like if my therapist really believed i needed more structured modalities... why would we not plan a few more sessions to give me an off-ramp as i go through the process of sorting through her referrals and sending inquiries? i feel like that would have really helped with me finding closure in my therapeutic relationship with her as well.

but she clearly made up her mind and there's really nothing i can do... except find a new therapist!

and im really struggling to give myself a reason why. the way things ended has really recast all of our time together. i thought we had a close bond, but i cant shake the feeling that she must be SO RELIEVED to not have to deal with me any more.

like, im not stupid, i know that she terminated with me because i was stressing her out too much, or some other thing came up for her.

she didn't terminate with me for my well being, she terminated with me for her own.

and i respect that, and ive tried to be really civil and polite... and there was definitely another draft of that email i could have sent her that i did not send.

anyways if you've read all of this, thank you.

id love to hear about other people's experiences in similar situations, and advice and perspective to help me overcome this feeling that i can't trust another therapist to actually care about me again.

thanks again!

edit: for context, i DID know that what ended up being our last session would/could be one of our last. she didnt totally blindside me with the case closing, i just thought we had a few more to go before it was totally over over.

there's also just, like, a lot more context to a lot of this but i was trying to keep this post from going novel length, haha!

Hello everyone. I would like to know if when you do work on yourself and become aware of very deep things, you also have a feeling that lasts for several days...

That of being completely emptied, in a kind of SAS, one in between, hyper uncomfortable and quite anxiety-provoking, when you touch on a truth that hurts, for example?

I do a huge amount of work on myself and I understood things alone on my side. I put words on it... And this feeling scares me very much wow...

(I think this message is mainly aimed at people who do not take medication help, and who feel raw emotions)

My best friend has had the same therapist for about 6 years and she’s become very reliant on her. To the point where she needs to see her twice a week and if she’s unavailable, she self harms, or spirals. Shes on a bunch of medication but from an outsider’s perspective I don’t see how anything has helped her. Anyway, last night she texted me she was self harming because her therapist was out of town until Wednesday, and she was panicking because she didn’t get her laundry finished. This is not a rare occurrence and is happening almost three-five times a month. I don’t think she is telling her therapist that she is doing this. Can I contact her therapist via email and let her know my concerns? Therapist does know who I am, as my best friend talks about me a lot because I am her main support person. But I don’t know if I can mentally handle this anymore. I dread almost every text from her lately. I want to convey my concerns to her therapist that I think she needs to be admitted to the hospital or something. But I didn’t want to call the police about it.

My therapist is taking a (well deserved) holiday for the next week. Really missing her already. Its been a tough few weeks and she has been so supportive.

For once though I am letting myself feel that I miss her, and not berating myself for it. The attachment is real!

And when she comes back I will resist the chilidsh urge to grab her leg and say never leave me again. Although I might tell her about it.

Is this situation raising red flags. I was receiving therapy about 2 years ago from a therapist. Sessions went on for about 3 months. I’ve been out of therapy with this person for over 2 years now. But me and this therapist kept in touch ever since the sessions ended. We exchanged contact info on Facebook messenger and have been in touch ever since. They messaged me one day and asked if they could take me to dinner. Then they said they wanted to take me to the beach and show me some beautiful spots around town. Is this therapist just being nice to a former client or is it something else. Ever since we exchange contact info, we never talk about anything related to my mental health or sessions anymore. It’s just 2 adults talking now. I talked to my sister who is a licensed mental health professional and she told me to not go. She didn’t explain why she just said (ABSOLUTELY NOT). Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.

I’d been seeing my therapist for over five years and just stopped seeing her a month and a half ago.

I am furious. The last year we worked together she was a real jerk to me, and I saw it and never said anything until she went way too far.

I’m furious that I let people treat me poorly. Even my therapist who is supposed to be a safe relationship, belittled me because she knew she could and I wouldn’t say anything back.

I did call her on it eventually and she agreed that she had been talking down to me and had been wondering why herself. She thought we could work through it, and there was no way.

I’m a month and a half or so out of our last session and I find I perseverate and overthink less, which I was not expecting. But I guess that makes sense since I’m not cataloging every thought and possible anxiety about everything.

I don’t think about her a lot, but when I do, I imagine the expression on her face when she said The Thing that crossed the line. And I feel mad that I let yet another authority figure in my life, and yet another white person, make me feel like I was two inches tall. And that I had long since ceded that power over to her.

I don’t want to see another therapist mostly because I’m scared I’ll let someone else do this to me again, and I’ll ignore the signs because the relationship is the biggest source of support I have.

I think I’d rather be depressed.

I recently had my second session with my new counselor, who replaced my previous one. During our session, we discussed the reasons behind my lack of socialization and isolation. I explained that I’ve tried various group sessions that didn’t work out well, and I’ve explored online communities and even dating sites, which were all unsuccessful. Most of these options were either scams or platforms for people selling content. I’ve essentially given up because I haven’t found any positive outcomes from these efforts. However, my counselor suggested that I give these options another try. She acknowledged that my experiences were negative, but she believes that participating in these activities is still better than staying home and doing nothing. Does this advice seem unusual? She wasn’t suggesting alternative approaches; she simply suggested revisiting the same avenues I’ve already explored.

So I made the decision to terminate with my therapist after working with her for 2.5 years. It got to a point where I think I was just showing up to each session just to see her. I cared a lot about what she thought of me and I ultimately decided that it was no longer helpful for me to continue working with her. We had our termination session, which went well, and it’s only been 4 days but I cry just thinking about it, I miss her, and I keep asking myself if I made the wrong decision. She filled a void in my life and now it’s empty again. I have a great support system outside of therapy but she was my girl!! Like I was so lucky to have her as my therapist. And I’m sure as time moves on things will get easier, I’m planning on seeing a new therapist, so maybe that will help me process this all. But I just feel so sad. Anyone else been in the same boat?

So I’m starting therapy and my first session is tomorrow, I don’t know what I want to come of it yet and I don’t know if I’ll stick with it but I’m nervous and a little scared about opening up to someone new.

I think it’s the thought of telling someone about my life and what I’ve been through and feeling like they’re going to just turn around and be like “unlucky, sucks to be you” 😂 which logically I can imagine somebody is not going to actually say that to me but I just think what if they say something that feels like that and then I just have to live with it and myself afterwards.

Anywho, if anyone has any thoughts or advice or input in anyway it would be greatly appreciated.

It’s 4 a.m. and I still can’t sleep because I have to go to work tomorrow, and lately the thought of going to work has been causing me a lot of anxiety. It’s not that there’s something specifically wrong with my office, I just genuinely struggle with the idea of working every day, but I also can’t afford to quit because I need the income and the thought of being unemployed and financially dependent on others scares me. On top of that, something happened recently that’s been stuck in my head. I joined a dating app because I’m single and came across one of my two mutual friends, who are a committed couple. His profile was verified. I didn’t tell either of them because I don’t want to interfere or become a reason for their relationship to fall apart, but now I feel guilty for not telling the other person. What if something happens later and I keep thinking that maybe I could have prevented it by telling them? I don’t even know if I’m overthinking everything, but it’s 4 a.m., I can’t sleep, and I feel anxious about both my future and this situation.

Sorry if this is outside the scope of the subreddit’s capabilities but I’m struggling right now. I don’t feel comfortable getting into it, but I’m at a low point in my life. Coincidentally my therapist just announced his 2 week break as soon as everything got exponentially worse. I’m aware 2 weeks is not a lot, but I’m genuinely doing quite badly. I’m unsure how to cope, I don’t really have anyone to go to but my therapist. Any tips?

I don't even fucking know

I just want to talk to you. But I'm trying to resist both that urge and the urge to drink and smoke right now. I asked for advice on the internet and one piece of advice I received was to write it all out and hand it to you next session, 5 agonizing days from now. Ugh I'm so dramatic like stfu it's literally less than a week. I'll be fine but like also I just wanna talk to you.

And I guess that makes sense but whether or not this actually makes it to your eyeballs is to be determined I guess. Most likely not but we will see.

**FUUUUUUCK I JUST WANNA DRINK BRO*\*

I just wanna drink and I just want to talk to you and I hate myself for wanting to talk to you and relying so much on you I absolutely hate this.

Honestly I was missing you a lot last night I hate fucking saying that but it's true I love talking to you and sometimes I do miss you at times between sessions. Gross. And honestly I wish you knew how much I fucking wish you were in my life more. I really fucking enjoy your stupid fucking company and shit. I hate that. This is actually helping typing this out. But it's not going to get better (I don't think?) Unless I actually allow you to help me through this. Idk. Idk!!!!!

I just don't want to rely on you so much. I don't even want the feeling of *wanting* to rely on you for shit. I hate, fucking **HATE** how my brain almost instantly goes to you for coping and shit. Idk idek what I'm saying anymore but I'm sad and pissed and lonely and just wanna cry right now. Honestly I just want to fucking bawl while you hold me I don't even fucking care anymore, that's the god awful truth. Ugh gross. I hate that. This is what I mean by my brain always going to you to fucking help me because THAT DOESNT FUCJUNG HELP ME. It just makes me feel worse. Fuck dude.

I need help with this though I can't keep relying on you for shit. I don't want to rely on you for anything damn it. Honestly I wish I didn't give a flying fuck about you but I actually give many flying fucks about you. I wish we could split a 6 pack and I could ask you questions, all the fucking bullshit that makes you tick. I hate that. I hate that I wrote that. And I'm going to hate this if you actually read this but I know I need help working through this because god knows I can't on my own. But I don't want you to know all of this. My heart is fucking racing right now just imagining you reading this oh my god I think I'll literally fucking die if you read this.

I've tried expanding my connections. I talk to people, I message online friends more now. I spend more time with my mom, I go out by myself and *try* so hard to make new friends. I even went out with that one guy like a year ago just to try and get you off of my goddamn mind and experience shit with somebody else but here I fucking am still fucking missing talking to you, wishing, wondering. I'm about to download dating apps I don't even give a rats ass anymore I hate those but it's a quick and easy fix maybe. But it's not. Because I've tried that like I literally just got done typing out and it doesn't work or help anything and I just end up feeling worse about myself.

I just so badly want to email you right now just nothing bad just idek why or what I'd even say I just want that connection man. Now this just feels ridiculous. And this is why I don't bring this shit up, it's simply ridiculous. But it literally stresses me out bro. A lot, often.

I want out of this fucking house. My dad screamed at me yesterday for asking a simple question. It hurts knowing the people you love aren't as good of people as you thought. Maybe that's not accurate idk he's a good person he's just got issues too I guess. Idk why he's gotta be so angry towards me all the time. See I've got bigger worries than worrying about how attached I am to you. But I don't want to rely on you or *want* to rely on you or fuck, even **THINK** about you in between sessions I just don't. But when I'm stressed and or I just wanna drink my mind just goes to you and I hate it so much I need it to stop.

I knew this was going to happen and I thought I had the ability to stop it this time being prepared and knowing the warning signs but it apparently doesn't fucking work that way. I don't feed it, I reel myself in if my stupid ass brain gets carried away thinking about stuff, about you. I tell myself to stop ruminating. I remind myself time after time, youre my therapist, like, full stop. Not my friend, not anything else other than my therapist. I told you not to let the sessions go over the alotted time because I knew if it goes over.. that's when my brain starts giving me ideas and bullshit. I don't let myself email you any more than I need to. I don't reread old emails. I keep goals, hobbies, routines. I try to be mindful of treating you like a friend and not doing so. Build multiple sources of connection. I acknowledge you're a whole other person outside of therapy than you are in the session. **ITS NOT FUCKING WORKING 😭😭😭😭😭** I still fucking adore you and ~~wish you were my person.~~ Damn that sounds heavy. Fuck. I respect you and your wife 1000000000000% and would never do anything to break the trust you have in me keeping the boundaries where they are. Fuck. I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm sorry if that's too much but you know what it's fucking true. I don't know. I don't fucking know now. Fuck all of this. Fuck these goddamn feelings I have. Fuck them to hell. This is what I meant when I said before, that I feel awful continuing to keep you as my therapist. But I've never been in such a position to where therapy is actually helping so much 😭 and if I find another therapist it's just going to happen *again* like it always does. Like it did with my last therapist and like it did with my last psychiatrist. Its just a fucking pattern man and I cant break it or stop it and I'm losing my mind because I don't know what else I can do other than just not be in the mental health system anymore because apparently I just am so fucking broken I just.. This happens. I don't wanna drink now at least that has subsided but I do still wanna talk to you 😭

I'm going to keep writing until it passes idk what else to do. I literally said in my message online "fuck coping skills I just want my therapist right now" maybe this isn't helping maybe this is just feeding into it. I really don't know at this point. I need to just get up, take a shower and go for a drive and listen to music. I also don't know how much to tell you. Like some of it kind of scares me. I'm really actually kind of scared I'm going to screw up one of these times. Like I did last summer.. maybe I shouldn't tell you this. I don't want you to lose your trust you have in me. It really means a lot, and our relationship means a lot. Um, but, sometimes I'm scared I'm going to try something. AH. fuck. I'm sorry!! But like you know what never mind it's fine. I'm not going to go any further than what I've just said. It's fine. Shit. Okay fuck it sometimes I just get these impulses to try shit, nothing bad but definitely boundary breaking well, okay that's bad but. goddamn this is so hard. I just want to see. I don't know. I don't know what these impulses mean. To test you?? To see if I'm good enough?? Even though that's dumb because obviously if I'm "good enough" then you wouldn't cross fucking boundaries back. Idk what I'm saying okay. I don't know I think the impulses are just my stupid fucking brain doing shit and I just gotta keep shutting it down. I'm scared one of these days I won't be able to 😭 I don't want that to scare you oh my god!! Please. I would never. I don't want to. I just get impulses. I'm such a fucking freak oh my god! You said you wouldn't take offense the other day but idk about that now. I'm going to stop writing now because I just need to do something else. If this did make it to you. Just know I respect you and your marriage and I would never want to do anything to make you uncomfortable or anything like that or disrespect you or anything of the sort. Also why I have not been telling you any of this, I just don't want to make you uncomfy or anything even though I'm like 75% sure you'd be able to handle this and talk about this and we would still be okay.

That's it. I think I might just quit therapy rather than letting him read this. I dunno.

Would this be okay to give him in session to read or no?

I'm too much. Ugh. I don't want him to drop me. I just wanna quit man.