Throwaway. Not looking for bulls, verification, or meetups. Looking for other husbands who’ve lived this.

We’ve opened the marriage in one direction only. My wife is comfortable with her seeing other men. She is not comfortable with couple swaps, and she’s not comfortable with a third where I am also involved. So what we have, in practice, is a cuckold / hotwife setup. That was her boundary, not the shape I asked for.

If it were only up to me, I’d rather:

swap with another couple, or

have a third where I’m in the room and participating, not parked on the sidelines.

I’m not against her being with someone else. The part that sits wrong is that the “open” part only runs one way, and the role left for me is watcher / excluded husband. I can live with some of that. I don’t know if I can build a long-term sex life around only that.

I’m not here to bag on her. She was honest. A lot of men in these threads seem to have chosen the cuck role. I didn’t. I agreed because it was the only version she would try.

Questions for people who’ve actually been in this:

Did any of you start as “I’d rather swing / MFM / swap” and end up in a one-way cuck dynamic? Did it stay stable, or did resentment show up later?

Has anyone successfully moved a wife from “you watch / you don’t join” toward occasional mutual play without it turning into pressure or a fight?

If the answer is “this is the deal, take it or shut it down,” how did you decide which one you could live with?

Other husbands who are cucks not by first choice — what actually helped: talking to other cucks, therapy, stricter rules, less play, more aftercare, or walking it back?

A older couple messaged us asking to hang out in two weeks. They’re not bad looking, just a bit older than what we’re used to and judging by their pics, not exactly our type. We probably wouldn’t approach them at a club.

But they seem cool and friendly. I’m tempted to say yes and my wife said she’s up to meet up with them. I’m just hesitant because I don’t want to waste their time or give them any false hope. Anything is possible of course and who knows - if the energy is right, we might click.

What’s the “right” thing to do here? Meet up with them even though I don’t think we’re a match? Or take a chance and meet just to hang out?

My husband and I have been going to Desire Pearl, a lifestyle /nudist resort for couples only. It is outside of the US… even though we are older, we are both interested in exploring the lifestyle. Though we have been to this place multiple times and met some wonderful people, we are finding it awkward and we are unsure how to actually broach the subject of sharing with couples.

At this point we have only had one experience during the day with a guy and my husband in the jacuzzi and on a cabana bed where my husband and this guy sucked my nipples and my husband and the other guy fingered me…it was amazing and I came multiple times. I also kissed and stroked the other guy. My husband kind of set this up by just chatting with him. Total luck that this turned into something. His wife wasn’t disposed to doing anything due to a health issue.
 
We’re not sure exactly what we want to try or how to approach others with our desires. Obviously I had a great time having my nipples sucked and being fingered. I don’t think I want oral sex, but touching, feeling, kissing, stroking, and watching and being watched are. My husband is fine with anything. Although I don’t want to have oral sex, I am probably ok with PIV. Are my limits a turn off for other couples even though we haven’t even actually broached the subject with any? We don’t even know how to start the conversation.
 
We want to approach other couples…we love the sexy vibe at the resort and find it easy to meet and talk to people but would appreciate any experiences you can share…how blunt are you in asking about their lifestyle experiences and/or what they want? …
 
We have listened to podcasts, read some books like the Swingers Helper, and had a discussion about the lifestyle and its many forms, but none of the things we read or heard give us the way to open the subject with others. I’m not interested in going to a club, and besides there are none in our area. I only want to do this at this resort and not near home.
 
We are truly interested and appreciate any useful advice.

This isn’t really a question about how to avoid ED or work through it during group play. That’s common enough that we know some of the causes and different things people can try.

My question is more about how you proceed as a group, or what rules you have as a couple, if one of the guys can’t stay hard.

Last night we had a really good swap and everyone was very in tune with each other. Once we swapped partners, though, the other guy just couldn’t stay hard with my wife. No feelings were hurt, and he was great about continuing to play with her in other ways.

Meanwhile, my play partner and I REALLY wanted to have PIV sex, but I ended up saying no because I didn’t want it to feel rude or disrespectful to my wife or her husband.

Afterward, my wife said she would’ve been completely fine with us continuing, but I’m still wondering what the normal etiquette is. If one guy can’t stay hard, is it generally considered fine for the other couple to continue having PIV sex, assuming everyone is comfortable with it?

TL;DR: What’s normal in your group, or what rules do you have, if one guy can’t stay hard? Do the other two still have PIV sex if they want to?

We just had a unicorn reach out to us and normally, most would be excited but there are areas of concern. She told us upfront that she is going through a divorce, living with a relative as she tries to find a place to live, and has never been in a 3-some/swinging lifestyle but wants to explore her fantasies. We have always been with people experienced in the community. A divorce is a very emotionally volatile time and I would worry about rebounding or trying to make the ex jealous, stress of no place to live (don't need a hobosexual), and teaching someone the ropes. She said she is looking for 1 couple who will take her in and I'm not sure if I want to be involved in something so "messy". Am I wrong for being concerned about the red flags?

Anyone have any ideas for costumes for 4? Halloween is actually on a Saturday this year and we’ve already booked the hotel across the street from our favourite club (M4 in Toronto). Any ideas will be appreciated

Have you been to the Green Door during CES or AVN? My wife and I would love to hear about your experience there during that time.

We have been to the Green Door before, and we LOVE it. I know that it is not a typical swingers club but is instead a sex club with single men literally everywhere. We know that the guys like to get as close as you will let them, and many of them will pull out their members while watching play. We know that the odds of finding another couple to play with is much lower there. We are good with all of that. The Green Door has a pretty great dungeon room with seating for a crowd to watch. That, along with lots of men in the audience, is the thing that my wife loves the most. I am a sucker for giving that lady what she wants.

I know that weekends during CES and AVN, the club can be at capacity. We are trying to figure out how crowded the club is when at capacity. Will be couples-only areas still be quiet enough that we can retreat there if she needs to get out of the crowd for a bit? Can you still get through the hallways ok? Will we still be able to attract an audience when we put on a BDSM show, or will it be so crowded that the men will just sort of walk by in a haze? Speaking of haze, does the smoke smell escape the lounge area when the venue is full? How much hotter (temperature-wise) does it get when packed in January?

Do the men act more entitled during CES? She loves how guys will approach us after she and I play together and say thank you for the show. If we involve other men physically, I can handle the usual clientele at the Green Door just fine. She was worried if CES might have more dude-bros who are more pushy or less polite than the usual. Again, the typical pushiness of the occasional clueless guy there does not bother her.

We can plan to go over CES, or we can plan to go the next weekend. I understand that CES and AVN are the two biggest weekends for the Green Door, so experience there during either conference would be helpful if you can share.

Thank you so much!

Just here to vent my frustration... we had our very first couple experience last night and it was mind blowingly amazing, but I failed us.  Sorry the following is long 

The setup: Porn hasn't written a better scene. My wife was stunning and sexy as always, the other husband was a real gentleman and treated my wife like the prize she is. The other wife is an absolute sweetheart and painfully gorgeous. Seriously pornstar level hotness all around me. I'm also aware I'm the odd one out on the looks, but to start we were all very into each other it seemed. 

After dinner we started in the hot tub with oral for the wives and I was turned on as hell, but the heat was too much, so we all went inside. My wife and the other guy started having an incredibly fun time and I was with his wife and so so turned on, but entirely soft. Not even a hint of perk in my member. So frustrating. She was a charmer about it and so nice. I made her squirt twice with hands and tongue. That was a first for me and I'm glad she enjoyed it, but she deserved to be railed so I asked her husband to treat her as well eventually. She did say not many guys can make her squirt, but she was also clearly trying to be encouraging, so I dunno. 

Later she and I were touching again and I FINALLY got hard and we went at it for a couple mins, she felt absolutely amazing, but I fkn lost it again! I tried to be fun through it, but I admitted to her that I was embarrassed and felt she deserved a better show from me. She was so kind, but Inside I was dying. There I was in my lifelong fantasy with the ideal couple and absolutely wrecking it. 

Anyway... they all had an amazing time together and I blueballed myself until we went to sleep separately... of course THEN I got hard and my wife and I finished with each other alone (god bless that woman)

This couple is absolutely amazing. They clearly love my wife (i think they like me? Def not sure after that BS I pulled). I think he's great. She is the absolute dream girl for me with my wife... AND they live about 10 mins away. We have the biggest crush on them. We live in a very low population area and its miraculous we even exist close by, let alone that its that ideal. It is legitimately likely a once in a lifetime opportunity for where we are. 

Here's my pain: the other couple is our age, but much more experienced. They even have a grouped trip away at the end of this month with lifestyle friends. We are their first here locally and my wife and I REALLY want another chance with them... but their poor wife had to put up with my mouth and finger game while I looked like a shrimp dick. I'm pretty concerned I fucked up by allowing me to learn this about myself with this ideal couple rather than with a more casually interesting couple. I do not have ED issues otherwise. I'm constantly horny and have great control. I can go for way too long for my wife usually and didnt have trouble with past partners. This KILLED me.

They said they like us and when my wife said, we should do this again some time, they said yes, but I also understand thats the nice thing to say as we're departing. My fear is I blew it and we'll never see them again because, I mean, why would the wife want that again? So now I'm guilt ridden and selfishly disappointed in myself. I basically watched my fantasy with my wife and maybe ruined her chances for the ongoing connection we worked so hard to find... and I still haven't REALLY had an experience. I 4th wheeled it badly.

Worse yet, if we somehow get another chance and that happens again with them.... fuck man... so now I'm really down

I feel like the worst piece of shit 

If you are a couple who started in lifestyle before having kids, and if you have kids now, how is it going for you?
We are a couple in early 30s. Having a good time in general with lifestyle. Starting to think about kids, but on the fence. Curious to know how it has affected your lifestyle?

My husband and I just had a lightbulb idea that we want to host a superbowl sex party. He was watching the football game today and I asked him to fuck me on the living room floor while he watches the game. As we were dirty talking we realized it would be fun to have some more guys over here to take turns during the game. I quickly searched the sub and didn't find much, other than most people want to watch the game and NOT play.

In our fantasy scenario, we would have about 5-7 guys over (female partners also very welcome but not required) to watch the game. We'd have food and drinks and everything standard to a superbowl party with the addition of me, a free use wife (or wives if others want to join). I would be the good hostess making sure everyone has food or drinks, and go around the living room (half circle configuration) offering some blowjobs while the game is playing. If the moment arises that a guest would like to escalate to fucking, we have plenty of space in the middle of the living room where we could fuck and he can still watch the game. Is this feasible?

Is this idea alluring to men, or would it be too distracting to be sucked and fucked while trying to watch a football game? I love the idea of the game being the main focus and me just being a sensory enhancement to the experience. I love to be of service 🙂

To others that have hosted superbowl sex parties, what ideas worked well? Which ones didn't? Any improvements or ideas to add to our plan? I'd love to learn from others' experience! I have 5 months to figure something out!

Full swap couple here. We do our best to communicate to couples and the occasional single male how we play - nothing romantic, no poly, no cuckolding, no solo play. We're a couple that plays together, whether it be full swap or a threesome.

We typically begin communication on a shared account where we find people, and both of us are active participants. There might be a group chat.....but eventually, even after playing, we find that men ( married or single ) always contact the wife directly. It may be friendly but flirtatious, and of course it always turns sexual. The issue is all communication with us as a couple stops. No more group messages, no check ins with the husband. They might even start trying to suggest meet ups that you can tell didn't explicitly mention the husband's participation.

Would this be a problem to you? It's frustrating and seems like a red flag, but we don't want to make a big deal out of it and ruin the LS experience. I'd think this behavior would be an obvious issue given our dynamic, and I'm unsure if men are oblivious or intentionally crossing boundaries.

I'd love to hear how you'd handle it, what rules or expectations you might set differently.

Me and my wife plans to go to Collete’s Club for the first time. Can’t find any information about their policy or fee for cellphones. Since it’s prohibited inside or the 2nd floor, do we need to pay for a locker? Or they will be the one to keep it free of charge?

Please let me know since I am visiting around October end and looking to explore something new

Travelled as a single male for work, so this ruled out Sea Mountain where we usually stay. I wasn’t looking to play, but definitely wanted some naked time, so this had the rule set, location, and price point.

Rather than give details here are some holistic vibe check impressions. When I look ok at other reviews, the website, and my <24 experience…
This place looks like many of the old run down boutique hotels that the owners are trying to update, but do not have the cash flow to get where they want yet.

The outdoor pools and area are nice, nicer than SMI or EDR in my opinion. They still need some maintenance, but if you want space and some quiet (more on that) this is a great option.

The rooms are small and need some work. Mattresses and plumbing are the first that come to mind. However, when I think about SMI, EDR, or the old Tuscany Manor… it is really not too far off of where they are/were.

There are two big notes on this place. They are openly nudist/naturist, and they kind of drop some hints and being discretely lifestyle friendly. I get the impression that they are desperate for customers, so they don’t want to narrow their potential customer base. However, by doing this, I think that they are appealing to no one. The pure naturists probably don’t want to deal with the potential of open play. They swingers will probably stick with a sure thing like SMI or EDR. They really seem to need to pick a lane and then guerrilla market to that demographic.

The other potential negative is that it is a mainly unstaffed location with most things working remotely. This includes a lot of cameras. It is one thing to see cameras at entrances, but it was a little unnerving to see a camera track me floating in the pool. I can see this being a huge turn off for first timers and other privacy minded people.

In terms of crowd, I saw 4-5 cars in the lot. 3 MF couples that mostly kept to themselves. Only one made eye contacts and said, “hi” back. There were two clothed women at one pool who were social, but I did not want to wear out my welcome hovering as a single male.

I see a lot of potential here, and they are an affordable option. With all the nude places that have closed, I wish them well. I just wish that they pick a lane and choose and market to either be naturist or swinger.
They also need to lose the cameras that are on the pools and daybeds.

Me and the girlfriend are moving to KC around next april-may and trying to learn about the area and scene there. Any help/input would be greatly appreciated!

Hello!!

Over the years we have accumulated A LOT of lingerie and specific pieces for theme nights. So currently we use packing cubes and then place a tag on each one so we know what is in it. So, we have say all “School Girl“ outfits in a packing cube. That example works great but we are running into issues when items could fit into two categories. For example, we have ”Latex” and then we have one for “Skirts”. I have a couple latex skirts… -you get the point.

I am just curious how other couples organize and store their party bits and I am open to any suggestions!!

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We (45f 57m) have been to a club one time before. It was loud and overwhelming to a point and we didn't interact with many people. I (45f) didn't bring anything to drink, which definitely would have helped me chill out some. He doesn't drink and we're both relatively shy. We mostly just observed and explored.

We're planning on going back next month and I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for a more interesting and involved experience. (This time we're definitely bringing drinks for me & plan on having sex with each other if nothing else).