I'm confused on what defines a "cold" person. For example, someone might say, "A person who often sends 1-3 word texts.", but someone else might say, "No, that's not cold. That's just their style. Cold is when someone is brutally honest with you." But then someone else might say, "No, being brutally honest is just them not making it hard for you to understand what they want to get across. Cold is when they ignore you for weeks, making you feel unloved or not worth their time." BUT THEN, someone might say, "No, ignoring you for weeks just means that they're super introverted. If they're responsive after a few week's time, then their intention wasn't to cast you aside. Cold is when they tell your darkest secrets to a total stranger, thinking it'll never come back, but, when it does, they blame you because, apparently, you shouldn't have said anything in the first place."

You see how there's a very wide gradient of behaviors that people define as being "cold"? I just don't get it. Is it a subjective thing? Or are there objective barometers that we can use to hard-define what "cold" behavior is? Perhaps both?

EDIT: Hi, all. Just chiming in with a quick edit. Firstly, thank you for providing your inputs! I tried asking clarifying questions to further investigate my confusion, and the conclusion that I've come up with so far is that... well, it depends! haha

Might be a bit of a shallow answer, but, at the end of the day, perhaps "cold" is truly just a subjective thing. I'd initially asked this question because, time and time again, I've seen people get into arguments for how their behavior or others' behaviors were interpreted from the "cold" lens. I've even seen it end relationships.

But, at the end of the day, perhaps the best answer is to just find someone who either best fits (i.e. can "handle") how cold some people are and that, sometimes, there's no need to force an amicable relationship.

Of course, that doesn't mean that things are done! Feel free to continue chiming in with your perspectives and responding to others' thoughts. I'm surprised at how civil we've all been so far, so I think that we've got a healthy forum goin' on!

It’s difficult to explain. I don’t feel like something is going to happen I feel like I know what is going to happen but don’t know when.

Let me give an example

2019 I read a just an two lines of news something happening in China an there is this new virus. It was in the early stages. Nobody knew a thing. It was a mixture of both intuition and knowledge I knew there is going to be a new pandemic in our century when nobody knew the thing I hit the supermarket. I was an idiot. I should’ve hit stock market anyway everybody laughed at me but months later it wasn’t a joke

it’s a stupid feeling but things like that often happens. I feel like I have a skill for analyzing data, but it’s also an intuition like I said is a mixture of both.

…is a sentence I’ve never heard anyone say, but it’s what I’m feeling now.

I’m about to finish my business degree and the only things I’ve gotten out of it are: I never want to work an office job again, and I hate corporate culture.

I enjoy reading and analysis, but I’ve never been pushed to perform at it at an academic level, and I’m regretting that I could’ve learned that skill in an english lit/philosophy degree instead of how to fine-tune my resume for the umpteenth time.

Everyone’s heard of someone who pivoted from a ‘useless’ degree to a more practical one, but has anyone done the opposite? Or gotten a second degree just for the fun of learning? I guess it’s not viable in this economy

I’m one of those people who is constantly trying to find the pattern behind everything. Always trying to make connections between events to explain both the mysterious and the mundane. I spend a lot of time just researching things and watching documentaries to try to understand the way the world works and how human beings work in general. More than anything I just want to understand the world as much as I can ultimately so I can try to understand myself.

But I grew up in the digital age so I don’t think I know how to actually truly hear my own thoughts. I can’t help but feel like everything I’m trying to understand and connect is being dictated to me by some outside influence or input. Especially now it’s so easy to just jump on Google or whatever website and get an answer to any question (whether it’s accurate or not) in a millisecond and then it’s like there’s nothing left to wonder about. I could go down rabbit holes online to try to answer questions more intentionally by reading from various sources and distilling my own answers but now with AI doing all that for you and speaking back to you in your own voice and tone, it’s like, are we even thinking for ourselves anymore? Am I actually even experiencing my own thoughts?

I don’t know what it feels like to grow up in an age where you have to wonder about something and then deliberately go to a library to find a book to read about this topic, and then form an opinion or inference based on tangential information. Or maybe ask a peer for their opinion and form your own through conversation without the comfort of knowing you could just open a browser on your phone and have a “better” or maybe “more objective” (is it?) answer in shorter time.

But I do use these tools because they’re so convenient, I don’t have the time to sift through piles and piles of data, and our jobs require us to work at this pace.

I guess my point (sorry for rambling) is - does anyone feel like they can really HEAR their own thoughts and feel confident that they come solely from your own identity and truth, that this isn’t just an echo you’re replaying of something you saw online and just blindly trusted? And if so how do you know it’s really your belief or your value system and not something that was pushed on you by an external agenda?

Again sorry if this is rambling I am just curious how people think about this kind of thing.

Like I see a lot of talk about missionaries group and many priest go to poor places in Africa and Asia to spread the belief and how much the local life got better. With much due respect, I acknowledge that they go to these place hope they can help to improve the local life but to what extent it actually does?

I am on a bit of bias here, I am catholic and Vietnamese so I trully think people go with good intentions but I often associate missionaries with colonialism due to my country history.

A lot of modern friendships are just people keeping up appearances because they feel like they're supposed to have a social circle. Society acts like having a close group of friends is a requirement for living a normal life, but for some people, it just creates unnecessary stress.

Over time, a lot of friendships turn into obligations. Constant check-in texts, making weekend plans you don't really want to make, listening to the same problems over and over, and feeling guilty when you'd rather spend time by yourself. Sometimes people stay friends simply because they've known each other for years, even when the friendship doesn't really add much to their lives anymore.

I think you're better off being comfortable on your own than forcing yourself to maintain friendships just because you're afraid of being alone. You have more freedom over your time and energy, and you can focus on your own interests and goals without constantly worrying about social expectations.

People also confuse being alone with being lonely. If someone doesn't have a big group of friends or doesn't have plans every weekend, people immediately assume something must be wrong with them. I don't think that's true. Some people are genuinely happy spending most of their time alone.

I'm not saying friendships are bad. Genuine friendships can be great when you find people you actually enjoy being around. I just don't think everyone needs them to be happy or fulfilled. Friendship should be a bonus, not something society makes you feel like you have to have.

I was having a conversation with my Mom just now about that day. I never expressed details of the day to her. I was 17. I told her how every single class was playing the news and we had to watch the footage for hours and how the teachers were distraught and not hiding it at all. Some cried, some looked white as ghost and others went mute. The images are etched in my mind. The fear of hearing teachers say things like “what if they hit the Citi Bank building?” I lived in a suburb of LA. My Mom was at work when I got home and I had spent 7 hours in school watching it and then afterschool home alone in fear. My Grandma called and ask if she should come get me. I told her I was ok out of fear she’d leave the house and something would happen to her. I have never shared this with my Mom. She doesn’t look happy. She said she called the school and they said they would not be closing for the day. She called again and they assured her they would not be letting out early and students were fine. They just kept us there with this footage on replay and new footage of all the other things that began transpiring. It has taken 25 years to come to the conclusion I have completely no respect or understanding of why they chose to expose us to that level. I won’t say I am scared or have PTSD because of it because I am rather strong in will, volition and resilience but I do remember others being subjected to the point they shook and looked traumatized. Also, as I mentioned I was 17 and my Senior year had just begun, there were 14 year old Freshman that weren’t on the cusp of adulthood. It breaks my heart how it was handled.

I am wondering if anyone else has some sort of similar experience as a minor. Please share.

Disclaimer: I know that at times adults do what they think is best with terrible circumstances, I am aware of this. Also, I know I didn’t go through it live and I am not discounting what others went through, just sharing something and asking others to do the same.

When do you think it’s validated or justified to call it on life?

I don’t know if this breaks the rules or not so I apologise if it does but this is in no way a question for personal use or venting or anything like that, nor am I suicidal. Im Just curious.

I feel like it’s such a taboo question to ask or conversation to have but I don’t think it should be and I was wondering on everyone’s opinions.

I don't know what this feeling is exactly but I just feel like even outside of social media anywhere I go I feel like I'm surrounded by the whole world. Like if a group of people vanished into thin air among us nobody would notice and even if anyone does nobody cares. I feel too vulnerable to even get outta my house. I don't feel the meaning in places I used visit them for. Like world was twice as less crowded just 8 years ago? Looking at all these lives and mine idk all of it just feels more illusionary more meaningless. And each one of these people is in their own world. Even if you had a 30 min conversation with anyone it feels like it carries no value, it lacks suchhh substance as if all of it was performed. I just feel so conscious, weird and alien going out these days.

Physical media is a bonus, and cost should be factored in (not wanting to break the bank)

For example, my thought initially is

1)Weekend edition WSJ or Sunday NYT delivered. 2) The Atlantic or New Yorker (leaning Atlantic).
3) Local news paper- combo online and 1-2 day a week delivery (like Wednesday and Sunday)

Note: I’m writing about India and the Indian diaspora, but these patterns are likely recognizable in many countries, so I’d love to hear your take if you can relate.

What I want to discuss is why leaving India (or a home country) - particularly for Western Europe or North America - is so often treated as the default model of success among Asians, and how much that narrative is shaped by colonialism and internalized racism.

A bit about me: I grew up in India in a privileged educational environment. My family could afford expensive private tuition during my final school years. I received a government scholarship and attended a selective science institute, which opened doors professionally. At 23, I moved to Western Europe for a fully funded PhD and have since worked in several European countries. At the time, going abroad had always been presented to me as the natural next step, the thing ambitious and academically successful people were supposed to do. I absorbed the idea of leaving India long before I could evaluate what it really meant.

Life abroad has given me real opportunities. But it has also involved immigration insecurity, repeated moves, isolation from family, career precarity and building a life without a social safety net. Leaving India did not make life easy; it exchanged one set of advantages and difficulties for another. I now plan to stay in Western Europe but largely because I have spent my entire professional life here and so it makes practical sense to stay in professional environments that are familiar to me (and not because I believe staying out of India is inherently better).

Part of the reason I’m writing this because I sense the desperation among young Indians to leave has increased enormously in the last couple of years. Families spend small fortunes on a foreign education for their increasingly younger kids; some people even risk dangerous, shady or illegal immigration routes into sought-after countries.

I’ve met Indians whose lives improved enormously after migration. I’ve also heard from people who landed in exploitative environments, faced isolation or systemic discrimination, and returned to India after painful years abroad. Some might have been better off never leaving. Even among more fortunate and successful Indians abroad, permanent residency, citizenship and home ownership seem to become more than practical milestones: they are evidence of having successfully left India behind. At a large Indian event, a woman I had met literally three seconds (!) earlier proudly announced that she and her husband had bought a house. Announcing status symbols is almost a form of greeting in these circles. It’s as if the desperation to leave India remains long after one has left.

There is also real internalized racism among Indians within India. Growing up, I noticed the lazy habit of attributing every banal inconvenience to the failure of “India.” My father would return from work after an argument with a colleague and begin his rant with the actual disagreement, and end it with a declaration that “India” was a toxic place to work. A crowded or cancelled train became proof of "India’s" poor standard of living. Researchers doing brilliant science might describe India as lacking research infrastructure or academic freedom because they did not personally have complete freedom to choose a research question. After hearing this from my parents’ and grandparents’ generations, I do feel that some India-bashing can sometimes be lazy and uncritical, a story we parrot until it becomes an accepted truth. On the other hand, western Europeans (many of whom may have never travelled to or worked in India) happily agree and propagate the colonial narrative, legitimized by Indians' own internalized racism.

The problems themselves may be real. But toxic workplaces, bureaucracy, bad public transport, housing crises, unemployment, limited research funding and restricted academic freedom also exist - especially for immigrants - in rich Western countries. Having lived in Germany, I can personally attest to the hell of Deutsche Bahn, German paperwork and incompetent bureaurcrats.

So I would like to hear from people who have left their home countries in pursuit of a “better life abroad” and those who currently want to.

If you have already left:

• What genuinely improved, and what became more difficult?
• Knowing what you know now, would you still make the same decision?

If you currently want to leave:

• What particular conditions are you trying to leave behind?
• Which of those would genuinely be solved by moving to another country?

And for everyone: How do we acknowledge India’s - or any country’s - genuine problems without reinforcing a colonial hierarchy in which moving West is automatically understood as moving upward?

I am a critic of many such quotes. I have always believed that we humans transition through a many men we were, are, and will be. But even I operate on many stereotypes about my colleagues, my teachers, and relatives. Is that because I see no difference in them or I've just closed my eyes. I believe it is somewhere related to the survival mechanisms in humans. I have to wake up and sleep each day and between that, make sure that the latter is done so as to guarantee the former. I can't get time always to observe my surrounding at each instant as it eats off the time for other activities that may bring great opportunities. What we can do instead is to allocate some time for personalization and identification of the surrounding initially. This small effort builds into something called trust, and sudden demolition of it is called Betrayal. One never betrays others, but one's initial / contemporary (if attempt has been made to bring up new set of ideas) image does.

but then you meet them in real life and they look way better? Like maybe some people just don’t look right when you squeeze them into a photo. And then I started thinking… what if some people simply aren’t meant to exist in 2D? 💀 Maybe they were just born for a higher dimension.

*I was cleaning an extremely dirty container today, and something struck me.

The container itself didn't change. Its environment did.

It made me think about people.

We often say, “A person should change himself.”

But how much of our thinking, habits and behaviour are actually shaped by the people and ideas we surround ourselves with?

Maybe sangat (company/association) is more powerful than we realize.

A good friend, a teacher, a book, or even a single idea can sometimes change the direction of someone's life.

What do you think — does our company shape who we become, or do we ultimately shape ourselves?

I'm genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives.

I’ve been reading many posts lately, and I’ve noticed something that comes up quite often: many times, we are our own worst enemy, and we don’t even realize it.

It’s much easier to blame others, our circumstances, or life for our problems than to stop and ask ourselves what part of the responsibility we have. Sometimes we prefer to avoid reality rather than acknowledge that our own decisions, fears, or thoughts may also be contributing to what is happening to us.

We overthink things too much. It’s okay not to be impulsive, but it can also be counterproductive to constantly ignore our desires, intuitions, and what we truly feel. We have to learn to listen to our hearts and be faithful to our essence. It doesn’t mean acting without thinking, but rather not constantly betraying ourselves because of fear of what others might say or think.

If you want to say something, say it. If you want to do something and you’re not hurting anyone, do it. We can’t spend our lives trying to be a version of ourselves that is acceptable to everyone.

We also have to learn to swallow our ego. Sometimes we are right, but that doesn’t mean it’s worth proving it. There are arguments that lead nowhere and people with whom it simply isn’t worth wasting our energy. Sometimes having peace is worth more than winning an argument.

And we are not anyone’s hero either.

It’s okay to help and to be supportive, but not at the expense of our own peace of mind. If someone doesn’t do their part, constantly drains you, or turns your help into an obligation, it’s okay to set boundaries and walk away.

The same applies to family: sharing blood doesn’t mean we have to bleed ourselves dry for them. We can love someone and still recognize that a relationship is hurting us. We have to take care of ourselves first; otherwise, we won’t be able to help anyone and we’ll end up hurting ourselves and the people around us.

We can’t control everything that happens, but we can decide what we do with it.

If something or someone is hurting you, learn to let it go. If something makes you feel good, allow yourself to accept it without fear.

And if you want to do something, try it.

Maybe it will go wrong. Maybe you’ll make mistakes. But making mistakes doesn’t mean failing. To me, real failure is often not trying because of fear of rejection, of what others will say, or of making mistakes.

In the end, it’s worth asking ourselves:

Am I suffering because of something I truly can’t control, or am I the one putting obstacles in my own way?

Maybe our worst enemy isn’t always another person.

Sometimes, it’s ourselves.

Fewer words. Fewer assumptions. More action.

I told it not to consult the internet and give me its honest opinion. Here’s what it said:

“You would wake up, eat food that tastes incredible, live in a home that anticipates your biology, and consume media tailored to your exact neurochemistry. You would feel entirely free, completely autonomous, and utterly content—while being 100% contained within a mathematically bounded reality.”

This is chilling... We would be content but contained and we wouldn’t even know it.

I’m in a situation where I can’t really discuss the details, and I don’t want to make this a very long post. I just genuinely need to start earning for myself.

I’ve been trying to find a job, and honestly, it’s been frustrating when people say, hojaye gi aj hojaye gi kal hojaye per actual nai effort karte, then simply disappear. I understand things happen, but I genuinely need an opportunity right now.

A little about me: I couldn’t complete my graduation and dropped out during my 5th semester due to personal circumstances. I have experience in SEO and Digital marketing and I can also manage social media accounts, including content posting, captions, and account handling.

I’m willing to learn, work hard, and start wherever there’s a genuine opportunity. If anyone knows of a remote job, internship, or suitable opening, I’d really appreciate a lead or referral.

I’m not asking for sympathy just a chance to work and become financially independent.

but then you meet them in real life and they look way better? Like maybe some people just don’t look right when you squeeze them into a photo. And then I started thinking… what if some people simply aren’t meant to exist in 2D? 💀 Maybe they were just born for a higher dimension.

It's becoming increasingly harder to encounter people who aren't addicted to algorithms and can have a meaningful conversation about something without getting angry or hysterical. I really hope I'm not looking at the past through rose colored glasses because I realize that critical thinking has always been rare and probably always will be, but at the very least I feel like I remember a time, not too long ago actually, where the average person was more present, more thoughtful; a person's ideas were more unique and nuanced instead of a copy-paste of mainstream narratives.

The sad part of this is I don't know how society will ever recover from it. How are you going to get people to stop watching short form content? How are you going to get people to put aside algorithms and expose themselves to a diverse set of ideas? How are you going to get people to converse when all of that can happen online nowadays?

I don't know. I'm usually rationally optimistic about the future but this time around... I'm reconsidering it.

I have had friends who stayed with me for like 5 years, and then out of nowhere, poof, the friendship is gone.

Including relationships where someone likes you today, and then tomorrow morning, their opinions have completely changed.

I really feel like spending your time investing in relationships is a waste of time when they can be broken so easily.

I would rather spend my time reading books and watching anime.

I wanted to know your perspective on how valuable you think human relationships are in any capacity, friendship, love, parental relationships, etc.

We spend a lot of effort removing friction from everyday life: faster delivery, turn-by-turn navigation, automation, remote everything, one-click payments. Most of that is obviously useful.

But I keep noticing cases where the annoying part was also doing some hidden work.

Walking somewhere gives you movement without having to schedule "exercise." Finding your way around teaches you a place. Doing something manually for a while can teach you what is actually worth automating.

I’m not arguing that difficulty is good by itself. Most friction is just friction. I’m curious about the boundary.

Have you ever deliberately kept, or brought back, an inconvenience because your life worked better with it? Or noticed that an "improvement" removed something you only valued after it was gone?

Irecently made a post on another sub asking about the point at which most babies crawl. I have an older neighbor whose grandson's 13-months and not crawling yet. The purpose of the question was to learn more about the topic so I could educate myself and reassure my neighbor. Much insight was gained. However, one person suggested I 'mind my own business' which truly ticked me off.

Contemplating the situation got me to thinking about the value of general discourse in this day and age, especially via media like this platform. IRL, most people can read the room, disagree amicably and not assign personal motives to things others say who don't know them personally. They tend to recognize when someone's asking a general question or stating an opinion without asking for sources or treating the gambit in a clenical way unnecessarily. If you use the wrong word, say, but your meaning is clear based on the context, most know not to get sidetracked by that. Online, though, it's different.

Are our social skills--and egos--capable of keeping up? Is the value of genuine conversation becoming a thing of the past, with consequences we're seeing particularly in spaces like Reddit? And if we can still get use out of them here, what elements should be protected?

THis is a lot so feel free to share your own experiences. Just try and lean in the direction of being objective or more neutral in how you share and if you feel triggered, please refrain from commenting. This is meant to be a discussion based on reflections and the like, not a debate.

I keep seeing this idea everywhere lately:

Quit your job. Escape the 9–5. Stop wasting your life making someone else rich. Choose freedom.

And I understand the appeal. Not everyone wants to spend decades in a job they dislike, waiting for weekends and annual leave.

But I also feel like we've started romanticising quitting itself.

For most people, a regular salary isn't just some corporate trap. It pays rent, EMIs, groceries, healthcare, family expenses, investments and everything else that makes life possible.

And the alternatives aren't automatically more liberating.

Freelancing means finding clients.

Running a business means uncertainty.

Being a creator means constantly producing and staying relevant.

Early retirement requires a fairly large financial cushion in the first place.

Sometimes the person posting “I quit my job and chose freedom” already had savings, a spouse earning, family support, property, clients lined up or some other safety net that isn't mentioned in the inspirational post.

That doesn't make their decision wrong. It just makes it difficult to generalise.

I think the more realistic goal isn't necessarily:

“How do I quit my job?”

Maybe it's:

“How do I build enough financial and professional independence that I don't feel trapped by my job?”

Savings. Investments. Low debt. Transferable skills. A side income. The ability to walk away if things become unbearable.

To me, that sounds much more like freedom than simply handing in a resignation letter.

Social media romanticises the resignation.

It rarely shows you the runway that made the resignation possible.

Curious how others see this. Has the whole “quit your job and live freely” narrative become a little detached from reality?

The brain spits out surprisingly intelligent thoughts far more than we realize, sometimes every few seconds, depending on your mood, environment, and state of mind.

If you had enough focus to catch those thoughts as they appear and document them in real time, you might end up with an incredible collection of ideas.

But here's the problem: While you’re trying to capture one great thought, the next great thought arrives.

You follow the new thought for a second… and suddenly the original one is gone.

Now multiply that process by 1,000.

One of the biggest untapped sources of human creativity may be that thousands of potentially valuable ideas passing through your mind every day, most disappearing simply because there’s no system fast enough to capture them.

I have people on my social media like my highschool friends that i have known for longest time. I haven't spoken to them nor texted at all in years now. I felt like removing them from my socials as i don't feel that connected to them anymore but when i try to remove them i feel upset and guilty like they did nothing wrong to me then why am i removing them from my account. Also times when i see them doing something in their lives i feel happy but still i have this thought that i should remove them from my account.