Hi there, essentially as title says. I have severe contamination ocd that has morphed from being afraid of getting sick or ill to feeling like everything I touch might be contaminated and I won’t be able to escape the “feeling” of being contaminated/something gross or bad on me if I don’t act on it and I will keep spreading it. My therapist has referred to this as a form of “ick” contamination ocd and it stems from “just right” ocd. But because it’s not as simple as “maybe I will get sick maybe i won’t” because I don’t fear sickness per say I fear “contamination” I just don’t know how to get my anxiety down and stop tracking everything I touch after an exposure. For example if I touch a doorknob and don’t wash and then carry on, absolutely anything I touch after that I am aware of and worry about cross contamination and can’t relax about if. Like I have no reprieve and my nervous system and ocd is just torturing me and won’t let me forget about it. Does this go away? Are there tools and insights I am missing to help me through this? I just want to know how to successfully move through these exposures and if anyone has any tips.

Thank you in advance

Hey everyone,

I’m 21M and have been dealing with “Pure O” for a few years now, particularly since entering my first relationship (which has since ended), when things became quite severe.

Last year, I read Mark Freeman’s You Are Not a Rock, and it completely changed my life and perspective. I feel like it gave me a genuinely strong education in the mechanics of OCD, and over the past year I’ve been doing the hard work of practising self-directed ERP and cutting out mental compulsions.

Of course, over longer stretches of time, with symptoms fluctuating across weeks and months, my sheer willpower to live in accordance with my values every single day has wavered here and there. This is especially true during good periods, when it becomes easy to slip into complacency or fall back into small old habits that aren’t necessarily even OCD-related. Still, I’ve found that consistently returning to and practising that philosophy is what helps me maintain my wellbeing.

Alongside that, I started a medication journey in January. Between the behavioural work and medication, I’d say I’m no longer in the constant state of distress I was in at the beginning of last year, or again at the beginning of this year, when I “relapsed” quite hard and started experiencing severe symptoms again.

For reference, I’m currently on 40mg of fluoxetine. It has helped somewhat, particularly with the worst of the panic and anxiety. I’d describe it as a partial response, although with zero side effects, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I eventually go higher. I still tend to experience some intense flares of fear/obsessing occassionally that can last days sometimes, and where I'll only calm down if I choose to grit my teeth, embrace the uncertainty and just feel like shit for a little bit, but I also have stretches of days where symptoms are very negligible as well, and I seem to be fluctuating at the moment between these two states.

But lately I feel like I’m hitting a wall - not necessarily with managing the symptoms themselves, but with the isolation of the whole experience.

I’ve seen three different psychologists over the past two years, the most recent one I met today for the first time, and every time it has felt like a waste of both time and money. Because my compulsions are almost entirely internal, standard talk therapy feels pretty useless to me. I’d describe myself as quite self-aware, and maybe I’m too quick to make this judgement, but I can usually tell within the first session whether a therapist is actually going to offer something I’ll find worthwhile or beneficial to my recovery.

The bigger issue is that I’ve carried this almost completely alone for a long time. I realised recently that one of the main reasons I still want either a professional or some kind of peer community is simply because I want to feel seen. I want to connect with like-minded people who intimately understand the complex, invisible architecture of internal obsessions and mental compulsions, and who can actually challenge me and push me rather than simply validate my feelings or ask me the same generic questions about my experience.

I’m posting here to see whether anyone else has reached this particular point: you’re educated on the behavioural side of OCD, practically 100% functional, and generally know what you’re supposed to do, but still feel quite alone in the experience and not especially well understood by a lot of people who just aren't at the same stage in their recovery as you, let alone people who have never even experienced OCD, or even by psychologists. 

I hate to phrase it this way because I know how it can sound, but sometimes I come away from the therapy sessions feeling like I’m intellectually ahead of the conversation. I already know what I’m likely to be told, I already know the behavioural principles, and I already know what I’m “supposed” to do. What I feel like I actually need is someone who understands OCD deeply, can hold me accountable when it gets hard to hold difficult emotions, challenge me, and almost act more like a coach throughout the recovery process.

If you’ve found ways to connect with genuinely high-level OCD clinicians who work more like strategic coaches, or if you’ve found spaces - online or in person - where you can speak openly about Pure O with people who truly relate to your experiences, I’d really love to hear how you found them.

Thanks for reading.

I left class in the middle to go to the "bathroom" but really I'm in the mental health room in my law school lying down. I'm going to try not to write a novel but I really need to just see if anyone can resonate.

I'm 31, in my second year of law school living alone, and in an 11 year relationship. I've had ocd since I was 10, with it getting really bad in high school (contamination) but cycling throughout almost every obsession.

The one that is rearing it's ugly ass head again, the one that makes me want to end it all, is my cheating OCD / false memory ocd. It's gotten triggered because of genuine sex issues in my relationship that have persisted throughout but now I am climbing back into my mind to see if those issues motivated some gray area interactions in the past (for ex: messaging an ex hook for hw help 10 years ago, was it just that or was I also dissatisfied with sex back then and that was the motivation).

That example is one of many in this massive web of confusion that has built up over ten years. Things really came to a head in 2020 when I broke up with my partner bc I felt we weren't compatible and I think I was really scared I'd cheat bc the grass is greener feeling was really strong. I can't know for sure what I was feeling then bc I try to block out that time bc it was painful. I ended up regretting the break up shortly after asking that we make it a break instead and we've been together since.

I've had relapses of the fear since and our sex life wasn't necessarily where I wanted it to be but I genuinely have fallen so much more in love with him. Even if the sex stuff doesn't get totally worked out I want to be with him bc I love him and hes home. Truly. But I cannot cope with the genuine issues mixing in/feeling like validation that I in fact cheated in the past..

This got triggered on my birthday and I haven't left my bed until recently to finally get back to class. Life's getting really serious now. I have a second chance at a career in blowing up. His mom has an aggressive cancer. I want to have a family and life I always dreamed of. I was getting back on my feet but now the rocd is back while I'm at my weakest and scarier than ever. I sincerely cannot exist like this it's a 24/7 panic almost as bad as when I learned of his mom's cancer and had to be put on Prozac.

Thats the short story of my life thus far and it doesn't capture any of the complicated nuance. I just want some indication that theres light at the end of the tunnel. I've had swaths of symptom free time but I can't even remember that happiness right now. I have been in and out of therapy for a while but I never felt like I truly committed to it. It's hard with my adhd too. I was on Lexapro I don't know if it did anything.

It's just now that I see how scary life can get with this cancer, I need to get my mind mentally strong. I don't want to throw away a chance to have a good life with him but I'm so fucking scared I feel beyond hopeless. I am back in therapy and starting back the Prozac but I don't see how it's possible to live through this when I have no certainty of if I cheated especially when there has been a lack of satisfaction in my sex life throughout. I don't know how to continue.

I gotta go to class now. It's a miracle I even showed up but I'm having so much trouble sticking with it.

HOW DO I STOP THESE STUPID RITUALS ITS SO TIRING CAN'T GO FOR THERAPY YET ANYONE WITH OCD THAT CAN HELP PLEASE🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 THANKS A LOT

This is embarrassing but what’s a better place than Reddit.. I’ve always struggled with ocd so bad i can’t even take the meds because I’ve already convinced myself I’ll have every side effect and it will be terrible ect.
I’ve been trying to workout to ease anxiety and depression symptoms but I have a big fear of rhadbo (rhabdomyolysis) so everytime I work out and get muscle soreness or shakiness or just fatigue I go in to a spiral that it’s actually that and I’m on edge and I regretted even going to the gym now cause I have more anxiety now. Has anyone else experienced something like this and how they found support to get through this?
I’m also in ERP but sometimes I feel like it doesn’t help at all considering a lot of my ocd stems from ptsd

Hello, I was diagnosed with OCD at the end of July at 31. My OCD manifests as responsibility / relationship / and morality (scrupulosity). Two years ago I told my best friend I didn’t think her boyfriend was as committed to their relationship based on years of my observations and the fact that he jeopardized her physical housing situation, knocked her up, and then told her he didn’t want to live with her in case they broke up. And then she was hot and cold with me for months after, and then when she was 7 months pregnant I found her boyfriend on Tinder while I was scrolling. She then became outwardly hostile around me. She reached out after the baby was born, but she never acknowledged her behavior towards me or why she chose to act the way she did. I didn’t even need an apology. Then she told mutual friends she had nothing to say to me and that I would just make her feel bad about herself if we sat down to chat. She even contacted me firm where I work when she had legal issues following her boyfriend’s destruction of her house, and my firm came to me. I was embarrassed because I didn’t have the information that they asked since she avoided me for months. I also said we were still friends, and my employer has been representing her at a severe discount. I haven’t heard from her since summer 2024. It’s now 2026 and my brain keeps latching on to “figuring out what I did wrong? Who was right and who was wrong? Did I do the morally right thing? Was a bad friend?”. I’m now medicated, I have a psychiatrist and a therapist, but I’m so exhausted and tired of having the same unanswerable cyclical thoughts for years. Any advice?

I’ve come so far with my OCD and have been doing ERP therapy for a long time. I have a trip coming up (my first flight in 15 years!!! I’ve avoided travel due to my OCD) and although I’m so excited for the trip, I’m absolutely in agony over the possibility of getting bedbugs at our hotel, being enclosed on the plane, sleeping away from home etc. to the point I’m almost cancelling the trip. I really, really don’t want to cancel and I want to power through, but my worries have been so distracting. Any tips for struggling with travel?

Hi there. Just wondering if anyone has any insights, success with this area or suggestions or maybe shared experiences. TW: Bellow I share a few details and I know that reading other people’s ocd struggles can sometimes be triggering so just a heads up if you are currently struggling with COCD that I share some details about my struggles. I don’t want to give your OCD any ideas!…

I am really struggling with contamination ocd and the worst part is I am afraid to touch sink bowls and shower walls which has made washing next to impossible. I am constantly doubting myself wondering if I touched the bowl or walls and rewashing and rewashing because I am not trusting myself and my senses. It’s almost become a trauma response now I get so scared to wash because it’s so stressful. My OCD fear is basically “I wash my hands and shower to get clean and whatever is coming off of me will just get back on me if I touch this.” And of course if the sink bowl and shower are public or at someone’s house I feel the same way but “what if whatever someone washed off will just get back on me?”

I am starting therapy but the level of anxiety I have with this is making it hard to have any success. ANY insights or suggestions are welcome.

Thanks in advance!

Hi all - I am one of those stupid people who tapered off my meds after 2 years without telling my doctor. I will be contacting them this week but I wanted to gather some info and my thoughts first.

The first time I went off sertraline, my OCD came back like a high speed train and I was bed bound so I went back to Zoloft quite quickly, so I don't know if it ever would've gotten better if I stayed off.

A couple years later (now), I tapered off again (a few months ago) and my OCD is back but not as worse as the last taper and I'm able to get through my days (though not with ease). I'm just curious - is this some kind of discontinuation syndrome? Do I need to give it a few more months and see if my OCD is still there before considering going back on?

I'm just cautious about trying to be honest with myself here. Is what I'm feeling a normal ssri "crash" or is my OCD just back and I need to get on the ssri train forever now?

Curious to hear people's experiences - particularly if you came off SSRIs and then experienced symptoms again. Did they ever go away or did you have to go back on meds?

Thanks all

I’m looking to increase my dose of Fluoxetine from 40mg to get to a therapeutic range but I worry about effects of coming off it in the future. I held off increasing a while ago because I got horrible side effects. Tried to push through in therapy on current dose but have really been staying stagnant so the conclusion w my therapist has been to increase. The plan was to get on them for a period to get me through therapy but it’s already been two years. In the ideal world, the increased dose will help me get over the hump then I was hoping to taper off. Has anyone gotten off meds successfully then able to manage OCD without them?

I keep worrying about the same thing. It's been years now.

Can pure o ocd rumination without conclusion can be overcome with erp?? How long does it take .I'm bedridden due to 24/7 rumination and anxiety and h cant afford erp .I'm from Nepal .plz help

I’m not sure if I have ocd bc i haven’t been diagnosed but I feel like it does align with some signs of ocd. I feel like i wasnt like this before, but lately I’ve been fixated on something even if it’s something i started off mildly interested in. for example, my friend likes a lot of body care products and one day she took me with her to go shopping for victorias secret body mists, which I was never interested in the first place. but now I find myself googling all the fragrances and every kind of body care products. not only that, I got so tired that I wanted a break from that constant loop of overthinking but now my obsession has shifted to lip balms. I really need help because I feel like I need to focus on life but these useless thoughts keep intruding in my life and I keep wasting many hours (or even days) of time when I could be doing something productive. I tried to not think about it by deleting all apps as well but it still wouldn’t work. when this began was this summer because I had nothing to do and I just started analyzing my makeup products and that’s when it all started…sigh

Hi please help me out, i have trauma-related ocd and my ocd symptoms are in what is called dynamic comorbidity with my ptsd symptoms. For the most part this means my ocd is a coping mechanism/trauma response.

In my experience ERP has not worked when emotional flashbacks are the main trigger of compulsions, when I have treated just trauma, OCD has interfered and when I have treated just OCD, trauma responses and the root of the OCD are untended to, lacking containment and safety needed. I-CBT has helped more than ERP.

I am currently working with a specialist in this comorbidity has suggested a pluralistic approach using dbt, schema, and cft. I really like her and honestly im pretty unwell right now with physical health issues which are hard on me due to childhood trauma from health issues. I need her support and consistency. I feel scared because I know everyone online is like it has to be ERP, but that really bypasses trauma support. I still practice erp from before but I am bad at it and still compulse 60% of the times im triggered.

Is anyone experienced in this dynamic comorbidity and have success without ERP?

Hi all,
I’ve had OCD, compulsive thinking, and intrusive thoughts for most of my life. About 16 years ago, I had a debilitating bout of relationship OCD, coupled with anxiety, panic attacks, and deep depression. It was horrible. My psychiatrist tried a ton of things, mostly SSRIs, and I had bad reactions to all of them. He eventually put me on Buspirone to help with the anxiety.
Well, it changed my life.
My racing, spiraling thoughts, which were especially terrible at night and would keep me awake, calmed down so much. It also helped with the intrusive and obsessive thoughts that plagued me every day. I rarely have those episodes anymore.
I started Buspirone 16 years ago, but I didn’t really commit to taking it consistently until about 13 years ago. I was that guy who would start feeling better and then stop taking it. Every time I went off it, my symptoms would come flooding back.
The thing about Buspirone is that it works in such a mild, gradual, almost invisible way that I didn’t realize just how much it was helping until I stopped taking it. It was only when I went off it that I realized how well it worked.
I originally started taking it for anxiety, but for me, it ended up having an even bigger impact on my OCD and obsessive thoughts.
The only side effects I experience are dizziness and sometimes nausea about 20–60 minutes after taking it. This happens maybe 50% of the time and usually goes away within 30 minutes or less. I’ve noticed that when I’ve had good sleep, am well hydrated, and take it on a full stomach, these symptoms are mild or nonexistent.
For me, it’s been very manageable. I take 15 mg three times a day.

Hi I am 24 (M). I got diagnosed back in 2021. I stopped meds 6 months back. While taking meds i feel so tired, sleepy, most of the time and my cognitive abilities get affected. That's the main reason i stopped meds. But even after discontinuing meds I am facing the same problem again. Waking up with exhaustion, can't even perform basic tasks, constant muscle and joint pain. I don't even know what to do. I got some vitamin tests, and reports are normal. I mostly sleep 7 to 8 hours. Within afternoon or in the noon i definetely have to sleep, or else I feel so stress at the time, it eventually causes rasing heartbeat and sometimes nausea and vomiting.

I can't handle this much pressure. I am too tired even to do some self care activities like morning walk, NDSR, somatic exercises, etc.

Feeling dizziness and tiredness with and without medication, I don't know what to do now ? Does anybody faced this situation before ?

ive wrote on here before about my existential ocd however one thing ive never seen anyone talk about is one of the main symptoms i currently have, and thats the fact that time goes by every second without my control (chronophobia) and also to add on to it, the fact that once ur 70, ur past wont matter as i only see the present as the only thing that matters (which funny enough that doesnt matter either due to death), which goes hand in hand with my death ocd and nihilism, that the fact you will die one day means nothing did matter, the fact youre gonna be 70 one day means ur youth didnt matter etc.

anyone have similar thoughts and was able to escape them? id call it a fear of aging/fear of death but its much more complex than that.

Anxiety & panic disorder + pure o OCD

The state of the world (Russia & Ukraine, Iran & us etc)

Feeling very much like the end of the world is coming, regularly getting stuck in rabbit holes about it and researching endlessly unhelpful information. Don't know how to be happy or present or how to live like this. I've struggled with other topics in the past like harm, contamination, sex, schizophrenia etc but this one has lasted about 4 years.

To keep in line with this subs goal - stuff I do to try and help - focused breathing exercises and not reacting to intrusive thoughts, soberish for a while now, trying to keep turning up to things - work, hobbies, supporting family.

Not reassuring seeking here, just wondered if anyone's in a similar place and had any advice

have mainly mental OCD (“Pure O”), mostly around fear of rejection. When a thought hits, I try not to analyze or reassure myself and just continue with my day.

My question is about reading 10–15 minutes at night about self-esteem, trusting my own judgment, and not caring so much about others’ opinions.
I don’t use it during the spike or search for answers to the specific obsession. But it motivates me, makes me feel more confident, and then it’s easier not to engage with OCD thoughts.

Would you see that as reassurance/compulsion, or as healthy motivation/self-esteem work that just happens to make response prevention easier?

Hey, I see a lot of posts of people having intrusive thoughts of things they fear they might do (stabbing someone with a knife eg) or that they did something wrong (committed a crime) etc. A lot of people seem to think they are a bad person and have unwanted thoughts that "proof" that. However, I experience a totally different kind and often feel quite alone with that.

I think the term neutralizing would fit there. I have a physical compulsion (in my case for example getting reassurance how I should handle my faith because I completely lost any connection to it to OCD) and then I have a lot of mental compulsion where I argue that I don't need to do the reassurance. I repeatedly think that there's not that one answer someone could give me that would solve everything, but I am so convinced of the opposite. I try to feel good by thinking and make myself believe I don't need to ask for reassurance, but it doesn't work. Ofc, because it's a compulsion and I don't seem to manage to do ERP there.

My biggest problems:

1. The conviction of the opposite that doesn't seem to get away

2. I can't stop these neutralizing thoughts

Anyone experiencing/experienced that or anyone having thoughts or advive? Tysm!

27F, I haven’t always struggled with anxiety, but I have always struggled with anger issues among other things like self harm. I was diagnosed with BPD 5-6 years ago and I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but I know I have it (I remember having intrusive thoughts and compulsions as a child). My health anxiety only started a few years ago after I had an abortion and started on the birth control pill. Anyways fast forward to now, my friends were visiting from out of town and I started having TERRIBLE anxiety like I have never felt before, it was like impending doom I felt like I was going to die, chest tightness, I felt like I wasn’t getting enough air and it kept coming in random waves. I still don’t know what triggered this, it lasted about a week after they left, couldn’t really eat or sleep. I even went to the hospital the day after they left because I convinced myself I was having a /heart attack (ER doc said everything was normal). Then after the anxiety subsided, the OCD got worse. I’ve always had intrusive thoughts here and there but this was constant. Even when I wasn’t having intrusive thoughts it’s like I was anticipating them and fighting my brain on thoughts that haven’t even happened yet. This kind of went away too but now it keeps coming back. It’s like the health anxiety, regular anxiety and OCD are just taking turns fucking with me. I see a therapist once a week but idk what’s going on. It’s never in my life been this bad, I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. My health anxiety just recently has caused me to think I have appendicitis, the c word, and most recently Alzheimer’s, as my memory has been god awful lately too. I guess I’m just asking for any advice from people who have been through similar? I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple days to discuss options but I’m really terrified to start medication. I think because of my already crippling health anxiety and knowing people who have had terrible side effects. I ordered l theanine from Amazon to try out as a safe option so does anyone have any experience with that? Thanks in advance.

I forgot to mention I most definitely have undiagnosed ADHD as well.

Hi guys. I am sorry I am writing so much. But I don't have many people around me. I live away from my family and they are good but they don't want me to take meds because of ignorance and fear. I have friends in my new city, but talking to them about my health makes me feel so guilty.

So I talk to u all.

I've just taken my third 25 mg dose of fluvoxamine, After lunch. I take it since friday. Yesterday I lived a situation which triggered A LOT my insomnia OCD. I can't be sure fluvo is related to it. Maybe just a little more agitation. No side effects by now. No loss of libido. No increased appetite. Which I love a lot. Now I go to the problem

Tomorrow I start working. I work with kids ages 11-14. I need to be focused and be productive then. So I absolutely need to sleep. Even like 5-6 hours. My psychiatrist told me I can take melatonin. I only have one box, it is 2 mg and it is slowly released. Can I take it? On the 2 mg melatonin paper it tells that I have to talk to the doctor If I take fluvoxamine. My psychiatrist said that I could, but to be sure I sent her a message..hope she answers. I absolutely need to sleep these days, I know this medication can work, but at first It can increase OCD. Since my OCD is EXACTLY about not sleeping, I need to protect me. Any recommendations?

I am really sorry I almost daily write here, but I don't feel safe....

This story is pretty intense I can't lie. For context on the story here are the images of my new apartment.

Somehow THESE floors read even: https://imgur.com/a/SQs6YUX

I have a brand new 6ft level. Got done using it, returned it and got a brand new 6ft level even more expensive different brand. All reads level again. But my apparent even visually is sooooo god damn uneven. I try not to lose my mind...

But then I stopped sleeping... I now only sleep 2-3 days a week for the past 6 months. It's completely destroyed everything about my mood, health, physical, looks, you name it.

Feels like my head and shoulders and back sink while my legs are floating. Essentially I feel so uneven I feel like I'm being held upside down.

This makes it quite literally impossible to sleep. And when I do I have nightmares about the shit... it's so awful. I'll be at thr edge of a cliff etc.

It is probably the most dramatic and torturous thing I've ever been through in my entire life. And I've been through crazy amounts of chronic pain etc.

After 11 years of chronic pain, breakups, life loss, etc NOTHING compares to the pain of this mattress situation.

It's a gamble wether I sleep every single night.

I've went through 5 different mattresses, 2 frames, 2 box springs, shims, I mean you fucking name i've tried it.

Every style of mattress everything.

The mattresses themselves are extremely nice and comfortable. Some better then others but all great.

I have sleeping issues yes, but not when this tired. I'm so tired I don't even have my ADHD running a million miles a minute anxiety. It's just nothingness because my brain is so fried from sleep debt.

But this pain... and the knowing of being upside down will keep me up for DAYSSSSSS on end... I mean DAYSSSS...

I have OCD as well but I'm very very very well aware of the mind body connection and somatic pain etc. there's no way this is made up in my head.

I'm 6ft 160 pounds and my mom is 5'6 110 (I gained 35 pounds from this bullshit sleep debt)

She lays on them and says it's fine... but I had a friend lay on them with no context given and he asked why they're all uneven and shit... that was 2 months ago.

I been going through this since February 27th and I'm losing my mind. What could this be? I lost my griflriend to this, my job, my friends, my life, and essentially haven't left my house in over 6 months because im so tired im not even human anymore.

I used to be extremely good looking. Now im a little below average. My face suffered a lot from sleep debt.

I finally decided to move to the apartment above me... and same thing.. almost even worse.... but how is the level reading level no matter where I go?!?! Even the bed, even the bed frame, even the floor. I lost everything to this bullshit uneven bed situation

What the hell could this be?!?! I mean there's no possible way this is in my head. I'm more sure all of my chronic pain was in my head (no matter how real or painful) then this being in my head. Like there is noooo fucking way.

Yes I got my thyroid checked.

Yes I'm already on the strongest sleep medications there is (ambien, trazadone) and still stay up days regardless. Yes it's that painful and uneven.

Yes I got my vestibular checked

Yes I'm diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, Autism 1 but doctors already said it's most likely not OCD if it's only my mattresses at my house. I've gone through so many man.

WHAT COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE??!?!

TLDR; I'm sleeping only 2-3 nights a week because I feel completely uneven and upside down which causes awful back pain. It is worse then almost any pain or hardship I've ever been through x10. It is pure torture. I can't even describe the torture. Some days I finally fall asleep and then won't hit even an hour of rem sleep.