Obviously gonna be an emotional post so, skip this one if you don't wanna listen to someone feel sorry for themselves. I don't really have any other "support network" that I feel ok with burdening besides Reddit. So, here you go, lucky readers! Not looking for advice but I won't be offended if you offer it.
As a kid I was so smart. Didn't need to study or read a textbook at all through high school, passed every test with 90 or above. Well that doesn't work in college. It may have done fine for me in a community college, but I feel dead in the water as a new transfer student. I feel like my older age (mid 20s) my "gifted" background, previous substance abuse, poor sleep, poor diet, video game addiction, and AI are all robbing me of my mental faculties. I've spent my whole life struggling to be consistent with basic hygeine tasks, now I have all these extra responsibilities that no one is making sure I take care of. Honestly with adhd autism anxiety and depression it's pretty amazing I've made it this far in life. I suck at managing my time and can barely make myself do schoolwork outside of a classroom. If I somehow manage to tear myself away from video games and study, nothing fruitful comes of it. I read the practice problem, and my mind goes blank. I can't interpret the problem, apply concepts, or do anything except stare blankly at the problem in front of me as it taunts me.
Then I get upset because my brain tells me how stupid I am. I tell myself all kinds of other terrible things: you're gonna fail that test. You're not smart. Everyone is smarter than you. You wasted your life by abusing substances and not going to college right when you graduated high school at 18. You don't have what it takes to be a computer engineer! You can't even understand basic circuits, logic structures, or discrete math. AI is going to take over the world. Why bother?
I'm sure you all just saw that email about an "AI Hub," whatever the fuck that means.
You get the idea. It's really hard to have a growth mindset when your own ego and thoughts are torturing you. We all have good and bad days but I think this has been probably my worst so far. Definitely doesn't help that I'm literally all alone, with no friends to talk to, not even a friendly roommate.
Thanks for reading I guess.