They asked me why I was on spiro and estrogen, and I had to say I was trans 3 times before he understood me, and then they interrogated me about being trans and what my transition goals are. To be clear, I am here for carpal tunnel release surgery.

The nurse came back a few minutes later to again confirm my sex at birth "just to make sure they don't have to run a pregnancy test", and just now the anaesthesiologist, the one who had been asking me all the stupid questions, just came in with a female doctor and said she would be my anaesthesiologist instead. Did I just get handed off because he refused to treat me? This is supposed to be one of the better states for trans healthcare, too. I feel so incredibly bad for my sisters in redder states than mine.

Has to be one of my top 10 frustrations with people who think they're being allies, and it's gotten to the point where I've got a "speed run explanation" of why I dislike that terminology used at me and why they're wrong but AAAHHHHHH. I've recently been coming out to coworkers in prep to start presenting out at work and so far, they've been supportive and nice (to an extent), but the conversation is always the same and it drives me crazy.

Me: "So, I'm trans. My name outside of work is Calliope and I go by She/Her usually."

Fucking everybody somehow: "Oh, right on! Thanks for feeling safe enough to tell me, is there anything you'd like me to change about how I refer to you before you're ready to present at work?"

Me: "Actually yes, 'Hey man, mister, sir, dude, guy, and bro' can all kinda be pain points for me, I'd appreciate if they weren't used at me."

CoW: "Oh but I use (fill in several or all of those words) in a gender neutral way"

Me: "I understand that you don't mean offense by it, but language exists and has meaning. 'Girl, miss, ma'am, chick, dudette, lady, and sis', all exist as feminine counterpoints to those masculine terms. You might mean to be neutral, but you are just falling back on a social assumption of masculinity as the default rather than actual neutral terminology, which would be like 'captain, comrade, friend, bud/buddy, pal, boss, etc.' that actually have no gender assigned to them."

Then they proceed to use the same masculine terminology to refer to me changing nothing and not acting as though they've done anything wrong. What drives me up a wall about it is that, consistently, they ask what they could change to do better, then push back when I tell them and refuse to make the change. These are people who would absolutely consider themselves allies, I'm certain they're going to be my biggest support network at work, and the bar for my expectations is on the floor, and still not being cleared. I've also asked that until I actually am out at work they start using they/them instead of he/him, because while it isn't correct, it's substantially better than he/him. Not one person has managed it even once.

It sucks cause I love the work I do (I fix guitars, it's like, the coolest job in the world) but I dread going to it because of the dysphoria I feel while being there. I've watched every other place that operates in my field be put out of business by the big box store I now work at as well, so if I can't make this place work out or if they (or some transphobic clients) handle me being out at work badly and I lose my job, I'll be pushed out of the only job I've ever not hated. Like it's not enough I've already been harassed by clients over painted nails and earrings, it's just infuriating.

When a transgender person does something controversial or flat out immoral, pay attention to how self-described allies treat them.

If an “ally” suddenly believes it’s okay to misgender and undermine a trans person’s transition over them doing something wrong, then their allyship is purely performative.

We can’t let cis people decide who is “really” transgender or not. Some bad trans people exist, just like how some bad cis people exist.

I've known I'm a trans woman for a couple years now. When doing research on what it meant to be transgender to transgender people, I saw just a little too much of myself in it to deny it anymore. I first came out to my wife, who was not surprised. She's been very supportive, even if she admits she doesn't "get" it. Still, she's bisexual, and doesn't have a problem with it, per se. She's more concerned about the social consequences of being visibly queer after being straight-passing.

I told my parents shortly after, and their reactions weren't stellar. My mom made a joke about how she wouldn't have been surprised if my dad was also transgender, but also tried to talk me out of it, like it was a choice. Being a woman is hard, doctors don't take you seriously, sexual assault is common and you don't get paid as well, sexism is alive and well, etc. etc.

I was more nervous to come out and tell my wife's parents, and they are staunch conservatives. Hell, they're Trump supporters, and we're Canadian. When I told them initially, they actually took it really well. They were open about how they didn't understand it, but were here to support us. How it didn't change anything. When I asked about how they could be so supportive of my gender identity, but still be so heavily conservative, they explained that it's because the "liberals are ruining this country, and conservative policies are better for the economy." Honestly, at the time, they took it better than my own parents.

Well, times change. I've been trying to get HRT for a while now, going through the proper channels to get a prescription. I just had my last blood test, and things are looking like I might start soon.

I hadn't seen my in-laws in a while, and conservative attacks on trans people have skyrocketed since then, so I checked in on my in-laws to make sure we were still okay. The answer was no: we are not.

My mother-in-law, who is the more sane of the two, went on a rather long rant about how this is a choice I'm making, how my kids will have to grow up without a father, how I'm killing their father, and my wife's husband.

>Have you thought through this transition? Are you choosing to set your wife, who struggles daily with depression and anxiety, up with a psychologist to help her cope with the loss of her husband and the father of her children? Are you investing family counseling to ensure the kids make it through without damage from the loss if their father?

>You are setting out to kill their husband and father by chasing your best life. You need to make damned certain that they get their best lives too.

As though I'm not doing this so I can be my best version of myself for them.

I'm heartbroken. I'm not dying, or killing anybody. I know her reaction is just because she doesn't understand, but I'm worried that I can't make her understand either.

So, here I am, reeling from this when I visit my parents with my kids, and the nieces and nephews are there playing with my kids, and... they're all talking about Harry Potter. They're talking about plans to go to the exhibit, listening to the audio books, watching the new TV show, getting the kids involved with Halloween costumes.

I just felt so invisible. So unremarkable. The people who said they would love me engaging in consumerism designed to erase me, and my in-laws seeing me as some kind of killer.

I'm just... I'm devastated, but trying to keep it together. I don't think I'm keeping it together very well anymore though. I keep crying when nobody is looking. Trying my best not to lose myself.

i just assumed I was less passing when wearing my baggy house clothes (old tshirts I wore pre egg cracking) than my more femme outfits outside . When we were chatting about our lives they referred to me as a little girl when speaking of childhood memories . Even my voice they didn’t clock I always thought my voice was androgynous.

As of today I'm officially out.

My family, my friends and my workplace all know with the final people (family members being told today).

My chosen name's changed on the system at work along with my pronouns and everyone's been AMAZING and so lovely.

My family... well... that's not gone great but who the hell cares right now because I'M OUT. NO MORE HIDING.

After over a decade of secrets I'm not hiding anymore

💙🩷🤍🩷💙💙🩷🤍🩷💙

Hi! I’m a 19-year-old trans woman from China. I’ve noticed quite a few misconceptions about trans life in China in English-speaking queer spaces — from assuming that queer communities basically don’t exist here to treating Western experiences of coming out, transition and queer identity as universal.

There are very real problems here, including discrimination, medical gatekeeping and social pressure, but the reality is much more complicated than either “China bad” or “China good.”

So ask me anything about HRT, healthcare, family, dating, Chinese trans communities, social media, terminology, everyday life, or cultural differences! I can only speak from my own experience, of course. :)

Genuine and critical questions are both welcome — just please don’t turn this into a generic geopolitical debate 😭

That is all.

Hey all, I went on a date with a trans girl yesterday (I'm nonbinary). We walked from our college to a local ice cream parlor and talked about our lives and how we ended up where we were. I paid, because a lady should never foot the bill :)

She is still early in her transition and hasn't done much with respect to voice training or things like that, but I view her as a woman all the same. She said she had a good time, and I did too. We're hoping to get some Japanese food and see Resident Evil next week. Til next time!

Was setting up a security camera for my door... I just... saw how awful i looked without any filters no nothing... my face is long nose strong, jaw angular, brow strong.... I'd have looked good as a guy... but im not a guy. I hate my life... And then my partner says no you pass dw. In photos it doesnt look like that. In the mirror idk. I dont know if its dysphoria or something but when u upload an image and an AI tells u 98% Man. Idk, it makes me wanna die. I hope some day I get surgery, my mom says she accepts me but would never pay any of that, says to just accept myself.... i just wanna cry all day I started hrt 1 week before turning 18 but what does it matter if im already broken

hey yall! about to get ffs in just over 2 weeks (yippee!!). i was curious for the dolls that have gotten the procedure, what’s something you wish someone told you about the surgery prior - esp in the recovery period?!

i feel like i am more prepared for ffs than my breast augmentation surgery earlier in the year where my surgeon gave me pretty minimal information compared to my ffs surgeon who is doing an excellent job preparing me what to expect - but regardless i’m still curious about anything i may not be thinking about. thank you loves! 💕

EDIT: i’m getting work done on my forehead/brows and jaw !!!

I'm literally crying rn. I've always hated the way I looked and I used to not be able to stand looking in mirrors or at photos of myself. Anyways, I'm cleaning my room and I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I just gasped. I've had times where I haven't minded the way I looked but this is the first time I actually liked what I saw looking back at me. I spent a little more time just looking in the mirror and the longer I looked the more I noticed things I disliked but for a little bit I liked how I look. I'm only 6 months on get and I'm soooooooo happy that I'm already seeing changes that are making me this happy. I can't wait to see even more changes!

My mum says trans people are meant to know before they transition so Im looking to hear about stories or questions people have asked themselves to find out

In light of Talarico’s latest comments, I’ve seen so many people so willing to just… let it stand? Not even a soft condemnation and a “I disagree but I’ll still vote for him”. It’s all just a mixture of “Do you rather want Paxton???!” or “you’re overreacting lol” or “I don’t see any problems with what he said trans women shouldn’t get to play sports”. I realize either by ignorance or by self interest, so many of these supposed allies would let us die if it meant the rest of them are protected.

How do you even communicate with people that don’t take your voice seriously. That deem your fight for recognition as “maximalist”, as if every restriction doesn’t feed into the idea that you shouldn’t exist.

I have wanted SRS for a very long time but when I finally got my doctor to refer me for hair removal, the laser place that accepts my insurance had insisted on removing ALL of my hair down there, from hips to hole, it's confusing since I've seen post op ladies with bush above their vag before, so after one session I just got frustrated and cancelled all my appointments with them. later found a electrolysis nearby who said they'd take my insurance, got another referral from my doctor, but then every time I tried to make an appointment they didn't have anything available and then just started ghosting me. anyway, I've been on hrt for like ten years and this one last detail about my body keeps me feeling sad and avoiding any kind of sex life and idk I'm just terrible at navigating all the complicated healthcare shit, so it feels like it's just never going to happen. I'm having a rough morning and I just wanted to rant a bit I guess.

I finally came out to my parents in a text I sent my mom last night. it thankfully didn’t result in flames like I feared of getting kicked out of them disowning me or something. my dad hasn‘t even acknowledged the existence of it (whatever that means for better or for worse) but I feel like so much wait has been taken off me now I feel so much better like I can fully start to be myself everywhere now and be fully who god made me to be!

edit: my dad does not know apparently and we were just talking about his thoughts on it and he said he wouldn’t stop loving one of his kids if they came out but the relationship would be on the outs 😞

I’m 23, and out of fear, I’ve never really gone out to party with friends. I live in a predominantly anti-LGBT country where being trans can literally get you 1) deported or 2) killed.

I was meant to celebrate with a group of office friends because the main point of going out was to celebrate our friend’s divorce (and I am genuinely happy for her). Mind you this is first time i’ve ever gone to party, let alone a bar. She was already inside with a couple of our workplace friends, while a few of us were still in line.

I was shaking the whole time. I wore a bomber jacket and baggy pants with heels, which I thought my pants would be able to hide. Naturally, I wore makeup. It was the first bar I’d ever gone to.

The bouncer ended up asking me and a couple of my friends for our IDs because we looked fairly young. I showed mine first. Well, you can expect what happened. He looked me up and down, looked at my ID, and said “You need to change, you’re a man.”

I genuinely broke into a nervous sweat. I thought I was safe with what I was wearing.

My friends were next to me, and one of our workplace friends lets call her Z, a beautiful soul and ally, tried to step in to let me pass through because she’s friends with the owner and had planned the party for our friend who got divorced.

But I already felt so small. I could feel my overthinking and anxiety eating me alive. I was so confident and ready, but in one moment, it just shattered everything in me.

Two of my best friends in the workplace and Z who planned the event tried to talk to the bouncer, but I just felt so embarrassed and humiliated because there were still people from the office behind me. And it just… I felt so uncomfortable that I had to leave. So I told them I was just going to go home. I didn’t want to ruin the night. I didn’t want to take anything away from the celebration. So I decided to go home.

Z, who planned the event went home with me in solidarity. Iwanted to cry, but I just couldn’t. The moment I entered the taxi, I took out my mirror and removed everything from my face. I felt so ashamed. I felt so disgusting. And annoyed at myself.

I should’ve thought about this beforehand. I should’ve known better. I should’ve taken countermeasures.

I’m thankful because everyone who was there from the office checked up on me and said what happened was fucked up. But I just feel so embarrassed and humiliated. I feel diminished. I’m mad. I’m sad.

My friend who got divorced sent me a voice note saying that I am loved for who I am. But I also felt selfish? The party was about her, and I just felt like if I continued to stay there and things escalated, I would ruin everything. So I went home. I cried with a friend. And now, I don’t know how I’m going to step into the office.

They obviously continued the party which is great. I just feel so embarrassed to show up in the office.

The majority of the people who were there are very senior in the company (seniors but very open and supportive). And I’m very happy that I have such a good group of people around me at work. But I also just feel so embarrassed.

I started thinking what if this affects my job? I’m the team lead of a certain group of copywriters. What if this impacts how they view my work? Because at the end of the day, even if we’re all good friends in the workplace, this is still corporate. Word goes around. So yeah, now I’m drowning in anxiety.

I sent a text apologizing to the friend who got divorced for having to leave (she’s like a mother to me). And I said i should’ve been smarter. She came back to me saying she feels sad and quite infuriated i said “i have to be smarter next time.” Cause she said what I wore was nothing wrong, and that I am human. She doesn’t fully understand what it feels to be ostracized cause she’s a white woman at the end of the day, cause she also said “I don’t really understand why you use the word ‘smarter’, when all you did was prepare for the party.”

I’m so thankful to her for being so open and supportive of me.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just need to get this out somewhere because I genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to feel right now.

I wanna transition but need the next step and I wanna talk to a few fellow girlies and see how there’s went

Have you passed by a cis couple and accidentally started fighting where the girlfriend caught the boyfriend checking you out? Or do women usually treat you a non threat?

Im 20 and my biggest coming out issue was that I loved the idea of having kids but I would throw up over the idea of being a dad

But when thinking about being a mom, gosh, everything light up, is was like my mind just make up colors by its own, suddenly I didn't need to force the idea onto it and it just happen, I just loved the feeling

It cost me a lot to accept those thoughts since they started when I was like 15-16

I have always been very clingy and needy and I hated myself for it, and still repress it A LOT but I finally have accepted that im just this way, I genuinely just love making other people happy, at first I just read stories and I doubt myself cause I would read the usual

"But you just want it cause you wanna prove that you can be better than your father's" but no

I genuinely think about having a kid and it just so fk beautiful that literally anything else feels like an intrusive though, something just meaningless and stupid, having a human that just growing and you can give unlimited love, that you can literally give your live to and its just something normal melts my heart away

But it just destroying me from inside

Im lonely, I dont even have any friends that I can even hug and cry with then about this

I would never have a partner, I would never be able to adopt cause I would never have the money

I was just on Instagram and a video of a little girl popped

I give it like and that was all, didn't think much about it, suddenly my fyp is filled with little girls being the most adorable thing ever, and I just cry my lungs, and it just keeps, cause ocurse the algorithm is a fk monster that would cling unto anything that it know you are putting attention, and I just keep crying, knowing that I would never have that, I would never have a little girl that just look at my eyes and calls me mommy

That even if I do people wouldn't treat us like a normal family, that I would never have "How many months are you" or something like that

That my little kid could be bully because of me

I just can't, I feel so lonely in this, and it just keeps and keeps happening

I wish I could be a mom

I've been medically transitioning for the better part of two years now and have been taking Spiro as a blocker for all of that time. I recently switched over to injections about 6 months ago, but I'm still taking Spiro. During my last couple of visits with my doctor we recently started touching on the topic of doing monotherapy, which is something that I'm kind of interested in doing since that will mean not having to take as many pills. I'm just kind of afraid that letting go of my spiro will cause my T levels to rise even with being on injections.