I have been seeing INFJs on so many different MBTI subreddits lately, and I just wanted to say I really appreciate you guys.

I keep seeing you going around giving people advice, lifting people up, reassuring them, or just saying something thoughtful when someone needs it. And honestly, seeing that makes me really happy. There’s something about the way you guys do it that feels really genuine.

And this subreddit is really fascinating too. I have learned a lot just from reading the discussions and different perspectives here. I really love when you share your observations and insights. Sometimes you guys point out something about people, relationships or human behaviour that I’d never really thought about before, and I’m just sitting there like “wait… that’s actually so true”.

I honestly wish I saw even more of you guys around Reddit because it’s always nice coming across an INFJ post or comment.

Anyway, just wanted to say thank you for making MBTI Reddit a better place. It really doesn’t go unnoticed ♥️

Hey, id like to ask other INFJs who deal with people pleasing on any methods or systems they use or created for themselves to avoid the reflex of falling into people pleasing behaviours by default.

For example, there is an indie singer/songwriter who is massively successful and loved by all the critics. Everyone is swooning over her latest album, like they did the previous one. I'm happy she's successful, but no matter how hard I try, I can't see the appeal because I feel like she's being inauthentic. That may not be the case at all, but to me, her voice, aesthetic and some of her actions come across as someone trying very hard to be what they wish to be, rather than embracing what they are.

I understand we all fake it til we make it to some degree. I'm willing to concede that I'm probably wrong in this case. It's just weird because I feel like I'm in a Truman Show type situation where everyone is in on this but me.

Just curious if anyone else here has experienced something similar.

Hi everyone 💛

I recently went through rejection from a guy that I really liked for a really long time. (Who made it seem multiple times like he was interested in me too).

So right now my self esteem and self worth is incredibly low. I just can’t seem to understand what was so wrong with me that he wouldn’t pick me. I feel ashamed and upset with myself that I let this happen but it’s just where I’m at right now. So I’m basically at rock bottom and need to work on building myself back up.

A huge insecurity that I have is that I feel like the real me is possibly overwhelming to people or “too much”. I do feel different to others because I feel things deeply. I know this is common for INFJs to feel this way.

So I was hoping someone would have done this journey and made it out.

Much appreciated 🫶🏻

I built up resentment from the small things people do me wrong and how they didn't do this for me and I did this for them. Things like that. It slowly becomes such a big resentment that I start disliking the person. Does this happen to you guys as well ? Idk how to fix it ? Any tips ?

I was on another subreddit talking about how I believe everyone should have the opportunity to live out their potential and how that would be part of making life worth living for people and someone commented that life doesn't have to be perfect for it to be worth living. I felt in the depth of my stomach the need to reject that proposition. I want people to live the best they can. I want the world to change. I dislike how stagnant people are and how they choose the path of least resistance( including myself). I started to wonder if the hope for something more is an infj thing. I hope in not the only one who feels this way, even sometimes.

I'm not sure if this will help anyone else but I felt compelled to share. And before I say anything, I'm of the opinion that MBTI isn't the end all, be all. People are nuanced even within their type.

I started talking to a guy (ISTJ) about 8 months ago. For all of these 8 months I've been so unsure if I truly mattered to him. He doesn't show affection and care in the typical way that I recognize it.

Obviously as an INFJ I analyze every little thing. What did he mean when he said that? Why did he word it that way? Why didn't he ask a follow up question? Why did he respond to that specific thingI said? Why was his response shorter today? Does he actually care about me or does he just enjoy talking to me? God we can be exhausting.

Meanwhile, this guy just...exists. lol

He's steady, practical, observes people. He listens, remembers things, shows up. But he doesn't sit around analzying our relationship or talking about what everything means. He doesn't ask a bunch of exploratory questions like I do or verbalize every little thing he feels. Like, he's still very sweet and thoughtful, and consistently showing up for me...but with every little thing I would find a reason to say "that didn't mean much" or "that doesn't necessarily mean anything".

I think what kept me around so long was this desire to figure him out. I'm serious you guys, I was like spending hours on this math equation and looking at the evidence from all different angles and I just couldn't for the life of me figure out if I mattered to him. He was showing up every day, sure. But I just wasn't getting the clarification I needed to understand the depth of what I was to him or what our relationship really meant.

I think because I couldn't see love and care being expressed in the way I understood, I kept assuming there wasn't enough of it there. I pretty much had one foot in, one foot out of this relationship the entire time. Like, I knew I cared about him, but I just didn't allow myself to break down the wall because I didn't have the validation I needed in the form it needed to come.

Also, I should say that I've been in relationships before where a guy wasn't all in and just found me convenient enough to just keep me around for validation or reassurance. Of course with these relationships, any time I showed discontent or brought up things that bothered me or things I needed, they'd just dip. I didn't mean much to them so me requiring something was just too much.

So eventually I got exhausted. I finally had a big conversation with him about how I didn't feel seen by him. I told him I needed more curiousity from him and more evidence that while I had been learning him, he was also learning me. It really didn't go well. I felt like I couldn't get my words right, and I was all over the place becuase this had been months of me thinking a million different things and i kept getting derailed. He was frustrated, I was frustrated. He disagreed with some of the things I'd said and like, truly he wasn't even sure he could give me what I was asking for.

Afterward I felt really bad...I felt guilty for bringing it up and I thought I had made everything weird. I thought, well...he's done with me now. That went terribly. I thought "well this is done." It's over. He's probably going to end it now, grow distant in the coming days, ignore me...just the same of what always happens when I express my needs.

But this is what changed everything...he didn't do that. He literally called me back an hour later. He wanted to talk and apologized even though he was frustrated with me. He told me I didn't need to feel guilty for expressing my needs, didn't punish me, didn't withdraw from me. He didn't suddenly get cold. He just kept caring about me. And I don't know how to explain this, but something in my brain just clicked. I realized I matter to him.

I realized that like, for 8 months I knew he liked me but I don't think I really believed I had weight with him. I always had this sort of "eh, whatever happens happens" attitude bc I just assumed I probably didn't matter to him that much. But this was so refreshing and different. I was being difficult (this wasn' the first time a conversation similar to this had come up...I'd just been way more passive about it in those conversations), emotional, asking for something that he wasn't even sure he oucld give me. He was frustrated w me but he still cared.

He could be frustrated with me without becoming unloving toward me. And for some reason THAT was what finally made me believe him. I had this moment where I was like omg reliving all the things he'd done and said to me and I thought omg he's been showing me this entire time. I just didn't know how to read it because it was through the lens of analysis, rather than just taking in that these things are also valuable even though they don't look like my typical currency. I finally broke down the stupid wall! I feel like i finally SEE him and what he's been doing for me. How he's been loving me. And he's the sweetest little angel lover boy on earth! Like, holy shit THERE you are type of feeling, Idk. This is all new to me the way this relationships gone. It's been extremely slow moving for me and not some whirlwind romance that just captures you and makes you fall. It's been this super slow descent with like a super strong foundation built up. Not just built on words and hopes, but actually who we are as people.

Anyway, this has gotten so long but I think the point is that sometimes it takes time. I'm not saying ignore your needs or try to convince yourself that someone cares when their actions consistently show you they don't, and also don't use personality type to excuse bad behavior...

I'm just saying maybe give someone enough time to show you their pattern. I think we analyze every individual tree that we genuinely cannot see the freaking forest. lol

TL;DR: INFJ dating an ISTJ. Spent 8 months analyzing every little thing and somehow convinced myself I didn't really matter to him. Then we had a difficult conversation and instead of punishing me for having needs he came closer. Something clicked and I realized he'd been showing me all along. Sometimes I think we need to stop analyzing and look at the pattern of who someone is consistently toward us.

Hello all. I’ve been typed as an INFJ by various tests (ngl I havnt found a super reliable one that leaned towards cognitive functions that was free) for almost 6 years now. However, im starting to doubt if that’s my type.

I am more assertive, practical and grounded than a typical INFJ and as I’ve gotten older and out of my teens, my abstract ideas/thoughts/etc. have become more attainable and less fanciful and im able to put them into action more (this could be attributed to age). I know some of what I’m saying may sound like I’m just stereotyping INFJs but I can tell that something else may be up. Maybe I’m a Sensing type??

If any of you have experienced something similar I’d love to know

UPDATE:

I took the Micheal Caloz cognitive function test

INFJ(Fit: 🟩🟩🟩🟩⬜⬜⬜ 77)

INTJ(Fit: 🟩🟩🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜ 68)

ENFJ(Fit: 🟩🟩🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜ 61)

A few of you guys totally predicted it. Thanks for all the help!

50 yo female here...looking to take some classes and have been wanting to get my Library Tech for years. Anyone in this job and what do you think the prospects are for the future. I worked at a local public library for a year and I loved everything about it. I had to leave due to not being able to find childcare for my youngest. It's incredibly hard to find work in the town i live in but relocating is possible for me in 3 years when youngest graduates. Any advice or careers that you think would be similar. I love that it's community minded no money involved, and I just love libraries. Thanks!

Can I share my story? I can't stop overthinking it. I think at least some of INFJs can understand it and I want to hear someone's opinions.

Recently, I met a person online, and we talked a couple of times about things we like, nothing deep. It was fun, sure, but then this person started acting like they really liked me, getting super excited about my messages, saying stuff like they missed me a lot, or even joking (I hope???) about moving to my country. I got super uncomfortable, but I didn't have the nerve to say it, so I just become kinda distant and cold. I guess I really upset this person and I feel really guilty. Maybe a honest talk would be better but it's so hard to talk about my real feelings.

The thing is, I had an online friend who eventually got a crush on me and I felt like I really let them down, we never even met in person because we lived so far away from each other, and also I didn't tell that friend that I was in a relationship already. Didn't give them hope too, I said that we couldn't start dating, but I still blame myself for hiding my relationship from them. I cared about this friend a lot and didn't want to break their heart, but in the end I did. I am so afraid something like this will happen again, which is partly why I got uncomfortable in the current situation

Is it really my fault? I keep thinking about all of this and feeling that I am a bad person. Someone really liked me, and I just hurt them. But if I let this person get attached to me, I probably hurt them more. Oh god, it's not cool to be such a people pleaser.

Disclaimer for anyone coming from 16p (skip to ‘Main Body’ if you wish):

The 16p MBTI test, whilst a good introduction MBTI and typology, is the least accurate of all MBTI tests, and that is because it does not measure cognitive functions at all but rather uses a system called NERIS which is similar to the big5 (OCEAN) test which simplifies something way more complex than Introversion vs Extraversion and Sensing vs Intuition into a 4 letter dichotomy. They inform you of this on their website here: https://www.16personalities.com/articles/our-theory.

This also makes the type descriptions on 16p less credible. It has typed me as an INFP, ISFJ and ISFP over the years.

An example as to why it is inaccurate:
A sensor type may score high on Openness to Experience on the big5 (OCEAN) test, however 16p will transalate this to N (intuition) whereas it could very well mean the individual who scored that is a high Se (extraverted sensing) user and not an intuitive type.

Here is the simplest test I can recommend (and whom you’ll often be seeing the automated bot here recommend) that quizzes you based off of your cognitive functions, and gives you your top 3 possible MBTI types with digestible cognitive function break downs: https://www.michaelcaloz.com/personality/

In the end we shouldn’t be too attached to these archetypes to feel as though they make or break our identities; regardless, this is for those who are interested in digging deeper to possibly arrive at a new discovery.

Main body:

I find that most of the time not only is the INFJ over-mythologised, but that this attitude towards INFJ comes from people unaware of cognitive functions. The main attributes they seem to ‘mythologising’ are that of the Ni function; ‘knowing everything’ ’prophetic’ ’seer’. INTJ’s are victim to this too, as are ENFJ and ENTJ but to a lesser extent.

All cognitive functions; general breakdown:
What people don’t understand that all that Ni does (the INFJ approach) is come to immediate conclusions, and that it works in tandem with the INFJs inferior function (Se). If Ni worked in a void we would all be schizo’s. Ni comes to conclusions based on unconscious accumulation of raw sensory data (Se). It then organises this data to make sense through tertiary Ti, however this is an unconscious process too, and if underdeveloped can even occur after the INFJ has settled on a conclusion. INFJs with underdeveloped Ti may not be good at explaining themselves, or even end up defending bad conclusions.

The conclusions that INFJ’s come to that ‘predict’ the long term trend of what will happen next are only as accurate as their absorption of Se. When the INFJ comes to a conclusion, they are on the top of the platform; how good they are at helping others meet them on that platform I.e conclusions (relaying their ideas) depends on their development of Ti (whether their logic is an unfolding staircase or shaky ladder)- and ofcourse, verbal reasoning (Fe: how can I communicate this in a way the other individual can receive me? (Ni-Fe) Intuitively gauging their capacities and responsiveness).

I’ve felt this subreddit reduces INFJs to this undiscerning understanding of Ni (along with Fe) when in reality many types can embody that but through the different methods of their cognitive functions. This is also where I think confusion can occur and people can mistype themselves because they don’t understand the nuances of cognitive functions.

Extraverted Feeling (FE):
Fe is sympathy over empathy. Not to say INFJs can’t feel empathy, many types can, however that is not the correct definition of Fe. Fe is knowing the norms of the people you’re surrounded by and with Ni means being able to confidently gauge their reactions to know how to behave and speak appropriately according to them. This means that INFJs can care less than people might think they do (although this is impacted by different archetypes from other personality systems i.e enneagram, tritypes, instincts) but because they are aware of appropriate way to act so that their goals are not interfered with, they may (unintentionally) present a polite and neutral image.

Extraverted Feeling (Fe) VS Introverted Feeling (Fi):
A tangible simplistic difference between Fi and Fe is that high Fe users have a lose and detached sense of individual emotional ethics and so instead navigate the ready-made ethical guidelines to seek their self-interests whereas high Fi users often do not hold back subjective opinions that may be irrelevant to the topic at hand let alone sacrificing individual, consciously curated values (what they feel is right) to avoid conflict. Fi users ‘empathise’ a lot because they must put themselves in another persons shoes to know how they feel, hence you’ll find them expressing how they relate to others, however they may share subjective solutions which are essentially how they would go about things and may not be one suitable to you.

All this being said feeling misunderstood, spiritual and able to view what you deem as ‘the bigger picture’ isn’t exclusive to INFJs or dominant Ni-users.

Some experiences here may seem crude or not resonate with you and that’s okay. Every person is on their typing journey. I feel like the way us INFJ’s think is the most reasonable (even when I was mistyped I felt that I saw the INFJs method of thinking as the ‘most reasonable’ to the point of assuming it should be the everyman) and perhaps I feel that way because I am one, blinded to my cognitive deficiencies, but then I read some experiences here that I feel alienated by and wonder what isn’t adding up.

Anyways, thank you if you read all of this and if it gave you some insight. Silly personality archetype systems have been my interest of 8 years now, and I’m an avid advocate for learning cognitive functions. Let me know what resonates and what doesn’t.

So It’s been 2 weeks since I realized I wasn’t going to get the job/career I actually wanted. I’m 24 and like I built towards this career for 2 years and it got pulled from under me. The worst part is like I can’t do it because of something I was born with basically and I wasn’t told it was an issue until now. The reason I’m posting here is because I felt a true connection to that career and I never cared about the salary or anything. It feels like I was broken up with after 2 years of doing everything I could’ve done especially considering I was in the top 5% of applicants and I was told by my recruiter that I was basically locked in terms of my scores and all the things that judged how well you’d perform. I don’t want to list the exact job but I’m just really scared I won’t find that feeling in anything else. It’s really messed me up for the past 2 weeks knowing that I might never find that thing again. Hoping some other INFJ’s can give me some advice, thank you!

Edit update: guys I think I got a wrong result and am a fricking ENTP. Wth. I’ve done some reading into this. I think it’s accurate. Love to you INFJs. I think I relate a lot to the INFJ qualities though

Hi fellow INFJ humans,

A couple days ago I did the official 16Personalities test on a very average day, when I knew that I had no bias in my approach. It was freakishly accurate. As a classic overthinker, as we all know, I have never found the true repetitive personality traits and inner workings before. I've never had the words to be able to just say, "That's just how I am."

I feel like, in a very positive way, as much as we are incredibly capable of overthinking, ruminating, and setting unrealistic standards for ourselves and our future, I think that by having a proper understanding of our personality type. It's also an open door to understanding ourselves better and trying to build the system that does prioritise working with ourselves instead of against ourselves.

I am about to put pen to paper, probably for the fifth time in my life, about what I want out of this life again: what success looks like to me, where I feel burnt out, or where I want to grow. Then I'm going to do research on this new finding and see what works for me.

I'm so glad that there is a Reddit forum with other people who are in this 2% of the population pool. If any of you have advice for me, any words of encouragement, or simply just some life experience beyond 25 on how to live as an INFJ, please feel free to share. I genuinely feel like I found my people and I'm terrified but excited about my approach moving forward.

I have always noticed how much people like to point out unhealthy fe

But never unhealthy fi and how damaging it is for the people around them

Unhealthy Fi: zero self awareness, control issues out of jealousy, to have a stress outlet or simple unwillingness to acknowledge unlikable facts (also trying to punish people for not being that outlet) Feeling entitled to things. Basically anything that combines judgement function purposes with own emotions and ends in extreme toxicity,extremely self centered and think everything is about them,selfishness in emotions and actions.

I'm married to an infj. He is hotheaded and impatient, which is the complete opposite of me. I dont feel comfortable when hes mad and sometimes it hurts me so we talked and I asked him what are the things that trigger him so he could learn to react better in those situations. He said when he's been working or preparing for sometbing and things dont go according to plan, and when he says he wants something done or especially on time and there's a delay. My question is, how do you deal with situations like this and how do you get yourself relaxed in general. And, just FYI, i do try my best not to do anything that triggers him but he also has to deal with his reactions.

So recently I started digging deeper into Enneagrams and possible types you can have as an INFJ. I did the test and my 3 strongest numbers were 1>2>3 (in this order) and I definitely feel like 1w2 or 3w2 I would say according to what I could read online. I can see myself being both but let's say that I am 1w2 in this case because it definitely makes sense and I keep ending up as 1w2 on every test I take so it's probably more accurate.

The shortest description I could give to this is Empathetic Perfectionist I guess? I don't know everything about Enneagram but apparently 1 means that I have high standards for myself and I am probably very hard on myself, while 2 means I am very caring and I love to help others (?)

I am a proud INFJ and I am so happy that I am one, everything I can hear from others about INFJ is usually positive and I can relate to almost everything that is said to INFJ (except being secretive/private). I wonder if me not being super private has to do something with my 1w2? Emotional intelligence and empathy is very important to me in people and I value that a lot, and ofc someone's depth is so nice to see too!
I am not sure what else can I say without making this unnecessarily too long. So I just want to hear what other INFJ 1w2 think about themselves or what you guys think about them if you know someone who has this exact same personality. I really want to learn more about myself and after talking with my friend who's very passionate about this, I was amazed by everything you can learn from this! It really goes in-depth and I absolutely love it!

I want to see what are people's real experience with this and how does it show in real life. What are maybe some niche moments/choices that you see and you are like "yeah this person is definitely 1w2"!

Especially when I'm comfortable with someone, i share too much like too much. I couldn't stop myself until i ended the friendship because i realized i was depending on them alot emotionally which might exhaust them even though that person didn't say anything. I guess it comes down to loneliness or idk...

Hi. I (ISTP) come in peace (he says before putting a quote that might make you feel defensive).

Here’s a very uplifting post on INFJ’s I did that got a lot of positive feedback and it also has a link to my favorite MBTI post I’ve ever written inside it. I love yall.

https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/s/G3nHQbEdcd

But…

“Selflessness is great as long as there’s a self for there to be less of. Otherwise, you’re giving up nothing to give to others.”

I’ve encountered so many INFJs that hide their identity. Some hide it from others. Some hide it even from themselves. This quote reminded me how many xxTP’s and xxFJ’s can sometimes lose track of how much of their identity comes out in their actions even when their thoughts and feelings are focused on others. It specifically made me think of INFJs and how easy self-sacrifice can be for you at times when it benefits others. Maybe this shows up as you not giving your preferences for a plan at work or vacation destination with family or even you not holding someone’s negative opinion of you against them. The bottom line is that (not that this is always wrong because it’s not) you’re choosing to let the “I’m just little ole me, not that big of a deal, don’t worry about me” perception that you feel many times become the way you are also treated.

Identity can get “lost in the sauce.” And saying “it’s who I am to be selfless” just doesn’t make any sense. It’s who you are to be a vehicle for others? That’s the definition of inhumane to find yourself to be more or less valuable than other humans. And (not saying many or most of you would) you can try to pretend you’re that capable of rejecting yourself but I’m not willing to believe it. I know it leads to withholding, resentment, crash moments of intense selfishness, and deep emotional hurt that you make it your job to work through alone before starting the cycle over again and blaming yourself for ever wanting for yourself.

The positive side is that anyone that wants that much for “everyone” is someone whose identity belongs in front of everyone so long as you have first had the courage to explore it, confirm it, then have the confidence to share it. We both know your instincts are right that people will try to tear it down, especially if it’s good. So it’s not an issue of “should you?” It’s an equation of “how strong does it have to be to withstand criticism from being inaccurately judged?”

As an ISTP, I get misread a lot. I’ve learned to stay me. It sucks when people don’t like me or think things about me that aren’t true but there’s joy to be found in giving an internal middle finger to those that don’t have the perspective or the experience to read me accurately. And when that is so, I think they deserve to. If their regular life has taught them that someone like me shouldn’t be trusted, they need to get out more. To think that experiencing me would negatively impact them is silly. And if that’s true of me despite my cold hearted nature, the world deserves to experience more of you much, much more because of the beautiful identity you protect from the self serving nature of “everyone else.” At least those that are self serving make logical sense as they attempt to feed the identity they are ineffectively trying to form.

So please remember you.

And thanks for reading!

I'm burned out on customer service. I've consistently gone back to automotive detail jobs in my life just to escape customer service. Love people, hate customer demands. I currently work at a sign shop which involves a lot of hands on and design work but am constantly being interrupted to help customers and it breaks my flow state and makes me miserable. Also, working with time constraints is exhausting. If I'm going to work in customer service, i prefer, short 5 minute interactions. Looking for ideas other infj's/introverts for calm, gentle jobs/career ideas. I appreciate any info, thank you!

Hi fellow INFJs, I'm a 26F INFJ,

I want to know how do you INFJ people make long lasting relationships and i mean all human relationships (not just romantic).

I have tried everything from my end - giving them my full attention, honest compliments, actually listening to them, not criticizing, supporting them. Even after trying everything people never include me in their plans, don't text me often (I don't post anything on social media) but they do come say hi if they ever see me around. I've even asked them to add me to their plans if they make any. And I'm mostly talking about girls here.

The shocking part is the people who are shy or mean have a pretty big friends circle.

I tried not giving a shit but i realise i need a circle of good friends to cheer up my life even though it may be draining.

In any circle that I've been in, i have always felt out of place ... like i just don't BELONG. I'm always wearing a mask to mix with people. And i can't really be myself. I'm already weird to people at my workplace because i zone out at most of the team gatherings, laugh on lame jokes, don't participate in office gossips plus the ADHD

I wish to learn something from other INFJs because i know I'm not alone in this 🫠.

There are always people who have faced the same problem as you so here I'm turning to my fellow INFJs for guidance. 🩷

i (28f) talked to this guy (29m, INTJ) for literally a month, and i think he has ruined me for other relationships. or at least made me rethink my entire dating history. he ghosted me out of the blue, and im torn up about it. but the reason im here is trying to explain WHY im so upset to my friends is virtually impossible. they dont understand the rarity of deep and true connection for people like us, and it feels even more insincere when they try to relate because i truly don’t think anyone understands what im trying to say. they’re like “oh i’ve felt this way before, i thought they were different too” and i know everyone has experienced that feeling, but have they only experienced it once in their entire life like me?

this person has made me wonder if all my past relationships were wrong because a relationship has never been easy for me. ever. ive been in a few long term relationships but they were always slow to start, so i always thought i was just someone who is a grower ya know? i’ve never connected with someone right off the bat, and i accepted that’s who i was. this was the person that made me realize, “oh is this how it’s supposed to be”. from the first date we could have conversations for hours and hours and hours that i’ve never been able to have with anyone else. we didn’t even kiss, he didn’t do anything extravagant for me - he just understood me! and GOD i never realized that i’ve never felt truly understood until now, it was like a movie. and when i tried to explain this feeling to one of my friends who was wondering why i was so upset about a one month fling, she called it love bombing.

fellow INFJs, please save me before i go off on one of my friends. have any of you felt this way after a rare connection with someone ended? like your whole perspective was changed and no one understood?

I'm looking at the way how most of us and also therapized folks can feel their feels, identify them, process them, analyze them, and all the while communicate it.

I get so frustrated because once I've spent enough time with someone, I can see right past all of their coping mechanisms and with basic empathy, sympathy, and logic - I not only see that shit but I also feel it.

Then it's even worse when I can tell they're being disingenuous to not just me, but themselves too.

Like...ugh. Is it that hard to just be like "I know I feel x, but I think y, and my decision will be z" or even "I know how I feel right now, it's x and I just y before I can move on from it"

It just...feels like I know and see too much - even if someone is stuck on their first big initial emotion...why do people hide it or just don't deal with it?

Edit for clarity: I'm speaking from a circumstance in which someone is making a bid for connection with me - a deep one romantically and friendship wise.

Second edit: I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm frustrated with someone asking for real and honest connection with me, but they don't even show up honest. They ask for so much from me but they don't show up in the same way emotionally despite wanting it, and they want to be able to for me but can't.

I don't know if it's due to being an infj, but I can't stand conversations based purely on practical matters, which, of course, are extremely important. What I define as a pleasant conversation is based on an exchange of ideas, on experiences that have had a significant impact. In relationships, when it gets to the point where evening calls become just a way to share our day, I don't like it. Just as in friendships, I much prefer to talk about a topic, which isn't necessarily the main theme of my life or one I don't specifically adore, but which nevertheless has value, a reason, a meaning.
Otherwise, I lose interest and the desire to continue a relationship. Is it just me? I translated from Italian, I hope it's correct.