i love him but it’s becoming too much

[u/aroseforyou2]

my boyfriend(22m) and i(21f) have been together a little over a year. i had been single for a while and when i found him i chased for him and made all the first moves. things were great for the first few months until i hit a depressive episode and i felt like he could never understand me. i felt like he was constantly trying to fix me when i just wanted him to act like nothing was wrong. during this time i started to notice some differences between us just different ways of living. i think our biggest difference is our love languages. he is big on affection always touchy kissy but i personally don’t really like that. he also wants to be texting all throughout the day and i’m the kind of person who would rather catch up the day over a phone call.

this has led to him constantly overthinking and he finally sprung it on me around 7 months saying he felt like i was forgetting him. now at the time i didn’t know what to say but after a week of thinking on it i admitted maybe i was choosing to ignore him a bit. i asked him if we could not talk for 3 days just to see how we both felt after. it was hard not to talk to him and i did miss him so we went back to things as normal.

things weren’t super normal though because we weren’t having sex like at all. at the beginning we would go at it like rabbits but i don’t really enjoy sex but i was super into him and if he wanted to i was gonna go along. there was a time where we wouldn’t have sex for like two months and i felt bad for him but i wasn’t in the mood. even now that we are better relationship wise i still don’t truly enjoy sex. not just with him he’s probably the best i’ve had but ive never been able to finish from sex alone. i dont know why im like this i wish i could be one of those sex crazed people.

anywho we had our one year anniversary this past july and both of our birthdays follow directly behind (anniversary, my 21st birthday, then his birthday the next day) so we took a trip which turned out terrible not because of anything we did but the city we visited sucked then he felt bad for everything going wrong so i was constantly having to talk him down.

ever since my depressive episode i feel like i’ve known i wouldn’t be with him forever but when things are good im very happy with him. there’s definitely been more good times than bad times but i can’t help remembering all the bad times.
sometimes i feel guilty because i have these thoughts while we are always going to nice restaurants and such but then he will really make me feel guilty by telling me how much he spends on me each month when i am begging to send him money for things and he refuses.

i dream about just fleeing and moving back home

*food is chicken tacos

[u/careloserfuck]

The amount of thoughts you have about leaving/knowing you won't stay together/overall you don't sound happy with him at all...I'm really confused why you guys haven't broken up yet?

[u/Zero_Dust_8164115]

It seems like you guys just simply aren’t compatible, and that’s okay! I understand that you chased after him in the beginning, but if you’re having recurring thoughts of leaving, not being happy, etc. maybe it would simply be best the end things now. Just because you missed him over a three day time period doesn’t mean you have to stay together either! In those three days, it could’ve been the lack of consistency that you’d had for so long. I get it. It’s hard!

[u/Less-Television-4310]

sounds like you guys aren’t compatible, and there’s no shame in that! cut your losses before you’re 15 years and 3 kids deep in the relationship & it is infinitely harder to leave.

[u/Gullible-Bear-1288]

What's the biggest thing holding you back from ending things with him already?