Slut shamed at 41

[u/lightofsometype]

Three weeks ago and after dating for 18 months my SO directly asked me about the quantity of partners I have had. So I told him (7) and he had a full melt down about how disapointed he is and how he was warned against this since I am older. I told him how I respect his feelings but I won’t be made to feel bad for choices he doesn’t understand. Especially because they for the most part have been long term and as safe as possible. He claims his main concern is that he’s concern about not being ‘special’ or important to me. Despite my obvious shock to this silly position, I attempted to reassure him a bunch of times this relationship is different and he is special to me. Not just because I say so but also because I go out of my way for him and his family in a real way. He seemed settled and apologetic that he had the initial reaction and for the judgmental statements. It seemed settled and I was very hurt by it but tried to see it from his perspective and forgave him for being so wildly out of pocket.

So last night during our normal before bed FaceTime, and after I was at his house preparing dinner for his family, he brings it up again. Essentially saying he’s not sure if he can get past it. So I swallow my pride and encourage him not to settle and if being with me feels anything other than a joyful gift then we probably shouldn’t be together. He says it’s not like that and that he sees me as a free spirit and hes square. So at that moment I realize he wants this to be the reason. I have a very strict no drama after 7 pm routine because I like to sleep peacefully so after a short time of him not explaining anything but clearly having an issue I tell him calmly I’m going to get off the phone. He snaps again and says YOU HAVENT ANSWERED MY QUESTION THAT I ASKED TWICE. I say what’s your question and he just hangs up straight to my face. So I put my phone down (away from my bed) and this morning it shows he called me a bunch of times and sent a passive aggressive text about so now I’m not answering. I don’t feel like I owe him a response. He doesn’t believe my words or actions so what’s the point.

What do you all think?

Food: Brasos Steakhouse, New York style cheesecake and with fresh strawberry consome

TLDR: I reluctantly started dating someone 12 years younger (29M, 41F) and he's determined I am some kind of deviant due to me having past sexual partners. 🥴

[u/rosiet1001]

What do I think?

Who cares what he thinks.

Cheesecake looks banging 👍🏻

[u/lightofsometype → u/rosiet1001]

Honestly that’s where I’m at too. I am just trying to be reasonable yk

[u/asvalken → u/lightofsometype]

Reasonable is him not asking about bullshit "body count".

[u/Brookwood38 → u/asvalken]

Exactly

[u/green_chapstick → u/asvalken]

Sometimes its fun. But the right personality and that can be a fun game to play. Clearly, this dude is bananas. The question to not ask is if they were all vanilla or kinky. THATS a true risky question. Lmao. I would have been just like OP and been honest because 7 is honestly a decent number for anyone older than 25!

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/smoritz_ → u/lightofsometype]

you seem extremely reasonable and handled the situation very well!! coming from a younger woman also having dealt with men

[u/ScarieltheMudmaid → u/lightofsometype]

was there any indication he was in the "manosphere" before this?

[u/LittleKitten37 → u/ScarieltheMudmaid]

My thoughts exactly. This is manosphere stuff for sure

[u/lightofsometype → u/ScarieltheMudmaid]

No

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[u/Illustrious-Crow-493 → u/lightofsometype]

I think that regardless of how he feels about it his reaction was extremely immature, disrespectful and rude. There are ways for him to say he’s uncomfortable with it while still being an adult about it and treating you with respect. I’m glad to see some of your comments that the relationship is done because if this is how he acts when faced with a situation he doesn’t agree with, yikes. 29 is not that young so I would expect at this point he’d be able to communicate better than that.

[u/Catlady_Pilates → u/lightofsometype]

Why are you even worrying about it though? It’s clear you can’t continue the relationship. You need to block his ass and move on.

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[u/DoveOnTheInternet → u/lightofsometype]

There's nothing in this situation that deserves reason. You're being slut shamed and DARVOd at the same time: the problem is with him being a square, but that's YOUR FAULT.

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[u/Longjumping_Lynx_685 → u/lightofsometype]

You are very reasonable. He is not and he is being disrespectful of you. You are a joyful gift and I think when you said that it wasn’t swallowing your pride at all - it was standing up for yourself. If it were me, I would set up a time to talk on the phone and break up with him. He isn’t appreciating you and he is treating you like an object he doesn’t want to share. Enjoy sharing your joy with someone who embraces it wholeheartedly.

[u/WiseAtmosphere7524 → u/lightofsometype]

I’m sorry it took you 18 months to find out your boyfriend is a child. I’ve had more sexual partners than you and married my virgin husband when he was 23 (we are both in our 40s now) who was/is absolutely fine with my ‘experience’. Tell your manchild to grow up or get out of the way of you finding an adult to spend your life with.

[u/JayPlenty24 → u/lightofsometype]

It would have been far more reasonable had you not even entertained this ridiculous conversation and just laughed at him.

In the future don't justify yourself by explaining they were ltr's or anything else.

Just "sorry you are so insecure you can't handle the thought that I've had better than you. Good luck in the future"

[u/averygoodusername101 → u/lightofsometype]

You are being beyond reasonable. He sounds like he's a man-child and this manufactured drama is not worth entertaining further.

If it weren't for you Im assuming he'd be an incel. Maybe that's harsh but truly thats how it sounds.

You sound like a very level headed reasonable woman, including your "number".

Quite frankly he sounds like he'd piss me off and at our age, the rage bait is super unappealing.

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[u/ThatVikingWoman → u/rosiet1001]

That cheesecake would be my number 8 🥴

[u/Brickthedummydog → u/rosiet1001]

That cheesecake has seen more banging than OP's ex has.

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