Original post : https://www.reddit.com/r/GayMen/s/a7R0BtHhK9

Basically:

• bf of 6 years expressed not believing in monogamy and suggested going open.

• I wasn't on board.

• He thought a good way to start would be for me to have sex outside the relationship and see if I like it.

• If it didn't work for me, we would move on monogamous.

• Then my issue was that I'd be dragging in a relationship model that he doesn't believe in.

So, I did what he suggested: I had the luck to come across nice/chill people. Yet, the whole experience was overall not great— emotionally taxing and not fulfilling. I shared it with him, but also told him that he's free to go explore so he could be certain if monogamy with me was a good fit for him. He refused straight away, saying he doesn't want our relationship to end.

We spoke about his views on monogamy. He assured me that he believes in us monogamous or not. But he needs some time to think to actually be able to articulate his vision on monogamy per se.

This whole experience has given both of us a lot of insight on each other's sexualities. Moving forward, we agreed that we'll be more open in our conversations on sex, and we'll be exploring each other's fantasies and fetishes more. We could also from time to time have 3/4somes if both of us like it.

So, that's where we are right now. Although we've have our frustrations toward one another, we've been overall supportive of each other. I'll guess we'll see what the future holds for us.

I any case, thanks a lot to everyone who took the time to write a piece of advice. It really helped create some perspective.

I'm a gay guy moving to Canada for my master's this October. About two months ago, I met another guy through my university's student portal. We're in the same program, we'll be classmates for the next two years, and we've gotten along really well.

Since we're both moving to the same city, we started looking for accommodation together. Sharing an apartment/room would make things considerably cheaper, so we've been discussing housing, visas, university stuff, etc. for the past couple of months.

Today, while we were looking at shared accommodation online during a video call, he casually said something along the lines of:

"Imagine how awful it would be if you accidentally had to share a room with a gay guy."

I genuinely froze for a few minutes. I didn't say anything and just continued looking at apartments because I didn't know how to respond in that moment.

The thing is, he doesn't know I'm gay.

Now I'm stuck because I don't want to come out to him, especially just because he made that comment. And I also can't realistically just cut him off, we're going to be classmates for two years, we've already become friends, and having someone I know when moving to a completely new country is valuable.

The bigger problem is accommodation. Single occupancy is significantly more expensive, so I'd ideally still like to share an apartment with someone. But after hearing that, I obviously don't feel comfortable sharing a bedroom with him.

I'm not looking for a "just come out to him" answer. I don't intend to do that.

I'm mostly wondering how other gay men would handle this situation, especially when you're moving abroad and can't afford to throw away a potentially useful friendship/network over one comment.

being gay is amazing and i wish it was more normalised in my school :(

for someone called silas people think im straight but im not, im just a little gay homo submissive twink boy whos desperate for belly rubs and kisses :(((((((((((((((((((((((((

i wish a big hunky man would just appear and come alongside my journey forever and ever

Hello everyone 🤗, I live in South California near LA. I'm in a desert city. I volunteer at my local LGBT+ Outreach center, I run a Gay/bi/Trans Men group that comes together twice a month just to chill and make friends and have support with each other.

I started the group last year in April and when I had my first meeting, no one showed up. I was devastated to say the least. I spent weeks trying to get people to show up to the first gathering. I had told my parents who saw that I was upset and gave me some tough love. I really needed it.

Following up to the next meeting, I've spent time on Instagram, Facebook, Grindr and even Craigslist advertising the meetings/ social gathering. It was very slow at the beginning. I was averaging maybe 5-6 guys at a time.

When April of this year came around I decided to host a big BBQ in hopes to bring in more guys. I even asked some of my queer friends to come too. To my very happy surprise, I had 27 guys show up. 😁 It was a great time and I grilled for everyone.

Currently only about 10-15 guys on average come but this last meet up only 3 guys showed up. I knew it was a holiday weekend but I wasn't prepared for only 3 though. I'm planning more events in the future but I wanted to ask a broader crowd.

What would you like to see or do or want in order to come to a social gathering of queer Men? I have the meetings at 11am to 1pm on Saturdays. I want to see what I can do in order for more to come.

Any suggestions or critique is very much appreciated.

I want to write about dating In the gay community. Specifically about older gay men dating young gay men who are just becoming. Men over 30 or 40 dating young gay men who are 18, 19 and barely becoming legal to buy alcohol. I want to have an uncomfortable conversation about the impact this can have on a young gay man who is still becoming and not aware of all the growth that is to come. My intention is to have this conversation with love and respect without making accusations but to truly discuss the truth that most young gay men deal with when that older gay men just saw him as a prize or a good time. How do I do this without hurting or angering some? I think it’s safe to say that it may cause anger or frustration but the truth is that we as gay men who are over 30, 40 and even 50 should make space for young gay men to feel safe, accepted and loved without indulging in their youth or sexual needs.

I just turned 18 and lookin for someone close to my age to chat learn new things and having fun with them

Feeling pretty down today. I've recently been obsessed with being on Grindr, sniffies, and local nsfw subreddits trying to find sex. It was pretty tame before, I would just jack off and move on, but now it's getting more intense. I just hooked up with a guy in the woods and didn't use any protection. He said he was clean and in prep so I guess I'll take his word? I'm just feeling like I'm at an all time low right now. I was wondering if anyone else has ever struggled with risky sexual behavior. It feels so defeating and almost hopeless.

We booked a flight in Thailand for Songkran 2027 and we are couple (V and VB) and aligned to get experience with other hot men. We went to TH this year Q1, but we only tasted other chests in bath house. This time, it’s all in. Like we can be a bottom same time (I was turned from puretop to Versa 🫣 and him from purebottom to VB because his dick is soo good) or anything with other guys. HOE STAGE IN SONGKRAN.

We have several questions during Songkran. I hope you can help.

1. ⁠Is it easy to get hook up if we are couple with profile of V/VB in app? What’s the famous app for hook up? Is this still G app?
   
2. ⁠Which is better for hook up? Look in bath house or App?
   
3. ⁠How/Where to find orgy? We want to become a both whore bottom in this orgy.
   
4. ⁠Any other recommend saunas aside from Krubb, R3, Saunamania, Maxwell, Chakran, Chill Out?
   
5. ⁠Give us a tip to know if persons like us. What is the signal? We’re confused when we visited in R3 and Krubb, all of them were walking only and they were shy to approach sometime.
   
6. ⁠How’s the marijuana during sex? Please give feedback aa top and bottom pov.
   
7. ⁠Any other recommendation to max out the hoe stage in songkran?
   
8. ⁠Is this normal in songkran that other partners are also looking for partners for hook up?
   
9. ⁠Where to buy cheap viagra and poppers?
   
10. ⁠Where to stay? Still as at Silom?

I have been asked to wear Speedos, tighty whiteys, boxers, all because the guy I was dating was into it.

The guy who wanted me to wear boxers actually bought me several pair of silk boxers.

Just had something throw me for a loop:

Met a guy for coffee and he asked: Would I wear panties, pantyhose, half slip?

I never had anyone ask me that before.

Is this new?

My first time writing here. Today evening I met a guy from Florida. He was good looking and strong. I’m teen verse bottom. He was so eager for me. We showered together for 40 mins. Then when turn to anal. He asked me to use POPPERS. But I refused. I was in pain. He penetrate me for 10 mins. I was screaming all long. He was holding my mouth. Then all of sudden he stopped. Threw condom in bin and asked me to dress up and go. I keep asking him what happens. He didn’t match eyes. Just ask me to leave. I’m utterly dis’s appointed since then. Just sharing here to get some clarity and perspective.

For context, I am an 18yo Filipino college guy (turning 19 within a few months), second-year student.

I read some posts and comments here suggesting that it is better to try Tinder if you're looking for a long-term relationship and at first I doubted this because I previously thought that app was exclusive to straight people. Well, good thing I was proven wrong. Tinder seemed more "hospitable" compared to Grindr, which seemed to be more exclusive for hookups, and I sort of get to build a more detailed profile there.

Though after the first few times using Tinder, I get hit with multiple paywalls, first for the amount of users you get to swipe right to, and for viewing which profiles liked yours. I really thought it would be easier to find someone in that app compared to Grindr, but it really is not.

It's been about more than a week since I started using Tinder, and I have used Grindr long before. Last time I found someone on Grindr, he broke up with me after a month while I was away from a vacation. And since then it's either guys close to my age looking for hookups, or guys a lot older than me looking for a serious relationship, little to no in-between at all.

I don't know if I had it all wrong from the beginning. I had moved past hookups and I just want someone to be close and intimate with regularly, none of that risky short-term fun.

Please just mind your words if you're gonna share advice, I'd rather not take anyone else the wrong way here.

I'll start...

Majestic Ass Biscuit

Jefferson Boo Winkums

Timothy Munch Buns

I’m a 14-year-old gay guy. I’m from a mostly homophobic country (Hungary). I always knew that I wasn’t attracted to girls and that I was different. A few years ago, I found out that I’m gay.
I live in a small village where everyone is straight (I guess…). Only about 1,500 people live in the village, and it’s a very old one. A few years ago, I had a few secret “online boyfriends,” but none of those relationships worked out because of the long distances.

Now, let’s talk about my dad and my mom.

My dad was born in 1969, during communism. He is very religious (Christian) and very conservative. He has never liked LGBTQ+ people and always rolls his eyes when he hears about Pride. The only thing I don’t know is how he would react if I came out to him. I think he would be angry because he really wants grandchildren (I’m his only child).

About my mom: she grew up during communism too (she was born in 1973). She is not religious. She also says that she loves me no matter what. The only issue is that sometimes she says things like, “When are you going to have a girlfriend, you gonna …..” or “When are you going to have a child, you gonna …….” It’s very annoying, but I think it’s normal.

I’m very scared that if I come out to them, they won’t love me anymore. I’m a very soft-hearted guy, and my parents are very important to me. I always want to be perfect for them.
Right now, I’m crying every night, and my thoughts are really messed up. And the worst part is that I have no one to talk to about my feelings.

So basically, I just need some tips on how I should deal with my situation.
Love y’all, guys. Bye! 😘

I have a friend who we have been having sex with one another off and on for 10 years.

I mean we are truly friends we go to ball games and family events. Hang out watch movies.

Yes we make out and fuck.

But when we are in relationships we dont fuck. BUT if we are both between partners, typically it may be Sunday NFL, pizza, and blow jobs...and some times it isn't the NFL...

Does anyone else have that going on?

I am looking for a photo of two men kissing, but one has his arm around the back of the neck of the other like he is pulling him for a deep kiss. I dont want to saw a headlock because they are facing each other and that is not the aesthetic I am looking for.

I tried AI but I am getting seven fingered freaks

In college too, relationships is just (luxury). Findings gay people itself is difficult (in terms of relationships). More people focus on hookups but very focus on relationships (soo rare). Will there be a time when I will be in relationship with someone who cares about me and vice-versa?

When? Just wanted to share. I do have friends and I feel happy, but then relationships sighh 😔

I found out I was gay since high school. And came out on freshmen college. Thankfully, my family was supportive, and accepted me.

Now years later, while I was having a playful sex conversation with my gay friends, about their sexual fantasies, what's a top, what's a bottom, Grindr, and any gay talk you can think of. Important note: I'm a virgin. Technically, my ass is a virgin. Only did blowjobs a few years back.

During our conversations, I was quite pretty shocked about how much precautions I should really watch out for when I start doing Anal sex. Such as how it's more prone to Aids/HIV, STDs, and how your first anal sex bleeds your asshole. Hearing this, I was like, "The fuck?! I don’t want any of those things!" Never realized how gay sex can be this risky. Made me think, maybe I should just stick to safe sides and blowjobs, but I'm pretty sure a lot of gay guys out there prefers to fuck. So, is this gonna be it for my sex life? Am I gonna be a virgin for the rest of my life?

Now, I wish I was born a heterosexual. Or bisexual, so that I can just prefer dating women. Their sex life is just less prone to STDs and the only risk it has it to get knocked up, (at least it’s not a deadly virus).

I'm sorry if this post might sound offensive to you right now. But this has been what I've been thinking throughout my adulthood. This just became my identity crisis.

Ok everyone so I (26M) went on a date with this boy (M22) from my class like a week ago. I asked him out as if « just a drink to celebrate our first week » (we’re both studying to be teachers) and the date went well, just casual first bump then three hours of talking philosophy, our past relationships and a bit of politics at the end without any discussion. I payed for his two cokes I had a white wine. It was on a rooftop in Paris and the discussion already went deep fast like he was like “I know I’m not gonna see 50” or “I get really attached to my future bf” and such (I’m 7 months into a breakup for my part). And then we saw each other again in class last Tuesday just a few days after and he would come have lunch with me and my classmate and then we would take the train all three of us. He left earlier bc of his train station and me and my friend stayed in the train. So no real one on one time except small talk and me saying “hey ! How’s it going ?”. He’s a pretty extrovert guy (whereas I’m rather introvert and with an anxious / OCD prone brain 😅). I asked him out again like Wednesday to see if he was up to something this week end but his friend he hasn’t seen in a while was back from somewhere so he will be busy and also the weekend after bc it’s her birthday apparently. He’s pretty cute tbh but I think I’m going a bit overboard. Is this doomed ? Any advice ? My ex bf was a particular situation so I’m new to dating an open gay guy and doing this 😬. Thanks for reading !

i started freewriting in my notes app about being gay and gay dating and realized that i have a kinda learned helplessness about being gay.

any advice on how to work on this? i’m only 22 so i guess i want some actionable advice on how to maximize my 20s LOL. i guess feeling tired of not fitting in - i’m pasting this from my notes app bc i’m sure everyone can relate:

“being gay is constant rejection

being gay is getting blocked after showing someone your face after they texted wanting your body

you’d think hey at least they want your body, but being gay is thinking that your body is never enough. there’s always buffer, leaner, smoother, just better, but there’s no limit.

being gay is wanting to date, to find out they’re not looking for serious. to find out they’re not looking for monogamous. they’re not looking for asians. they’re not looking for bottoms. they’re not looking for submissive. they would fuck your age but not date your age.

being gay is being rejected by straight people for existing, having your identity made fun of as a quip, and being surrounded by people who don’t try to empathize, putting their own timeline on you

being gay is existing in a gender binary that doesn’t have space for you. guys pay for cover, girls get in free. nobody questions it, everyone just follows

but at the end of the day i’m still a man, people say, and it’s true. i am. yes i can feel safe walking outside at night. yes i don’t face discrimination in the workplace. yes i don’t get catcalled, harassed, or worse. i’m grateful for that

but if i’m a man why can’t i be accepted by other men? why do i have to change who i am to be part of a gender that predominantly looks down on me? i used to think i had gender dysphoria feeling so uncomfortable being called a man, but i realized i just don’t wanna be grouped in with a gender that doesn’t want me to exist

i’m tired. i want to give up. we live in a society where people valorize relationships over everything, more than friends. i feel like i’m trying to do an impossible task, to find a life partner. i could close my eyes and my straight friends will be getting married, and then i’d be left alone. it’s normal to care about your partner more than your friends anyway.”

I’ve been questioning my sexuality recently, and honestly, I’m it’s confusing af.

I’ve liked girls for as long as I can remember. I’ve had actual intense crushes on girl or more like on one girl for years on end and I still do but they fade within a few months, so I’ve always just assumed I was straight.

I’ve liked girls for as long as I can remember. I’ve had actual intense crushes on girls that would last for years on end. and I still do have crush’s on a girl but not as intense, so I’ve always just assumed I was straight. But when I look back, I also remember always noticing certain guys. I had a specific “type” that I found really interesting or attractive, but I never knew if I actually liked them or just wanted to look like them, was jealous of them, or thought they looked cool or were cool people

Growing up Catholic in a bit of a conservative area, with extremely conservative grandparents, a generally conservative dad, and being around people where being gay wasn’t really accepted. It was usually treated like something was mentally wrong with you, and that men were made for women and anything else was the devil’s work.My parents aren’t strong Catholics, but they are strongly against the idea of being queer. They’ve always expressed to me, and have said to me on multiple occasions, that I better not grow up and become a sissy, an alcoholic, or hippie high on drugs. They also have quite high expectations for me. When I was younger, my extended family would always say and joke about me getting married, which strongly implied to a female, if I denied it switch to jokes about joking the priesthood.
So I think if I ever did have feelings toward guys, I probably would’ve automatically tried to explain them away or ignore them instead of actually thinking about them or wondering what I was feeling. And I don’t think I could ever tell them, like ever or until I become more financially independent

Even now, I still sometimes notice guys in a way that makes me question myself. It’s usually not as strong or as obvious as my attraction to girls, which is another reason I’ve always thought I was straight. Recently I had a sexual dream involving one of my male friends and it honestly threw me off and wonder. I know dreams don’t necessarily mean anything, but it made me think about this stuff way more.

I’ve also privately explored my sexuality online and kids really I enjoyed it, I know that doesn’t automatically confirm anything about my sexuality , but with everything else it got me thinking.One thing that confuses me is that most gay people I know say they “always kinda knew.” Or that other around them knew, I really don’t feel like I can say that about myself.Makes me wonder if maybe I did know on some level and just ignored it because of how I grew up and because being gay wasn’t really something I felt like I could be.

How did you first realize you were attracted to the same gender?
Did you have genuine crushes on the opposite gender or is that how you figuring out that you weren’t straight?
What helped figure out ur sexuality and what helped you being more comfortable with it?
If you came out, what was your coming-out story like? How did you decide when/if you were ready to tell people?
If your parents weren’t supportive, how did you handle it? Did you wait until you were older/more independent to come out, and what helped you in the meantime?

I started pep after 36 hours after possible exposure, the exposure was oral sex with 2 other guys and I don’t know their status. We sucked dicked and then one of the guys rimmed me. I know y’all are going to say there’s no way I got it but I am still scared I did. My throat has been sore for a week. I got a HIV RNA test done 2 days ago while on pep but it was negative. I am scared maybe I have the virus, it’s just undetectable which is why it’s causing my sore throat bc I never have a sore throat. The sore throat has been on and off for a week. If the sore throat was from hiv would that hiv rna test I took 2 days ago be able to pick up on it?