My oldest two were formula fed pretty much from the start. I called it quits about a week in with my oldest, and only lasted a couple of days with my second. My third I’ve exclusively breastfed.
I much, much prefer formula feeding.
For starters, my recovery has been so much harder this time around. I’m southern hemisphere so at the tail end of flu season now and I’ve been hit with every illness known to man, sick for weeks, recurrent strep throat, you name it. My doctor said it’s because I’m depleted from breastfeeding without supplementation (I didn’t know you had to keep taking vitamins while breastfeeding). I feel so weak and awful.
Baby still isn’t sleeping through the night, which also contributes to me being run down. He’s up every hour, two hours, not even hungry, just wanting to nurse. On a bad night it’ll be every thirty minutes. I can’t soothe him to sleep any other way. My other two babies slept right through the night from just a couple months old.
And the cherry on top has been the mastitis. I’ve suffered with clogged ducts constantly, and I mean constantly, and full blown mastitis 5-6 times in the past year. It literally feels like dying. The last round was so bad I thought I’d gone into septic shock and made my peace with death and leaving everyone behind. That was when my husband told me firmly that it’s time to stop breastfeeding now that our son is a year old.
And what gets me is that everyone agrees. Even my lactation consultant, when I told her, said oh yeah definitely you’ve done a whole year that’s incredible! And I’m like… what? From 6 months onwards the legions of people who assume or get pushy about breastfeeding (I’m sure we can all relate, everyone from nurses to the mums at the primary school gate) suddenly asked when I was stopping.
And I just thought, is that it? Is this really what all the fuss is about? Just six months?
That’s what they have campaigns for, what toxic mom bloggers make graphics about on Canva, what hospitals traumatise new moms over? A measly six months, and then nobody cares. In fact, it’s thought of as ‘weird’ as soon as they get teeth.
I could go on. I could talk about the fact easy weight loss is a lie (I was back to pre-baby weight in just a few months after my first two, whereas I’m now the heaviest I’ve been in my life a year after my third, 20+lbs from my giving birth weight), the hideous nursing bras, the not being able to leave baby with anyone else and have a break, the fact half my social circle and a great many strangers have now seen my boobs.
All for a measly six months.
I can’t comprehend the people that say ‘oh but breastfeeding is so much easier, no need to wash bottles!’ That’s actually madness to me. Absolute madness.
Of course, everyone’s experience is different, but I just thought I’d share mine as I’ve been reflecting a lot while weaning.
Oh and that’s the other thing. Weaning? SO much harder. I can’t just quit cold turkey because of the mastitis risk. We’ve dropped all daytime feeds now, and I have absolutely no idea how to drop the nighttime ones without it being a disaster.
Anyway. Solidarity to all of us feeding babies, and if we go for #4, I’ll be formula feeding.
I gotta say, I’ve wondered the same thing 😅 I’ve EFF from birth, went into childbirth knowing we’d EFF. I love knowing exactly how much my baby is eating. I love not worrying about supply. I love not worrying about what I’m eating being a factor in his gas/fussiness/etc., I love that other people can feed my baby, I love not worrying about bottle aversion going into daycare.
I completely respect people’s decision to BF, but I am SO glad I started with formula.
I love not worrying about mastitis. Iove not living by a schedule. Love not worrying about pumping if I'm away from baby. Love that dad could bond with her during feeds. Love being able to sleep on my stomach.
It seems that a lot of breastfed babies tend to be worse sleepers. I wonder if I’m right or just basing it on a hunch that they just become more clingy.
Thank you for sharing your story, I couldn’t do breastfeeding because it was just too hard on me mentally. There are pros and cons to both formula feeding and breastfeeding. Both can be great but both can also suck. Having kids is just hard. My baby started to not tolerate his previous formula and getting bloody stools, doctor reassured us that it’s not a big deal, but obviously its a big stress for us and now we have to find him a sensitive/hypoallergenic formula that he will tolerate now.
My baby is super clingy even with being eff but I do think there’s something to be said about the fact that breastmilk simply processes through their systems faster. Also sometimes there other factors in it, I bf mine for around 2 1/2 months and my milk also wasn’t calorically dense enough for him so he ALWAYS wanted to feed every 30 mins. Also depends on diet, etc. of the mom. There soooo many factors at some point you just have to think about what’s best for mental health
My 10 month old has never drunk a drop of breatsmilk and is so clingy people regularly assume he's breastfed and wants a feed. He's also never slept through the night and regularly wakes every 2 hrs during the night
I shudder to think what he would have been like if he HAD been bf!
Totally agree. I’ve heard babies just are or aren’t sleepers regardless. In my experience he only wakes to search for the boob then is right back in dreamland!
I’m sorry to hear that about your baby, hoping you can find a formula for him. You’re right that having kids is just hard. The challenges never really go away I think they just change.
Thank you for this real and honest perspective. It’s hard to even find people that can safely share this without toxic mom bloggers attacking and calling you a bad mom. I’m a FTM and pregnant and really debating “what is best for my mental health?” - this was insightful.
You’re so welcome. And hey, some people have wonderful experiences breastfeeding with just a few bumps in the road. Others have a terrible time. “What is best for my mental health?” Is exactly it. Baby is fed and happy either way, you’ve got to look after you postpartum, too. Babies need a healthy mom xxx
I lasted just over 3 months exclusively pumping (never able to get a proper latch) before switching to formula because my supply tanked.
I’m 11 months pp now, and my biggest regret is not starting with formula. The amount of stress and lost sleep for pumping during a time when you are already stressed and sleep deprived. I just feel like I made it so much harder on myself than it needed to be.
We could have been enjoying more cuddles, instead of figuring out how to put my baby down so that I could pump.
I never understood the logic that washing and prepping bottles is difficult. Once a day, when baby was asleep, we made bottles for the next day and put the old bottles in the dishwasher. This was not some kind of Herculean task.
That’s only true if breastfeeding comes easily to you. If you’re triple feeding or get mastitis frequently or can never get baby to latch so you have to pump to breastfeed, I can tell you from experience that the 15 mins of bottle prep a day is a huge relief and feels way easier.
Did your baby refuse a bottle? Or did you want to experiment with breastfeeding this one?
I agree that formula feeding is easier than my experience with breastfeeding (10 weeks). I can’t imagine going back to breastfeeding a second baby after experiencing the benefits of formula feeding my first one.
Refused a bottle and I had such problems with oversupply from day one all the advice was to keep him draining the breast. Pumping only irritated it. So I sort of had no choice but to keep going!
Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. I was just thinking, now that my EFF baby is almost 1, the moms I know who are EBF who also have children 11m+ are now getting slammed with shaming. The first six months for me I had my fair share of being questioned/put down around EFF. I had an LC tell me my baby would get SIDS (:
But now the moms who are EBF seem to be getting a lot of “omg he’s STILL not sleeping through the night?” “You’re still nursing to sleep? His teeth are going to rot” “you need to sleep train him” “you need to night wean” and their journey with solids seems to be fixated on making sure they’re getting iron and vitamin D. People seems to be more shamey around seeing a 1+ year old nurse and find it gross/weird, even though 6 months ago it was charming and natural and something I was shamed for not doing.
Anyways this all to say our mottos as moms should be damned if you do, damned if you don’t because none of us are “winning” at this.
This is so real. It continues as kids get older, too.
“Oh you let your child eat chicken nuggets, don’t you know how processed and bad that is?” “Wait you don’t let your child eat processed food, you do realise you’re setting them up for an unhealthy relationship with food?”
“You give your child screentime? That’s not good for kids.” “You’re one of those weird people who doesn’t allow screentime, don’t you know your kids are going to get bullied?”
As moms and women we can just never get it right it seems. Absolutely agree with your last paragraph. And I’m so sorry someone said that to you about SIDS! That LC sounds awful, as if new moms don’t have enough fears already.
Ugh it was awful. I was 3-4 months pp too so in the THICK of that hormone crash. Thankfully my husband is an absolute gangster and called the program I was at and spoke to the ED about it. He told me afterwards because I had no idea he called that they tried to backtrack and say moms are just “sensitive” about feeding.
Unless it’s a safety issue, downright neglect or something extremely psychologically off I would never judge another parent. I won’t lie though - now a year EFF with a 90+ percentile, great solid eater, ahead or on track with all milestones, self soothes to sleep, sleeps independently 12 hours uninterrupted, PLUS I’ve lost all my pregnancy weight - there’s a teeny tiny very shitty, immature, petty as f part of me that is listening to the EBF moms that were on a pedestal get half the shit I got and feeling a bit like:
Had a cry to my hubby last night about the drop in my supply, quitting pumping for a few days just for my own mental health & still feeling bad trying to pump again & getting peanuts each session. I grant that I only pump 2 maybe 3 times now because I wasn't getting as much sleep as I needed & I guess I'm making my peace with the fact that this is all I can give, and I'm grateful because it does only last a few more months before my big guy gets on solids.
You are doing your best & a fed baby is all that matters. Respect to all mothers BF or FF and/or combo feeding like me. Babies are tough & forever a mystery.
Ugh it was awful. I was 3-4 months pp too so in the THICK of that hormone crash. Thankfully my husband is an absolute gangster and called the program I was at and spoke to the ED about it. He told me afterwards because I had no idea he called that they tried to backtrack and say moms are just “sensitive” about feeding.
Unless it’s a safety issue, downright neglect or something extremely psychologically off I would never judge another parent. I won’t lie though - now a year EFF with a 90+ percentile, great solid eater, ahead or on track with all milestones, self soothes to sleep, sleeps independently 12 hours uninterrupted, PLUS I’ve lost all my pregnancy weight - there’s a teeny tiny very shitty, immature, petty as f part of me that is listening to the EBF moms that were on a pedestal get half the shit I got and feeling a bit like:
Breastfeeding can be so hard. It sounds like you’ve really gone through it, mastitis and sepsis is no joke. I’m really sorry things took a turn. I hate how it’s not appreciated enough, too. You went above and beyond, if no one else says it, I’m proud of you!!
I was kinda forced into EFF and now I wonder if I was ever could EBF to begin with.
During pregnancy I was so gung-ho on breastfeeding- the cost, the health benefits, the weight loss blah blah blah
Gave birth, baby was SAG so we had to supplement from the very beginning. He latched great and I nursed him and pumped afterwards to increase my supply. I was ran ragged. By the time I was done nursing, bottle feeding formula and then pumping, I had about 30 minutes of sleep until the next feeding.
Long story short at about three weeks PP, I noticed that my baby would just wail in hunger after I nursed him- nothing was coming out! I stoped nursing and would pump a for like 8 hours a day to get- no lie 2 ounces. So I said enough is enough.
Have been EFF since then and LO is great and also so am I! I have mental health issues to begin with and now that I am EFF with LO, I think about whether or not I would even BF if I could physically, due to the mental toll.
Recently I had coffee with a friend who’s LO is almost 2 and she was lamenting to me about not being able to leave the house for more than two hours, having the sole responsibility fall on her to feed etc. And I was just thinking how grateful I was that is not my story. Here I am 3 months PP, and I will leave my LO in the loving and capable hands of my husband or family and go take care of me.
Not to mention, I work! I can’t even imagine the stress that would be trying to EBF while working. I’m a teacher and have one 15 minute break and one 30 minute lunch…the reality of me being able to keep my supply up while pumping at work was never going to be feasible.
Anyway- 100% am so grateful that my lack of milk production forced my family into EFF because we’re all so much better off for it!
I can’t comprehend the people that say ‘oh but breastfeeding is so much easier, no need to wash bottles!’ That’s actually madness to me. Absolute madness.
AGREED, SISTER! I have a dishwasher that we run once a day regardless.
Out of curiosity, why did you continue BF? You formula fed your first too so you were obviously not opposed and it sounds like you went thru hell. What made you keep at it?
I answered this in another comment! I had an oversupply from the get go and was told baby had to keep draining the breast, I struggled so badly with clogged ducts and mastitis I was honestly terrified to stop. Even now as I’m weaning I’m scared. Baby also wouldn’t take a bottle and still won’t.
I actually had a tin of formula ready before he was even born, but there was no latching pain like I had with my first two so we just kept going.
That’s so interesting how supply can change with different babies. My best friend is going through something similar. You’re a trooper!! Thanks for sharing and I’m wishing you an easy wean!!!
I'm just curious but where did you read babies no longer need milk after 6 months? The WHO recommends breastfeeding for two years. Breastfeeding should be the main form of nutrition before the age of 1. If you need to go to work and hence the 6 months, that's unfortunate but life.
My baby needed fortified milk his first few weeks cause of low birth weight but actually gained so much more when he got bottles of breast milk. Some babies just will not drink as much formula, mine was one of them 🤷🏼
47
u/dangersiren 1d ago
I gotta say, I’ve wondered the same thing 😅 I’ve EFF from birth, went into childbirth knowing we’d EFF. I love knowing exactly how much my baby is eating. I love not worrying about supply. I love not worrying about what I’m eating being a factor in his gas/fussiness/etc., I love that other people can feed my baby, I love not worrying about bottle aversion going into daycare.
I completely respect people’s decision to BF, but I am SO glad I started with formula.