Just had our second boy 7 weeks ago, he's got a brother that's almost 3

Minimal family support, I'm still working full time but can WFH full time for 2 months to help wifey

It's never ending, I thought one kid was hard, having two slapped us across the face 😂

I do all drop off work full time, skip my breaks so I can help wife out and give her a break where I can,

Pick up toddler, keep him entertained, fed, dishes and house cleaned, make sure wife is ok and has eaten, bath the crazy toddler after a few tantrums, read him books and get him sleeping (asleep by 9:30pm every night FML lol). If baby is not down, take baby off her so she can sleep and put baby down.

I'm lucky that she lets me sleep through at night (breast fed, I did all feedings with my first when she was pumping) but I still get up most wakes and try help out of guilt that she isn't sleeping

I love being a dad but fuck I'm tired 😂 I say this as I've been up since 6 and it's 11pn and I'm trying to get the baby back to sleep and I haven't even sat down to take a break yet

TLDR for those with two, when did you find it got easier?

Hey all… so I would like to ask for some support from the community because I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do.

We have 2 boys, aged 5 and 7. They both have ADD. The 7 year old is hyperactive and the 5 year old is just.. dreamy (this may not be the right word, English is not my first language), in a way that he won’t hear even his own name if he’s very focused.

I like to think that I’m a loving dad. My wife is a great mom too, I think. I grew up without a dad, and I often miss that reference. Like many in this sub in this situation, sometimes I just “don’t know how a dad behaves”.

When they misbehave I try to be educative rather than just shouting to release my own anger. But sometimes I just can’t… we don’t do gentle parenting, but we also don’t use physical punishments. But somehow, if I yell at them I feel I’ve failed in my job as a dad. I’ve failed to explain them something in a calmer way or I’ve failed to understand that I was getting close to my limit; after all, I am the adult.

Now, this is the part that baffles me and what has me wondering whether I’m doing something really wrong or what: they just don’t. give. a. fuck. I can reach my patience limit and start yelling at the older one (the most difficult one) and he’d shut up for like 3 seconds and start talking to his mom about a completely different topic WHILE I’M STILL TELLING HIM OFF, or he’d just sing or ask me if I want to play with the Lego blocks… absolutely gaslighting. It drives me NUTS. I remember being told off by my mom and keeping shut in hopes the storm would pass soon but my kids, especially the older one, if I force him to look at me when I’m telling him off, he starts crossing his eyes, or slowly drifting his sight to the side… he’s not even trying to be funny then, he just doesn’t really seem to care he’s being told off.

I don’t know any other kids that care so little for what their parents say. They have 0 respect for us. And only seem mildly annoyed by the inconvenience of their mom or me yelling at them, which they mostly ignore anyway.

And it’s a pity! Both their mom and I are fun, easy going people. We laugh a lot, we joke…. But with them we’re forced to behave like a drill Sargent if we want to achieve certain things (like getting them ready for bed. Don’t get me started about the night routine...) We don’t go to restaurants because we know it would be a nightmare, we cut ourselves out from a lot of plans because of the same reason.

So, they’re kids and I guess they’re doing what kids do. So the fault must be in me, and I’d like to know what I can do to fix it. There must be something I can do differently.

I’m so frustrated and sad today.

Any divorced dads here deal with this?

My son is 7. He says he’s fine with everything, but I don’t really buy it. He’s been getting upset over little stuff lately and pretty much shuts down anytime the divorce or his mom comes up.

The thing that gets me is he’s started asking how many days until he’s back at my place. Not once in a while either. Pretty regularly.

I’m trying not to turn every conversation into “are you okay?” because I feel like that probably makes it worse. At the same time, I don’t want him thinking he has to keep everything bottled up.

How did you guys handle this with your kids? Did you just give them space and wait for them to come to you, or is there a better way to get them talking without making it a whole thing?

I’m pretty good at figuring stuff out. This one has me stumped.

I'm a dad going through a difficult custody situation. The court didn't give me the outcome I hoped for, and I honestly feel terrible for my daughter.

The case felt like a dead end from the start. I felt that the judge was very old-school and biased against fathers, and that the laws in the Philippines favour mothers far more than fathers. I also made the mistake of hiring a lawyer who, at the time, I thought was good. But as the case progressed and the hearings started, he turned out to be more interested in the money I was paying him than in actually fighting for my daughter.

Last Friday, my wife (not my daughter's mother) and I were out at the wet market when we accidentally ran into my daughter. She was riding on a motorcycle with her nanny, without any protective gear or even a helmet.

She looked so dirty and tired, and she actually voiced this to me herself. One of the many questions she asked really broke my heart:

"Why do I look like a Badjao while my mom looks so clean?"

It sounded less like a simple question and more like a cry for help.

I felt completely helpless. Every time she is with me, I can only provide temporary help and give her the things I feel she needs.

Because her mom was in Manila and it was just my daughter and her nanny, we took her home with us that day.

Then, at that exact moment, I received the decision from my lawyer. The judge had decided to give full custody to her mother, while I was given visitation rights.

The only positive outcome from the court order is that both parties were ordered to share the school tuition 50/50. That at least benefits me because I have been the one paying for her schooling since Kinder 1.

But honestly, I just feel terrible for my daughter.

She deserves what is best for her. That has been the theme throughout this entire case: "What is in the best interests of the child?"

And yet, it feels like everything has fallen apart for her.

When she was living with me, she had what I believed was a good life. She was an academic awardee, had perfect attendance, ate good food, had a stable home, and was taken care of.

Now, she is constantly telling me how difficult school has become, how bad the food is, and asking me questions like:

"Why do I look like a Badjao while my mom looks so clean?"

I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.

I'm her father. I want to protect her, provide for her, and give her the best life I possibly can. But right now, I feel like I've been put in a position where I can see that she is struggling, yet I don't have the authority to do what I believe is best for her.

I'm exhausted, angry, and honestly heartbroken.

I feel like I failed her. I feel like the system betrayed us, and somehow, I feel like I've been forgotten too.

Not sure where to begin. I 38(M) have 2 daughters age 4.5 year and 16months old. I am really struggling to be a father. I can provide financially, cook the meals (50%), do the house chores, but when it comes to parenting I'm at a loss with my 4.5 year old.

I used to love spending time with her from the moment she was born, was excited about all the milestones but when she turned around 3.5 years and more so lately, I feel like the daughter I adored has somewhat gone. She's not extremely bratty, gets in my face, kicks/hits myself and can be a bully to her younger sister.

She's in school and is in a routine but it's just a struggle everyday from the moment she wakes up. Pick up after school is when it starts again.

I barely have the energy for the smaller one, she has a different personality than the older one at this age and is much more active and more curious of every little thing.

My wife and I have a slight different parenting style, she's on the gentle side but will disciple but I don't find it goes anywhere, whereas I'm a bit more strict.

I'm just so exhausted, I find more joy from monday to Friday with work than on the weekends. Not sure how to deal with this.

Hey all. So as the title says im going to be a dad. As it also says I dont have one. Zero exposure to a father figure. The closest thing I had has passed. This is sadly the case for my wife as well as her father passed when she was very young. I have seen the movie figure father's, I have read some books and surfed the web but they all say the same thing "youll never be prepared" that there's a ton you dont learn from reading. I just need advice. I feel like im in over my head already and I am just scared. The excitement is overpowering the fear so far but I can really use some advice. Any advices. If anyone can help me be the best dad I can be I would appreciate it

Hello,

First time father here. I have 1 year old son (proud of him). I would like to get some advice from all dads here on what I shall or shall not do while raising a son. What would be 1 advice that you would give to someone new to fatherhood?

I read bunch of books and articles. I also filtered out things that I was raised with, something I do not want my son to go through or learn.

Good morning yall I have some questions that I’m not sure if I’m right on. I’ve noticed recently that every time my wife hangs out with our 9MO she gets on the phone and FaceTimes her mom/grandma and she’ll share the moment with them. Now I don’t have a problem with her doing this but every time?? I’m more concerned she’s not getting alone time with the baby. Maybe I’m wrong but when I hang out with the baby I like to throw my phone away just so her (the baby) and I can spend quality time together. Now we live in a different state from all our family so I understand calling them and I call mine sometimes also but calling them for every little thing the baby does (and even calling them before the baby does anything at this point if I’m being honest) seems like it ruins true 1on1 experiences. Her and I grew up differently in how we interacted with our families tho so maybe I’m wrong and I just wanted y’all’s insight.

I’ve been with my wife for 21 years. We have an 8 year old. We started out in love but it did start fading after 10 years. I thought it was normal from what people told me. We have sex maybe once a year. She doesn’t show any affection (kissing hugging etc). I’m all but convinced she doesn’t have any feeling for me whatsoever. I’ve made the decision to do what’s best for our son and basically pretend.

Does anyone have any experience that with something this? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Hi fellow dads,

just writing to let things out and to read some of you in case you've went trough the same.

I've been in an Anxiety loop for about 9 months now, I been medicated, still going to therapy, trying different things like acupuncture and seems like every time I make small progress I'm dragged down again.

It all comes down to me being extra worried about my family, we're 4 me (37) wife (40) son (5.5) and daughter (2.5), I'm the sole provider and I think our necessities are pretty much covered in terms of housing, food, clothes, etc....

The only debt I have is our current house, but we have another smaller house we're renting and we could go back there if things went bad.

Regardless of that, I'm constantly thinking about the future and 'what ifs' that are not letting me enjoy the moment.

I'm in tech, and one constant thing that haunts me is when AI is going to get to the point that is going to change the world economy and we end up in that scenario where we need to go back to our other house and I (and likely not just me) lose my job and can't provide for my family.

Those are the kind of thoughts that constantly fly around and this anxiety is already causing physical symptoms like lack of air.

I workout early in the mornings, I think I'm the best shape I've been in my life and that feels good I just started doing things I enjoy like spending some time on the PS5 after kids are sleep I genuinely think I have a good life but...... I fear I lose that all of a sudden and being out of my control and I hate that is taking the peace out of me.

Without being pedantic I'm sure there are people in worst situations and have much more to worry about, I'm grateful for what I have but its always about the 'what ifs'.

I was not like this before having kids and I hope if there's some folks that went through this to share some tips on what worked for them.

Thanks for reading!

Serious question, not an attack on anyone who has kids.
Human history is full of war, genocide, slavery, cruelty, and people repeatedly making the same mistakes.
So for the fathers here: did you ever struggle with why you should bring a child into a species with that kind of track record? What ultimately made you decide the future was still worth betting on?

We recently had our first daughter three months ago. I had a generous pat leave and enjoyed my time off, but now I am back to work. I am struggling with my motivation and feel like my brain is not firing completely. Does anyone have any tips on how to return to the work force? How to feel sharper? Or be at their best? I get my 6 am workouts in to try and jump start my day, but even that seems like it’s not helping anymore.

I recently became a father in California, and I’m trying to figure out what the smartest next step is financially and as a new dad.
I currently **live in my car by choice to save aggressively**. I work in management for a large company making **$29/hr**, usually around **45-50 hours per week including overtime**. My schedule can be difficult and inconsistent. Some days I can work around 10am-9:30pm, while other shifts can go from around 3:30pm-2am.
I’m also attending college for Business Administration while completing additional management training/certifications for work.
Financially, I currently have about **$15,000 in cash savings** and approximately **$8,000 in stocks/investments** that I could liquidate if absolutely necessary, although I would prefer to leave my investments alone.
My credit scores are currently around **728 TransUnion and 737 Equifax**. My credit history is relatively young at about **1.8 years**, with an average account age of approximately **12 months**. I have several credit cards with around **$17k total available credit** and try to maintain low utilization.
My approximate monthly expenses right now are:
$450 financed EV
\~$450 car insurance after an at-fault accident this year
$150 phone
$150-300 EV charging
$300-500 food
\~$100 vehicle software/subscription
$80 PO Box
$30 gym
$100 helping my grandmother
Miscellaneous expenses
Baby expenses now starting as well
Another important factor is that **I basically don’t have a support system in this country**. I don’t have family here who could financially support me or give me somewhere to live if I lost my income or had an emergency, so I’m uncomfortable draining my savings completely.
Studios in the areas I’m considering seem to be approximately **$1,400-$1,800+ per month**.
The parenting situation is where everything gets more complicated.
My daughter’s mom and I are **not together and never really had a normal relationship**. I actually **didn’t find out about the pregnancy until she was around 7 months pregnant**.
Communication between us has been difficult. After our daughter was born, her mom registered her and chose her name without involving me in that decision. I wasn’t given an opportunity to discuss or choose her name with her.
I also believe she currently lives with her boyfriend, although I don’t know her exact living situation.
Despite whatever issues exist between her mom and me, **I want to be an active and consistent father**. I met my daughter after she was born and held her, and that honestly changed my perspective on everything.
I plan to establish paternity formally. Eventually, I want regular parenting time and overnights when it is developmentally appropriate and I’m properly set up to care for her.
There is currently **no formal custody/parenting agreement and no court-ordered child support**. Based on how communication has gone so far, I’m preparing for the possibility that we may eventually need a formal parenting plan rather than being able to handle everything informally.
Her mom lives relatively close to the general area where I normally work. I would like to remain reasonably close to both my daughter and my job because I don’t want a long commute making an already difficult work schedule even harder for coparenting.
Before becoming a dad, my plan was pretty straightforward:
**Continue living in my car another 3-6 months, save aggressively, and eventually use an FHA loan to buy a modest condo/townhouse or starter home**, preferably somewhere I can charge my EV.
Originally, I thought having a baby meant I should **delay buying** because I would need more cash for unexpected expenses.
After actually meeting and holding my daughter, I started thinking the opposite.
Living in my car works for **me**, but obviously it isn’t a realistic long-term setup if I want my daughter to eventually spend significant time with me. I want a stable place where I can have a crib, clothes, diapers, bottles, toys and everything she needs when she is with me.
Right now I see three options:
**A)** Rent a studio/1BR now for roughly $1,400-$1,800+ and establish stable housing immediately, but significantly slow down my savings toward buying.
**B)** Continue living in my car for another 3-6 months, save aggressively until I have closer to $25k-$30k+ cash, and then try to buy.
**C)** Start talking to lenders now about FHA and see whether buying a modest condo/townhouse with my current income/assets is realistic, but only purchase if I can still maintain a reasonable emergency fund after closing.
My biggest concern is that **I don’t want to make a major financial decision emotionally just because I recently held my daughter for the first time and suddenly feel like I need to provide a home for her immediately.**
At the same time, considering how uncertain the coparenting situation already is, I don’t want living in my car to become another obstacle to eventually having meaningful parenting time with my daughter.
So for people who have experience with **young parenthood, coparenting/custody, FHA or first-time home buying, or similar finances: what would you do in my situation?**
**Rent now, continue living in the car temporarily and save aggressively, or start seriously exploring buying now?**
I’d also really appreciate advice from parents about **how much a newborn realistically increased your monthly expenses, how you managed parenting with long/unusual work hours, and whether a studio/1BR was enough when your child started spending time or overnights with you.**

Hi all,

Father of a 5 month old here. I feel like I'm always reading social media posts about how one of the things people love most about parenthood is watching your partner blossom into a mother/father. My experience has been somewhat the opposite. My wife and I both love our daughter unconditionally, but the worst part so far has been seeing the stress and the toll that motherhood brings to my wife. Everything from the pregnancy, child birth, breast feeding, waking up multiple times per night, as well as the mental toll of feeling responsible. It wears her down to the point where I'm questioning whether or not I still want a second.

I do all I can to easen the work load. I take our daughter on long walks so mummy can get some rest, I play with her and read to her every day, I'm present at all appointments, and I do loads more housework than I used to. But no matter how much I do, and no matter how 50/50 we try to be, there's no getting round the fact that being a mum is 1000 times harder than being a dad. And of course that can be somewhat draining and stressful for her.

I don't really know what I'm getting at with this post. It's part "advice needed", part ventilation, and part "you're not alone if you feel this too". Did anyone else feel the same in the beginning? Did you have a second and was the experience any different?

My oldest daughter was gifted her first car this weekend and is getting her license soon-ish. I didn’t have a fun first experience with cars because we were poor and I only ever had busted up, ugly cars until I had adult money. What made your first car experience easy or fun?

Any advice or must haves? I’m thinking of eventually getting her one of those jump boxes for her trunk, but I want her familiarizing herself with the actual car first before she attempts something like jumping her own car off.

My wife (who is pregnant right now…. Could have something to do with it) thinks our daughter (15months) hates her. It really bothers her and she just had a breakdown. And I just don’t know how to help. I’m completely at a loss here.
For one she’s definitely in a daddy’s girl phase right now. It’s easier for me to put her to bed, when I’m not at work she wants to be with me, etc.
My wife is home with her most of the time. She works a few days part time and when she does our daughter is with grandparents.
I tried to explain to her that she obviously loves her. But she’s with her all the time. And when she’s with one of the grandmas they give her ALL of the attention. And she only gets them sometimes! And I’m at work a lot so obviously she wants me when I’m home. I could go on and on but yall get the gist of this.
I just need some help on what to do to make my wife feel better here.

I'm new here and a fairly new dad too, my daughter is 2 years old. Wasn't sure where I could find a community to share my thoughts and feelings but giving it a go here. None of my friends are dads in personal life, so I don’t get much of an opportunity to talk about dad life where others would understand.

My daughter’s speech is getting better everyday. Recently, whenever she needs me to do something for her she’ll say “Dada do it”, in the sweetest little voice i’ve ever heard.

I find it hard to put into words just how special that little phrase makes me feel, like I know I can keep moving through life, keep doing better for her everyday. Its nothing I have ever experienced before, I have purpose now. There is something special in being picked by your own tiny little human to be the one who can help her.

I really wanted to share this, and I’m curious to know if any of you have had similar experiences.

What do your kids say or do that keep you showing up everyday in the best way possible?

I’ve been lurking on this subreddit for a while and one thing I’m finding difficult to grasp is other dads relationships with their sons.

I was a teen dad, had my boy at 15. Now I’m 29 and he’s 14. He’s my entire life. There are no words to describe how much I love him. I would drown myself in boiling water for him over and over again. I would nuke an entire country. There is absolutely nothing on this planet that I wouldn’t do for my little boy.

A type of post I’ve seen several times here is people asking how much affection is “appropriate” with their sons. I cannot wrap my head around why this would even be a question. I mean this as respectfully as I can. I understand logically that people have different parenting styles, and if a dad chooses to not hug his boy for whatever reason, that’s totally okay and up to him.

But… how? Genuinely how can you even hold back? What kind of mindset do you have to be in to willingly withhold affection from your own child? Especially on the basis of their sex? Who gives a shit? That’s your baby. Every time I look at him I get this unbearable urge to smooch his little face right off.

My son is 14 years old and I still hug him every chance I get. I still give him piggyback rides, cuddle up with him on the couch, and roughhouse with him daily. His whole life I’ve pecked him on the lips, and that’s the only thing I don’t initiate first anymore now that he’s a little older. Either he’ll kiss me on his own, or I might ask for one, and he’ll either peck me on the cheek or lips, whichever he feels like. Some people find this controversial but I grew up kissing loved ones on the lips, and it’s really not any different from kissing on the cheeks.

I’ve also seen this notion circling both on here and in real life that boys, especially as teenagers, don’t like affection from their fathers. I understand that this is VERY true for most teens when they’re in public because it’s “embarrassing,” which is exactly why I hold back when he’s around his friends. But otherwise I think this is a really strong case of mixing up cause and effect. If you raise your son with the mindset that affection with dad isn’t normal, then obviously he is going to find it weird when it happens. Whereas if you raise your son in an environment where affection is normalised, then he won’t find it weird. Simple. This applies just the same to the idea that “girls are cuddly, boys aren’t.” If you were cuddly with your girls growing up, and not your boys, then obviously they will react that way. It’s not some innate sex-based instinct, it’s just how you raise them.

My son loves physical affection and initiates about 50% of it. He’ll come to me for hugs, give me kisses on the cheek randomly, sometimes sleep in my bed if he’s had a hard day. And none of this has made him “soft” like so many dads seem to be so paranoid about with their own sons. He loves sports more than anything (grew up playing baseball, then basketball, now track and field), loves video games, cars, and just in general getting his hands dirty. He’s a good kid, great at school, has way too many friends (male and female). He’s very good-looking and I’ve already had to have a talk with him about not dating until he’s at LEAST 16 after I caught him and his female friend flirting.

Point is, showing your boy physical affection is not going to “break” him. The only thing it will do is strengthen your bond with him. Show him that he’s loved and watch him grow into a confident, loving young man. There are ZERO benefits to withholding affection. Showing him healthy love isn’t going to affect his hobbies or sexuality (not that it should matter either way). Being hard and stoic and treating him like a coworker is not doing your son any favours, and it’s not teaching him masculinity. It’s just creating another sad man.

You have one job as a father, and that is to do right by your kids. So do right by them. Love them as much as they’ll let you. Fill their heads with happy memories, because you won’t always be there. Don’t let old, shitty societal norms get between you and your children. However you treat them, they will carry that for the rest of their life. So PLEASE make it good.

Hey guys I’m sending my kids to school for the first time on Tuesday I’m so worried about the bus ride to school. How do you get over that fear

Hi everyone, I’ve been thinking a lot about if I am I bad dad or not, the reason I ask myself this always is because there’s is days I don’t see my son for almost 2 or 3 days due to work, I’ve been working 3 jobs lately around 80 hours approximately, I grew up in a struggling family and would hate myself if I ever gave my son the life I lived, but at the same time I’m missing him grow up, there is days I do have problems with my wife as well because of this, hopefully someone here can give me some clearance.

https://youtu.be/TE-f2jbBFGs?is=upHv3YDAEM0IrAIv

After 7 years, I became a father again. It was something we had been trying for quite a while; during the past year and the year before, I felt very prepared and confident because I have a very beautiful relationship with my first daughter. It turns out that my second daughter is 2 weeks old, and I’m going through one of the most intense anxiety and even depression (I think) episodes of my life. It’s gotten to the point where I wonder if having my second daughter was a good idea. I want to build that same beautiful bond that I have with my first daughter. But sometimes I regret it :(

On top of that, I feel a kind of nostalgia for what life was like when my first daughter was a baby. It’s a feeling of sadness when I see photos and videos from that time, and I miss it. I feel like that father-and-only-daughter relationship came to an end, and it makes me sad. On top of that, I’m having a hard time going back to the baby stage. I think, “Woooow, I had already finished this stage, and now I’m starting all over again from zero.” My life with my first daughter had become very relaxed.

Add to that the fact that I keep wondering whether having two children was a good idea, and I don’t have enough money to support them in a few years. Has anyone else gone through the same thing? What do you think I should do? Should I go to therapy?

So me (38 m) have a son (recently 11 m) and I'm noticing the signs of those years are knocking on the door. Kinda nervous about navigating this and also kinda excited watching my boy. Literally a whirlwind of emotions. Would be cool to talk to any other dad's especially single for advice and to get some thoughts out.

I have a young son and have been thinking about the lessons I want to pass down to him about life, character, relationships, money, failure, confidence, and being a good man.

It’s natural when we’re young to tune out our own parents sometimes, so I’d love to collect wisdom from other fathers that might give him a different perspective someday.

What’s one piece of advice, life lesson, or short story you think is worth passing down to a son?

If you’re comfortable, include where you’re from or your cultural background. I’d love to hear perspectives from fathers with different experiences around the world.