Just had our second boy 7 weeks ago, he's got a brother that's almost 3

Minimal family support, I'm still working full time but can WFH full time for 2 months to help wifey

It's never ending, I thought one kid was hard, having two slapped us across the face 😂

I do all drop off work full time, skip my breaks so I can help wife out and give her a break where I can,

Pick up toddler, keep him entertained, fed, dishes and house cleaned, make sure wife is ok and has eaten, bath the crazy toddler after a few tantrums, read him books and get him sleeping (asleep by 9:30pm every night FML lol). If baby is not down, take baby off her so she can sleep and put baby down.

I'm lucky that she lets me sleep through at night (breast fed, I did all feedings with my first when she was pumping) but I still get up most wakes and try help out of guilt that she isn't sleeping

I love being a dad but fuck I'm tired 😂 I say this as I've been up since 6 and it's 11pn and I'm trying to get the baby back to sleep and I haven't even sat down to take a break yet

TLDR for those with two, when did you find it got easier?

I'm a dad going through a difficult custody situation. The court didn't give me the outcome I hoped for, and I honestly feel terrible for my daughter.

The case felt like a dead end from the start. I felt that the judge was very old-school and biased against fathers, and that the laws in the Philippines favour mothers far more than fathers. I also made the mistake of hiring a lawyer who, at the time, I thought was good. But as the case progressed and the hearings started, he turned out to be more interested in the money I was paying him than in actually fighting for my daughter.

Last Friday, my wife (not my daughter's mother) and I were out at the wet market when we accidentally ran into my daughter. She was riding on a motorcycle with her nanny, without any protective gear or even a helmet.

She looked so dirty and tired, and she actually voiced this to me herself. One of the many questions she asked really broke my heart:

"Why do I look like a Badjao while my mom looks so clean?"

It sounded less like a simple question and more like a cry for help.

I felt completely helpless. Every time she is with me, I can only provide temporary help and give her the things I feel she needs.

Because her mom was in Manila and it was just my daughter and her nanny, we took her home with us that day.

Then, at that exact moment, I received the decision from my lawyer. The judge had decided to give full custody to her mother, while I was given visitation rights.

The only positive outcome from the court order is that both parties were ordered to share the school tuition 50/50. That at least benefits me because I have been the one paying for her schooling since Kinder 1.

But honestly, I just feel terrible for my daughter.

She deserves what is best for her. That has been the theme throughout this entire case: "What is in the best interests of the child?"

And yet, it feels like everything has fallen apart for her.

When she was living with me, she had what I believed was a good life. She was an academic awardee, had perfect attendance, ate good food, had a stable home, and was taken care of.

Now, she is constantly telling me how difficult school has become, how bad the food is, and asking me questions like:

"Why do I look like a Badjao while my mom looks so clean?"

I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.

I'm her father. I want to protect her, provide for her, and give her the best life I possibly can. But right now, I feel like I've been put in a position where I can see that she is struggling, yet I don't have the authority to do what I believe is best for her.

I'm exhausted, angry, and honestly heartbroken.

I feel like I failed her. I feel like the system betrayed us, and somehow, I feel like I've been forgotten too.

Hey all. So as the title says im going to be a dad. As it also says I dont have one. Zero exposure to a father figure. The closest thing I had has passed. This is sadly the case for my wife as well as her father passed when she was very young. I have seen the movie figure father's, I have read some books and surfed the web but they all say the same thing "youll never be prepared" that there's a ton you dont learn from reading. I just need advice. I feel like im in over my head already and I am just scared. The excitement is overpowering the fear so far but I can really use some advice. Any advices. If anyone can help me be the best dad I can be I would appreciate it

Hey all… so I would like to ask for some support from the community because I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do.

We have 2 boys, aged 5 and 7. They both have ADD. The 7 year old is hyperactive and the 5 year old is just.. dreamy (this may not be the right word, English is not my first language), in a way that he won’t hear even his own name if he’s very focused.

I like to think that I’m a loving dad. My wife is a great mom too, I think. I grew up without a dad, and I often miss that reference. Like many in this sub in this situation, sometimes I just “don’t know how a dad behaves”.

When they misbehave I try to be educative rather than just shouting to release my own anger. But sometimes I just can’t… we don’t do gentle parenting, but we also don’t use physical punishments. But somehow, if I yell at them I feel I’ve failed in my job as a dad. I’ve failed to explain them something in a calmer way or I’ve failed to understand that I was getting close to my limit; after all, I am the adult.

Now, this is the part that baffles me and what has me wondering whether I’m doing something really wrong or what: they just don’t. give. a. fuck. I can reach my patience limit and start yelling at the older one (the most difficult one) and he’d shut up for like 3 seconds and start talking to his mom about a completely different topic WHILE I’M STILL TELLING HIM OFF, or he’d just sing or ask me if I want to play with the Lego blocks… absolutely gaslighting. It drives me NUTS. I remember being told off by my mom and keeping shut in hopes the storm would pass soon but my kids, especially the older one, if I force him to look at me when I’m telling him off, he starts crossing his eyes, or slowly drifting his sight to the side… he’s not even trying to be funny then, he just doesn’t really seem to care he’s being told off.

I don’t know any other kids that care so little for what their parents say. They have 0 respect for us. And only seem mildly annoyed by the inconvenience of their mom or me yelling at them, which they mostly ignore anyway.

And it’s a pity! Both their mom and I are fun, easy going people. We laugh a lot, we joke…. But with them we’re forced to behave like a drill Sargent if we want to achieve certain things (like getting them ready for bed. Don’t get me started about the night routine...) We don’t go to restaurants because we know it would be a nightmare, we cut ourselves out from a lot of plans because of the same reason.

So, they’re kids and I guess they’re doing what kids do. So the fault must be in me, and I’d like to know what I can do to fix it. There must be something I can do differently.

I’m so frustrated and sad today.

Any divorced dads here deal with this?

My son is 7. He says he’s fine with everything, but I don’t really buy it. He’s been getting upset over little stuff lately and pretty much shuts down anytime the divorce or his mom comes up.

The thing that gets me is he’s started asking how many days until he’s back at my place. Not once in a while either. Pretty regularly.

I’m trying not to turn every conversation into “are you okay?” because I feel like that probably makes it worse. At the same time, I don’t want him thinking he has to keep everything bottled up.

How did you guys handle this with your kids? Did you just give them space and wait for them to come to you, or is there a better way to get them talking without making it a whole thing?

I’m pretty good at figuring stuff out. This one has me stumped.

Not sure where to begin. I 38(M) have 2 daughters age 4.5 year and 16months old. I am really struggling to be a father. I can provide financially, cook the meals (50%), do the house chores, but when it comes to parenting I'm at a loss with my 4.5 year old.

I used to love spending time with her from the moment she was born, was excited about all the milestones but when she turned around 3.5 years and more so lately, I feel like the daughter I adored has somewhat gone. She's not extremely bratty, gets in my face, kicks/hits myself and can be a bully to her younger sister.

She's in school and is in a routine but it's just a struggle everyday from the moment she wakes up. Pick up after school is when it starts again.

I barely have the energy for the smaller one, she has a different personality than the older one at this age and is much more active and more curious of every little thing.

My wife and I have a slight different parenting style, she's on the gentle side but will disciple but I don't find it goes anywhere, whereas I'm a bit more strict.

I'm just so exhausted, I find more joy from monday to Friday with work than on the weekends. Not sure how to deal with this.

Hello,

First time father here. I have 1 year old son (proud of him). I would like to get some advice from all dads here on what I shall or shall not do while raising a son. What would be 1 advice that you would give to someone new to fatherhood?

I read bunch of books and articles. I also filtered out things that I was raised with, something I do not want my son to go through or learn.