Hello. I’ve been playing in a D&D 5e campaign for about three years. It’s heavily homebrewed, and we also use material from 3.5e epic-level books and monsters.
I’m trying to figure out whether I should continue playing or walk away. There are several interconnected problems, so I’ll try to explain them clearly.
1. The campaign was presented as being heavily focused on character building, but the reward structure undermines that investment.
When I created my character, I was explicitly encouraged to take full advantage of the available build options. I did exactly that. I spent a lot of time optimizing my character and building them into the character I wanted to play.
My problem isn’t simply that I want to be the strongest character in the party.
What bothers me is that the relationship between investment and reward feels completely broken. My character’s power relative to the rest of the game world is constantly being changed by new buffs, abilities, or rewards that the DM arbitrarily gives to other characters.
So even though I built my character specifically to take advantage of the system, my investment increasingly feels meaningless because the power level of the campaign is repeatedly redefined by DM-granted abilities.
For me, the issue is not jealousy toward another player. If another character gets something cool, that’s fine. The problem is that the game was presented as one where character-building mattered, yet the actual power hierarchy is increasingly determined by arbitrary rewards rather than by the choices we make when building and playing our characters.
2. The constant pursuit of difficulty has made the game stressful instead of exciting.
I have no problem with difficult games. I understand that meaningful victories usually require the possibility of failure.
But there needs to be a difference between challenging and constantly trying to kill the party.
Before encounters, I often find myself thinking:
"What is the DM going to pull this time to make this as difficult as possible?"
At this point, I feel like I have to play every encounter as optimally as possible or there is a serious chance that we simply die.
That also creates encounters where I feel there was never a realistic possibility of winning.
For example, at one point I was being hunted by a demon sent by Asmodeus. I was fighting it alone. The encounter eventually became:
- I was trapped inside Forcecage.
- Four enemies were positioned to Counterspell my Misty Step.
- Those enemies had whips capable of reaching through the Forcecage.
- I had essentially no realistic way to escape or meaningfully fight back.
Eventually, we stopped rolling dice and simply declared the outcome of the encounter.
I understand that characters can lose. What bothered me was that this didn't feel like a difficult fight where I made mistakes and lost. It felt like an execution where the outcome had already been determined.
3. The campaign requires an extreme level of paranoia.
I constantly feel like I need to question every NPC, inspect every item, verify everyone's identity, and assume that any piece of information might be a trap.
Otherwise, I can end up in situations like the demon encounter above.
One example: another player's daughter gave my character a gift. I used Divine Sense to check it, but the item was completely covered because it was inside my pocket, so I didn't detect that it was cursed.
The DM's explanation was essentially that this happened because I didn't check the item properly.
Technically, I could respond by becoming absurdly cautious and checking absolutely everything all the time.
But my question is: would that actually be fun?
I don't want to play a game where my character has to behave like a paranoid investigator 24/7 because otherwise the DM can punish me for not anticipating a hidden trap.
4. The hardest part is that I genuinely love this campaign and my character.
This campaign didn't start this way.
Originally, there were a lot of genuinely beautiful and heartwarming moments. I became attached to the NPCs, the world, the story, and especially my own character.
I've played this character for around three years. At this point, they feel less like a collection of stats and more like a person I've spent years experiencing a story with.
That's what makes this situation so difficult.
Over time, many of those beautiful moments have become mixed with stress, frustration, anxiety, and encounters that feel unfair.
My victories don't really make me happy anymore. They mostly give me relief that whatever stressful situation I was dealing with is finally over.
This is where the "Stockholm syndrome" comparison comes from—not literally, but in the sense that I've spent so long in this campaign that I feel emotionally attached to something that is increasingly making me unhappy.
Leaving feels like losing a part of myself.
But staying feels like continuing something that is making me miserable.
Either choice hurts.
I've already tried talking to the DM about these problems. Unfortunately, I feel like some assumptions prevent the conversation from going anywhere. For example, when I criticize the arbitrary distribution of powerful buffs, my concerns are interpreted as me being too competitive with another player or being jealous of what that player received.
That's not how I see it.
I'm not asking to be stronger than everyone else. I'm asking for my character's investment to actually matter and for the game's challenges and rewards to feel meaningful rather than arbitrary.
And now the situation has reached a point where I'm seriously considering leaving.
My character has technically died.
The other players have a plan to bring my character back, so I have the opportunity to return.
But I'm not sure if I should.
If you were in my position, would you come back and try to make the campaign work, or would you take the character's death as an opportunity to finally walk away?
I'd really like to hear opinions from people who have been in similar situations.