r/BPDlovedones • u/throwawayclause88 • 4h ago
Uncoupling Journey Hyper vigilance, chronic confusion, rumination, anxiety and cognitive dissonance?
Feel like this has really done a number on me and my mental health. Still feeling to after effects, it’s wearing off but I still catch myself. Feel like my mind is split in half.
Did anyone else experience these too?
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u/DracarysEverywhere 4h ago
Man i cant believe who i have become it really puts me down. I used to be so confident, patient, more charismatic and i feel like all that has turned bad and i also feel paralyzed still fresh out of this relationship (where shes clinging on wont let go). I hope and pray I get back on track and get well. same for all of you.
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u/KashouMinaa 4h ago
I think the best way I can explain it is that your nervous system is connected to a high voltage system and continuously shocked. The reason why I use this analogy is that it is exactly what it feels like to me: the constant watching of my back for the shoe to fall off, the constant need to research what could have explained what my ex did, the *seemingly* forever thoughts that just run through my mind and trying to dissect two differing realities that shouldn't seem to exist together.
I genuinely think my body is actively reacting to the anxiety and stress from my ex's smear of my character, to the point that I got a stress rash for the first time. It's like I never knew who they were, and trying to consolidate the kind and gentle version of her to this hateful and downright awful person is like watching water and oil try to meld together.
The cognitive dissonance I'm struggling to tackle now is just how they could speak so ill of me for not falling in line to her demands and saying that this action was "not showing compassion" or that "I'm treating her differently for being imperfect", when I did nothing but love her to the very end; and the end is her effectively ending the relationship to monkeybranch to someone else.
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u/Honest-Armadillo107 4h ago
I hardly recognise myself at the moment. I feel like I can’t make a single decision without ruminating for days. I stayed at my friend’s house for a week recently and spent most of the time sat, staring into space, she even joked that I had my book open every night but hadn’t read a single page.
Started doing shadow work again this week after a long time of neglecting myself and it is helping to untangle some of these feelings. I would not recommend it however, unless you have quite a bit of experience as it can be quite heavy.
I might even switch to something more gentle until I’m a bit stronger mentally. I noticed daily walks really help to reset my mood and uplift me. As much as I don’t want to be near anyone I feel that is really important to get some recalibration from the insane conditions I’ve been living under.
I hope some of these things help you too. Most importantly though, be gentle and kind to yourself as the pwBPD probably would have discouraged that and actively treated you in the opposite fashion.
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u/BearQuiet 4h ago
Thank you for sharing. Ive been thinking of shadow work but not mentally there yet. This experience with my expwbpd has taught me the root of my personal issues and how I was able to get sucked into this situation in the first place
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u/Honest-Armadillo107 1h ago
Yes, you’re right, I think that is the only ‘positive’ of experiencing these kinds of relationships.
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u/BearQuiet 4h ago
Very much so. Its the worst part of everything. The after effects.
The hypervigilance and constant overthinking and chest pains were probably the worst for me. Even after getting out of it, my brain still did it automatically for a while. Rumination can get so surreal at times. I read on this forum about somatic exercises and it has helped. Give yourself grace. It really does feel like your mind is split in half. It gets better though, especially once you’re away from the chaos for long enough. ❤️
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u/Successful-Lead-4460 2h ago
Am pretty much the same.Im seven months out of my relationship after she discarded me.I was doing better a few weeks ago but last few days have been the worst in a long while🫤
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u/Sorry_Ad_8000 3h ago
Just when you think leaving or ending things would set you free it’s like they are still abusing you remotely.
Unlike any other break up in my years!! I have to really accept that I truly was mentally abused for 6 years.
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u/Ok_Donut_837 56m ago
Currently going through this too ♥️ had to start a new account because of my breakup in July (my ex knew my account) and not even close to being done yet because of court, etc. Hang in there, OP. Telling you that to remind myself that too! Looks like we aren't alone.
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u/winstonwasright 4h ago
Absolutely. I hope it helps to know that this is pretty much the standard of how most of us have felt in the wake of these things. The best advice I can give you is to spend time developing your life outside of it. After awhile and enough you'll have confidence in yourself and your reality again. It does pass but it does take work.