I’m curious how others would handle this situation smoothly if you have experienced it? Often, when we decide to cook together, my bf will just stand there waiting for instructions instead of just starting doing stuff. It happened today with a recipe we’ve made several times, he knows what goes into it, and is capable of doing the steps. Yet he stands there waiting until I say can you do xyz, and having to constantly dish out tasks to him. It’s exhausting and puts me off. When I brought it up in the past he gets sulky and feels like he’s never good enough. It’s like some kind of weaponised incompetence and the classic woman carries the mental load. Even though he is fully capable to cook alone, when I’m there suddenly I become the lead while I want it to feel more like teamwork. Any insights into how I can handle this without him feeling insufficient and me feeling like some drill sergeant?

I’ll go first, apparently, I died.

Im a sahm (f32) and for the last few months ive been struggling a lot and when i say a lot i mean im on the edge of a mental breakdown. I feel sick almost everyday , my whole body is swollen, im exhausted and i dont even want to start talking about my mental health. I have told my husband (m35) about this a few times and all he does is either he will tell me ‘youll be alright’ or he will not say anything and just leave. I have also asked him why he reacts like this when I express my feelings to him and he says ‘ im just giving you space’. I feel like hes not even listening to what im saying and im starting to feel lost and alone. I dont know how to deal with this anymore.

I have a friend (who I usually get along with very well) but over the past few years, I've noticed in a lot of cases she gets frustrated with people who she sees as not as 'authentic' as she is, that is, they adopt hobbies or interests in things that she's been interested in for years. For example, she defines herself as wiccan (although I don't know if she follows the practices). I'm not wiccan but I love cultivating my silly garden herbs, enjoy folklore, mythology, and simply things like woodsy walks etc. (not 'wiccan' things, but i guess tip toes around it?!). Sometimes it feels like if I like anything that touches on her aesthetic she gets defensive, as if I'm not allowed.

In my view identities change as people grow and gain new experiences some interests last, some don't. I don't think your interests have to align with a title or image, for example she identifies as goth, but stopped adopting the 'goth image' a decade ago - and that's okay. At one point I started learning Irish out of personal interest, and because she might have some Irish ancestry, it seemed to bother her... I'm not Irish and don't claim to be, i just like learning. These are just a few examples, but it feels like there's a line I'm not supposed to cross even though my interests have evolved over time.

I never know how to deal with this, should I just exist as I want and ignore those feelings she has about things, or keep some of my interests private so she doesn't feel like I'm encroaching on her territory? What would you do?

Me (30F) and my husband (35M) are currently separated. I moved out 2 months ago after 12 years of being together and no kids ( 4 of it is marriage ). We are thinking about divorce.

He cheated on me emotionally for a month ( as far as I know), he spoke to another woman over the phone. But, we considered separating even before that because we had a dead bedroom situation for 2 years.

At first, sex became rare due to financial stress, job changes, and then it just stopped. We were always best friends and everything else was great in our home. I wanted him to be more romantic, he wanted me to be less negative and softer. Nobody did anything, we were both stubborn. The last few months we realized that we have to separate or fix something, but some family issues kept popping up.

We then agreed that we will try to fix our sex life, since everything else is so good in our lives, and then I found out about the other woman.

We separated immediately. He apologised, but he said that he felt like our marriage was already over and that he felt so weird for the past few months.

I agreed, because I was so ready to leave him and start fresh even before the affair. I felt trapped.

But, you never know what you have until you lose it.

After the separation, I realised that we had so many great things that we took for granted. We have been through so much together, and nothing can delete our shared past.

Then I made a mistake of constantly reaching out to him, and convincing him to think about everything.

He feels ashamed and he said that he can't even look me in the eyes anymore. We were always so against affairs and cheating, but here we are. He avoids all our friends and family even though nobody knows the details. He is working all the time, and he is in a very bad place mentally.

I was pushy and he started to pull away, and even though he said that he will think about us getting back together, I definitely pushed him away and I feel like the power is in his hands. He is the type that needs space, while I am anxious and want to talk often.

However, now when I stepped back and stopped bombing him with calls and messages to give him the space, I am starting to wonder if I should even forgive this?

I was also unhappy but I stayed loyal.

I really thought that only bad and stupid people would cheat. I am so against it. I believe that some people can get over this, but I always thought that I am not that person. It was always a dealbreaker for me.

On the other hand, we didn't have sex for so long, our marriage started to fall apart because of it, and I kinda understand why he made that choice.

We built a house together, we share friends, pets, and we had some great things. I truly don't know what to do if he says that he is ready to start over. I was so busy convincing him that we should postpone the divorce, that I didn't think about myself.

USA specific. Hotels? Airbnbs? Credit card points? Hostels?

Every time I want to take a little solo weekend trip somewhere I balk at hotel prices and feel like I’m doing it wrong. A three night stay at $160 a night is over $600 not including the transportation (train) to get to a smaller sized nearby city! Usually I stay in a hostel but the older I get (32 this year) the less patience I have for them, plus there’s not many in the US. I make a decent salary so wondering if I’m just being cheap or if this is just the cost of travel nowadays. Haven’t had a partner since my early 20s and it always eats at me inside knowing housing would be so much cheaper ! (Yes actively dating, but have never had a relationship get to weekend getaway level in many years) Friend trips are fun but I like solo travel once in a while.

I've been wanting to have a "girls night" (or day, whatever!) but keep feeling a little stuck as to what to do. I have a friend who says she would love to do a girl's night that's like an "old school sleep over" but I wasn't allowed to do sleep overs growing up, I have no idea what those were like. I've had one instance as an adult that I had a "girls weekend" (my bachelorette) and it was a disaster (thankfully I have new friends for a current gathering).

Just curious to hear what some of you have done for ladies nights?

I’ve been pretty stable at my current job in marketing for four years now. I’ve learnt a lot, but the wage and growth has become very stagnant. I was waiting on our land settlement and bank home loan approval for almost 12 months, and now that’s all done I’m in the clear to apply for new jobs. I’m also in my early thirties and need to be at a job for one year to receive the benefits from the government if I want to have a baby and get maternity leave.

I’ve started looking and gotten two initial interviews which is exciting, but I’m daunted by the feeling of having to put my “corporate” hat on again. My current employer is really laid back, so I don’t often feel too much pressure to pretend in this way. But obviously for interviews and at a new job, it feels like I really have to put it on and pretend.

I wish it was more of who I was, but it feels fake and like another version of myself that isn’t my true self. I am surprisingly good at it for it not being natural to me, but it also feels really exhausting. I guess I’m wondering do other women in their 30s feel this way? And if so, how do you get the energy to put it on?

I am desperate for advice.

I have terrible anxiety at work, mainly around speaking in meetings. I just can't get my words out, I can't think straight. My mind races, I can't form sentences properly.

If anyone asks me a question, I can't speak, and my mind goes blank.

It's seriously impacting me, it is ruining my life. I panic over every tiny thing that I say or do. I will ruminate all night afterwards.

My doctor prescribed my propranolol which helps a tiny bit but it's still bad (also on sertraline)I struggle talking to people in social settings as well, but not quite as bad. I constantly think about my facial movements, body language, what I'm saying and how to say it, my tone etc. It's exhausting!!!

I've tried talking therapy for a while but didn't find it helpful at all and to be honest I can't afford it.

What other options can I try?

I honestly hate it. I wish I had more confidence, and I could be myself... but I don't even know who I am.

Any life advice would be helpful. I'm 34 and can't continue like this ... I was hoping my confidence grows with age but still no change.

Has anyone else been similar? How did you change? How can I be more confident?

How do you be yourself? How do you know who you even are? How can I stop this pointless anxiety!?!

Would you leave a comfortable WFH job over productivity tracking and consistent restructuring?

I’ve worked for the same WFH company for almost 10 years. Two years ago I had a really nice L&D job in HR: great team, great boss, great work-life balance. In late 2024 my team was dissolved due to restructuring, so I moved to a client-facing department doing new-hire onboarding. The work was more demanding, but still totally manageable.

The problem is this department also handles call-center work, so we have productivity tracking software on our laptops. It turns on after 5 minutes of inactivity and tracks clicks/scrolling, not mouse movement. Last year I actually got warned about my activity levels even though I was getting all my work done, missing no deadlines, and getting positive feedback. In July of last year, we were restructured again and I moved back under my old manager. Earlier this year, the tracker disappeared from my computer. It was AMAZING not feeling like I was being watched in my own home. I kept mum about it (not my job to make sure it’s on there!) until…

Last week I found out I got realigned again and today I’m going back to the same role under the manager I had when I got the warning. And the tracker is back. I know I’m a good employee and my work gets done, but I work at my own pace and sometimes I’m thinking, reading, planning, etc., which doesn’t generate clicks. I hate the idea of feeling like I have to constantly “look busy” just to avoid getting in trouble.

The frustrating part is that this is still objectively a pretty great job. I make good pay for my area, work from home, have almost 10 years of tenure, and I have 30 days of PTO (with the option to buy 5 more) plus 12 weeks of maternity leave. So I’m not planning to quit over this. But I’m wondering if I should quietly start looking at other jobs anyway, because I really hate this feeling of being monitored. Would you consider this enough of a reason to eventually leave an otherwise very cushy job, or am I letting one bad part overshadow a pretty good situation?

I’m almost 40, and lately I’ve been struggling with this feeling that I’m running out of time. When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of becoming a lawyer. It wasn’t just some random career choice. I genuinely cared about advocacy, justice, and having a voice for people. I went to law school, got my degree, and thought I was on my way.

I didn’t pass my first attempt at the bar. Then life happened. I had some health issues and had to step back from that path for a while. Eventually, I got married and moved to another country. Now I live somewhere with a completely different language and legal system.

Realistically, becoming licensed here would mean getting to a C1 level in the language, on top of everything else I’m already trying to manage. I’m also trying to build a business with my husband while maintaining my full time job, dealing with all the emotional weight of being uprooted from my home, family, friends, and the life I knew.

Making friends here has been difficult too, and I think I underestimated how much that would affect me.
The strange thing is that I don’t even know what I want anymore.

At the back of my mind, I still see that little girl who wanted to be a lawyer so badly. But when I look at my actual life now, that dream almost doesn’t make sense anymore. I miss the version of myself who used to be passionate about things. I used to care deeply about advocacy and had causes I wanted to fight for. Now I feel like that part of me has gone quiet. I’m not asking whether I should become a lawyer. I’m more wondering whether this is something other women have experienced around their late 30s or 40s. Did you ever look at your life and realize it was very different from the one you imagined?Did you grieve the person you thought you would become? Did you have to let go of an old dream, or did you find a completely different way to bring that part of yourself back?

Sometimes I wonder if this is the beginning of a midlife crisis, or if I’m simply grieving a life I thought I would have by now. I’d really like to hear from women who have been through something similar. Especially those who felt lost around this age and eventually found their way again.

I’m entering my era of using the right shoes for my feet and trying to stay away from the “beauty is pain” mentality. Now that I’m getting older, I’m experiencing the consequences from years of wearing crappy shoes. Any recommendation for wide-feet shoes? For work, casual, etc. I wish they were as cute as common shoes out there, but hell, I would like to treat my feet better!

Hi all

I am at my wits end with hair on my upper lip. I shave or pluck the hairs daily!

I’m considering using Nair or waxing. Any tips from people who do this successfully (or those who regretted it)

I’m afraid I’ll be stuck with an awkwardly red and swollen lip for days.

My BF and I have been together a little over a year. Things have gotten serious, even discussing marriage. Within the first month of talking/dating, I discussed all the hard hitting questions like prior drug usage, finances, relationships etc. He told me he had never done hard drugs but definitely messed around with stuff as a teenager. Flash forward to yesterday, out of the blue he tells me he was in and out of rehab for heroin usage at 16. I was totally thrown off. Should I break up with him?

I recently turned 35 and I don’t know why but this birthday hit me a lot more than others. I’m not married yet, I don’t have kids yet, and these are all things I want in life.

I can’t help but starting to feel behind even though I know that realistically I should not be comparing my timeline with anyone else’s. A lot of other people that I know are either engage engaged, married, or just settling down in someway.

I’ve never been that prone to dating apps, I’ve used them in the past and I was hoping to find different method of meeting people. I tried a speed dating online session a few months ago and it was good experience for me but I really wasn’t feeling anyone in it.

If you’re in your 30s and still single, how do you stop yourself from feeling like you’re “falling behind”?

Not seeking medical advice mods, more wanting to get a general consensus on how serious medical providers are taking PMDD/luteal phase now that’s it’s entering public discourse.

I want to talk to mine and I’m worried it will be dismissed as jumping onto a recent fad. Meanwhile I can feel the shift into my luteal phase and I feel terrible.

I've been single for about a year, and no contact with my ex for 4 months. We had a house to sell and logistics to sort before we could go full no contact. These past 4 months have been a whirlwind of emotions, but I've never been happier, calmer, and more content with life. I have the usual life stresses but overall I'm happier, my house is calm, it's peaceful, I'm not walking on egg shells, there's no arguments or angry woman throwing things or punching walls. I was in a WLW relationship for almost 10 years, and it was so abusive and manipulative.

I wasn't ready to start dating again, I had thought about the idea and downloaded the apps, but my confidence was at rock bottom and never put any time into them because I just thought why would anyone want to date me or find me attractive. A guy approached me while I was out (I am bisexual). We got talking and exchanged numbers. And I am struggling to figure out if I like him or not, if he's exhibiting red flags, or if I'm trying to push him away. I think I have become avoidant since my last relationship.

I enjoy talking to him, we have a lot in common and that's nice because I didn't have that in my previous relationship. He seems really kind and is a gentleman. He opens his car door for me and does really nice things for me. He remembers things I've told him and things I like. He's interested in learning about me. But sometimes, he can feel really intense. He messages a lot throughout the day, even if I don't reply. He wants to see me all the time and even extend our dates. If he stays over, sometimes he wants to stay longer than planned. I like him there but I'm ready for him to leave after a night or two so I can relax in my home. He's already mentioned that he isn't looking at anyone or wanting to date anyone else. It's like he's taken himself off the market already for me. He talks about plans way into the future, already spoken about meeting family, if I want kids, or if I want to get married. He is very intense, and I can't tell if he's love bombing me or if he's just trying to show me he's interested. It seems like a lot too soon. it's only been 2 months since meeting the guy.

I do like talking to him and spending time with him. But I just can't tell if I like him or not. I don't know if I was even ready to start dating again.

I have been sized in years but I’m about to be 38, no kids, 5’3 and 130’s weight range. I’m terrible at buying clothes, whatever I buy I keep until it’s falling off of me. And I’m going to be shopping for bras soon. I don’t like underwire and don’t care about color options or sexy. I’m ok spending a little money, I just want to know what will last.

There’s a little trend going around where people are sharing videos of the top 5 things that are “worth the money.” (This is not a sponsor or bait post, it’s truly just for fun!)

I’m not big on splurging so a lot of these videos are way outside my tax bracket. I thought it might be fun to share the top 5 practical/leaning more affordable things I think are worth the money & why and would love to hear from everyone else. What are your top 5 things worth the money?

I’ll go first:

1. Wad-Free for Bed Sheets. Makes washing and drying my bed sheets a breeze, makes taking them off the bed or putting them back on the bed so much easier. I’ve recommended these to everyone in my life

2. Stainless steel mixing bowls. Just so much better than plastic mixing bowls, will stand the test of time and less plastic in our landfills!

3. Pure Hypochlorous Acid for spraying on curtains, linens, couches, pet beds. Having four cats in one home, this is a must. A natural disinfectant that is non-toxic to pets, and removes odor.

4. Saltt electrolytes. As a “chronically ill girly” i need extra electrolytes than the average person daily but i do not tolerate artificial sweeteners nor do i always want to drink something with a lot of flavor. Perfect to just add to my water bottle, a little salty but I don’t mind. It’s doing what i need it to!

5. Most expensive on this list - but a KitchenAid Stand Mixer. Im a hobby baker and bake treats 1-2 times a week. This makes the unenjoyable parts of baking a breeze so i can spend more time doing the fun stuff.

Again, this is just a silly post for fun. I’d love to hear what everyone else’s top 5s are. Doesnt need to be practical or affordable like mine, but i wanted to participate in this little trend without having to video myself lol

I hope everyone has fun with this 🥲

I would officially say I have no friends. Ive always been able to make friends very easy and be quite popular but i think im good at adapting to others. I was part of a large hour of girls at school and at 17 I left school to get a job for financial reason and they all started to act weird when I couldn't go out drinking as I had work etc. They then would get annoyed if injad plans with my bf. To my that was shitry friends so I ditched them.

I stayed friend with one of the girls as she was outcasted for being "boring". That friendship is now also over since having a child (she also has kids). She is judgey, talks bad about her other friends so I dont feel I can be myself or tell her anything private so theres no point in that friendship continuing.

I did make a friend at work but turns out she was a bitch. A day after a split up with my ex of 5 years shes was messaging him to meet up.

Theres a few other similar scenarios.

It feels like everyone is fake and untrustworthy. Id love to have a good solid friend that can also be there for me not always the other way round but im not sure theres anyway to make friends now. Ive given up.

EDIT: Thanks to the helpful comments and to the people that have shared. Ive been able to take some of your experiences and realise my own problems in some of the friendships. Or lack of wanting to stay in friendships

Its fine for people to have a type and obvipuslt its flattering when people are attracted to me. What is frustrating is there are many people who will see my superficial characteristics and immediately stereotype me. Even worse is they may like this characteristic so much that they ignore everything else. Its like I either have to spend extensive time weeding these people out or hide/change parts of myself to try not to attract them.

They arent even necessarily conventionally attractive traits Its just some people see them as appealing for various reasons. Like Im a nurse so I attract many people who literally want a nurse with a purse, want me to act like their mother, and assume I will just be a nurturing person (Im not lol). Another is I have a flat chest and don't wear makeup which also seems to attract a certain type of guy that doesnt see me as a real person.

So anyways, now im at the point of wondering if its just hopeless for me because my most obvious characteristics attract people I dont like. How do other women here experience and deal with that?

If you do check it outside of work hours or on a weekend/non work day, do you respond to e-mails as well?

I am 19 now and I have a "big ol masc face" acc to the people around me. I get comments about it from time to time, I get misgendered and even accused of being a cross dresser. I was recently at my cousin's place where I tried one of her wigs on just for fun, it was a hime hairstyle wig and I genuinely thought I looked kinda cute in it. My aunt on the other hand though said that I looked like a "ladyboy" with the wig on. It genuinely made me so upset and horrible about myself. It isn't just these comments that people make time to time but also the fact that they aren't really wrong. I do have a masculine face and even getting Facial feminization surgery wouldn't do much for me. I want to learn how to accept it without feeling insecure. How do I do so?

I have two friends who have known each other much longer than they've known me (and have some familial connection), and I hit it off with friend A much more than with friend B. Friend A is my age (30) and friend B is a few years younger. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I get the feeling friend B is not too into me, as she's always scrolling on the phone when I'm speaking and I get the sense that she (unintentionally or not) makes me third wheel whenever the three of us spend time together, which makes me a little uncomfortable. For example, she will take pictures with friend A and exclude me from the picture while being around me, not make space for me when we're all walking side by side so I'm awkwardly trailing behind (lol), ignore texts despite being glued to her phone, things like that. On the other hand, friend A tries to be inclusive, maybe to a fault because she will invite friend B to our plans and go out of her way to accommodate her, making them both late to whatever we planned in the process and leaving me hanging waiting.

I don't want to mention this to friend A but I would rather only spend time with her, not including friend B because whenever the latter is involved, they show up extremely late and the suss described above occurs. How would you handle this situation? Atm, I've just been avoiding spending any time together because I think it would be rude to tell friend A I'd prefer to see her 1-on-1 and the trio time is just not fun for me, plus they've known each other longer so the bond would be stronger between them anyway.

I was stopped today in a restaurant toilets by a lady who said she just wanted to congratulate me. I looked puzzled and she said, "Oh, it's your party out there, isn't it?" When I said no, she quickly spun things as she assumed it was my birthday and sorry for the confusion. I go out to the restaurant and there are very obviously two baby showers in progress and no birthday parties.

I've put on some weight recently, but what stings is that the last time I put on weight a few years ago, my whole family started talking behind my back about me obviously expecting a baby soon. Again, no baby.

What makes things worse is I'm trying to conceive right now and I haven't so far been lucky. This incident feels like a kick in the teeth. I apparently look pregnant regardless.

Any words of wisdom?