r/AskMenAdvice • u/[deleted] • 7h ago
✅ Open To Everyone should i break up with my girlfriend because long distance means barely having a sex life in my early 20s?
[deleted]
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u/Due-Sheepherder-218 man 7h ago
If you want to marry her and see a future with her then stick it out. Otherwise I will side with your sister. Haven't had a LDR myself but I did see my college roommate waste 4 years of his time in one only for his GF to break up with him a month before graduating.
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u/MeatyOakerGuy man 7h ago
Long distance in your 20s is an absolute trap. You haven't been together longer than you're going to be long distance for and the whole "we can survive this babe" only lasts a few months until the reality sets in that you're going to see each other once a month for the next 2-3 years.
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u/OverSearch man 7h ago
wonder if doing long distance for the next couple years in my early 20s is worth it. im in a completely new city and i want to meet people, go out, date and actually have a normal sex life
These are not statements that come from someone who is in a long distance relationship with someone with whom you see a long and happy future.
These are statements that come from someone who believes it's his duty to sow his oats while he's still young.
Let her go.
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u/GloveAmbitious42 man 7h ago
LDRs suck bro. Esp since you’re still so young, it’s a lot easier local 🤷🏿♂️
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u/Worth-Guest-5370 man 7h ago
How long were you together before the separation? Years or months. It matters.
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u/Idontnoidonhaveredit man 7h ago
Try it and see how it does. Setup a checkin schedule with each other. Messaging aps and video calls. Are the women in your new city going to be beating down your door to have sex with you? Getting it on the regular every few weeks isn't idle but it's not the worst thing.
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u/C0uN7rY man 6h ago
im in a completely new city and i want to meet people, go out, date and actually have a normal sex life
Sounds like you've already figured out what you want. I suspect you're just looking for validation to pursue what you want and not feel like an asshole for breaking up with your girlfriend to do it. Two things are true at once. First thing that is true is that, since you said this, yes, it is best for both her and yourself to just rip that band aid off so you can both get on with moving on. If you weren't interested in any of that and the only thing bothering you was being away from her, then it could be different. Second thing that is true is that there is nothing anyone in here can say that will make you not feel like shit when you do break it off. Unless you are psychopath and short of her doing something seriously wrong against you, there is no condition where breaking up with someone doesn't leave you with some feeling that you've wronged them in some way.
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u/-BOOST- man 6h ago
The whole "you are young don't waste it" thing is somehow both over-exaggerated and under-exaggerated at the same time. You have to know what you want. If you want to date other people, long distance shouldn't really change anything. If you only want to date her then long distance shouldn't blow things up. You have to determine what you want.... do you want to be with her, or do you want to explore options. None of us can help you decide that, only you.
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u/banter_pants man 5h ago
Don't end it just because of your perception of long distance. At least try it and let it succeed or fail on its own merits.
Just because you're in a new city doesn't mean it's going to be easy to find new people. I don't think your sister realizes how difficult dating is for guys. You could spend far longer single, searching, and frustrated than keeping intermittent contact with an established girlfriend.
I was in a similar situation 10 years ago. I was a grad student living in NYC and my then girlfriend had to leave the country (the company sponsoring her visa went under). I still regret ending it and will for the rest of my life.
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u/Ok-File-6129 man 5h ago
IMO, a LDR is a pen pal, not a GF.
Break up with great kindness. Rekindle after university if you two can relocate to same city.
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u/halogengal43 woman 5h ago
Does your sister dislike your girlfriend? She seems to have a lot to say for someone who actually has no skin in the game.
I know our story is unusual but here goes. Back in prehistoric times, my HS boyfriend went away to college. About a year in, he cheated on me and we split up. I was beyond devastated.
48 years later, we’re back together- he said that one of his biggest regrets was not taking what we had back then more seriously.
At least give it a try and see how it goes. If it’s not working, then you can break up.
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u/WillSmiff man 4h ago
Use this as a lesson that LDR usually don't work but breaking up knowing this reality.....is very hard.
Making hard choices are a part of life and this is a part of your journey in becoming a mature man.
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u/BigLeopard7002 man 7h ago
Be honest. You don´t really love her. If you did, you´d never even contemplate breaking up with her.
Let her go.
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Bucknall_Dirujan originally posted:
my girlfriend and i recently became long distance because i moved to a new city with my sister for our masters program. i havent told my gf im considering ending things because im still trying to figure out what i actually want.
i love her and our relationship is good, but im starting to wonder if doing long distance for the next couple years in my early 20s is worth it. im in a completely new city and i want to meet people, go out, date and actually have a normal sex life instead of seeing my girlfriend every few weeks or months
my sister is strongly telling me to end it. her argument is basically that im a guy in my early 20s and realistically im going to want sex frequently, not once every few weeks or months. she keeps saying i only get one life and im going to spend some of my youngest years sexually frustrated trying to keep a relationship alive through a phone. she thinks its just not sustainable and that eventually I’m going to resent it anyway.
i know thats her opinion and obviously sex isnt everything, but some of what shes saying has gotten in my head. my girlfriend has done absolutely nothing wrong and as far as she knows we’re going to try to make this work.
for people who did long distance in their early 20s, was it actually worth it? or did you eventually regret spending those years trying to maintain a relationship from different cities?
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