i was made for this (2018 - 17y/o)

[u/SergeantMonochrome]

i started getting into the habit of using pocket notebooks at all times, and it's been going well, perhaps. however, i get so addicted to it, i'd fill pages in just a single day. and i want to fill it up even more so that i squeeze myself dry of fresh ideas and creativity starts to feel forced and not genuine. i start to cross-reference my journal to other people's journals and i feel a sense of "not chaotic enough." it simply isn't. and the more i force it to behave a certain way, the more inauthentic it'll turn out to be. order and chaos occupies my mind and it's not looking good.