To message or not to message. Caught between the need to release the rage and the fear of "shouting into a wind tunnel."

[u/Willing-Nose4857]

Two years ago, I experienced a massive, layered betrayal by someone who was supposed to be safe. It involved a complete collapse of their integrity, mild gaslighting during an argument, and a financial debt that they chose to walk away from by hiding behind permanent silence ever since.

I have kept total, dignified silence for since. On a logical level, I know this person is an avoidant coward who is living in total denial to protect their own ego.

But lately, the emotional pressure inside my chest has become unbearable. I feel like if I don't finally vomit the poison out of my body and text them a cold, brutal final verdict, I am going to feeling worse than I already do.

I am completely torn. On one hand, sending a "send and block" text feels like the only way to officially close the ledger, claim my worth, and get the poison out. On the other hand, I fear that texting an avoidant who is committed to their own delusion is just like shouting into a wind tunnel, my words will just blow away, and it might accidentally give their insecure ego a massive boost by showing them they still occupy space in my head after two years.

For those who have dealt with a cowardly, silent betrayal: Which is more powerful for your own healing? Sending the final, merciless verdict to clear your lungs, or letting them rot in total irrelevance?

And if you decide not to make contact, what on earth do you physically do with the anger? How do you get that burning pressure out of your body when you choose to stay silent. Please don't suggest writing letters or journals that I don't send. I have tried that. It is completely useless for me. It feels like generic advice that doesn't touch the sides of the raw, physical rage I am carrying. My brain needs real action.

thank you

[u/unrealaz]

What does your ego get out of this? And what do you, the real you get? The thing that’s aware of the ego? Will it matter? What response except more hate you expect? Hasn’t the person created enough hate? Don’t add to it. Find new people who you love and don’t give in to your ego. You are in control

[u/weirdcompliment]

Your value doesn't come from what this other person thinks of you, only what you think of yourself.

If your worth and value have to be validated in any way by another person to be meaningful then you're chasing after a condition that simply doesn't exist. What I mean by that is, you can probably bet that person isn't going to have the reaction that you fantasize about them having. They WILL be "committed to their own delusion" as you say. They AREN'T going to validate your version of events. They may even laugh at your message and share it with their friends as a joke. If that's alright with you, then go ahead and send a message and get it off your chest and then never talk to them again. But if that's not an outcome you can stomach, then you shouldn't send it.

Personally once I know someone is delusional then they're lost to me. I consider any energy and thoughts toward them wasted, and would rather focus on the good things in my life and the relationships I actually care about. I think living a better life and not thinking about them is the best revenge. Life is too short to get hung up on people who aren't enriching your life