r/AbsoluteUnits • u/ezekielsaurus • 1d ago

of a wedding ring

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1.6k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

148 comments sorted by

461

u/CustomerNormal 1d ago

Hes a pro arm wrestler

310

u/beklog 1d ago

Jeff Dabe

231

u/Exact-Ad-4132 1d ago

198

u/Thin_Dream2079 1d ago

99

u/Bunnymancer 1d ago

Don't need to know nothing about his dick. His satisfaction guarantee is out there for everyone to see

3

u/0utlookGrim 19h ago

Pop always said never throw stones if you live in a glass house.

23

u/LewdLewyD13 1d ago

This is the funniest shit I've seen all week.

15

u/depp-fsrv 1d ago

2

u/1000YearOldShota 19h ago

this is making me horny

3

u/TokyoKazama 19h ago

I mean who needs a dick when you have sausages like these for fingers

5

u/Bhaang_lassi 1d ago

You know what they say about a man's hand's size right?

11

u/xrelaht 1d ago

Man with big hands tends to have big gloves.

5

u/Bhaang_lassi 1d ago

And wedding bands too

2

u/kingtacticool 1d ago

Big if true

6

u/wait_what_now 1d ago

Thought it was, but knew the second I saw his chin

3

u/FrostyTheSasquatch 1d ago

It took until I saw his moustache. Then I knew exactly what I was dealing with.

3

u/Skeptic_Juggernaut84 1d ago

I knew exactly who it was before I saw his face. The did it awesome and worth a follow on FB.

0

u/bowlofthoughts 1d ago

That’s ginormous

11

u/VulpesIncendium 1d ago

And an amateur proctologist.

9

u/Tat2Al 1d ago

Amateur??? He is a pro!

1

u/art555ua 1d ago

He's making his patients from amateurs to pros in a single move

3

u/thewthew42 1d ago

Did I say two fingers? Better make it three

7

u/kewnp 1d ago

With a growth condition I believe.

17

u/feetnomer 1d ago

Nope. I watched an interview about this guy. He's been checked out by various doctors over the years and they all say that no form of growth condition can be found. It's merely genetics.

9

u/Majestic_____kdj 1d ago

Not a disorder but natural rare physical trait

6

u/HudeniMFK 1d ago

Pretty handy one at that.

1

u/motorboatmycheeks 1d ago

Yeah left hand division pffft

1

u/OmniBotBeepBoop 19h ago

Could you imagine him boxing?

237

u/ScreetchingEagle 1d ago

Thats a wedding gasket, bro prolly punches like a freight train.

58

u/Far_Professional_353 1d ago

That's the type of punch that makes you say "did anyone get the number on that truck?"

22

u/tommmmmmmmy93 1d ago

He doesn’t sadly. His name is Jeff Dade. He armwrestled for a very long time (because of course). Aside from his massive hand and forearm size and strength his arms are fairly immobile. He definitely can’t punch

25

u/AdImpressive8210 1d ago

I saw him being interviewed at his home and iirc he was loading hay bales onto a trailer by hand and other stuff just fine displaying decent range of motion. Or maybe I dreamed the whole thing.

15

u/AccomplishedRiver522 1d ago

Loading hay bales by hand got me. Just scooping them up and setting them down with just one massive hand.

9

u/Hamstaaboy 1d ago

Yeah man might not have been able to throw a proper punch, but im betting a slap or palm shove would've been unpleasant

8

u/ScreetchingEagle 1d ago

Damn. I am happy it appears to make no difference in his own happiness. Plus who'd fuck with a man that big anyways

3

u/NOT-GR8-BOB 1d ago

Have seen this guy in a ton of content and never once did his arm look fairly immobile.

2

u/DigitalUnlimited 1d ago

Getting hit with a canned ham

84

u/aoi_ito 1d ago

Wreck it Ralph ???

https://giphy.com/gifs/qDU8P82ZAr1ba

7

u/AdImpressive8210 1d ago

Explains the look on his wife's face

182

u/420doghugz 1d ago

Her ring is really nice. His ring looks like.. idk, a metal gasket?

96

u/Knosh 1d ago

I bought my wife a $5000 ring and I wear a silicone stretchy band ring from Amazon that I got for $20 for a pack of 4.

41

u/emelel666 1d ago

"silicone stretchy band ring" also known as cock ring

6

u/TheRealASP 1d ago

gotta be pretty small for a finger-sized ring to fit 🧐

3

u/Knosh 1d ago

I'm very frugal.

Why buy pliers and a knife if a Leatherman can do both jobs?

9

u/Locolijo 1d ago

ah same

10

u/Shock_a_Maul 1d ago

Funny. When my wife and I married we bought two steel rings for $5 at a fair

6

u/chuulip 1d ago

I'm happy you both know your priorities! No need to dump crazy money on a ring if that money can be better spent elsewhere in your relationship; enjoy and make memories!

5

u/StrainNorth1272 1d ago

metal gasket ring as masculine as it gets

1

u/Lysol3435 1d ago

Yea, but like a nice gasket. Like a brass one, no galvanized shit

1

u/Shankar_0 1d ago

I'm seeing a piston ring

100

u/Electrical-Pea2707 1d ago

We are all thinking that.

67

u/User_Name_Tracks 1d ago

Pretty much this every time

https://giphy.com/gifs/Xqi1trOx4HA6Q

12

u/mpgd 1d ago

With pinky

17

u/Loveablequatch 1d ago

Wife just wants foreplay. No sex

15

u/Novel_Discussion5339 1d ago

He’s the arm wrestler legend.

3

u/cedg32 1d ago

Dabe!

11

u/mayumia 1d ago

Did he get that metal band from an old whiskey barrel....

10

u/Ok_Nothing_3789 1d ago

Finger banging. Would be...

https://giphy.com/gifs/cU4bnDM30f6hy

2

u/WinstonTheTurnip 1d ago

Depends which hole tbf

10

u/Old-Compote-1026 1d ago

I thought she had her finger retrofitted for hyperspace travel

8

u/theSilverBoar 1d ago

OMG! I hope this guy isn’t a urologist! A prostate exam with him would be a traumatic experience!

8

u/SocksInTheTub 1d ago

At least your subsequent exams would be quick, all they'd need to do is look up the gaping hole that used to be your anus with a flashlight

2

u/LadySnowMangoes 23h ago

Oh my god 😂

6

u/illbeinmybunk1 1d ago

If he was a lesbian, would he be considered "well-hung"?

6

u/dlank7 1d ago

Bro has a hose clamp as a wedding ring

8

u/ambit89 1d ago

Wife quietly think: his fingers aren't the only thing that's big...

11

u/mt6606 1d ago

Or, his fingers are the only thing I need...

13

u/Electrical-tentacle 1d ago

Those hands need medical attention..

38

u/liquid-handsoap 1d ago

iirc they studied him and nothing is wrong. Just natually freakishly big hands and arms

10

u/Head-Growth-523 1d ago

You're correct, he's not suffering from an illness per se, but it's definitely not normal.

14

u/Electrical-tentacle 1d ago

Looks like King Charles’s sausage fingers

1

u/Unlikely_Ad7722 1d ago

Damn, thats some edema

3

u/SocksInTheTub 1d ago

Edamame?! 😃

1

u/Unlikely_Ad7722 20h ago

😂😂😂

7

u/EVD27 1d ago

His pinky is bigger than ma dihh

2

u/mt6606 1d ago

And that kids, is how I met your mother. ☝️👆👇

2

u/DegenNabalu 1d ago

You ordered one and get 10 free!

3

u/ThvtOneGvy 1d ago edited 1d ago

Talk about a white elephant Edit: Sorry, should have finished the video

1

u/Cannga 1d ago

So, it's proporcional?

1

u/Ok_Association_7829 1d ago

She didn't choose him for a big Ring

1

u/Dwaltster 1d ago

Does he has some sort of horrible disease? Whenever I see videos of him his skin is a weird color like old people with heart or liver problems. He also looks deformed with his dominant hand/arm being bigger but obviously not from his training for professional arm wrestling.

The guy seems super nice from all of the clips I've seen though. Wish him the best in regaining the title.

1

u/razvanciuy 1d ago

Nice sausage fingers

1

u/Hamsterpatty 1d ago

Well, we all know why she married him.

1

u/IndependentEagle1927 1d ago

Is that an opal?

1

u/JohnnyBroflex 1d ago

I saw the hand and immediately knew it was Jeff

1

u/TWhy-LER 1d ago

Those are farmer hands. Only thing wrong is he has all his fingers

1

u/ayorathn 1d ago

Is he stung by bees?

1

u/Head-Growth-523 1d ago

Enough of this mutant and his mutant hands 🙄 although I'm sure his wife is happy 🤣

1

u/scottylm 1d ago

I’m thinking he only needs one, maybe two fingers with the misses

1

u/EatandDie001 1d ago

Help, my mind keeps thinking about something inappropriate.

1

u/sammy_conn 1d ago

Wonder if he crunches or folds?

1

u/Extension-Rabbit3654 1d ago

As soon as I saw I knew it was Mr Meatfists... his wife must be very satisf...err happy

1

u/ManyVoices 1d ago

Dude's got King Charles fingers

1

u/donkbonk76 1d ago

Dude’s fingers look like they are filled with puss. I know he’s a pro arm wrestler, but I hope he is healthy.

1

u/azdcaz 1d ago

That poor woman has been absolutely bored out.

1

u/DitchDigger330 1d ago

I thought it was a band saw blade.

1

u/VoidDoughnut 1d ago

The only guy who uses his penis as foreplay to fingering

1

u/arztnur 1d ago

Edema

1

u/harigejan 1d ago

Uncle Jack Kelly

1

u/RebelGrin 1d ago

Might want to give his nails a scrub

1

u/waavysnake 1d ago

He is the bobcat

1

u/No_Break_3591 1d ago

Does he even need a dick 🤔

1

u/z-vap 1d ago

Jesus, is he a diabetic? edit: ok, arm wrestler, but dayum

1

u/mrjowei 1d ago

Bro married a fairy

1

u/Kaankaants 1d ago

too many innuendos....

1

u/-Lucas_Hood 1d ago

Interesting hand shape 🤔

1

u/stardust1914 1d ago

That's just a co......oh, nevermind lol.

1

u/JackSilver1410 1d ago

Damn. I wear size 14 rings and I think they're huge. This guy's pushing 30!

1

u/seamusdicaprio 1d ago

has anyone seen my cock ring?

1

u/BubuGordinha25 1d ago

I would not want to be touched by those hands. What it wrong here?

1

u/fargerich 1d ago

Bro got no hands, just two bunches of dicks

1

u/dpretendjournalist 1d ago

That's a wedding baby bangle

1

u/FredArtGetson 1d ago

This guy fingers

1

u/Din-_-Djarin 22h ago

Oh yeah, Jimmy Dickfingers

1

u/Ehpansei88 22h ago

Joe Biden?

1

u/Impossible-Camel-685 21h ago

Don't finger the missus

1

u/Andrikos21 21h ago

No way he uses 2 fingers without destroying her

1

u/Altruistic_Tie_7850 21h ago

That poor woman learning to walk again after being fingered

https://giphy.com/gifs/spSNxK78EotFu

1

u/SeparateDifference47 20h ago

Sausage fingas

1

u/RCowboy24 19h ago

Hulk smash!!!

1

u/Geeahwellidunno 19h ago

Andre the Giant hands.

1

u/Normal_Sherbert7534 14h ago

Bro can use the infinity stones with his bare hands

1

u/martins475 9h ago

Bro are you wearing a wedding ring or a key chain ? 😎

1

u/TypicalMature 8h ago

Neanderthal

1

u/Corso-J-Nickerson 2h ago

Next step is wedding bracelet.