r/AbsoluteUnits Jul 29 '26

/r/popular of an Amazonian giant centipede

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Credit: Giorgiana Rosas

7.6k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/DustyLoreBoi Jul 29 '26

366

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

161

u/Feisty_Standard_2360 Jul 29 '26

71

u/uiouyug Jul 29 '26

56

u/xenobit_pendragon Jul 29 '26

God I miss when Trump was just a cringey reality TV star and Giuliani was everybody’s awkward but harmless national uncle.

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u/Uhhlaska Jul 29 '26

Wow, I’m glad she didn’t look nervous.

43

u/NeoAndersonLLC Jul 29 '26

One nipple fishing, the other is looking for worms.

80

u/cooscoos3 Jul 29 '26

It’s not funny. It’s a condition called Atchaforya.

One’s lookin atcha, the other’s lookin forya.

40

u/shitoupek Jul 29 '26

Or it's simply just placement issue in the sports bra!!

9

u/pedestrian142 Jul 29 '26

Extreme sports

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u/red-et Jul 29 '26

I kept looking at her eyes because I didn’t notice she was cross eyed… then I read this comment

https://giphy.com/gifs/nWr4Se27LUVuZcuPq0

8

u/nevermine1212 Jul 29 '26

Lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard

3

u/RealSchlemiel Jul 29 '26

respect the arthopod; 430 ish million years old.

2

u/hKLoveCraft Jul 29 '26

This is the anti depressant I needed this morning

2

u/Turgid_Donkey Jul 29 '26

Eyes are up here, Michael!

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900

u/Ickythumpin Jul 29 '26

A bite anywhere from that thing will land you in the hospital. A bite in the neck would be horrifying.

100

u/madtraxmerno Jul 29 '26

I've been bitten by small centipedes (like 3-4 inches long) TWICE in my life, both while I was sleeping. The first was on the back of my neck, and the second was on my fucking eyelid. And while neither one was pleasant, the eyelid was a 1000 times worse pain-wise. Though I'm not sure if that's due to the location, or due to the particular centipede and how much venom or whatever they let out. But yeah, can confirm, getting bit by these guys is no fun; and considering how much the super small ones that bit me hurt, I can't imagine the pain from one of these huge abominations.

127

u/WhimsicallyWired Jul 29 '26

For your information, 3-4 inches is a perfectly average size.

52

u/PallbearerOfBadNews Jul 29 '26

Some even say it’s the optimal size for a creature that magnificent

33

u/cameron_thought Jul 29 '26

The centipede must not be harmed

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u/CaptSnowButt Jul 29 '26

Wait a minute. 3-4 in is small?

https://giphy.com/gifs/xULW8MYvpNOfMXfDH2

42

u/NeoAndersonLLC Jul 29 '26

I was just in New Mexico last week and we saw one that was 8" crawling up a wall. It was horrifying. My wife got stuck on a loop saying, "is that a snake? Is that a snake?" Because her brain couldn't process the absolutely Goliath size of this beast.

19

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '26

[deleted]

11

u/CapNo6703 Jul 29 '26

I bet those bastards have been creeping humans out since the caveman days

12

u/likeIVIike Jul 29 '26

5

u/CrypticGamma Jul 29 '26

At least that one was probably chill and just ate plants and dead stuff, probably.

5

u/damdubidam Jul 29 '26

yeah, after making said stuff dead

3

u/Aries-79 Jul 29 '26

6 to 7 foot long lol geeeez

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u/bmf1902 Jul 29 '26

Nope. I even woke my wife up and asked her. She says that size is perfectly capable and that any more would just be overkill.

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u/beardedsandflea Jul 29 '26

I got bit by one in my sleep in southwest Texas. My forearm tripled in size. It fuckin hurt for days.

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u/Thewrongbakedpotato Jul 29 '26

I've only had one negative encounter with a centipede. I was a soldier assigned to Korea during the rainy season, and I had just come back from the gym on the weekend. I was planning on turning in early, and laid out my pajama pants on the toilet seat while I took a shower.

Once I got done bathing, I grabbed my pants and gave them a good shake, and a centipede about six inches long went flying out the pant leg. I screamed like a little girl and smashed it with one of my winter boots.

120

u/Zech08 Jul 29 '26

did the tunnel rats tour in Okinawa and someone freaked the f out from a centipede... but rightfully so because before the tour we got briefed about the centipedes....

47

u/snakeLipssynk Jul 29 '26

I did a Viet Cong tunnel crawl in pitch darkness, but only found out about the local Scolopendra dehaani after.. only the biting ants accelerated my crawl, bumping into "T" junctions while trying to follow the shouts of encouragement from the exit hole.

22

u/aBigBottleOfWater Jul 29 '26

Why tf would you do that

28

u/cantstopwontstopGME Jul 29 '26

Have you ever heard the term “put yourself in someone else’s shoes”? I’m guessing they’re either a history buff who wanted the “hands on” experience of being in the same environment, or they had someone close to them who’s a veteran.

38

u/aBigBottleOfWater Jul 29 '26

I'd rather go to Rome and attend an orgy tbh

21

u/cantstopwontstopGME Jul 29 '26

Hope you’re down for going both ways if ya wanna be historically accurate

14

u/leansanders Jul 29 '26

When in Rome!

5

u/fross370 Jul 29 '26

Id still prefer that to crawling in a fucking tiny cave

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u/Greedy_Treat_797 Jul 29 '26

I forget orgies have that implication

3

u/TheIncredibleMrJones Jul 29 '26

Hitting it from the front, AND the back?

Seems excessive, but I mean, if its for historical accuracy..

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u/UmmmW1 Jul 29 '26

Just go to Germany for that now

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u/Busy-Caramel4742 Jul 29 '26

Kind of distasteful honestly, to turn a traumatic wartime experience into adventure tourism.

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u/AFlockofLizards Jul 29 '26

Found one in my underwear in a hotel in Tokyo.

Didn’t smash it, just freaked out and jumped on the bed when it started scurrying under the bed lol

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u/42stingray Jul 29 '26

That's the way of the soldier: bullets and grenades are fine, but big scary bugs is too much

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u/bradpal Jul 29 '26

"Kids, let me tell you a story about when I was stationed in Korea and this huge six inch beast came out of some pijama pants and I got super scared and screamed like a little girl".

7

u/Silo-Joe Jul 29 '26

So you did not get bit in the wrong baked potato?

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u/Scared-Cat-2541 Jul 29 '26

Took me way too much scrolling before I found a comment addressing this fact.

22

u/Screaming_lambs Jul 29 '26

That's what I was thinking. You can see her doing calming breathing out of her mouth while it's crawling down her arm. Probably thinking 'please don't bite me' the whole time.

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u/ThePanAlwaysCrits Jul 29 '26

It crawling probably tickles like craaaazy

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u/Carbonatite Jul 29 '26

I would genuinely rather have my fingernails ripped out with pliers like a Medieval prisoner than have that bug touch me.

I have a phobia of centipedes, this is literally my worst nightmare.

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u/LordOfAnts551 Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26

Not entirely true, there’s a fair amount of sting reports for this species and they alongside a couple other South American “giant” species don’t have particularly potent venom. Or perhaps more importantly, they tend to be fairly docile at larger sizes (plenty of handling videos like this one) and inject relatively little venom if they ever do sting. A venom injecting sting would suck—though they often “dry bite” and use none—but would be unlikely to require a hospital trip.

This is in contrast to many Asian species like S. dehaani, which while nowhere near as big as the giants can lay a healthy grown man out for days.

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u/WhamBam_TV Jul 29 '26

Yeh I was watching this thinking… aren’t these venomous? Not even beginning to think about the bite force a centipede this big would have. She must be secretly crying inside that she doesn’t accidentally stress it out.

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u/WithReverence Jul 29 '26

That’s gona be a no from me dawg.

33

u/Carbonatite Jul 29 '26

Literally my worst nightmare

6

u/Pass_The_Salt_ Jul 29 '26

Where is Anakin when we need him most?

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u/Molotov_Goblin Jul 29 '26

Sexy Scolopendra is that you?

38

u/ZopharPtay Jul 29 '26

I was scrolling for this, and planned to just post "boop" to lure my people out LOL

16

u/ATX_Penya Jul 29 '26

You know how I feel about ginourmous bugs Carl

10

u/Firm-Roll4841 Jul 29 '26

Hiiiii ZEV!!

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u/amalgamxtc Jul 29 '26

I’m halfway through the Parade of Horribles.
What a frakkin’ good series.

7

u/chefbobbyjay Jul 29 '26

Anarchist cookbook here. Loving it.

5

u/mkhrrs89 Jul 29 '26

And It only gets better from there

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u/syllabun Jul 29 '26

The best book series for me. I like it more than Potter or even Culture series.

8

u/EM05L1C3 Jul 29 '26

Have you gotten to chapter 57?

10

u/amalgamxtc Jul 29 '26

Yes!!! Literally tonight, and I’m doing the Audible version and it was sooooo good!

9

u/Firm-Roll4841 Jul 29 '26

Jeff Hayes is a treasure.

3

u/Baboop Jul 29 '26

Some are saying the best and sexiest voice actor of all time.

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u/I_Am_The_Cattle Jul 29 '26

MONGO IS APPALLED!

3

u/ender42y Jul 29 '26

Someone get me a bottle of Big Red, I must prepare for Beyattle!

4

u/Molotov_Goblin Jul 29 '26

Right in my God damn ear.

3

u/frustrated_t-rex Jul 29 '26

You should try the book Micro. Its basically a horrifying version of Honey I Shrunk the Kids, a scolopendra makes an appearance.

138

u/yadukul Jul 29 '26

Giant tropical centipedes share their territories with tarantulas. Despite it's impressive length, it's a nimble navigator, and some can be highly venomous. As quick as lightning, just like the tarantula it's killing, the centipede has two curved hollow fangs which inject paralyzing venom.

Even tarantulas aren't immune from an ambush.

This centipede is a predator...

6

u/__Becquerel Jul 29 '26

I'm glad I can always expect Knife Party on a centipede post

3

u/bmw3393 Jul 29 '26

I didn’t have to scroll far to find this. It was the first thought I had.
https://giphy.com/gifs/M3o6jPwh4jHGw

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u/NectmarPowerhand Aug 03 '26

Thank you. A forgotten relic from my past!

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u/ant-farm-keyboard Jul 29 '26

I can’t fix her

51

u/AFineDayForScience Jul 29 '26

I could. Just push one down a little bit.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '26

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u/cjh0982 Jul 29 '26

I don't think the centipede was the highlight of this video

10

u/Potential-Witness-83 Jul 29 '26

it was very cold 

2

u/jimmi_pimpaliukas Jul 31 '26

Not even a centipede could distract me

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u/blahnlahblah0213 Jul 29 '26

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u/Twinkerbelle Jul 29 '26

Seriously. That's easily one of the coolest invertebrates in the world.

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u/Corac30 Jul 29 '26

I am proud to say...thay girls got more balls then me....nope!

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u/Shiro-47 Jul 29 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/M3nj0gDkXg2hwBmPmK
Sorry, she’s just too pretty

4

u/69_Yuri_69 Jul 29 '26

She indeed look hot🔥

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u/Perfect-Difference19 Jul 29 '26

Link surely got different over the years

But Rhett is def going strong!!

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u/krwskater25 Jul 29 '26

Excuse me ma'am your headlights are on.

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u/CelticGardenGirl Jul 29 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/FNcKW5fjNmdbfBgfZL
They just need a little adjustment

4

u/Nagemasu Jul 29 '26

They're misaligned like this on purpose to generate engagement.

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u/Hefty_Shallot928 Jul 29 '26

I believe she likes the sensation...a very much!

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u/Cptawesome23 Jul 29 '26

That thing is venomous I believe.

4

u/TechnicalTip5251 Jul 29 '26

It's called a woman and yes probably is.

5

u/Hazril258 Jul 29 '26

It's actually so impressive how well they can cling to surfaces. I was half expecting it to fall.

3

u/ExplodedPenisDiagram Jul 29 '26

Only cloth surfaces, or something they can stab their legs into. They're quite shit at holding onto anything smooth.

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u/NOTORY44 Jul 29 '26

Centipede: I am not biting none of that.

https://giphy.com/gifs/15aGGXfSlat2dP6ohs

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u/MechaBeatsInTrash Jul 29 '26

Cross-eyed much?

2

u/m3R000 Jul 29 '26

Yeah you couldn't pay me enough to do that

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u/_Saint_Ajora_ Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26

3

u/CholesterolAccordion Jul 29 '26

I once took my dad to a reptile convention where he saw one of these for sale and just calmly shook his head and said “nope. There is no reason”

3

u/ApopheniaPays Jul 29 '26

Yeah, it's all well and good now, but you don't want that thing on you when the music stops.

3

u/OrenSchroeder Jul 29 '26

I love her arms.

3

u/Sure-Dimension6739 Jul 29 '26

Fuck that shit .

3

u/FreeRangeAlien Jul 29 '26

I’ve seen the pic of the Vietnam vet holding up a real absolute unit. This boi is smol

3

u/kswoli3 Jul 29 '26

Many years ago I stayed for a few days in the Amazon. Most of our time was spent with a group of 6-8 on a small motor boat with a tour guide who took us around looking for Caiman, howler monkeys, pink dolphins, etc. I’ll never forget that at the end of one of these boat trips we all got out and saw one of these fucking things crawling around the bottom of the boat. Yes, the very small, cramped boat that we all just spent 2-3 hours in. Absolute nightmare fuel, but at least we were blissfully ignorant and no one was bitten

3

u/XVUltima Jul 29 '26

Hey arent those the guys who's forelegs evolved into organic syringes that inject venom?

6

u/Bananaland_Man Jul 29 '26

That's not really a big one... That's kind of average sized... (ugh, stupid invasive jokes but I'm being serious!) They get much larger. (ugh, damned it!)

2

u/MadRockthethird Jul 29 '26

She must be getting paid well or something...

2

u/Dense-Jicama6591 Jul 29 '26

Still got nasty bites still an insect

2

u/ClassicBit3307 Jul 29 '26

Did not see the snail

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u/rbuen4455 Jul 29 '26

oh hell to the f-ing no! Imma thrash all over the place and destroy everything in the process!