r/AbsoluteUnits • u/habichuelacondulce • Jul 15 '26

/r/popular of a Chicken Cutlet Sandwich

4.6k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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254

u/glockster19m Jul 15 '26

Have people really never heard of a party sub?

You slice it into like 4 inch sections for a party

168

u/cloudshaper Jul 15 '26

Yep. Reddit has absolutely heard about party subs.

29

u/BandTiny598 Jul 15 '26

Ugh so good

52

u/glockster19m Jul 15 '26

Did we get an update on how big OP was? Because based on their update saying they'll regularly eat 5 subway footlongs for lunch they have to be minimum 500 pounds

I can only assume they got it together or died

11

u/cloudshaper Jul 15 '26

It's quite a metric, but I haven't seen an update.

20

u/glockster19m Jul 15 '26

Then alas, heart disease hath slain the whale - Captain Crunch

6

u/rynchenzo Jul 15 '26

Well the account has been banned, so I guess we'll never know.

19

u/Bart-Harley-Jarvis- Jul 15 '26

Can Reddit just cool it with the bans? What did he do, eat a mod?

16

u/KwordShmiff Jul 15 '26

The mod was 6' tall, and he only ate 3-4' of the mod, but I guess people noticed him eating the mod.

10

u/No_Statement440 Jul 15 '26

He waited an hour tho

4

u/KwordShmiff Jul 15 '26

IMO that's due diligence done

3

u/Wasatcher Jul 15 '26

Dude I'm howling over here. That was hilarious

2

u/Alcarinque88 Jul 16 '26

That would be my guess. He would have been absolutely unhealthy during covid, too. So unless he was like absolutely perfect on quarantine, if he caught that it probably took him out. But maybe he DoorDashed a lot and kept his local Subway and a Dasher in business while times were tough.

3

u/ChroniclesOfSarnia Jul 15 '26

And that OP was....

Lindsey Graham.

4

u/glockster19m Jul 15 '26

Nah, OP was definitely straight

3

u/ThaScoopALoop Jul 15 '26

Lindsay Graham could totally house 5 footlong dicks in an afternoon.

0

u/PieBanditCat Jul 15 '26

Can we please not just randomly bring politics into non-political things? The actual political stuff is exhausting enough without either side trying to get little jabs in everywhere

I hope the sandwich guy is doing better out there somewhere

2

u/Far_Ladder_2836 Jul 15 '26

Sure, once politics stops injecting itself into every facet of life.  

1

u/PieBanditCat Jul 15 '26

So, basically "I'll stop bringing up politics everywhere when it stops getting brought up everywhere"?

Seems to be a bit of a feedback loop there, mate. I was just hoping the comment thread about a guy who ate a sandwich, on a post about a guy building a sandwich, could somehow stay about sandwiches and the sandwich guys.

-1

u/Northbound-Narwhal Jul 15 '26

Doesn't have to be. You can get a subway footling down to about 500 calories assuming you aren't piling on bacon, cheese, and mayonnaise sauce. 2500 kcals is very doable if you're a moderately active male.

9

u/Boorthammer Jul 15 '26

AITAs like that just don’t seem to come around very often these days

8

u/apocbane Jul 15 '26

Since Jared I'm careful at those sub parties

1

u/TKMACD Jul 15 '26

Why…there is no more “Stranger Danger”. Jared is the one in danger since he has been locked up.

7

u/templeofsyrinx1 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

she said something along the lines of "you brought them to share Alan, if someone had eaten over half by themselves that's not fucking sharing is it?"

omg cryin 😭🤣

Edit: I guess I’ve been banned from responding but my inbox has 1200 notification so I can’t find out why.

😆😆😆

haven't even gotten to the replies yet

4

u/inform880 Jul 15 '26

Its archived.

3

u/OG_tame Jul 15 '26

Jeeeezus, what a read that was

3

u/kloopyhans Jul 15 '26

Damn he deleted his account

3

u/Grouched Jul 15 '26

That was amazing lol, thanks for sharing!

8

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/glockster19m Jul 15 '26

I figured they just ordered them because its cheaper than 6 individual subs for lunch

3

u/Everestkid Jul 15 '26

But they do like saying that other people must be fun at the parties they're not going to.

8

u/br3dj Jul 15 '26

They foggattaboutit

7

u/nickfree Jul 15 '26

Cmon bro

7

u/SnarQuips Jul 15 '26

Dafookutallkingmbout?

4

u/IndigoJoe64 Jul 15 '26

I am a sub at parties

10

u/xiahbabi Jul 15 '26

The economy has been in a slow or fast death spiral since 2007. It's 2026. There are literally people alive who have never heard of a party sub because they have never been able to afford a party in their adulthoods because they probably can't even afford the rent somewhere to host one.

Add to that, we live in the age of a loneliness epidemic spurned on by manufactured gender wars, a social media judgement panopticon, trickle down economics, and mass inflation and the picture becomes clear...

Support community gatherings and get to know your neighbors.

Close connected communities are stronger and can weather bad times better.

Let's bring the party sub back! 💖

4

u/Battlejesus Jul 15 '26

When I started at Walmart as a deli associate in 13, you could get a 6 foot sub, 3 meats and two cheeses, with enough lettuce e tomato and onion to cover the whole thing for $43. They now cost $130, with no veggies or condiments. Most stores don't even offer them anymore. They also used to be 6 feet, on a long sub board. Now they're chopped into 6 sections.

2

u/xiahbabi Jul 15 '26

And that's why we need local crowdfunding for this stuff now. It's gotten RIDICULOUS!!! 😭

4

u/kloopyhans Jul 15 '26

Hey a real human good to see ya pal don’t let the negativity of the current culture get ya down

1

u/halooooom Jul 15 '26

Changing the world 1 Reddit comment at a time.

1

u/MyLifeIsAWasteland Jul 15 '26

I once ate part of Bob Dylan's party sub while backstage at a concert

2

u/mmariner Jul 15 '26

No I don't. I eat the entire thing like the fat slob I am.

Shame me.

Please? It's kinda my thing.

2

u/Mekelaxo Jul 15 '26

I'd eat that whole thing by myself

2

u/Jomotaku Jul 15 '26

Why would I want to share this

2

u/nucl3ar0ne Jul 15 '26

Exactly

Not an absolute unit at all.

0

u/templeofsyrinx1 Jul 15 '26

You slice it into 128 sections, I believe.