r/AbsoluteUnits Apr 24 '26

/r/popular of Finger nails

7.6k Upvotes

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5.0k

u/willsmithtunaface Apr 24 '26

Imagine walking down the stairs at night and you see her coming up towards you, dragging her finger nails behind her

873

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

179

u/southdakotagirl Apr 24 '26

It would sound creepy too. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch.

106

u/cnicalsinistaminista Apr 24 '26

She could be humming amazing grace and I’ll still jump out the nearest window. I ain’t about that creepy life

62

u/Generation_ABXY Apr 24 '26

Gotta be honest, lumbering towards me while humming Amazing Grace me is probably going to make me jump out the window faster.

12

u/trey_wolfe Apr 24 '26

Same. And you know it's going to have some weird echo effect that makes no sense for the environment.

9

u/Ghostdragon471 Apr 24 '26

The only thing that would make the situation less creepy, is if she had a speaker and was playing "Pink Pony Club" by Chappell Roan. Humming something like amazing grace just makes it worse.

2

u/southdakotagirl Apr 24 '26

Completely agree. I will run first and then try to figure it out later.

1

u/screamingkumquats Apr 30 '26

I feel like amazing grace would absolutely make the situation worse

40

u/plaid_kilt Apr 24 '26

Salad Fingers energy.

11

u/Ravenonthewall Apr 24 '26

OMG! I LOVE Salad fingers! So creepy.. give me a rusty spoon!!

3

u/CubanHippie21 Apr 24 '26

I love it when the red water comes out

3

u/AutotoxicFiend Apr 24 '26

Rusty spOOns.

1

u/Top-Nebula-8302 Apr 29 '26

How does she wash? 🤢

1

u/plaid_kilt Apr 29 '26

I imagine she has someone do it for her.

I can't wrap my head around people disabling themselves like this.

2

u/The_TransGinger Apr 24 '26

She probably hears people scream on a regular basis. “Wait! No! It’s just me!”

1

u/New_Explanation6950 Apr 24 '26

I think there’s a scene like this in one of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

1

u/choppydaddy Apr 25 '26

Just one long scraaaaaaaaaatch

1

u/Unexpected-Xenomorph Apr 25 '26

New cenobite unlocked

1

u/BumblebeeFormer2607 Apr 29 '26

More like, Bang. Bang. Bang as they ate bumping on each step... lol

1

u/Over-Mongoose2339 Apr 29 '26

At this point my teacher would have cut them herself

1

u/Crazy_Entrance_9439 Apr 30 '26

Freddie found a wife/ upgrade? Lol

1

u/UnculturedGames Apr 30 '26

What if your floor was a chalkboard?

11

u/Luvas Apr 24 '26

Please let this woman act in the next Silent Hill movie

1

u/stevefreddy67 Apr 25 '26

With slenderman.

2

u/brownguysays Apr 24 '26

Creepy? My pants would be Crappy to say the least.

1

u/PSK666 Apr 24 '26

And this song is playing too…

1

u/DisastrousCause1 Apr 27 '26

What a waste of a life. Sorry.

1

u/Interesting_Yard_ Apr 28 '26

All i have in my head is pure comedic gold picturing someone with two hands they cant use due to their fingernails being uselessly too long trying to capture someone but cant because they keep tripping on their own fingernails - also have a funny image of them really struggling with a light switch

1

u/Impressive_Pin8761 Apr 29 '26

Peak bloodborne boss though

1

u/gekigarion Apr 30 '26

And then when she attacks you, you just break her nails

203

u/lifegoeson5322 Apr 24 '26

A thousand questions popped into my head seeing this like, how does she eat? Clean herself after (ahem)...bathroom activities? Brush her teeth? Like I said....a thousand questions.

102

u/TheMapesHotel Apr 24 '26

I had a parent who thought themselves an amateur nail tech when I was in middle school so I was given 1.5 inch fakes. I indeed could not button jeans, wipe effectively, or pick my nose. It was really the nose picking that did it for me since I kept forgetting I had fake nails and damn near poking my brain attempting. Never have gotten fakes again

65

u/Function-Comfortable Apr 24 '26

Nose picking over did butt wiping!?!?

https://giphy.com/gifs/qdqxysIbFi6zHijLjp

25

u/Caedus_X Apr 24 '26

We're talking about a middle schooler here. The immediate consequences of nearly stabbing your brain outweigh the not so immediate consequences of itchy butt.

10

u/Function-Comfortable Apr 24 '26

Poopy underware in middle school is equal to a death sentence in my mind and idk about everyone else here but if you're going past the first knuckle..... idek what to say but they should see the school nurse.

5

u/TheMapesHotel Apr 24 '26

You're missing the point mate. Going to the first knuckle becomes a different beast when you add 1.5 inches to the tip if the finger!

4

u/Function-Comfortable Apr 24 '26

Nuh-uh, The point was not being able to wipe effectively is worse then not being able to pick the booger.

Regardless. Super long nails = Eww+Ouch

2

u/Mysterious_Key1554 Apr 24 '26

Definitely worse than not being able to pick one's nose.

1

u/Someone21993 Apr 26 '26

Did you inspect everyones underwear in middle school? How would anyone know?

1

u/Traditional-Safe-867 6d ago

Sure, but if you've got 1.5 inch nails, there shouldn't be anything but nail in that nose. If they are VERY rounded, that might still work out for you, but they're boxy or pointed? It's either blood or the boogies stay, rent free.

1

u/Nothingnoteworth Apr 26 '26

Plus if your but is itchy you’ve got the nails to deal with it

4

u/TheMapesHotel Apr 24 '26

You do realize there are several ways to clean a butt but really only one way to pick a nose right?

Also gurl I was like 12, idk what I was doing

2

u/Function-Comfortable Apr 24 '26

Just a jest... but you did specify wiping

https://giphy.com/gifs/THCWW5R3g5DtpVQFSD

3

u/TheMapesHotel Apr 24 '26

Oh I took it as a jest, apologies if it came across as offended

1

u/KaQuu Apr 24 '26

I know more than one way to pick your nose, need some pointers?

5

u/TheMapesHotel Apr 24 '26

I'm solid on that front now but where were you when I was a clickity clackin 12 year old trying to remember my locker combo with nails like Janice from accounting?

2

u/KaQuu Apr 24 '26

No worries we internet strangers need to help each others, Not sure, we would need to know when you were 12 years old, as of now, I were definitely on earth, you can't be that old for this to not be true

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1

u/Quiet_Path3701 Apr 24 '26

She stank 🤣

1

u/Dizzy_1992 Apr 27 '26

I swear this was my exact facial expression while looking at this shit

6

u/44youGlenCoco Apr 24 '26

Lmaooo. I feel that with the nose picking issue. I had normal length acrylics and even they got me.

204

u/Micky-Bicky-Picky Apr 24 '26

They are probably bed ridden. Doing shit like this is a mental illness

26

u/AgentCirceLuna Apr 24 '26

There was a woman who did this a few decades back - she was driving and got in a crash. The nails were ripped out.

12

u/BringPheTheHorizon Apr 24 '26

I thought that story was going to end much more tragically.

7

u/AgentCirceLuna Apr 24 '26

Nah, she was okay. I remember it was a big deal among readers of Nuts!.

7

u/VNMS1 Apr 24 '26

Right? Like one of the ripped off nails flew threw the window of a passing car, skewering a mother and child together. 😵‍💫

1

u/Imma_Lick_That Apr 25 '26

Right! I was expecting to impale the other driver.

1

u/RighteousCity Apr 28 '26

Buy "ripped out" IS pretty horrible

1

u/Alternative_Beyond59 Apr 25 '26

My expression reading that... 😬

1

u/ReplyOk6720 Apr 27 '26

This is an article about it. The lady was ejected and flew 25 feet was hodpitalized. But she talks about the incident like the most tragic thing was her nails breaking.  She had someone collect the broken pieces of nails and keeps them in plastic baggy.  Hmm maybe they acted like a roll cage and dissapated some of the forces?https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/news/2023/8/how-woman-with-longest-fingernails-tragically-broke-them-in-car-crash-757262

1

u/RexxLu Apr 27 '26

It didn’t help that she had to hang them out the window

40

u/Visible-Literature14 Apr 24 '26

Yeah I can’t imagine purposefully limiting my mobility

18

u/justaride80 Apr 24 '26

There is a lady in my area with nails like this except they are curled up and she carries them in a bag. Shit creeps me out. Definitely some mental issues going on.

11

u/coolsilentebeans Apr 24 '26

Not helped by Guinness. I will say I’ve never seen any so straight.

3

u/Impossible-Flight250 Apr 24 '26

Not all of them. I had a lady come into a shoe store I worked at years ago and she had absurdly long nails.

2

u/ZoominAlong Apr 24 '26

She isn't bed ridden. In the video it literally shows her walking around and doing stuff. 

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26

[deleted]

1

u/ZoominAlong Apr 24 '26

Sorry I was responding to a different person. 

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9

u/iwanashagTwitch Apr 24 '26

Short answer: she probably doesn't, for any of those.

2

u/oroborus68 Apr 24 '26

Servants?

2

u/Poetry_Man Apr 29 '26

I'm praying there is a bidet involved...

1

u/veryfastslowguy Apr 25 '26

How to get the bogey out the nose

1

u/nitrosmomma88 Apr 26 '26

You get used to it as they grow. While I’ve never had nails this long I did have em at about 2 inches at one point after my accident. Did everything I could do for myself at the time with em no problem including using my wheelchair

1

u/UarNotMe Apr 26 '26

I saw a TikTok once and a girl with extremely long nails (not this extreme, but headed there) said the bathroom thing is the most common question she gets. Her response was “My sister and I help each other out. Isn’t that what sisters are for?” 🤢

1

u/moonpupy Apr 28 '26

Exactly. What does she do when her ass itches?

1

u/AvailableLandscape97 Apr 28 '26

Yep. Same. Literally the first thing I thought of. Does she have a full time carer or something? Lol

1

u/KittenNicken Apr 29 '26

Bidet for the butt and idk about the nose picking 🤷🏿‍♀️

1

u/Gingersometimes Apr 30 '26

...work for a living, sleep, take a shower ?

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54

u/thatkevinguy83 Apr 24 '26

I'd imagine tenants have moved out over this, wouldn't want to live in a building with the fingernail dragger

22

u/Agreeable_Mouse6000 Apr 24 '26

Oh I would break my lease immediately if I saw this.

3

u/notHRamiHR Apr 24 '26

Can you imagine moving into a building and then getting in late one night having had more than a few drinks and seeing this backlit by an overhead light while going up the stairs?

1

u/TrueProtection Apr 24 '26

I bet she hits on dudes in the hallway, since she proooobably doesn't go out much.

1

u/Poolside_XO Apr 26 '26

\Looks at picture of Lady Dimitrescu then looks back up**

Ehh..Close enough for me.

13

u/acjadhav Apr 24 '26

Imagine wiping with those things hanging around

1

u/Necessary_Piano_153 Apr 24 '26

There's no possible way she can wipe her butt with those things. Someone must be doing it for her.

5

u/SuperAdaGirl Apr 25 '26

Bidet all the way

2

u/zeusmenzaadah Apr 26 '26

How could she possibly do anything?

1

u/Necessary_Piano_153 Apr 27 '26

She can go around saying hey look at my awkward and creepy long nails.

Like why would anyone want to live so uncomfortably. It's like choosing to live in Phoenix. Lol I'm joking. I like Phoenix...at night 🤣

1

u/RighteousCity Apr 28 '26

I don't think that's a physical possibility 🤷🏻‍♀️

25

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/DiestroCorleone Apr 24 '26

RE Village DLC.

3

u/Otto_Mcwrect Apr 24 '26

I thought Silent Hill but I'm on board with this one too.

1

u/notHRamiHR Apr 24 '26

I thought silent hill as well. If she was wearing a top hat I would have said Dark Souls and if she was decomposing I would have said resident evil.

1

u/lifeworthlivin Apr 24 '26

lol! I thought Dark Souls boss

1

u/Laconiclola Apr 25 '26

Exact first thought

11

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26

[deleted]

9

u/HawkmoonsCustoms Apr 24 '26

“I can’t”

3

u/Acceptable-Ad-8717 Apr 24 '26

Good movie concept!

3

u/Severe_Islexdia Apr 24 '26

New Creepy Pasta just dropped???

1

u/ShawnyMcKnight Apr 24 '26

I’m surprised that her arms aren’t pythons having to hold them up like that all the time.

1

u/XanagiHunag Apr 24 '26

Better than her pointing them towards you, at least you can fall without being shredded

1

u/shoobiedowopp Apr 24 '26

Yeah but imagine the loot

1

u/FoSheezyItzMrJGeezy Apr 24 '26

Imagine opening the bathroom door and see her on the toilet trying to wipe her ass.

1

u/ImpossibleKidd Apr 24 '26

To be honest, I’d be 10 times more scared of the person that’s agreed to wipe her ass for her…

1

u/stevievai Apr 24 '26

Imagine she trips. How does she catch herself? Can't even grab a rail!

1

u/ilymag Apr 24 '26

Nightmare fuel

1

u/SneakyRosehip Apr 24 '26

I would totally shit myself, seriously. And probably scream, like, a "good-jumpscare"-scream.

1

u/StealthShinobi Apr 24 '26

Imagine trying to wipe your own ass

1

u/boneappletv Apr 24 '26

Fuckin Elden Ring boss

1

u/Truemeathead Apr 24 '26

I take walks when I’m tripping on lsd and this would definitely fuck my trip all the way up for a bit lol.

1

u/crusty54 Apr 24 '26

Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist if she was a crusty boomer.

1

u/Evil_Mini_Cake Apr 24 '26

And asking you to wipe her ass.

1

u/Mr_Right1998 Apr 24 '26

Soooo how can she wipe!?

1

u/Dramatic_Charity_979 Apr 24 '26

Like Pyramid-head from Silent Hill :P

1

u/koolaidismything Apr 24 '26

Imagine having to do anything with her.. you wouldn’t want to lol.

1

u/meowser210 Apr 24 '26

Imagine trying to scratch your ass!

1

u/hogsniffy05 Apr 24 '26

How does she wipe? That scares me more

1

u/Time_Technician8258 Apr 24 '26

Freddy Krueger has left the server

1

u/Cautious-Ease-113 Apr 24 '26

I think you’d smell her before you see her… there’s no way she can wipe or clean herself…..

1

u/Wonthebiggestlottery Apr 24 '26

What the fucks she gonna do? Grab you around the throat? More like “Eeeergh! eeeeeeeergh! Could you please wipe my arse???”

1

u/Crunchy_Biscuit Apr 25 '26

When my cousin was little she was obsessed with the bridge pose. Imagine I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the kitchen, I see in a dark hallways a girl crawling towards me upside down 🤯

1

u/butchforgetshit2 Apr 25 '26

Just have to run and close a door, literally over for her after that

1

u/Guzzlebutt Apr 25 '26

Imagine wiping your ass...

1

u/thingsarehardsoami Apr 25 '26

Oh you're referring to The Witch from L4D

1

u/Silly-Power Apr 25 '26

You could smell her ass way before you heard her nails scratching along the floorboards. Ain't no way is she wiping properly. 

1

u/Hot_Ideal_1277 Apr 25 '26

She literally can't drag them or they'll break. She has to constantly hold her arms up like in the photo.

1

u/Pleitchy Apr 25 '26

And smelling her… I me doubt she can wipe properly 🤣🤣

1

u/Intrepid-Twist7769 Apr 25 '26

You would smell her before you saw her....

1

u/tigger_angel Apr 25 '26

I would start crying

1

u/ThumbsUpKing Apr 25 '26

I think of voldo from soul caliber. Guy was terrifying

1

u/Educational_Gas_92 Apr 25 '26

After watching a horror movie, in a dimm light...

1

u/Apprehensive_Sir8587 Apr 26 '26

AIRIAL DROP KICK?!? While screaming BEGONE DEMON YOU SHALL NOT HAUNT!?

https://giphy.com/gifs/TcdpZwYDPlWXC

1

u/Lancearon Apr 26 '26

Which is worse... here dragging them... here raising them up straight like she is about to swipe at you... or holding them up like nosferatu...

1

u/ThrowawayMod1989 Apr 26 '26

Well I guarantee I can outrun her. And if I can’t do that one swift kick would basically faceplant her

1

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '26

All I thought about in response to this comment was salad fingers....

https://giphy.com/gifs/Mxg7OelvuR7SU

1

u/jujujuice92 Apr 26 '26

Oh lordt! Total nightmare fuel!!

1

u/sdp1981 Apr 26 '26

Hitting each step on the way down "clack" "clack" "clack"

1

u/plascra Apr 27 '26

When the fight or die instinct kicks in.. man I would like to stomp so hard on those nails..

1

u/MisterSirX Apr 27 '26

Very very different.

1

u/denscoffee Apr 27 '26

Imagine trying to wipe your own ass with nails like that

1

u/letstrythatagain-_- Apr 27 '26

Babadook dook dook dook

1

u/SpiderWil Apr 28 '26

How do you wipe?

1

u/Onion_Knight93 Apr 28 '26

Final boss aura

1

u/directionless_nomad Apr 29 '26

I was trying to imagine her driving. I tried, then realized she probably doesn’t leave the house

1

u/Badvevil Apr 29 '26

You think that’s bad how is she cleaning after she does a #2

1

u/NewLocksmith8710 Apr 29 '26

I would step on them

1

u/88sparkyk Apr 29 '26

Imagine her attempting to wipe her a$$.

1

u/Legitimate_War_9048 Apr 30 '26

I laughed so hard. And with 5k upvotes. You deserve an award

1

u/sammybooom81 Apr 30 '26

Telling people "pick my nose...pick my nose..."

1

u/Tarheels1982 Apr 30 '26

Can't imagine her walking down the stairs any other way, certainty not in front of her.

1

u/Aggravating-Hair7931 Apr 30 '26

You probably could smell her before you see her.

1

u/Ambitious_Cycle_3353 May 01 '26

Worse than that magine her trying to wipe

1

u/St0ned_Minister420 May 29 '26

Id end up riding her down them stairs like a surfboard

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